I want to write a story about a sniper in the real world (forgotten by his superiors thanks to clerical error) getting whisked away to a fantasy land by a spirit, after which he is forced to survive with the spirit's help.
The spirit travels with him through possessing his rifle, is able to read the conditions for shots, and uses her own energy to create bullets for the rifle that he can take from her (a la Huey taking a book from Dalian in Dantalian no Shoka).
Which rifle would you like being shilled in a fantasy land?
And would anyone like to collaborate with me on the story?
>>27797194
Hey dummy did you ever read or play Clive Barker's Jericho?
That's pretty much exactly what you described.
I'd like a sniper rifle that ran out of bullets after the first encounter in this fantasy world, so the guy spends the next half of the book looking for ammo only to find none and abandon it for a sword or goblin club for the final chapters.
>>27797304
I'll go see how well they wrote it. Thanks for the heads-up.
And if you make the sniper wield other stuff, you won't be able to shill the rifle anymore.
>>27797194
>WA2000
>>27797359
I looked it up, and I thought it was a book.
I will play the game, but it's not the exact story I want to tell.
>>27797194
Sniper
>he
Rifle
>she
You're a fucking weaboo, aren't you.
>>27797499
Hey, I have the right to write whatever details I like. And I'm a fan of the Dantalian LN and anime.
No, I'm not some wanker who blindly worships Japan regardless of the negatives. I'm just a writer.
>>27797499
This. I wonder how self insert he will be.
>jack "not the author" smith was never good with girls or at school but he was the best sniper in the U.S. marines. He graduated at the top of his SAS class and now in the spirit realm, he will save the world and bang some girls and get a harem and fuck you dad I don't want to take over the carpet shop I wanna move to Japan Baka desu~~~
>>27797383
only real answer
>>27797545
I want to emphasize a soldier affected by the worst kind of error: the hiccup of awareness. Know of this?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hiroo_Onoda
As for saving the world, I'm unsure. The spirit forced him into her world because she took a gamble with inviting anyone beyond the veil.
No harem, though I wonder if I should give him family.
>>27797194
Try reading "the forgotten land" OP. Not quite like your story, but it involves operators time traveling and fighting with vikings.
Might help the creative juices flow.
>>27797703
This will be a good read, I can feel it.
>>27797194
Now now.
This is going to me more of mystery than actual action. Like puzzles and creating problems with solutions. If you want the story to be unreal than go gunhoe and shit, but otherwise realism kicks in, and a Snipers training is less interaction and more observation for the next move to be made.
The key focuses.
Military abandonment.
What happened really, what were the steps that led to that outcome?
How advanced is the fantasy world?
It could be pre or post mass civilization collapse, like the rifle could be a strange innovation or ancient relic. The setting of the world greatly influences the impressions of those inhabitants.
Use of the Rifle
How real is it going to be?
It seems whatever were bullets are now just shots of energy.
How stable is the energy?
How loud is the shot now, from 5 feet to 1 kilometer?
How powerful is the entity that is now possessing the rifle to hold out on single shots to stored in a magazine?
This story is not going to have a rifle shooting out to "600 Yards" for kicks, the rifle's power is now completely dependent on the spirit's power and the skill to use it.
The overall goal.
Is the goal to return back or go on some quest?
Who is the real antagonist, and who are the compatriots?
How would this grow with the characters?
>>27798113
>What happened really, what were the steps that led to that outcome?
Clerical error, some kind of event that made his name slip from his government's notice. Might have been an accident made from an unrelated cause, like a government worker losing his mind and setting anything on fire or a group of childish hackers entering the databases and mass deleting the connections.
Depending on the war in which the rifle played a role, technology would need to adhere accordingly.
>How advanced is the fantasy world?
Unsure. Could be far future, far past, or completely disjointed. Nice potentials in each choice, really.
>How real is it going to be?
Exact. It suffers from age and use.
>How stable is the energy?
Linked to the spirit's ability to materialize it. If she loses focus, the shots might slip out the rifle or dissipate mid-trajectory.
Unsure if I want her to retrieve the energy- bullet, casing, and all- so he can avoid being traced.
>How loud is the shot now?
Unsure, depends on the quality of the "air" in the fantasy land. Could toy with viscosity and sound if I wanted to, but might be too much.
>How powerful is the entity that is now possessing the rifle to hold out on single shots to stored in a magazine?
Can you rephrase that question? I can't decipher this as is.
>Is the goal to return back or go on some quest?
He was forced into the world. Might open the chance of going back after the spirit is satisfied. Unsure about her objectives for the moment.
>Who is the real antagonist, and who are the compatriots?
The spirit, and also the spirit. The soldier can't shake off that she can't be fully trusted, since she dragged him into her world.
The soldier fully believed in following his government's orders, hence his stubbornness in the real world about holding the line until he is discharged.
Unsure about the spirit's motive. Could be a game against another spirit. Could be boredom. Could be fiddling with an item in her own world. Could be anything.
>>27798258
How about the spirit acts like it was an accident, then later admits (to the soldiers dismay) thay she in fact tampered with his universe with her limited reach in order to cause the clerical error?
Would advance the relationship between those two me thinks?
Have you decided on what time period this takes place in? Or is it based on the time period in which the rifle was used?
>>27798113
how about, instead of another super sniper hero, you have a everyday grunt, and make it all an accident.
>grunt bein a grunt
>not particularly special in any way
>NCO hands down orders
>random sample of grunts ordered to air force base for testing
>he goes because orders
>testing is things like observation skills, stamina, etc.
>random sample turns out to be grunts with no families or real ties back home
>people no-one will miss
>our hero is selected after testing
>it is revealed they are testing a new way to move troops
>teleporter
>stick him in the zappy box
>WHAMMO
>alternate universe with dragons and magic and shit
eventually maybe he runs into another soldier, someone from an earlier testing phase. goberment has no idea they are sending these soldiers into alternate reality.
You have the thinnest edge of a good idea here, Tactless, but your embellishments suck. A clerical error does not erase you from reality. The government does not forget almost anyone, especially not a SF sniper of this guy's supposed caliber. Instead, have him be burned. Have him fuck up so tremendously that the government does not loose him, but REMOVES him. The idea of an unwillingly-possessed (by the owner) weapon is not badf, but I'd say to go more Muramasa with it. Make the spirit be connected to the memories of the weapon, the locations its been, the lives it's taken. The longer the sniper uses it, the more the spirit's bloodlust infects him mind.
>>27798336
As a grunt, I like this one. If you made the dude fairly true to character I'd bet a bunch of military /k/ommandos would get a good kick out of it.
Plus, you'd be surprised how many grunts are huge anime fans
>>27798378
>spirits bloodlust infects his mind
We Soul Edge now
>>27797194
Desert tech SRS
>>27798300
I'll think about it, if she was that desperate.
>>27798336
That's one other version I could try. Admittingly, the original idea of a sniper was from a thread on /tg/.
>>27798378
I appreciate all comments that question plausibility. Please keep the idea coming in.
>>27798392
Actually, I'm familiar with the number of grunts being anime fans. I thought this would give them some excitement in their own lives while I refine my craft.
>>27798465
>Please keep the ideas* coming in.
More ideas means more material. I'm a greedy man.
>>27798472
Alright. Will the spirit ever leave the gun? What do you have in mind for a conclusion?
>>27797194
Why not just use trackingpoint?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDAcdRXu27I
>>27798479
She has to have a form outside the gun so he can reach into her core and pull out ammo.
Do you mean will she leave the gun permanently? I guess I can make that a struggle: finding a way for her to not rely on the gun anymore.
Heck, maybe I'll make it her goal, after which she'll let him go.
>>27798501
But writing about a magical spotter has its own appeal.
Maybe I'll make that a sequel or sidestory or something.
>>27797383
this in .300 win/mag
>mfw these exist
>>27798465
I'll reiterate that burning the guy would be better than a clerical error. Other than that, I'd say that having the guy fight against a traditional fantasy army with guerrilla tactics and in general confusing them with his extreme long-range tactics would be a good idea. Maybe the spirit convinces him that he should be fighting a certain faction on her behalf, because she's a good guy, and he's a good guy, too?
>>27798596
I second this.
>protagonist fucks up a mission
>government decides they can't have him around
>erases him, tells family some bullshit
>protagonist finds spirit
>adventure starts
>>27798596
A third way could be him getting smoked out after his spotter, also his best friend, is taken out. The spirit pulls him in because he'll take any way out.
His motivation for getting back to his own world would then be to tell the spotter's family that he did not return.
>>27798710
Wait, new direction.
Have BOTH sniper and spotter jump in.
But the spotter is hit mid-jump.
His body would thus be something the sniper would want to return.
>>27797194
The whole "spirit" concept doesn't sit right with me. Here is how I would do it.......
WW3 Happens. Some SF sniper team is out in Siberia gathering intel. They lose radio contact and are trying to RTB. Everything is jammed and they end up going the wrong way. They get in contact, and the spotter gets critically injured. A hind goes for a gun run on them with missile pods and they end up falling into some cavern and freeze to death. In the distant future some group of crazy scientist sect finds their well preserved corpses and brings them back to life. Sniper has some of his limbs and organs replaced. However the spotter is too fucked and his brain actually gets turned into an AI and put into some sort of smart rifle. Place gets attacked by some faction and the sniper and his spotter go on some long quest trying to figure out what the fuck is going on and has to rely on his old skills and his AI's ability to interface with technology in order to avoid persecution by the two warring factions.
Thoughts?
>>27798710
>>27798733
What's he gonna do, lug the goddamn thing around on a rope till it rots? Keep it simple. A good starting point would be the dichotomy between a modern, drab as hell military man, and a bunch of chivalric, over the top nights. they give BOMBASTIC SPEECHES and perform GRAND GESTURES and he gets shit done, full-stop. Everyone thinks he's either a tactless asshole, or the very embodiment of death itself.
>>27798752
That's a nice Sci-Fi take on the idea. I'm simply inadequate with future tech. Current tech and old tech, I'm comfortable with writing about; things of the future, less so. The interest is there, but I like using references already in reach.
I don't mind bouncing you possible struggles, at least.
>>27798757
Convenient hyperspace to keep the corpse as intact as possible.
It's good that you're thinking about your own stuff if my own take isn't enough. But there are certain morals I want my writing to emphasize, something I as the one following through have the right to do.
>>27798797
Okay, what ARE those morals?
Honestly, from your typing here, you seem to write in a very dry way. I'm not sure you could carry a story that's about pathos and personal drama with your style.
>>27798780
Thank you.
Also I'm down to talk or bounce you ideas if you'd like. Wish I knew a way to chat directly without compromising my anonymity to the dedicated 4chan hate machine.
I'd say that I'd be willing to collaborate with you on your writing but I'm lazy/working on my own stuff/barely a writer at all.
>>27798810
I have a long way to go until my techniques are perfect. And I can't force a perspective to a sentence. If you read it two ways, both ways can be looked into.
Aside from awesome things being accomplished with the rifle, there's three main conflicts:
>the spirit wanting a physical form to accomplish her goals
>the sniper adapting to a world that can be hostile to him when he least expects it
>the family of the dead spotter finding closure only if the sniper can bring back his body
>>27798837
This is another story I'm writing about, so you can contact me through here:
coldbricksglow.wordpress.com
If I were to define myself, I'm a writer of speculation. What if this happened? What if that didn't? Has this possibility been considered by someone? I enjoy asking myself these questions every day.
>>27797194
>What rifle
PU Sniper or something like that
>Want to collab
Sure, skype contact?
>>27798901
Skype: jossepassant
>>27798915
Just wanted to mention that I'm not logged on right now since I somehow forgot my password. Again. Having them reset it takes so long.
>>27798336
would read.
>>27798336
This sounds really interesting actually
Alternatively if sticking to original plan, have rifle be Daisy 880 and the character is transported to nuclear wasteland of mutated rabbits
>>27798258
>Can you rephrase that question?
How many shots can still stay materialized and kept in the magazine? like for a target sequence test or something.
>If she loses focus, the shots might slip out the rifle or dissipate mid-trajectory.
That is going to happen a lot more, or be a limitation unless some character growth is implemented. As it is described now, the projectile is not a separate entity but actually still linked in a channeling effect of the spirit's power.
>>27799892
>How many shots can still stay materialized and kept in the magazine?
Unsure, but you gave me a good idea of one of her "skills" that can visibly increase.
>As it is described now, the projectile is not a separate entity but actually still linked in a channeling effect of the spirit's power.
That was one of the limiters I wanted on her, yup.
