ITT: stories of self defense.
>be me
>be 17
>it was late at night, around 11:30 ish
> i decided i want a late night snack
> but when i got halfway down the stairs i heard a crash.
>some one was breaking into the west side of my house
>ohcrap.jpg
> duck be under the dining table, scaning for a weapon.
>and then i see it
> a brand new "ulu" knife my mom had bought not 3 days ago.
>pic related, its what it looks like
>i lunged for it and hid behind the fridge
> just as one of the crooks went past the fridge, i hold the knife like a knuckle duster and jam it into his chest.
>the thing got STUCK in his breast plate, he lived though
>then the other guy shot me in the shin and booked it
>then my mom got up called an ambulance and they patched me up
>then they trace the bullet cartridge and caught the guy
>the trial was quick, all i had to do was give a quick testimony, they both got 25 years
i now have the very same knife in a box with a glass top to remind myself of how bad ass i was that day.
"self" bump
Someone said some mean things to me before. I'm kidding.
Maybe this doesn't qualify but this happened when I was a scout
>be 14
>be at my scout hut near where I live
>we were making "camp donuts" out back on the fires we made
>some urban youths didn't realise we were round back and hopped the fence to try to break in
>one saw me and ran at me
>grabbed a burning log and smacked him in the face
My first violent act. Felt guilty for a while. Then realised that it's no big deal and he had it coming
>>28097822
>>28098203
>Making things up for internet points
>>28097866
>Bumping on /k/ after 4 minutes
>>28098278
>if it hasn't ever happened to me it's not happened to anyone
>tfw you don't have any self defense stories and you're perfectly fine with that
>>28098412
I dont have any defense stories because all mine are offensive.
>>28097822
>Watching the static channel at 4am
>eating crab legs
>hear a metallic scratching at the hatch to my domicile
>Hatch is pried open
>want to gen my gun my my hands are covered in butter from the crab legs
>methhead is in my domicile with a crowbar
>open the cage of my Tunguskan fighting weasel
>he lets out an angry screech and beelines for the meth head
>methhead trys to hit him with the crowbar >misses
>jumps on the junkie and is slithering all over him biting and scratching
>remember thinking "it won't be long before he is torn to shreds..."
>>28097822
Every fight Ive been in:
1.Kid in 8th grade started talking shit about my dad, punched in the head
2. 9th grade, Kid started talking trash about my mom, hit him so many times when I came back from suspension his face was bruised green.
3. 10th grade, upper classmen would come up to me and my friend and press their bare ass against my head, hit him in the head. Didnt do anything but he never bothered me again.
4. Someone threw a cookie at my head, Someone who didnt do it took credit and I punched him in the head a couple of times.
5.I got drunk and started talking shit to someone when I was in the military, got put in my place with my eyebrow split open.
6. I worked as a hotel driver and got out of the can during a road rage incident and knocked a man down tot he ground after 3 punchs.
Thank god I have never been in trouble with johnny law over this, cause then I couldnt be in nursing school. I suck at fighting, my adrenaline kicks in and I just let my arms swing till im tired.
>>28097822
>someone made a meme
>I called him faggot
>tactical retreat
Not self defense but defense of others kind of.
>work inaprison
>be first responder
>signal is called for emergency officer assistance
>right outside the building im in
>run out to see whats going down
>offender trying culturally enrich a fellow officer
>run over to pull him off
>pull as hard as possible in his waist from behind
>lighter than i thought, guy and myself are airborn a few inches
>feel myself going backwards
>fuckit.jpg
>go for the kill and suplex his ass into the ground
K.O.
>cuff him up while he is slowly waking up
"What just happened"
"Shut up and get up"
>now reffered to as officer Cena.
Officer got away with a busted lip
I was repremanded for improper technique. Life goes on.
>>28097822
>>28098203
things that didn't happen - the thread
>hear noise downstairs
>grab cz 527, only gun that i had at hand reach
>run downstairs
>itsjustBenitomycat.gif
>slip
>mangle my left eyebrow up on the kitchen table
I then trew my rifle on the sofa and left home to get stitched up, came back and the found out a little blood stained a bit of my stock, keept it as a reminder that I'm a fucking retard
>>28099799
Oh nice grammar i used, thakns vodka
>>28098509
>>28098203
>"camp donuts"
>boy scouts
Riiiiiiight
>>28098509
>tfw tv broke and I cant hear them through the static channel anymore
>>28097822
>then they trace the bullet cartridge and caught the guy
I am a robot.
>>28098203
125?
>>28100841
No idea what you mean
>be at office by myself
>office has glass front from floor to ceiling and can be seen from the main road
>right down the street from a public housing project
>hear some rummaging around
>think aw fuck the day has finally come
>pull lcp out of my holster and peer out of my office doorway
>tactically duck behind cubicles and peer over to see if i can see anyone
>turns out another guy i work with was still here and inside his office for hours so i thought i was alone
kinda upset family. i was looking forward to operating.
>>28097822
No weapon but
>17
>girlfriends ex gets in her face
>i step between them to back him off
>he swings
>i duck
>gf was standing behind me and hadnt moved
>he connects with her jaw sending her sprawling
>i am rather upsetti at this
>i uppercut him in the stoumach, and bust his nose with a left cross
>mfw his dad tried to sue me for medical damages
>mfw i countersue for assault on me and gf and win
>>28097822
>then they trace the bullet cartridge and caught the guy
This is how i know youre lying.
>>28098375
>Liar's boilerplate defense
