A home invader has entered your house, and is trying to kill you and you don't know if he has a weapon, you can only use the object(s) to your left to retaliate, what is it?
Ontario Rat 1 and large Sriracha bottle
>>29263501
my wife
>>29263501
A pair of scissors.
>>29263501
Spanish Star model PS 45ACP. I'm good.
>>29263501
channel locks and a handle of rum...
I guess if he's unarmed I have an advantage
This weird wooden tribal mask thing I could maybe hit him with. I don't know where the fuck it came from, and I haven't seen it before , but I'm probably fucked.
>>29263501
>literally only a wall to my left
DOESN'T MATTER MY TIME HAS COME TO DO BATTLE
>>29263501
AR-15. Plate Carrier with extra mags. I win.
>>29263501
Gun is to my right, damn. Jack handle is to the left though.
>>29263501
M&P Shield 9mm within arms reach on my left
(on my right only a glass bottle, so fortune favors me today)
>>29263501
>Sriracha
Are you that crazy motherfucker that eats Sriracha on Snickers bars and drinks it mixed with seltzer water?
>tomahawk
>machete
>8oz hammer
>4 pocket knives
>fork
>paper plate with crumbs
>empty glass bottle
I think im good
>>29263501
A pile of locks I was picking, and a sock.
hold up, dis gonna be good.
20g 870 express with hp slugs already in chamber.
>>29263600
Yes. I put it on everything. Even spaghetti.
A guitar
>ELLL KABONG!!!
A lot of empty beer bottles
It's my collection.
A water bottle, a paper towel, and my TV remote.
Looks like I'm fucked.
A couple M39s and an AR15. No ammo though
>>29263672
now, I'm no expert on perspective but that doesn't look like your left
Whoa, I literally have a RAT 1A on me and a Sriracha bottle right next my tablet
>>29263501
Tactical shower knife.
>>29263501
>Glock 19 and a cheap OTF switchblade.
I'll be ok.
>>29263501
>Glass bowl
>screwdriver
>HT radio
>Buck knife
>a hefty book
>the best of ZZ Top
Looks like today is my lucky day!
>>29263501
>>29263725
RAT-2 to my left out of my pocket right now. I hope the babby version serves me well.
>TurboTax Case
The newspapers will have fun with puns.
A TV remote.
>>29263720
So I couldn't possibly be laying on my bed watching Johnny Carson with that to my left?
>>29263808
you could, if it was 1967
it probably is, I was assuming the foot of the bed
>>29263655
Alex? Are you in your basement with Chris? I didn't know you were a /k/ommando
>>29263826
Its called antenna TV bro, they play old people shows and shit.
>>29263501
Airshit gun.
Roll for bluff.
a small bucket of Lego I found.
>>29263501
1911
>>29263501
>bathroom
This is going to get nasty.
I'd throw the toilet lid, or maybe use it like a bat.
>>29263745
break bowl, dual wield screwdriver and glass shard, fuck knife
>>29263501
A pillow. Which luckily has a knife under it.
>>29263946
Throw them all over the floor. You may have a greater chance than all of us.
>>29263501
Forward left
>glass of coke
>laoded taurus pt-111 g2
>Smith and Wesson HRT
>cicken nuggets
>hoppes 9 wipes
left off my shoulder?
>beretta 92
>cx4
>both loaded
>sks
>mossberg 500
>m9 bayonet
>pasgt helmet
>800 rounds assorted ammunition
>longsword
I think i'm set.
>AR pistol without barrel or BCG
Guess it's time to find out how sturdy this handguard is.
>>29263501
>AK in open gun safe
>no ammo tho
>does have a fold out bayonet
TIME TO GET SLAVIC
Do you even know where the fuck you are?
>>29263501
>The axe I've just finished sharpening
Skulls for the skull throne
>>29263501
>Betty Crocker scissors
>Blackberry 8700
Fuck
AR pistol with 10.5" barrel, red dot. light with pressure pad on verticle grip, and a sig brace.
I think I win, guys
>>29263516
Pic related, what you must do.
>>29263501
>a small screwdriver
welp, time to get stabby on a motherfucker
>>29263568
>This weird wooden tribal mask thing I could maybe hit him with. I don't know where the fuck it came from, and I haven't seen it before , but I'm probably fucked.
If random masks are just appearing around you, the burglar is probably the least of your worries.
>>29265485
the the intruder was barefoot it would work great
>>29265620
was thinking this too
a butterfly knife..a switch blade..a cold steel khukri and a three foot piece of solid wood. also two empty drinking glasses as ranged weapons.
>>29263501
>tfw paranoid as fuck so i have my kukri by my computer, and it's on my left.
kk faggot, cum @ me
A hardcover copy of Margaret Thatcher's The Path to Power
>>29263501
>Cosmoline
>I am ready
>>29263501
A paper plate and a 9mm Sig...
I shoot him with the plate, but what do I do with the pistol?
>>29263501
Laying in bed with my siaga to my left, niggas gonna get ventilated.
>>29263568
P A R T Y? BECAUSE I WANNA
A breakfast bar and a water bottle. Fuck.
>>29263616
By chance are you a mudshit or Indian? Possibly Asian. No way you're white though.
Headphones, a couple empty glasses, waterbottle, CZ P07... should be fine.
>>29265622
>Not taking your shoes off
Just because it's a robbery, no reason to track in mud or snow dude.
>>29266636
>White people can't enjoy some kick on their pasta
C'mon man. Come on.
Jug of boiling water from my instantaneous mixer.
>>29266636
I'm a white American.
>>29266660
>>29266719
There is such a thing as overdoing it, you know? My wife couldn't stop eating everything with hoisin sauce and she got burned out on it. Now she can't eat half the Chinese food she used to.
an old nokia i use for work...I think i'm good.
Also a bunch o nachetes and a pot, but who cares.
>>29263501
A 8 ton pump from an oil platform, I'm at work. Doubt I could hit him with it anyways.
>>29263501
A steel fire bucket and a cactus
>>29265814
Me too.
>>29263501
Patrol carbine? Is that cheating?
I'm okay I think.
>>29263501
Fuck the object on the right I can box, I'll get in close and give it me best
>left
Wife's laptop, wife's desk, wife, trash can
>right
USP45, PMR-30, SU-16 with a Lancer L5 magazine full of 77gr SMK
Shit.
>>29263501
>Empty coffee cup
>Guns are in the locked safe behind me
Well I'm dead
>Computer case, audio amplifier, subwoofer, headphones and personal lubricant for some fucking reason
>Personal lubricant
Welp
Salt shaker.
>>29263501
Packaging tape, crutches and a leatherman. I guess I can make an improvised spear and poke the cunt from my bed?
>>29263501
I've got a maglight and a pencil. I think I'll live if he doesn't have anything sharp.
>>29263501
Ruger 9E with a full mag.
>>29266932
Rather have the lube than not desu
>>29263501
I've got a 6" Sog dagger wedged between my mattress and bed frame. The handle stick out a little and the sheath restrains are out. It's the best I can do.
>>29266660
So close to quints.
Mini griptillian, $4 Walmart knife, kershaw, coffee mug, two glass candles, butane bottle. and a water gun.
Looks like hes gettin wet
>sunglasses
>couple of pens
>scissors
>holepunch
>big fat heavy folder filled with wisdom about our education system (>tfw highschool teacher)
eh
>>29268335
>>scissors
>>29268396
uh
what?
did I spell it wrong?
Glock 19 with night sights, lone wolf ported barrel, gtl10 light. Pretty lucky you said left, to my right is my chest of drawers.
>>29268419
Sausage above your post was made with scissors
>>29268453
...ok
>>29268486
you are thrilling brudda
>>29268335
>scissors
>>29263501
> To my left
A book, laptop...um...papers....a light aluminum trash can.
> To my right
Knives, metal tools...a Glock knife, more knives.
....this game isn't very fun.
> Take pics of left and right, covering name and shit on papers....*Oh...heh, there IS a real weapon here*
Found a full sized, collapsable, baton...I totally would have grabbed the laptop.
>>29268188
Why buy a mini when a full sized knife is nearly as much, specialized job for it?
>>29263501
To my left? A 20' drop to the pavement.
>>29268666
Throw him off to meet pavement mr satan
Half a medicine cabinet worth of medical stuff and a 5 foot lamp.
My plan at this point is to down as many painkillers my mouth will let me and see if i can't clonk the guy with the heavy as fuck bottom like some sort of great hammer.
well, i got my phone, my cigarettes, and my lunch box since i'm at work.
> Food tray
> tweezers
> scalpel
> Kidney from a sheep
(In my anatomy class)
Tactics:
> knock intruder unconscious w/tray
> Replace kidney(s) with sheep kidney
> ¿?
> Profit
>>29268706
You tell security you got scared and figured you'd lose the fight so might as well take painkillers now.
....really you KNEW you'd win...you just wanted an something to kick in when they let you go for the day.
...fuck work, get high and shitpost at home.
A boiling kettle. Things about to get heated
>>29263501
I'm at work, so I have to bash the fucker's head in with an Acer 5733Z-4851, and I'm gonna have to buy the customer a new one. Fuck.
>>29263501
Sweet, I've got my p2k, EZ MODE
>>29263501
Half eaten banana
1: check the laws first. Mileage etc...
For one thief, place a bottle of strong alcohol where he will find it. The bottle also contains FAST acting poison.
For several thieves, place a bottle of strong alcohol where they will find it. The bottle also contains SLOW acting poison.
If you have a panic room, make sure it has a separate oxygen supply and then, when inside, flood the rest of the house with CO gas. They will go more painlessly then what they had in mind for you.
This way there is no mess, no spillage and no noise. However you need to bag the bodies before you get intestinal gas development problems.
>>29263501
A large bottle of gatorade full of months-old piss
>>29263501
plate of popcorn chicken, picture frame, and a single 7.62x54r round.
Stand back while I McGuyver this nigga
>>29263501
Right now I'm sitting on my bed while browsing the internet and to my left is my USP laying snug on my bed and to my right is my rifle laying against the head of my bed.
>>29269534
Bio weapons are fucked up anon
>use them wisely
>>29263501
Does it have to be within reach on my left hand side? My ar is about 4 feet away, but what I can easily grab..
>23lb maine coone cat
>bag of granola
>smoked porter beer bottle from last night
>benchmade griptilian
>stupid jangly cat toy thing
My battle cat and I shall ride into battle, hung over and full of rage
An HP Officejet Pro 8600 Plus. I guess I have a good shot of bashing him with it--oh look, a claw hammer. I'm fine.
>>29268774
>getting high in the garage
hello 18 year old
>>29263501
>C1 Bayonet my friend chopped his finger off with
I'm good
>>29263501
>Carrying on the left
What do I look like? A leftist?
>>29269728
There's not much space at the right side of my desk, ex. keyboard, mousepad, mouse, lamp.
So I keep my stuff on the left side.
>He posts on 4chan with his guns within reach
>>29263501
literally a shillelagh
>>29263501
full 5 liter water bottle.
It could be worse.
i have a bottle of cheap cognac.
>>29270153
>he doesn't have a gun within reach 24/7
A glass of Bourbon and another of water.
There is a Ruger LCP in my right side pocket though.
>>29263501
>Bottle of vodka
Come to me tovarisch
>>29270409
Yeah I know.
The the queen of england can just come in here and start smackin me around.
>>29263501
Filing cabinet. Looks like he's getting papercuts in the dicktip.
>>29263501
Education
>>29270441
>2016
>not being paranoid
How can you not believe in crazy shit like that after all the crazy shit that happened in the last century alone
Not so long ago a guy got so buttblasted about not getting into an art academy that he started a second world war and commited a genocide on six million jews
He also conviced an entire nation that a man who is tall, blonde and has blue eyes is perfect while being short, brown-haired and had blue eyes himself.
In other news, some fat chinks hatred for sparrows caused a widespread famine that killed 15 million other chinks.
So you bet your ass I wouldn't be suprised if fucking queen of england just came to you and started smaking you around, I've seen better.
a can of deodorant?
should work as OC
>>29263501
12ga pump
>>29263613
I'm having the damnedest time trying to pick even the clear padlock that came with my lockpicks, not sure if it's because the tension wrench is shit(cheap kit) or if I need to git gud. Thoughts?
>>29263501
>A M1917 Enfield with no ammo for it and a pullup bar
I think i will be ok
>>29270630
You simply need to git gud, it takes practice.
Beginning is the hardest part. Keep trying, you will eventually get a hang of it.
I was ready to give up but one day I succeeded, just like that and I don't even have proper lockpick. only homemade ones. Take it slow and take your time to actually understand what is happening inside the lock as you try.
>>29263568
Put it on, you could become fabulous like Dio
>>29270697
As part of my job I rekey locks so I have a general understanding of the locks mechanism and inner pieces but for some reason I can't seem to apply the proper tension to hold the pins without jamming them.
>>29268771
>not scalpel to the throat
it's like you're asking or it
>>29270761
>As part of my job I rekey locks so I have a general understanding of the locks mechanism and inner pieces
That's really not that important.
I mean, knowing how a bow works doesn't make you a better archer, but knowing how it actually reacts to certain actions and practices is what matters.
>I can't seem to apply the proper tension to hold the pins without jamming them
I really can't explain how to do it properly because I'm not that great at picking either, all I can do is open simple locks and it still takes me some time and a few failures from time to time.
>>29263646
Kek'd hearily.
>object on left
A stuffed husky. Literally worse than bare handed. Maybe I ought to at least put scope rings on him for tacticool
Nailbat
>>29270881
>Literally worse than bare handed
>not using the husky as a tactical throwing feint and using your bare hands after that
>>29263501
electric fly swatter, it has been getting hot so the flies are out
HTC One M7, Google Play Edition
>>29263501
A tailhook off an F/A-18 Hornet.
>>29263501
Turn 270 degrees
Reach into drawer
Pull out Glock 26
Remove invader
>>29271003
Myself and like 7 other people bought those when we were summer camp counselors and spent our nights out of cabin chasing each other around with them
was pretty fun
>>29263501
I'll be doing just fine.
Also, I barely know how cameras work.
>>29263501
A metal mug with my name engraved into it.
>>29263501
*Racks a Ruger AR556*
Goddamn it I just started eating my chop suey.
Eh. I'll be fine.
>Inb4 .32 ACP is anemic and bounces off winter jackets
I sleep with a KA-BAR on my left
So, I guess that'll do since I know the house; I'll let him pass me then determine the threat.
>>29263501
ugly SKS bullpup SBR
>>29263501
Hah! Raise you OP, I've got an Esee 6 and an aluminum t-ball ball (aka Sweet Reason). I live near the ghetto so it's the best I can do unless I want to drop some cash on a firearm and CC (I work in a no guns for the good guys zone though so I can't justify the expense when I couldn't carry).
nail clippers and a pretty hefty candle.
perhaps i could persuade him to get a nice mani/pedi
![tumblr_mtzvjshUFn1qbo4dlo1_1280[1].gif](https://i.imgur.com/f8QsQbJ.gif "tumblr_mtzvjshUFn1qbo4dlo1_1280[1].gif")
>>29263501
My gun closet is just 4 feet to my left.
>>29263501
A now empty bottle of Guinness
>>29263613
Put 2 socks inside one sock and tie it off with rope.
Good thing I'm in bed posting this. AK74 or Makarov. Depends on how many redguards I hear.
>>29273612
>>29263501
Deep fryer with 3 chicken strips currently cooking in it about 3 liters of hot oil
>>29263745
>Cuts the intruder with a best of zz top cd fragment
>A-HOW-HOW-HOW
>laugh as you put on your cheap sunglasses
I have a metal dog food bowl. This should be entertaining.
>>29263587
faggot alert.
>>29263612
shit yourself
>>29265543
I know ARs are supposed to be load if shot indoors, but a barrelless AR pistol must be ear drum breaking tier.
>>29270911
Same /k/omrad. Except 4 inch rivets.
>>29263501
my window, he cant get past my traps
>>29275758
Nah man.
See, it's actually perfectly silent.
Don't tell the ATF though, they'll think I have an unregistered suppressor or something.
>>29263691
Bayonet
Lets see.... Full can of Morton sea salt! I think I may have them today boys!
>>29263501
Microfiber cloth to left of me on my desk. I'll shove it down his gullet.
well, im fucked. only a ak-47 and a rusty shotgun.
>>29275621
>nothing personnal Francine
>>29263501
>left
There's a goddamn wall. Fuck me.
>robber enters home
>it ain't me starts playing
baka
>>29268666
Throw the pavement at him
>>29263501
I'm fugged. A water bottle and Cope can.
Complete Guide to Rope Techniques handbook and an old micro machines Y-Wing
Let's do this
>>29263501
Brownell's AR15 tool, 3d printer, tin filled with brass.
Much better things on my right, like my USP and a AKM Bayonet, such sad.
>>29263501
a guitar amp..... ROCK AND ROLL BABY
>>29265578
I became a god of comfort just by looking at this image. Hnnng big time. In UAE, no guns allowed here, house too small for cat.
But hey, we can play PS4 together if you're up for that.
>>29277437
Not him but you can play PS4 with me anon. I only play NHL 16 and FIFA 16 though.
As soon as the new Ace Combat comes out I'm on it. Until then I'm playing AC Infinity on PS3.
My nephew's bin of toy trucks. Nice.
Got a pretty hefty glass mug that would work nicely. If it breaks I have two more exactly like it.
>muh vape
smokescreen bro
>hear crash in next room
>oh fugg
>quickly put on 3m comfort grip gloves
>grab a handful of needles and the spatula laying on the table
>tactically move next to door
>door opens and a man enters
>throw needles in his face and begin furiously 'stabbing' him with spatula
>spatula breaks because it's a flimsy one made to scrape residue of 3d printers
>needles fall to the floor and some get stuck in the mans shirt
>'anon what the fuck are you doing?!'
>get fired because man is my boss and I was at work the whole time
Fuck
>>29263501
GODDAMMIT my gun is in a holster on my right side. To my left is the only door to my apartment. So I guess I would subdue the intruder with the intruder.
An entire drum set with several cymbals ranging from 10" to 20". Time to rock.
The Soviet Flag
1911 with 230gr Gold Dots
I'll probably be okay.
>>29263501
Glass ashtray and a M1866 yagatan bayonet
Not at home, but the prospect of beating the shit out of a home invaded with another person always excites me
>>29263501
A leather belt. Could be a lot worse.
>>29263501
>object(s) to your left
The Supreme Court.
>>29263501
A Samsung office copier.
>>29263501
FUCK! ONLY 9MM
>>29266880
Letting someone else drive the cruiser today comrade?
> a lady at the tireshop is to my left. I guess I hope she's packin
>>29268567
Hot coffee.
>empty beer bottle
>stack of 3 hard drives
>day planner
>rat tail file
>fistful of screwdrivers
>plastic tray full of 5.56 stripper clips
>unopened bottle of cheap port
>half full jumbo can of spanish peanuts
>dial caliper
>mostly full spool of 30lb braided fishing line
Probably make a garrote with the fishing line and some screwdrivers.
>>29263571
That baby died and I completely think his parents for doing this is the reason
Wifi router
>>29268567
>>29278562
>>29263568
Mask means you can take one free hit.
Use it well, Crash.
>throw full tower at crook
>throw wall A/C unit at crook
>bash his fookin ead in with ashtray
>use binger as a club
I should go buy a gun
>>29263501
Looks like he's got a crowbar, op.
At any rate, I have a lighter, a purel dispenser and a box of tissues. I guess I could cram a bunch into the purel to help it bind then ignite it and start flinging it.
>>29279909
>At any rate, I have a lighter, a purel dispenser and a box of tissues.
you should
>I could cram a bunch into the purel to help it bind then ignite it and start flinging it.
nevermind, you've got the right attitude
>>29265578
Looks comfy AF are you playing The Division and operating?
Also m8 get a better holster.
>>29263501
Every little thing is gonna be alright.
First thing I do when I get home from work is unpack a rifle, finger fuck it, and leave it sprawled out on the bed like the used whore it is.
