I wanna hear about this topic, what's it like, /k/?
Self bump
>>30664038
Had to scare homeless lady away once. felt kinda bad, she probably came to my property a lot before its was bought and house was made.
>>30664038
>middle of the night
>hear glass shatter
thetimeisnow.jpg
>grab enfield, run down stairs
>step in broken glass & lemonade
Forgot to put away pitcher of lemonade the night before and the cat knocked it over.
>>30664038
>be me
>sleeping in my oversized gunny sack like i do most nights
>crash.jpeg
>ohshit.tiff
>hear ooga booga coming from the kitchen
>not on my watch
>grab my trusty 12gauge and begin pussyfooting down the steps
>but forgot i had just finished a veggie omelette MRE not an hour before
>shitoh.gif
>they call me cuban pete
>avalanche of putrid shit streams down me and the staircase like an angry lava flow
>hear dindus coughing and gagging
>slip on the last step on my own shit
>put rocksalt straight through the ceiling board
>dindus split
>covered in shit
>promise myself to never eat another MRE again
i'm no hero
>>30666741
>hear glass shatter
>panic look around as crowds roars
>steel myself for the ultimate battle
>hand of god grabs me by the shoulder and spins me around
>force of a mack truck hits my solar plexus
>neck is grabbed and face feels its hit by an artillery barrage
>all i hear is some guy screaming about rattlesnakes and cold stones
>>30666945
>tfw you actually like omellete
heated of course.
>>30666741
hahahahaha whew
>dat pic
>be me walking to friends at night
>some faggot comes up with switchblade
>gimme cash shithead
>have my fixed blade tucked inside waist band under shirt
>reach for it
>faggot runs away faf
>faggot thought I had a gun
>I just wanted a knife-fight
>fml
>think about calling cops
>dont feel like getting harassed about my knife
>shrug
>finish walking to friends
Oh yeah, I have a funny one too:
>be me
>in shitty slum area of my city
>trying to locate girls house
>told her to watch for me outside
Fml not outside, of course... Bitches...
>getting nervous
>shady-looking guy across street keeps eyeing me up
>even more fucking nervous
>have cold steel voyager xl tanto in pocket
>keep firm hand on it in right pocket
>frantically looking for house
>shady dude starts approaching
>bit by bit
>scared I'm outmatched
>he calls out to me
"Hey. Hey you!"
>fucking why do I have to be white in slum
>firm deep voice
"Yeah, what you want? Stay where you are."
>he gets shaky
"Do you want a puppy?"
>inner chuckle waitwhat.jpeg
"A what?!"
>gets more shaky, he says
"You like dogs?"
>explain I can't and I'm sorry but thank you
>find house
>chill with girl
>go home without sex
>wonder why she isnt attracted to me like that
>laugh about story with family/friends
>>30667157
Dude. That's a "had to of been there" story. Not funny. You're just a beta who freaked out in the hood. That's why the girl friend zoned you.
>sitting outside a friend's house browsing on my phone
>tactical awareness notices three youths on their way to church approaching from the end of the block
>draw my CCW and keep it next to my leg
>they slow down as they get near me and surround me
>one pulls a shitty folding knife
>"ay yo why don't you gimme that phone"
>raise my gun without even looking up from my phone
>"how about I give you some lead"
>they take off running and I call the cops on my phone
>my friend has security cameras and the cops recognized all three of them
>go inside and vomit because I nearly had to shoot three kids
>shake for an hour from the adrenaline dump
>>30667507
>"how about I give you some lead"
Heh, nothing personnel kid.
>>30664038
>>30667271
Rekt
>>30667507
Apart from the throwing up part that was pretty gud m8. Keks were had
Not a real defense story
But I used to work in the ghetto after college since getting a job was nearly impossible then
Anyway, there was this nigger who came in all the time and always gave me a hard time. Yelling at me and shit about everything
One day I was grabbing something from high up and he saw me carrying
He stopped being a bitch after that
Nearest auto parts store is on bad side of town, about 2 miles. Decent side store is outskirts at 5 mi. Both close 9 pm, it's ten til.
Rush to closest, .38 in one pocket, CCW permit in other. Buy parts, bunch of thug teens around my car, one leaving on my hood, when I come out.
I say "excuse me, heading out now."
Good guy says "naw man, you got a phone, I need to make a call." I tell him to go inside, they have a phone, I gotta go.
They start to close in and say "naw man, you don't understand...I need yo phone."
I pull the .38 and say "naw, man, you don't understand. Get the fuck away from me and my fucking car NOW."
They pull back a little and circle. Add I get into the car, one runs up to me yelling "bitch." I aim for his face just and he thinks better of it mid rush and he ends up hands up, face against my gun as the others haul ass.
I tell him empty his pockets. Phone falls out. Call 911 on his phone and report an attempted mugging. Cops are there fast, arrest his ass, he has a pistol in his waistband.
A month later, DA calls. They're giving him 18 months prison if he cooperates and names codefendants. I do photo lineup, identify three, they get more prison than my dindu, plea before trial. Sweet.
>>30667507
Did you tip your fedora as they took off running too?
