Boot camp stories
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You are currently reading a thread in /k/ - Weapons
You are currently reading a thread in /k/ - Weapons
>be new marine
>D.I. has been smoking everyone all morning
>private! Why do you keep doing push ups?!
>sir! Im a marine sir!
>I?! Did you just say I?!
>youre gonna push earth until you cant even count to i! Now push!
>sir, nobody can count to i, its a letter
>*d.i. picks me up by my belt and tosses me across the floor*
>I make the fucking rules here private!!!
>Hehe... not today
>i side kick him in the jaw and get into the lean and rest position while more D.I.s arrive
>they say ive passed the final test of boot camp
>they give me the silver star for bravery and my own battalion
>tfw now i make 750k per year teaching MARSOC just 2 years into the core
Thank you for your service
>>30106100
Of course, I always knew I was destined to be one mean green killin machine
>>30106071
They are only funny to civies.
>iTT boots with typical stories
Bong riflem8 and Regimental dick bayonet lancing champion here, ama
>>30106071
Bark?
> Getting the fuck mashed out of me for blowing an inspection.
> Pushing up and doing 8 count body builders for 30 minutes.
> Running in place...
> "Company, HALT!"
> "You look a little woozy, recruit! Are you gonna vomit?"
> "Mmmmmmmmaybe, sir!"
> " if you vomit, it better be in a military manner!"
> " How do I do that sir?"
> "At the position of attention, you dumbass!"
> "Aye , aye, sir!"
> high speed turbine ingests a chow hall burrito and salad, technicolor yawn sprays 8 feet and covers this chief's khakis.
> other company commanders running marching party PT with the chief have to wrap their sides in Kevlar to keep them earthbound.
> not a single snicker or giggle anywhere.
> "good job recruit. Push up position."
>Bean falls from my nose onto the cement.
> spend the rest of my marching party trying not to snicker.
>be me
>doing PT test
>running my typical 4 minute miles
>on mile 18
>my ruck is getting heavy
>remember how my loving wife is at home getting reemed by 20 black men
>pick up the pace to 3 minute miles
I love being a muh reen
>Go to join the military
>realise I have better things to do that bomb shitskins at the whim of the nigger in chief and his kike buddies
>go to college instead
>>30106326
How small is your dick? Retarded ass shit ever.
>join marines
>die
>dad says to pastor, "thank you for the lovely service"
>>30106367
>Be a pussy
Went to college which any vet can do. Sent free.
Yeah you're special.
>>30106391
>BRO NOT JOINING THE ARMY IS GAYYYYY AS FUCK YOU PUSSY LOL MUHREENS HOO RAH
Who cares? I have better things to do than spend the better part of a decade sitting around in some sandy shithole getting shot at by sand monkeys just to get something for free at the end that I could easily afford to begin with. I'll join the military when America needs defended.
>>30106436
>Who cares?
Apparently you do
>>30106436
Mad that he isnt as cool as OP
>>30106436
You seem to be soggy about it.
I could not care less. You probably should not have joined.. sound like a bitch tbqh.
>>30106471
Jokes on him I'm a private military contractor and I teach delta force members how to brush their teeth, tactically.
>>30106498
>delta farce
Haha. Wimp.
>>30106498
I'm going to tactical retreat into my roflcopter. Lmao.
>>30106071
I see these every few days with the fake Marine bait. He's probably a real Marine troll. So first, we'd get IT for calling a drill instructor a DI, we were never given a number of push-ups to do it was just "get on your face and push." They'd never call you private as you aren't a Marine (note how I capitalize it) yet, you are a worthless subhuman before the crucible. Also no sir sandwiches in boot camp. And two years Marsoc? I was an 0311 for four years before, and I'm not shitting you, a job as security at the local mall.
On another subject: Trump 2016! Let's not let Gary fucking Johnson steal our chance at getting pro-2nd supreme Court judges.
>>30106316
> Getting the fuck mashed out of me for blowing an inspection.
Could be the gayest sounding sentence ever posted to /k/.
>>30106326
Kek
>go to boot camp
>like 4 weeks in
>be 0100
>wild nugget wakes me up
>liking lips and ready to rape
>slowly asks
>... do you have any peanut butter?
>tell him no and go back to bed
>>30106071
Heres my story
>go to recruiter
>anon you're too fat lose 20 pounds
>oh ok i'll lose it right away
>leave recruiter go to mcdonalds
>large number 4 plz (diet coke)
>ignore recruiters calls for next 2 weeks
No need to thank me for my service I'm no hero. Just a man doing whats right
>>30107186
Not nugget but nigger
>>30106372
Muhreen butthurt detected.
>>30106811
Whatever, junior.
I gave 20 dudes head in boot camp. It was after DADT was repealed so I just showed up and on the first day told everyone I liked sucking dick and a bunch of them took me up on it. It was a good time.
>>30108255
Dad???
>>30106228
woof
>week 2 of infantry OSUT
>drill Sgt inspecting boot displays
>Pvt down the line has the wrong boots on
>drill Sgt orders we take our boots off and throws them on the killfoor
>whole platoon takes boots and throws them into a pile
>Pvt who fucks up had his name on his boots
>everyone else gets the wrong boots for 2 weeks till we sort it out
>>30108357
atf_man.jpg
>get peanut butter shot
>doesnt disperse in my ass even though I rubbed and massaged it
>cant walk next morning
>bus didnt pick us up at our dorms so I had to limp to reid. What usually is a ~7 minute walk turned into a painful 30 minute limp
>MTIs are asking me why the fuck im walking funny
>get to reid
>get my pain med shots
>hurt so bad I almost passed out
>spend the rest of the day being pampered by tons of very nice middle aged women majors and captains and being treated like a human
>doctors give me ibuprofen but forget to schedule me a followup appointment and let my MTIs know
>I give my MTIs my waiver
>a few days later they get a call that I was supposed to have a followup
>they blame me and blast my ass for it
>I get a U for the week and a Comment
>end up getting the follow up and the captain doctor told me "sorry we forgot to give you the followup date. I hope it didnt cause problems"
>"no sir. its all right"
>lose honor grad because of the Peanut butter shot
>>30108430
you shoulda had your wingman punch your ass
>>30106556
The Army doesn't retreat. We break contact.
Half right, face!
>>30108430
Air force child? Don't worry, hurting feelings in our boot camp is illegal now, we has mandatory pow wows where we'd Share feelings everyday at the sunset too (after delicious meal just don't be the last man sitting), closest I've ever been to a family of bros.
Ol tech sarge wasn't mean, but held up the person to keep street cred for the other squadrons, we had a sister flight too. Their mti's were fucking em I'm pretty sure.
>>30108430
Oh yeah, best part is during beast week I got pneumonia 3 days in (also wore a female body plate wth less weight) and got to be pampered too. Was awfully nice since they were telling me how sweet the AF life is once you're out.
And it was, banged a lot of hoes while I was in.
Wanna see a dude in a vidya game go ape shit over stolen valor?
Got a few...
>be me, first night
>finally get to the dorm after standing in formation pointlessly for hours
>MTI comes in
>"GET NAKEEEED!"
>everyone stands around not sure wtf to do
>repeats it, everyone starts getting undressed
>"HIT THE SHOWERS! QUICK!"
>dude literally shits himself as hes getting undressed
>liquid shit all over the floor
>MTI makes him clean it up with his t-shirt he brought there
>walk past shit on the way to latrine
>smells fucking awful, and continues to smell the entire first night
>everyone pretty much forgets about it after the first week
He ended up being a pretty cool dude, we all had a laugh about it before graduation when we were telling stories.
#2
>MTI runs up to me as im walking out of chow hall
>caught me looking around on my way out
If you're AF or prior AF you know what the snake pit is, thats where he was
>jumps directly in front of me
>"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AROUND?"
>sorry sir, start to try and walk again
>knife hands me
>"WERE YOU CHECKING ME OUT?!"
>no sir
>"IF YOU WANNA FUCK ME JUST SAY THE WORD, ILL IMPREGNATE YOU, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!"
>no sir
>"YOU EVER SEEN A PREGNANT MALE BEFORE?!"
>no sir
>"YOU WANNA BE THE FIRST?!"
>no sir
>"GET OUTTA MY CHOW HALL!"
>walk out confused as fuck
>>30108854
Just means he thought you were cute. Should have went for it.
>>30108887
almost quads
>>30108854
Never been called an ass clown before boot. I kinda miss it.
>in boot camp for criminal teenagers
>this one kid has two fucking rows of teeth and they are ALL sharp as daggers
>he spends his day showing us how he cam bite the tops of any soda can off like a fucking can opener
That poor inbred bastard
>>30108902
right? most fun i never want to have again. so many knife hands, so many "listen ass clown!"
>>30108937
It's adapted to life in prison, it's a mechanism to cope with daily mouth raping.
>>30106071
>boot camp
>be new marine
>D.I calls you private
Doubt
>Fund a time machine
>go back ~1943
>plant the 'in' in a military warehouse
>plant the 'out' inna Europe
>give all the troops a taste of the future
>gear up
>head out
>tfw you see Hitler
>ohshityea.jpeg
>fuck up entirety of Germany
>power trip
>accidentally push into Russia
>kick Russia's ass because you're using their Mosin's too
>milsurp.png
>push through all of Russia
>oh hey Stalin
>boompow.gif
>reach Japan
>what it do Hirohito
>knock knock, it's the United States
>we come with huge boats
>with guns
>gunboats
>noneedfortheboys.docx
>establish western constitution
>perfect recipe for a post-war economic miracle
>Japan starts pumping out VCR's, cars, televisions, and camcorders as fast as possible
>economy on the rise
>doing real well
>funneling money into the US
>stay in the new-future
>destroy time machine
>use infinicash to make a new one
>travel into new future
>you're dynasty persists
>you're son sits perched atop a golden throne
>American master race
>you watch in awe, embraced by your fans
>no statue of Abe Lincoln anymore, its you
>itwasworthit.xml
>you walk up to see your son, hes congratulating you
>hes... beautiful
>majestic even
>he shows you his son
>whatapreciouslittleamerican.mp4
>you destroy the teleporters
>no need for infinicash anymore, you own the world
>the Moon, too
>its wonderful
>tfw its wonderful
>its truly wonderful
>what a wonderful world
>>30106436
>he doesnt know we're not at war
>>30106391
>be a vet
>get sent to college for free
>govt hopes it cuts down on vet abusing substances and/or their families
>>30108693
>>30108707
>>30108719
>robinsage
confirmed for failing robin sage
>>30109058
no shit there reddit
>>30108937
Dude a kid in another platoon had the same exact fucking thing when I went to infantry osut at benning. My platoons drill always called him street shark.
>>30106199
are the rifles as chavy or unpleasant as their reputation precedes them. in fact could you list qualities of regiments you've noticed. of course any funny stories are welcome
>>30108430
>322nd confirmed
>>30111305
What company?
>>30106436
Join the coast guard or border patrol if you want to defend your country.
