Jury doodie
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When can I excercise my right to say the magic words so I can leave? I tried looking for the exact moment in Youtube and no one explains exactly when I'm with who and not who
I heard people saying this and getting jailed. Any advice? I legitimately can't go
Wat.
>>29916378
It rhymes with Bury dullification
When do I say those words to get out of it? I postponed once and can't any further. This board had the most knowledge with the law and I had to ask
>>29916372
I got out by logic that I don't own a car and the duty was to go 45 min drive on their clock.
I got out of it that way. (GF owns the car between us)
>>29916372
>When can I excercise my right to say the magic words so I can leave?
>grab jury duty notice
>extend arm
>throw it in trash
>I know defendant
>I know prosecution
>I suck faggot dicks
>I HAVE A GUN
>I have Ebola
>While you were sleeping I gave you hepatitis
>Haven't I seen you before somewhere?
>I have warrants out
Etc. it isn't hard
so just say you legitimately cant go
they'll let you skip if you are going to starve because youre missing hours at your real job
>>29916372
i hate people who do that stuff and i think it's disgusting that people get away with it. also my grandpa told me to never trust a "insert ethnicity here" but i understand my proclivities have no sway over what happened or didn't.
>>29916372
First off, fuck you for wanting to worm your way out of a key civic duty in our justice system. Now that that's out of the way, some advice.
Both the prosecution and the defense will be conducting jury interviews prior to the trial actually commencing.
Saying you believe in Uryjay Ullificationay during the interview will have the judge or prosecution toss you out, though you might draw more ire than if you simply said "I hate niggers because they mugged me in the past"/"Stop snitching"/"THIS IS WHAT A POLICE STATE LOOKS LIKE, FIGHT THE SYSTEM" etc.
Unfortunately you have to report to jury duty and sit through the orientation and people giving medical, familial, and economic excuses to the judge before the actual interviewing to figure out if you're a shithead that will poison the jury pool starts.
>>29916851
Yes by all means commit perjury.
>>29916894
>OP is a shitposter on 4chan
>implying any of what I said can't potentially be true
>I know ... Defendant, case details , victims , etc
>as the litigants walk into the court room give the "special homie handshake" and act like you know him but havent seen him in forever
>say youre racisit
>ask immediatly if the case will allow you to vote for a death penalty and then poker face. (Real funny on traffic cases)
>say you have an ability to spot a guilty person just like that
>say your dads a cop and he talks about these kinds of scumbags all day
>be 70years old and apply for permeant exclusion at tax assesprs office
>say youve seen the defendant ...
>arrested before, hitting his wife , drunk, etc
>go balls out and tell the def attny that you straight up DONT want to be here and youll find his client guilty no matter what just for inconveniencing you
>>29916666
>they'll let you skip if you are going to starve because youre missing hours at your real job
No they won't because your employer by law has to provide for up to three day's wages for Jury Duty.
>>29916372
Just go you dumb shit, you most likely won't be there more than 2-3 hours. I had a notice a few months ago and we were told the case got thrown out and we left after 90 minutes.
Do your duty.
You want the rights? Do your part.
I got lots of cheese pizza at the case I was on jury for.
>>29916372
One of these (image related) breast pocket.
Immediate dismissal.
>>29917136
>>go balls out and tell the def attny that you straight up DONT want to be here and youll find his client guilty no matter what just for inconveniencing you
can you get in trouble for this?
>>29917227
The def attny can trouble the judge and waste time in the chambers to why you should be held in contempt which is fineable and short jail time. But the judge would have to file a complaint and charges, and would need to hear it. So he might ask you, anon did u say that? To which u say noooo judge , id neva say that. And eyerollscand face palms would ensue
Or ....
Youd do what id do and strike you, or reshuffle so you can get reassigned and be someone elses problem
>>29917206
Would a pocket constitution suffice?
>point your finger your finger at the defendant and say "oh shit dawg! Im on your jury. Dont worry hommie i got u. I got you son"
>>29916372
"Jury Nullification"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqH_Y1TupoQ
>>29917146
Not if you work 2 part time jobs
>>29917206
Youd deffinitly get a strike .
Especially if you asked if it was COMMON LAW courts
Or KANGAROO court
i think i got out of mine by saying im one of two employees at my work that can do my specific job and cant make it. its more or less all true but it got me off
>>29917227
This happened in my last trial i attended.
They recycled thr guy back to the jurry pool for and he sat there until 6pm.
The trial lasted only until 1pm.
>>29916372
>OP doesn't want to contribute to putting a nigger behind bars
What's wrong with you my man?
You might be involved in a really interesting case.
>>29916482
This... Seriously it's not like they make you sign for the letter just say you didn't get it if they ask, they won't though.
>>29917343
Yes you dumb shit. Any work you miss due to Jury Duty is to be paid as if you were there for up to three business days. After that the courthouse will provide a stipend.
>>29916372
Honestly if you don't mind going on the records you can say pretty much anything crazy and get dismissed.
Ask if the judges is a reptilian, comment on your belief that when you think about it Hitler didn't really do anything wrong, tell them you gender identify as a Victorian era Raccoon named Professor Rigby.
Or just say nigger.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3A_jeCAfn0E
>>29916372
I wear a "FUCK THE POLICE" shirt but bring a change just in case they order you to take it off, tell them you hate cops, they won't want you on a jury if you are that biased.
I've been sued and my dad is suing and being sued in an auto accident. That gets me out of most.
I honestly wouldn't mind serving on a jury, I am more analytical/critical than most and I think it would be interesting, plus i could accidentally try to convince the jury Francis did it. I also actually dont mind going either since it gets me a day off of work and there is a sweet smoke shop/bar 2 blocks from the court house. However I do plan to enquire about facilities to check my firearm. If none are provided I'm curious if that is a viable excuse to get me out.
>>29916372
Just say you aren't mentally competent enough to understand a lawyer's argument.
If you're too dumb to think of a reason to get out of jury duty, I'm not going to bother helping you.
>>29916372
If you shit yourself, it will literally have the same effect.
>>29916372
Tell them as a sovereign citizen they have no standing to request that you participate, especially as they are flying an admiralty flag. Try to bring a gun in with you as well.
>>29916851
>>29917162
No fuck that. I didn't ask to be on a jury. I don't want to be responsible for potentially wrongly convicting an innocent person and locking them in a cage for 10 years. I don't want it to depend on who had the better lawyer, evidence that was thrown out, or some circumstantial bullshit.
It's fucked up that this massive responsibility is thrown onto your shoulders involuntarily.
>>29917795
If we all pull the trigger we are all equally guilty.
>>29917773
How to get shot to death by the police: 101
>>29916372
Last time I went in for jury duty, they let a guy off the hook because he was scheduled to run a team marathon or some other "real" hardship. Honestly they're pretty flexible most of the time. A good judge and lawyers want jurors who want (don't mind) being there.
Often getting out of jury duty legitimately is as easy as having "strong opinions" on a topic. I was dismissed from a criminal trial for drunk driving by saying that I believed putting the community at risk by driving drunk is an unforgivable offense and that I would be unable to perform my duty as a juror objectively.
Telling the judge, plaintiffs and defendants that you're willing to resort to jury nullification in order to get out of jury duty so you can jerk off to K-ON! instead of its intended purpose is beyond petty and I hope they hold you in contempt for it.
>>29916372
>just got called for jury duty last month
>never had to go in, just call
>no one got called in the whole month.
>>29917795
Yet you're willing to be registered to vote and have a hand in potentially fucking things up on a much grander scale.
Your duty as a juror is to cast a vote of "guilty" or "not guilty" based on the evidence presented to you during the proceedings. Just like voting your personal leaning towards the verdict is largely inconsequential.
> I don't want it to depend on who had the better lawyer, evidence that was thrown out, or some circumstantial bullshit.
Well that's why there's an appeals process.
And really in all likelihood you're going to get a civil case (most of my selections were civil cases) where two people are trying to fuck each other instead of the state trying to fuck someone so who cares? Either way you don't have the right to undermine the legal system because "idunwanna".
>>29916894
>being under oath at jury duty lol
>>29918039
I have never voted.
I'm actually on the jury for a criminal case for rape right now. They were both highly intoxicated and there is no solid evidence either way.
So now I get to decide to let a rapist go free or send an innocent man to jail.
the only time I've gotten jury duty is when it was sent to my mom's house in kansas city after I had moved to Iowa
it had a questionnaire and I just checked I was no longer a citizen of the county and it was a 450 mile round trip and they excused me
>>29916372
>>29916402
If you live on your own just claim financial hardship you commie faggot.
Jury duty is a fucking joke.
The liberals have bastardized the whole process so much..
What happened to jury of your peers?
I was on a jury once. The case was a weed case and went for three days, in which time I learned a whole lot about growing weed. On the last day however, right before deliberation, I was thrown out of the jury because I was the "spare juror" and was no longer needed.
I was fucking pissed. Never found out what happened to the guy, I was gonna push for a not guilty.
>>29917536
Best of luck, my uncle pitched his and the police showed up at his house and he had to go before a judge and explain why he didn't show up. They don't take "I lost it" as an excuse.
>>29918039
The jury selection pool is much bigger than registered voters.
>>29916482
>>29917536
have fun with that bench warrant
>>29916372
>Show up for the interview in a judges robe.
>They ask me why I am wearing the robes of a judge.
>Tell them that I am judge jury and executioner.
>Get kicked out after throwing fake hammers at people and making gavel noises.
>>29918109
>So now I get to decide to let a rapist go free or send an innocent man to jail.
Life's full of hard decisions; quit being a bitch.
>>29918219
Was on a DUI jury once. Was pretty nice, got sent home day one because all cases were full, day two got selected and successfully screened into a case, case completed that same afternoon.
>generic looking middle aged half spic got pulled over by a trainee for literally no reason other than the trainee trying to make as many contacts as possible
>guy entered the road correctly, drove normally at lawful speeds and obeyed traffic signals/signage
>pulled over, trainee smells liquor, asks him if he's drinking
>gets jibberish slurred response but then offers no verbal responses from here on out
>officer asks him out of vehicle, defendant is confused and takes some time to correctly comply but does so
>once out of the vehicle declines sobriety test, fails voluntary HGN test, and refuses breathalyzer, automatic arrest
>arrive at station and agrees to take breathalyzer, acts like he's blowing in the machine but the test does not complete, twice
>no one bothers to verify the correct function of the machine nor do they seek a warrant to take blood for alcohol testing
>trainee's trainer didn't even bother to show
>lawyer suggests speech impediment or heavy accent, defendant wisely does not testify, notes there may be many reasons for the presence of HGN
>not guilty for lack of any real evidence although he was probably in fact drinking, not that i was expecting CSI tier nonsense but the state dropped the ball
>see defense attorney and prosecutor hobnobbing and exchanging jokes in the lobby afterwards
whatevs
>>29918109
sounds like not guilty to me.
>>29917146
Too bad jury duty usually lasts at least 7 days even if its a 2 hour trial.
Also your job is only required to comp you the equivalent of the fewest hours worked in one day in the last 6 months per day, so remember that 2 hour shift you weaseled for 5 months ago? Gratz, youre only getting paid for 12 hours even if jury duty takes 3 months. And the state only pays you about 30 bucks a day plus a hotel room for sequester if it goes to trial.
>>29918463
F I N A N C I A L H A R D S H I P.
>>29918437
I got on a capital multiple murder/hate crime case once. Only time I've been on jury duty.
>middle eastern muslim in the country illegally steals a work van from a construction site
>over the course of 3 days runs over 7 disabled white male military vets, including driving through a fenced back yard to hit a guy in a wheelchair killing 4 total, then runs over a cop and gets in a firefight with a stolen gun with the police during the pursuit
>tries to get the case dismissed because "the non muslim cops were being racist to return fire after he mortally wounded one with the van and was trying to shoot the rest"
>admitted under oath that he was actively trying to kill US servicemembers and police
>tried to claim diplomatic immunity
>tried to use his religion as a defense, saying his god demanded it, then turned around and confirmed under oath that Islam was a religion of peace
>halfway through the trial tries to get it dismissed on insanity, 3 fucking months of psych testing and suicide threats I got to spend in a Motel 6 3 hours from home
>convicted on all charges
>minor muslim protest during sentencing, I and most other jurors receive multiple death threats and the hotel had a fake anthrax attack (it was baby powder)
>spend a week in protective custody sleeping on the ratty couch of a precinct break room
I was on jury duty and living out of a hotel, getting my life threatened, for 5 months. Total compensation? $344.17 and all the takeout chinese I could eat.
>guy didnt even get the death sentence
>>29916372
go in and when they interview you just keep saying I hate niggers over and over even when they are talking
>>29918675
>5 months
That sucks, when/where was this?
>>29918803
Fayetteville NC, 2010
>>29918803
I should also mention that after the first week my job fired me. NC is a right to work state, which means your employer can fire you for any/no reason as long as they dont put some EO violating shit in writing. And since I was salaried I didnt even get the 3 days' compensation.
>>29917723
>enquire
>>29916402
are you a student? if so, just say your address is at wherever your college is
OP if you don't serve on jury duty, you run the risk of letting an all dindu jury hang a george zimmerman. do you want that on your conscience?
>>29918059
>under oath is the only time you can commit perjury
get learnt more, dummy
>>29918917
>firing someone for being on jury duty
Literally unAmerican.
>>29917723
Most places the state has a legal obligation to provide a lock box or
>>29918917
>right to work
Heh.
>>29919035
>right to work being very American at all
It's nice that it sidesteps bullshit in firing shitters but it just gets abused to fuck people over decent or not.
Too many welfare rats or no rights in the work place, pick your poison.
>>29916372
This shit isn't /k/ related. Take it to /b/.
>>29918917
Nigga you could have fought that shit.
>>29918283
My aunt has done this her entire life without consequence , they cant prove you got the notice. Its not like the mail service isn't constantly fucking up after all
>>29919750
Suing an employer to get your job back? Don't you think they will make you miserable enough you want to leave?
>>29918109
>"no solid evidence either way"
>he said/she said
>guilty beyond a reasonable doubt
>there is reasonable doubt
>therefore you vote "not guilty"
Wew lad, that was rough.
>>29916372
tell them you're a jahova's witness....
Worked for my father
> Got a felony, same week get letter for jury duty, check on the box Felony get disqualified, next two weeks the felony gets reduced to misdemeanor I get to keep my funs and will never ever have to go to jury duty ever again.
Life is good
>>29920127
You sue for wrongful termination, not to get your job back. You ask for punitive damages on top of the financial hardship you suffered as a result, emotional distress, etc.
Serving jury duty is a pain in the balls I've been called 5 or 6 times out of those, only once I've served as jury. Really nothing special, as long as you can keep a body temp above ambient. Rape case was interesting though.
I got called in for it and asked if I could be on a niggers case so I can give him the chair and they havnt drawn my name since. Fancy that.
>>29916624
I once said I was in favor of the defense and had family who were in the defense's union and it still took 15 minutes before a lawyer told me to go
I'm 30 years old and I've never even gotten a notice for jury duty. Is it because I live in a good neighborhood? I have friends in other states who do jury duty at least once every 6 months.
>>29920175
i did that too lmao
>>29920192
you must not be in the system for some reason or they have a wrong address for you. That or you just never see the mail.
I get jury duty every few years and most of the time it is dismissed. I learned that if I have the first session at 8am I can just come late and they'll put me in the later session. Fuck waking up at 7am for jury duty.
>>29920206
Why wouldn't I be in the system? I've had a driver's license since I was 16 and been registered to vote since I was 18.
Has anybody ACTUALLY tried to pull the "I hate niggers" act during jury duty selection?
>>29917162
>pizza
that's all you needed to say senpai
>>29917737
that's the tragedy though. only people serving on a jury are those too stupid to get out of it and the naive ones who actually want to do it for experience or whatever.
>>29916372
>I am an Anarchist
>I don't believe in the power of the state to imprison the citizenry or levy fines
Wow, was that so hard?
There should be a system where all the pieces of shit who weasel their way out of jury are put in database and they day they are every sent to court they get no jury of their peers. Just some judge who locks them up and throws away the key.
>>29920361
>the power of government is absolute
>you shall obey as you are commanded or else you shall die
>your rights end where my feelings begin
Let me guess...you're a Bernie supporter?
>I've played Ace Attorney so I'm an expert at law and finding the truth in the evidence
>instant dismissal
>>29916666
Are we not checking em anymore?
>>29920407
The only people who care about repeating digits are newfag cancer.
>>29920301
>act
And yes, I have 20 years ago, still havnt been called back.
>>29920422
>And yes, I have 20 years ago, still havnt been called back.
Bullshit. What did you actually say?
here's a simple algorithm to follow:
ask "am I being detained?"
no? leave
yes? fucking shit gotta stay
>>29920127
The goal is not to get your job back, dumbass ... it's to get a good chunk of change out of your former employer for being fuckheads who fired you for performing a civic duty.
>>29920435
You don't even know how to do this.
>Ask "Am I being detained?"
No: Leave
Yes:
>Ask "Am I free to go?"
Yes: Leave
No:
>Ask "Am I free to go?"
Yes: Leave
No:
>Ask "Am I free to go?"
Yes: Leave
No:
>Ask "Am I free to go?"
Yes: Leave
No:
>Ask "Am I free to go?"
Yes: Leave
No:
>Ask "Am I free to go?"
Continue until you receive a "yes" answer.
>>29920206
>I get jury duty every few years
Liar. Max is once every 4 years.
>>29920469
I think that depends on the jurisdiction. I know people who have done it once a year a couple years in a row.
>>29920382
Didn't courts in Ace Attorney conduct trials without jurries, because it took too much time?
It's obviously half of you faggots have never been put through or into the legal system and don't know just how totally fucked the whole jury system is and that you're fighting a massively rigged game.
Regardless though OP just go in there and say you're homeless, don't have a phone and live in your car. Worked for my buddy.
Or do like I've done. Just tell them your job is opening another branch 2-300 miles away and you're part of the crew who are being shipped there in the next 2 weeks to train people for x-weeks.
>>29920596
Shitty English lie translation.
Ace Attorney takes place in Japan, which hasn't used an adversarial jury system since 1943.
They traditionally use an inquisitorial all-judge system to try court cases. Though since 2009 for high profile violent crimes they add four to six "citizen judges" called up for service to augment the professional judge staff. This is proving as popular with the Japs as jury duty does here, so it might not last very long.
>>29918313
>not showing up dressed as Judge Dredd
>not repeatedly yelling I AM THE LAW
>not yelling Stun! to your nerf gun as they try to tackle you and throw you out of "The Hall of Justice"
>>29918109
Ask me how I know you're lying.
>>29920430
See
>>29920175
Followed by "oh dear T-Thanks have a nice day S-Sir" from the nice lady on the other line.
>>29920175
>>29920797
Bull fucking shit
>>29918675
>all the chinese take out i could take.
Man thats a lot of crab rangoons. Funny enough the best mexican ive ever had was in NC. Must be some really southern ass mexicans from the southern mexican border sneaking into NC. "Cali, Arizona, Texmex, Northern Mexico" aint shit compared to those southern indian mexicans.
"I can tell who's guilty just by looking at them"
>>29918248
You wat? The jury pool is exactly the registered voter pool you mong.
>>29918675
Link to a news article or you're full of shit.
>>29920696
The only option.
>bonus points for doing it in a Sylvester Stallone voice
Anyone remember that Judge Dredd game where you could arrest pretty much anyone? Mostly trivial stuff like being too fat or owning a goldfish without a licence?
>>29917136
I laughed way to hard thank you anon
