/k/ feels thread?
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You are currently reading a thread in /k/ - Weapons
Anyone else dealing with some serious self hatred? I mean fuck. I'm in decent shape, reasonably attractive, and only slightly autistic and I still wish for death. I mean I have decent future prospects and my life is going places, but fuck. My gf of like seven months ended it last week and I'm still fucked up over it. Not sure if I'm going to try again at this point. To keep this /k/ related, at least I am in the end stages of planning my next purchase. M1A scout rifle anyone?
>>30613476
maybe you'd hate yourself less if you made less shitty threads, I know I would
>>30613482
I knew this was some faggot-ass shit, but I'm half drunk and doing emt homework so my fuck-giving capacity is at an all time low.
>>30613476
Hang in there, at least you weren't married with kids before she fuct off
Tbh I will welcome Death as an old friend when my time comes, life generally sucks dicks.
Even though I am in the top 10% of income earners, money isn't everything either & can't buy happiness
But it has bought me a fair amount of guns & ammo
>>30613476
>self hatred
Tex-mex bean here. Never understood that. Is it a white thing?
>>30613540
Last night I got kinda drunk and started thinking trying to become a pararescue jumper was a good idea. This is stupid, but I thought she was the one. She liked guns and shit, and was great in bed. but in the end, I just wasn't good enough. Oh well.
>>30613557
I think it's a ptsd thing. I had an EXTREMELY shitty childhood.
Drink #2. Fuck everything.
>>30613628
Childhood abuse victim reporting in.
Shit fucking sucks, man.
>>30614473
>Catholic school circa 2004 as a non catholic.
not even once.
Hang in there. It gets better with experience and perspective, man. Highly recommend the synthetic M1A scout. Rubber buttpad and muzzle break makes recoil ridiculously light. Also, this. Very this`:
>>30613540
>Hang in there, at least you weren't married with kids before she fuct off
This.
Probably gonna hear back from my recruiter tomorrow that I can't join the military because of a criminal charge from when I was 16, still a little hope but it doesn't look good, I'm pretty down about it.
>>30614577
Just try to get through the night, man. Maybe they'll assume you've changed since the criminal charge, depending on how serious it was. It'll be okay.
>>30613476
Ride it out anon, a seven month relationship won't leave too many lasting wounds, and a week isn't much time at all. Have some fun and live your life, it'll get better.
And fuck yeah, the Scout is hot sex.
>>30613476
I'm very out of shape, been stuck doing shitty ass work and I feel this way every day.
I've been with my girl for 5 years, and I feel like I shouldn't hate myself so much because it upsets her, but that only makes me feel worse.
When I can scrape together enough funds from my shitty night cleaning job I want to buy me an AR180.
>>30613496
Ayyyyy EMTbro here, let me tell you, wishing for death Will happen again if you run on a truck for long enough
>>30614577
Let us know back in the morning anon
>>30614566
Amy hyped. Gonna put a railed handguard and a nikon scout scope on it. Also, she wasn't the issue. It was like 80% me being a depressing POS.
>>30614634
I'm hoping to move to working a construction site or something after some ambo experience, and transition into LE after I get my Paramedic degree. Long term ambulance duty is a one way road to burnout and alcoholism from what I've read.
I'll tell you this, OP. I was venting to my buddy last night about how I felt like shit lately. Earlier today, I talked with a group of airmen from another squadron, and a cute girl in that gaggle just added me on Facebook ten minutes ago.
Things do eventually look up.
>>30615170
Good on you. I hope shit works out.
>>30614473
This.
Thank god I have my guns to keep me company though.
>>30615858
I had a Tokarev for like two weeks, I stored it at a friend's house. My insane mother would not leave me alone until I sold it. Two more months. Two more months until I get out.
>>30615912
I moved out a while back, and my parents weren't actually aware of most of the worst of the abuse.
>>30615929
I told my mother about some of it, and she refuses to believe it happened. Once I get out I am probably not going to speak with them very much. Living here has been hell, and the only reason I haven't left is because I don't have the funds. As soon as I pass the NREMT I am out.
>>30615945
My dad would be emotionally/verbally abusive at times. They don't know about the sexual abuse at my old babysitters, or in elementary school though.
They honestly don't understand why I'm so resentful at times, though at least they're getting easier to deal with for some things.
>>30615971
My dad knew what a shitty parent my mother was, he just chose to ignore it because he valued his relationship with her more. Recently she just started screaming at me for no reason, and after half an hour of that, I just kinda broke and lost the ability to speak. Eventually I managed to blurt out that I just wanted to be left alone. He told me to shut the fuck up and go away then. The next day I asked him why he did that when he knew that I had done nothing wrong. He said it's because I was leaving soon anyways and he valued his relationship with my mother. That was the day he stopped being my dad as far as I am concerned.
>>30616001
The worse any of my parents did to me was hit me once or twice. They would scream at me all the time though, and assumed that I was just lazy. And now they still assume everything is all right even when I'm obviously struggling with something or getting drunk to make dealing with them easier.
>>30616029
My mother used to hit me a lot. At one point I was put on an ADD med that made me extremely depressed (I was in HS). She refused to believe that it was med related and got really angry at me. One morning i just didn't want to get out of bed. She threw ice water on my and tried to drag me out of bed for a bit. Then got around to calling my doctor after that failed. That isn't even getting into her spiking my energy drinks with homeopathic shit intended to make me more compliant.Worst part was I wasn't a bad kid. Rarely got in trouble. Never drank or did drugs. Rarely got anything worse than a B. Just wasn't good enough for her.
>>30616071
Moving out should be helpful.
I think not having a job to do somewhat regularly is making me depressed and somewhat stir crazy.
My dog might be terminally ill and has other problems.
I just want to leave this place and problems behind and get my own place before more problems keep stacking up here.
>>30616104
Oh yeah I bought a handgun recently. Made me really happy. Need to get some snap caps.
>>30616093
Oh yeah. Two more months. Two more months.
>>30616144
I initially joined the military to get away, which was helpful at first, until some job-related stuff brought up memories I had repressed.
>>30616177
Fuck, I would have joined straight out of HS if not for Asthma. Am so close to getting a waiver, but at one point the docs thought I was having seizures when it was just PTSD shit, so I am probably fucked.
>>30613476
Yep
Have been an unintentional jerk my whole life, pissed a lot of people off, managed to get myself some felony charges (will be going away because lawyering), put myself about $30,000 in debt after student loan, bail, and lawyer fees
On top of that my family is selling the house, so I've gotta find a place to live
Managed to find a place, but my boss owns it, so I'm putting a lot of eggs in one basket
Been getting yelled at at work for being a jackass, so it scares me
I hate my job too
I hate myself because I'm not trying to fuck up and yet I do
I'm what I hate in people and can't ever seem to fix it
3 years ago my best friend died
6 months later my dad killed himself
At this point, I don't think I'm meant to be happy
I refuse to go out like my dad, so I guess I just do what Keanu does
Just keep living
>>30616201
I'd imagine getting a waiver right now would be a pain in the ass. I wish I was still in, though getting a degree right now is pretty nice.
>>30616202
Keanu is a pretty chill dude.
>>30613476
That's why it's great to be forever single, right?
Heh heh... heh... eh.
>>30616259
I just miss falling asleep with someone next to me. It helped me feel safe.
>>30616850
Fucking hell I just can't sleep these days.
>this whole thread
Jesus I think I'm starting to understand why I like this board.
I want to enlist but my political autism makes me apprehensive and my family are all officers or academy ring knockers. The only people who I still respect from my family are all military officers and they keep telling me to be an officer or keep up what I'm doing.
So I'm running social media for a few groups and that covers spending money while I wait for fall classes to start, but living at home has been a problem for me and my family.
I don't want to leave home and live somewhere else but a family friend just told me I could live in a cabin with running water and wifi on their property for $300 a month. But that would mean my inheritance and college education fund would disappear.
>>30617263
What branch did you wanna enlist in?
>>30617269
I had an offer to Colorado Springs originally, now I just want to join most of my friends in Army infantry or armor divisions.
>>30616850
>falling asleep next to someone
not him.
never had that luxury. i can only sleep on my own at this point.
i've slept on extremely thin lips on the sides of train cars (you can bungee cord yourself to them) completely fine, but i can't sleep next to anyone.
can't trust anyone, can't be near anyone.
the only good part about it is the only thing i've ever known has been isolation. makes it slightly easier.
>>30617293
It's so fucking hard for me to trust people. Takes months for me to let my guard down. Just. It feels nice to be close to someone. It feels safer falling asleep knowing that someone else is there for you.
>>30617299
It doesn't exactly help that most people would turn on you for a Kraft slice of cheese. Even those you've known for years!
It's appalling how low the threshold for betrayal is
Everything in my life is perfect
>bought a beautiful house in a safe semi rural setting with a pool with 20% down
>getting married in fall
>going to buy a newish truck next week
>just got a new, safe awesome job
>bitchslapped my old landlord in small claims court
>year away from a six figure lawsuit from a car accident
>told my boss I am quitting to her bitch ass face
>got a new smoker and weber gas grill
>brand new fridge, washer/dryer and tv
>set up lifting room that make /fit/ drool
>just dropped 5k on firearms before the CA bans come and my fiance approved
>shot my vepr 12 yesterday and almost came
>fiance's crazy mother is about to be institutionalized for dementia/borderline, allowing us to sell the house and free up one mil in real estate
>come home to a hot, horny Jewish girl with big tits who tells me I should vote for Trump
>spend everyday floating around in a pool, smoking ribs, watching my team dominate MLB
>soon-to-be father-in-law calls me for biz advice
It gets better bros. I had none of this a few years ago. Be a good person and work hard. Shit maybe I'll even have a kid never thought I could even do that
Also marry a hot jew with money
>>30617318
>watching my team dominate MLB
So you're a Giants fan? Sorry the AL proved its supremacy again.
>>30617287
Go armor, maybe you can drive a tank and blow shit up.
>>30617314
Yeah. recently realized that if I ever come out to one of my best friends, we won't be friends anymore. Which in a way means we aren't really friends at all.
>>30617318
Is pic related your qt gf? Because if so, goddamn.
>>30617318
>yfw you have a kid and all this goes away
kek
>>30617318
I believe you since that isn't too far fetched of a story.
>>30617337
Tell them to fuck off, then.
If someone can't handle shit like that, they are not your friend.
Well, if you're gonna off yourself, make sure to keep it to just you, don't be going on no killing sprees or hunting down your ex-gf
>>30617334
>AL
>All star starter had an ERA of 3.30
>NL stranded 10+ because of cubs fans and the forever doofus goldshit
Glad Belt got in there
>>30617349
Am buying a truck, loading all of my shit into it, and moving at least 600 miles away. I will likely never talk to any of these people again. Fucking hell I hate myself to. Am 80% sure I'm trans at this stage (I feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin all the goddamn time), and I can't even tell the friend that doesn't care about me liking men because he's weird as shit about women. Jesus Christ I want this shit to go away. I just want a normal non-shit life.
>>30617352
Nah, I would never do that to her. She is better than I could ever deserve. Whoever ends up with her is incredibly lucky and I wish both of them the best.
You ever fuck bad /k/? Like really bad? Because I sure as hell did.
All the grant money I got for going to college, I managed to piss away on video games. Not even good video games either, just a bunch of mobile games. The little transactions here and there add up.
Now this wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I'm living with my parents, and my dad has been out of work for a year. We barely have enough money to buy groceries, and pretty soon that's gonna run out. I don't know when I get my money for next year, and if I had all that money, I could help my family out.
>>30617376
Wow. That's a pretty bad fuckup anon.
>>30617365
Get some help from someone m8. Even if a shrink doesn't actually care about you, they'll at least do something that might help you.
As for the trans thing, make 100 percent sure that you really are, and make sure if you transition you have enough money to keep getting hormones.
>>30617384
I know that know. Parents chewed me out, I beat myself up about it. I'm a stupud 19 year old, and I've never had that much money before. I let it go to my head.
On the brightside, once school starts up again, I'll be getting more grant money and I can help my family out until my dad finds a job. He's a welder, and he's older, so there just isn't a huge demand around where we live.
>>30617386
I can never transition. My build will never let me pass. I'm 5'7" and have a 42in chest with a 32in waist. I like being physically active. I want to compete in MMA eventually.
>>30617362
>cubs fans and goldshit
Okay I take it back, you're top tier baseball fan. Good on you for doing what you did.
Enjoy superiority while it all falls to shit around you for firearms. Fuck Cueto, the Royals, and Red Sox.
>>30617299
>trusting people
everyone's in it for something.
people know what they want. they might deny it, they might hate it, they might feel flustered by it or believe it could never happen to them, but everyone knows what they want. no exceptions.
when you take someone who believes for some reason on the surface they have what they want, or if they are unaware of it, they can be completely trustworthy.
they can make it look like they love you. they can lie to your face about it. people can keep this up for decades, some even their entire lives.
BUT, if they EVER get the opportunity to get what they really, truly desire, they will dump you on the roadside and leave you to starve.
the only way to get rid of this chance is to find someone who has been looking their entire lives for you and you alone. and that's rare. most people never have that sort of opportunity.
>>30615102
>she wasn't the issue. It was like 80% me being a depressing POS
The perspective helps, but to be honest the best thing that has helped me with my depression and mental health issues is Jesus. If things are really that bad, give him a shot. But if you do, you gotta go 100% or not at all.
>Be me at home.
>Nothing seems fun anymore. Video games don't entertain, Books just don't seem as interesting, friends tolerable but not enjoyable.
>Put all my gear on and fake clear the house and fight imagined enemies.
>Sleep in gear with ALICE pack as pillow.
>Literally praying for civil unrest, war, or just a fucking pack of wolves to come.
>mfw conflict is the only joy I can know
>>30615102
It really is, I've been doing it as help to get an MD, so just be careful! At least you plan on being a paramedic, it's too common that EMTs are just about useless without a paramedic there due to all the dumb laws. Keep on keeping on, your plan sounds solid, live the good life
>>30617637
This is me only with cool toys.
>>30617340
That chick has had her pics around forever dude
Its not her
>>30617365
Dude you're trans or you aren't
You can't be not sure
Gender dysphoria =/= trans
>>30619398
The remaining 20% is mostly denial and drinking until I no longer feel the need to crawl out of my own skin.
>>30615170
>Earlier today, I talked with a group of airmen from another squadron, and a cute girl in that gaggle just added me on Facebook ten minutes ago.
DON'T DATE A MILITARY CHICK ANON
FOR YOUR SAKE
IT MIGHT SEEM A GOOD IDEA BUT THEY ARE ALWAYS A MISTAKE
>>30620128
>Not wanting a qt pilot gf
>Be Me;
>Break up with Chick after a long time;
>woeisme.mp3;
>The old man was all like "Harden the fuck up Anon- this is total faggotry. Stop whining and make something of yourself. Try and think about someone apart from yourself"
>Fuck it, he has a point;
>Join the National Guard;
>Become a POG LT;
>Iraq? why the fuck not;
>Through out this process ( over 2 years) forget about chick, have something new to think about,challenge myself, get to see interesting shit.
What I am saying Anon is find a new challenge and i betcha you wont regret it.
>>30620901
I would enlist in a heartbeat if I could clear MEPS.
