bullshit edition
other side of the counter edition
drunken edition
>walk into lgs
>ask if they have any .22
>ask to look at TACTICAL mossbergs
>pump that action
>been here like 5 minutes i'm getting hungry
>ask if they have vending machine
>told theres an employee one in the back
>insist i be granted access to semi automatic snickers dispenser
>fill out 4473
>try to fit vending machine for a holster
>they only have shitty galco holsters, thank god
>find a fuckhuge supertuck to fit my new vending machine
>its left handed
>learn to use my vending machine left handed
>at gun show that weekend
>buy some guys +P++ FMJ reloads
>go to range to try out my new vending machine
>use the ammo i bought at gun show
>reloads explode my vending machine
>blows both my hands off
>i eat snickers bars with my feet now
>>30328034
Hahaha! Wow Anon, Nice Joke!!
>>30328059
thank you so much
>walk into other lgs
>ask to see g19
>dude hands me g19
>fingerfuck g19
>ask if g19 is german shepherd compatible
>clerk is confused
>duct tape g19 to german shepherd companion
>clerk nods approvingly
>german shepherd fills out 4473
>BARK
>me: BARK
>BARK
>me: BARK
>clerk: BARK
>BARK
>clerk: BARK
>me: BARK
>clerk throws in free box of ammo because the slide was scratched
>>30328104
i would have flagged that for a straw purchase.
>>30328142
don't ever talk to my dog or his owner ever again
>back at work the next week
>standing at gun counter, crying as usual
>sobbing intensifies
>fart slips out
>now i'm sad, and i smell poop
>customer walks up
>starts to greet me
>interrupt him to explain politely that we are closed for the day
>customer informs me it is only 10am
>how can i help you
>asks me if we have any .22
>let me go check in the back
>tells me he's already heard that made up story before
>we agree amicably to part ways without any additional humor
>>30328142
it's a paw purchase dummy
>>30328034
>its a no gunz on /k/ want to be funny too episode
>>30328229
>its a summerfags on /k/ dont want to be funny episode
>>30328208
i don't get it
>>30328229
thank you for your service
>at work shitposting on /k/
>anon walks in and tells me my stories are garbage
>wants to check out sig ar10
>explain to him that sigs are garbage
>sell him $500 mossberg ar instead
>next day he comes in and tells me it broke
>point at the sign and make a smug face
>customer: "no german shepherds allowed?"
>whoops, point at the other sign
>customer: "don't forget, you're here forever??"
>whoops, point at other sign
>"welcome to /k/, now git out"
>>30328300
this story wasn't even good but i feel no shame
>standing at counter grooming my golden retriever that looks exactly like a german shepherd
>customer walks up and asks for .22lr
>politely explain to him that obama is a muslim
>customer seems irritated
>having a meeting with our Sig rep
>he's about 400lbs, sweaty, and red all over
>i'm on my knees as usual while he farts generously into my mouth
>my department manager is taking notes
>radio crackles to life
>"firearms you have a customer on line 1"
>a what?
>"a customer.."
>i don't, huh?
>"they give you money and take things from the store"
>can i operate now?
>"no anon. you can't operate. they take the things and give you money it's ok"
>oh alright
>walk back to gun counter
>pick up phone
>guns speaking how can i deny you
>customer asks me if we have any rifle bipods
>ya we do
>ok i'll stop by
>customer stops in later
>show him our tripods
>he's pissed because he wanted a bipods
>we don't have any
>who the fuck do you think you are wanting a bipod?
>customer complains to boss
>i get fired
>>30328034
>Gallo is shit
What?
>>30328328
How tall are they?
>>30328393
*galco
>Walk into Ammunation
>Hot ass girl cashier
>"Hi welcome to Ammunation!"
>Get so nervous I start to fart
>"Are you okay?"
>She touches my shoulder
>Shit pants
>Ask if they have a bathroom
>"Here, I'll show you.."
>Leads me by my hand into the bathroom
>"Uhhh....thanks."
>She rips off my pants
>Shit everywhere
>Bends me over
>Starts to lick my asshole clean
>She starts moaning
>She starts smearing shit all over her face
>She starts roaring in ecstasy
>roaring
>She is a bear
>Realize bear is eating my asshole
>Bear keeps nibbling on all of my asshairs, cleaning off all of the dingle berries
>Shit into bears mouth
>Roars of pleasure, bear begins to swish my brown shit in and out between it's teeth, I can see my asshole hair mixed in
>shits more into bears mouth
>Bear is now gurgling, struggiling to swallow all of my shit
>Tears are running down it's face because it smells so bad
>Bear is roaring and gurgling on my putrid shit.
>Voice outside: "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!"
>Manager opens the door
>Gets on the floor
>Everybody walks the dinosaur.
>walk into big 5
>ask for .51 gyrojet
>"What?"
>spaghetti slowly drips from my pockets
>oh god not again
>face gets red
>"Please give me a case of .51 gyrojet right now.
>"I don't know what that is. What weapon platform is it on?"
>struggling to contain my embarrassment
>clenching asscheeks together to hold in my shit
>meanwhile spaghetti is flowing out of my pockets
>voice reduced to a mumble
>"have money please .51 gyrojet give money please ammo"
>"Are you ok?"
>shit breaches through my asscheeks
>propelled forward at 60mph
>crash through the big 5 employee's counter
>he's holding on to me for dear life
>all the while spaghetti is flowing out of my pockets like fumes
>crash through the entire row of buildings in the strip mall, broken glass shards in my face
>yelling ".51 GYROJET PLEASE MONEY .51 GYROJET BIG 5 .51 GYROJET"
>Big 5 employee is covered in shit and spaghetti
>my pocket rocket shows no signs of stopping
>he tilts me backwards
>the sheer force of my shit has reached 650mph, we are now propelling upwards
>the spaghetti and shit intertwines and falls down to earth in glorious yellow and brown streams as we head towards the stratosphere
>children below frolic in the mess falling from my anus
>the g-force is causing my asscheeks to flap vigorously and create a gale
>spaghetti and shit blowing through the air on the planet below
>3 miles upwards now
>Big 5 employee has died from lack of oxygen, his body falls to the surface below and is shredded by the force of my shit
>my transformation is almost complete
>as I leave the atmosphere my bear hands sprout and my tail grows, acting as a rudder
>steer myself across the cosmos with my gleaming shit and spaghetti trail
>>30328407
like 6' 7" or some shit.
>>30328393
galco fit my vending machine perfectly thank you based gay faggot holster company. that reminds me
>>30328407
they're only 4'11" but the other couple are midgets
>>30328412
thank god you showed up based anon now i can really be myslf
>standing at gun counter playing pokemon red
>customer walks up
>throw gameboy color at him as hard as i can
>t'zoned
>customer drops
>wifey screaming
>rush over and ziptie downed customer
>gotta catch'em all
>>30328382
What kind of pants are those?
>>30328412
>>30328446
anon was this pic yours from my last thread? its godlike. yours stories are much better than mine have become
>standing at counter watching my co-worker try opium for the first time
>rajeet walks up and wants to by Kalashnikov
>explain to rajeet that its tea time and im going to take a nap
>he slaps me and we roll around on the floor spitting at each other
>>30328506
wow, that was something
>>30328034
>>30328104
>>30328196
>>30328300
>>30328382
>>30328412
>>30328446
Jeeeeesus fuck.
September is so fucking far away.
>>30328539
sorry i was just hoping that other guy would show up and contribute some good stories. i've got nothing tonight.
>standing at gun counter
>spraying bug poison on the glass and wiping it down with a rag
>donno where the windex went
>customer walks up and is allergic to terrible low quality made up stories
>ask him if he would rather have an AR general or a 9mm vs 45 thread
>asks me for .22lr instead
>holdon let me go check in the back
>squat down and hide behind the counter until he gets fed up and leaves
>continue to shitpost ok /k/
>nobody notices
>At gun store looking into the AR 15
>decide to try it out
>I’ve shot pistols before, but never something like an AR-15.
>Squeeze lightly on the trigger and the resulting explosion of firepower is humbling and deafening (even with ear protection).
>The recoil bruised my shoulder, which can happen if you don't know what you're doing.
>The brass shell casings disoriented me as they flew past my face.
>The smell of sulfur and destruction made me sick.
>The explosions — loud like a bomb — gave me a temporary form of PTSD.
>For at least an hour after firing the gun just a few times, I was anxious and irritable.
