Post your deployment fap stories.
Think we could all use a good laugh, plus method swapping is always a bonus
Didn't pass my medical so I never got deployed, but I did jerk off in my neighbors garage once when I was 16. Could green text it if you'd want.
>>29578725
I once jerked off on my CO's face
It was an accident
>>29579156
>accident
Fuck you anon, I can't go to sleep now.
Storytime.
>>29579156
STORY NAOW
>>29578725
2005 Iraq.
We were standing ridiculous post shifts. Like 12 on 4 off. The kind of tired where you kinda hope you get shot so you can finally rest.
Jacking off was the only way to stay awake.
I'm facing south on post. The post is just sandbags and a 249 SAW on the roof of what looked like a fancy business, but still built crappy like everything else.
So I'm observing my sector and jacking of and I go quick because I just had the perfect thought combo of memory and fantasy.
As i finish up I hear a sound
I immediately think "Learjet?"
That didn't make any sense.
It was coming from my east and I couldn't see because of the wall of sand bags.
The sound flew in between East Post and my post (South). It explodes west of me where we usually train.
I pull the SAW into my shoulder and scan waiting for shit to go down.
my squad leader walks into my bunker asks if I saw anything. I told him about the explosion.
He starts to say something then trails off and leaves
mfw I almost died with my dick out
mfw my squad leader saw my dick.
I'm not in the military but back in high school I'd fap in the boy's restroom every other day.
>be 16 year old me
>have a really boring math class with a really ditzy teacher
>this is the 6th period out of 7, so by this time my monkey's aching for a spanking
>teacher really likes me because I'm one of the few well behaved kids in a class of obnoxious punks
>every other day I'd ask to use the bathroom
>told the teacher I have a urinary tract problem so I might take a bit
>letsgetiton.conf
>wad up toilet paper and blow a load
>flush er down the shitter
>the teacher was never the wiser
>>29579752
Nigga she knew
>>29578725
Got a few:
>water point down in motor pool, hella far away has old parachute over it hanging from hesco to keep it cool
>one of 2 spc in sec
> hey spc go bring a few cases of water up from hooch
> get down there stack two boxes, look around
> jerk off behind stacks of water under parachute
>
another
>guard duty in tower
> shammin e4
> hang 2 50 rd strips of 762 off my dick, have pic
> beat off 6 times in three hours
> sore on my dick
another
>be in cougar, aka sperm tank qrf guard
> locals with bongo trucks all over because of spanish
>afghanis sittin under their trucks hiding from sun
> crack back doors a bit so theres a triangular hole the doors make
> beat off and nut on the ground while looking out the window at them and them looking at me
another
>doing hot seats while new unit shows up
>in sham tower 6, just after dinner
>gravel and long metal steps let you know someone is coming
> beatin dick
> steps start ringing, red alert!
> new unit lt is at door and i'm standing right there face to face with him looking at him through a broken window
>he asks are you going to let me in
>i say sure and swiftly dicktuck and button up
> as soon as i unlock i do the captain morgan pose on sandbags
>never looked me in the face after that point
>consciously avoided contact looking at me
> asks if tower has ever been hit
>say not while i'm around, then he leaves.
I have a bunch more but its late. I left a little pieces of me in many countries of the middle east, and many portapotties and elsewhere. I guess thats what happen when you earned your combat virgin badge.
>fapping on deployment
>not getting together with your battle buddy to blow off a little steam
>>29578725
12b here
My husky driver did a combat jerk right before our buffalo got hit by an SVBIED. He said he never did a combat jerk again but I dont think I believe him.
This thread deserves a good bump
>>29580792
yeah yeah we know homos basically had a free for all while the rest of us suffered under general order 1. Quit rubbing it in.
>>29578725
>inna afghaniland
>second combat deployment that was a little quieter
>3/4's way through said deployment
>on post and bored so why not jerk it?
>getting close to blowing my third load of the night
>"Post 3. Post 3 this is COC"
>fucking hell
>"COC this is post 3, send it it"
>"roger, higher wants me to tell you to stop doing that."
>turns out higher likes to use the GBOSS, and aerial drones to spy on their own
>they usually only do this for patrols
>"Received"
>have a good idea of where the FOB was and proceed to hate jerk right where I thought the camera was imagining making eye contact
Nothing else came from it and people attempted to bust my balls about it until I told them how I finished the incident
Never had a problem masterbaiting on deployment or garrison. There was this one time though...
>be in barracks
>put an spray apple airfreshner so it smells nice
>didn't have roommate so I decided to have a nice long jack off session
>start using a ton of lube
>finish about 30 minutes later
>friend knocks right when I pull pants up
>open door
>"what kind of air freshner is that? Is smells like smoked apple meat?"
>"Idk man I bought it last week"
>"well now I'm hungry, lets go eat"
>mfw I made my friend get hungry from the smell of my dick
>>29579086
No one wants to hear about that you perv
>be 104 degrees
>jerk off in portashitter which is probably 120 degrees
>feelsgoodman
>>29582105
holy shit
>>29579086
What I tell you about whackin off in muh toolshed
the fact this thread keeps popping up is proof you are all degenerates
>2009 invasion of marjah
>first night at future fob
>I am turret gunner so I get to sleep ontop of nice flat surface of mrap. Dont bother digging ranger grave to sleep in.
>procede to look at ipod porn collection in sleeping bag
> fapping commences
>bust nut all over COs Mrap.
>No snipers that day confirmed.
