>meet some operators in the lunch room talking about how it used to be in Iraq
>overhear some guys talking about the animals
>tell them my grandpa saw some shit with horrible animals in Morocco
>Operator turns left and begins an awesome story.
>When I was in Iraq we were driving posts for a new fence. I was in the infantry guarding the piledriver machine ACoE used to drive the poles into the sand
>there were some convenient holes, evenly spaced about 12 feet apart all around the location of our new base.
>everything is going better than expected because piledriver machine has no problem driving posts into the ground.
>All of a sudden Arab with 3 camels with all kinds of bags and shit attached to their back begins to approach us and starts flailing his hands wildly and yelling
>Red Alert
>no interpreter is available, the best we have is some black guy whose a muslim from chicago and speaks some broken arabic.
>we tell the guy to stop advancing, he keeps coming
>bang bullet whizzes by the arab guys face
>he nearly shits his pants
>wont stop wildly yelling
>but stops moving forward
>camels start to bug out
>black guy thinks he heard somthing about a snake
>thinks the guy is not a problem, tries to talk to him from a safe distance while we all have our M-4's pointed right at the guy and his camels
>piledriver machine almost done with poles.
>ACoE guys getting ready with chicken wire and razor wire for the fence
>black guy appears to be making broken conversation with camel man
>all of a sudden black guy turns the color of michael jackson
>RUN GET AWAY FROM THE PILEDRIVER
>Piledriver guy asks why, is there an IED?
>THE HOLES ARE COBRA HOLES RUN AWAY NOW!
>as the black guy finishes the sentance about 100 cobras come out of each hole and start hissing and bobbing thier heads with hoods open all over the place
>snakes hissing all over the place in the desert
>we run away
Pic related, its the desert cobra and he doesn't fuck around.
>>24014771
story from my granpy When he was in WWII in morocco
>be grandpy
>be stationed in marakesh
>all sorts of horrible animals that the troops are unprepared for come into the barraks
>cobras
>scorpions
>spiders
>vipers
>giant mosquitos that spread yellow fever and malaria
>Revillie happens. Everyone up at the ass crack of dawn to shower and get ready.
>grandpa's bunkie gets out of the shower. puts his boots back on.
>Guy howls in agony
>pulls foot our of boot
>lol there was a huge yellow scorpion the size of grandpas hand in the boot
>grandpa uses 1911 to dispatch scorpion in boot
>ties off the guys foot with a belt and tries to suck the venom out.
>and that was the day that grandpa would never leave his boots on the floor of his barracks again.
>>24014874
another story, this time from a friend who went to trashcanistan.
>be my friend
>be helo gunner
>someone on the helo has FLIR on
>some taliban guy is raping a goat
>they all have a giggle
>they would regularly have bug fights
>find the biggest meanest bug you can get
>put inside small glass box
>bet huge (for them) sums of money on the winner
>fucking scorpions always won
>idiot in his group thinks its a good idea to try and catch a viper
>gets bitten
>hand rots off and he goes home with an amputation for stupidity.
>be my Old 1SG
>inna nam
>catch a pair of monkeys one day near the DFAC
>one male one female
>put them in cage in company area
>ask doc for testosterone
>inject testosterone into male monkey
>monkey fucks the shit out of female monkey
>becomes main source of entertainment
>watch monkeys go at it for hours
>watch every day till they die
such is life in the nam
>>24016368
Made me laugh more than it should have.
>>24016368
Holy shit that's brilliant
>>24016368
that is awful.
>>24016368
Genius.
>>24014771
That is one brave fucking Arab. He risked his life to alert you about snakes.
>>24016459
yes, yes he was. I'm not sure what happened to him, but he always got through checkpoints without much of a hard time. Just a little look around his camels and he was good to go. I never heard of him ever getting busted with contraband or getting busted for breaking cerfew but that could just be because he was only passing through that one time.
>>24016459
nobody died or got bit. It was a miracle. We got the black guy to thank him and we gave him some candy and water.
>>24014961
Saw-scaled vipers are fucking bad tempered, mean and downright dangerous.
I 'think' they might actually be responsible for killing the most people in the world from bites, we kept well away from them.
I really like this thread but have no stories of my own so here's a bump
>>24016481
It is nice to hear that they aren't all bad like some would have us believe.
I heard the critters in vietnam are fucking horrible. A girl i know (Julie the qt viet-jew, actually) once showes me pics of this giant brown spider she found on a wall that she just took in her hands and put outside as if i was a stray kitten or something. She even called it cute.
Viets, man...
Camel. Fucking. Spiders.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQRKjoAr_q8
>>24016532
>thisisntmybandoiler.png
Before the US took back the Philippines my Grandfather was there as part of the OSI. He worked with the civilians and the Moros against the Japanese. One of their favorite traps to do was a snake trap. They'd take canisters or crates and put a venomous snake inside. Then they'd smuggle the container into a Japanese camp hopefully some poor dump jap would open it and get bit.
Another that I heard of was that they'd take a mix of off bread and syrup and spread it on cables and wires. Then the rats would come and gnaw through the cables.
That's really the only stories i have and long after his death. Only know about them because of some writings he did back in the 70's.
I've got one from my buddy.
>He was in Iraq manning a guard tower and something tripped the wire outside setting off the flairs.
>He unloads 200 rounds with the saw lighting up the area
>Next morning a patrol is sent out to look for dead Iraqis
>All they find is a dead cow that had been riddled with machine gun fire
>>24014771
>tfw I've heard this exact story but with scorpions
>Was it a lie
>>24016539
what the fuck
>>24016595
Its a centipede. We find them in the warehouse where I work
>>24016608
I don't know why but I keep hearing Head Like a Hole from Nine Inch Nails when I think about centipedes. Particularlly...
Bow down before the one you serve
You're going to get what you deserve
I guess deep down I know they're going to take over the earth. And then to see how big they were during the Devonian era. Jesus christ the centipedes were the length of a bus.
>>24016566
did they eat same day cow?
>>24016608
the biggest one ive seen is like 6 inches long and skinny, not fuckhuge like that thank god
>be my dad, an armored company commander
>company currently stationed in the Golan Heights to secure the Syrian border
>the Golan is full of wild hogs that keep on messing with the fence.
>every time there was an indication my dad and the patrol had to scan the area to make sure no one was messing with the fence.
>the indications from the hogs start to get more frequent, especially at night.
>they get so frequent my dad haven't slept for a few good days now .
>getting tired of this shit
>ask the higher ups permission to shoot hogs on sight.
>permission granted
>commence operation "remove hog"
>dad takes a platoon and set up an ambush in the area with the highest hog concentration.
>They bring a couple of MAGs and an M2 in addition to their Galils.
>Proceed to slaughter hogs through the night
>they count ~50 dead hogs across the fence in the morning.
Here is a classic
>>24016658
My question was going to be did they eat them but then I remembered Golan Heights. So did they fling them with rockets into Palestinian and Lebanese villages?
> Be me
> Inna navy
> stationed in puerto rico because why the fuck not
> get orders to move trash pile on far side of base
> we decide to burn it because fuck moving all that
> light the trash on fire, 1 minute later like 10000 centipedes come out from under pile
> grown men screaming like girls
> fuck centipedes
>>24016665
They should - it would solve some of the crazy mussie problem.
>>24016537
>That moment when you learn they're not venomous, they just bite really fucking hard
>>24016696
a lot of spiders are like that. it doesn't mean that you won't get a big ass infected welt.
>>24016696
I feel like that makes them even more terrifying.
>>24014771
>THE HOLES ARE COBRA HOLES RUN AWAY NOW!
>>24016708
Fun fact: they're also not even real spiders.
>>24016678
Heres another:
> Still in puerto rico
> I had just settled into my bunk
> I'm getting cozy about to fall alseep
> i start hearing some soft scraping noise
> grab my flashlight, look around
> i look above my head
> ohlordjesustheresafire.jpeg
> this fucking thing is sitting there
> turn on full boosters and haul ass from room
> seriously fuck puerto rico
>>24016743
Sorry i forgot pic
>>24016539
>centipedes
Thats fake right? I thought the biggest ones were only about 33cm/10inches
>>24016746
Heres what their faces look like when open
>>24016680
Pork isn't Muslim Kryptonite.
Muslims are allowed to eat non-Halal food if nothing else is available.
>>24016746
Thats a valid napalm target if Ive ever seen one
>>24016743
fuck i've always wanted to join the Millitary but fuck me do i hate critters.
>>24016750
It's a bit of a camera trick I bet. He's got the thing on a stick he's holding towards the camera. Looks super big when it's not THAT big. They can get pretty ridiculous though.
>>24014771
Cobrraaaa!!!
>>24016755
One last pic for a good night's sleep
>>24016740
well, i was going off my experience with these. where i live they are everywhere in the summer. and they are large. no poisonous but will bite the shit out of you. usually in your sleep.
we call them wood spiders here, but they are wolf spiders.
>>24016750
Yeah, the biggest ones around are about 20cm long in Australia, which is a sizeable beast and I've had a 'too close encounter' with one. There's some in Sth America which can get to about 26cm long.
They are very poisonous though and will fuck your shit up
it's okay onii-chan. i just want to talk.
>>24016771
Wolf spiders are venomous, it's just not really threatening to humans. I see those fuckers every god damn year, they get big and they love to hide in my god damn bedding. I basically do a spider check every night before I lay down to go to bed.
>>24016771
Is that a huntsman? Cunt?
But seriously I like the buggers. I wouldn't want one in my bedroom (that's another story) but I honestly think they're quite beautiful
>>24016775
I still wonder how I managed to avoid all those creepy crawlers when I went backpacking in the amazone. Didn't see a single one. Thank fuck for that. I can deal with them if I know they will be there, but unexpectedly finding one in your boots or on your bed would flip me the fuck out.
>>24016784
y u gotta call me a cunt?
>>24016781
>>24016805
not him, but it's just us Aussies, fuck huntsmans the fuckers are slippery and the worst part about having a cludded bedroom is expecting to see a fucking spider under your blanket, i get terrified when i notice a baby spider on my table
>>24016805
>>24016806
>totbh
>toooldtobehere
Oooooooh. Yeah he is a cunt.
>>24016805
It was in a friendly way...
Fuck, someone isn't an aussie
>>24016812
He thought he could hide from that post. He fucked up in the one way /k/ will never let go of.
>nasty guard AT camping innawoods
>long shitty day of on and off rain, humidity, heat and getting our asses smoked because someone misplaced a turret pin
>finally back at our camp
>one of our buddies didnt zip up his tent
>pulls out his sleeping bag
>spiders, spiders everwhere.
>shakes off spiders and a then turns up his sleeping bag to dump it.
>a fucking frog falls out
>instantly picks up the frog and baseball pitches it into the forest
>my other buddy and i witnessing the whole thing fall over laughing
>>24016790
Dunno what the distribution is like in that area, maybe you just got lucky! They have the wandering spider there though, which is an 8 legged mass murderer from all accounts.
The worst run in I had with a centipede was just after I'd joined the army and took the platoon out for 4WD training and rucking it up on the great dividing range.
Had a hard days work, lay down to sleep in the tent
Woke up the next morning and my left armpit feels itchy
Pull down my sleeping bag and Mr Centipede runs out across my chest
Grabbed the fucker, threw it and beat it to death with my boot
Wasn't a good start to the day
>>24016816
Yep. Well without context it could be a jest but I don't know nor really care if it was.
>>24016822
>>24016816
He's right though
Why do people need silencers anyway? Full auto is something cool, but unecessary too
Why are Americans so blind to their problems?
>>24016828
Hi Zed
>>24016658
Fuck off kike. You are not welcome.
>>24016830
Not zed
Acknowledge you problems, only then can you fix them
>>24016855
Hi Ghandi
>>24016855
I'm an overweight american mormon with a drinking and perscription drug abuse problem that likes to buy slavsurp and has no connection with any females. I have no problems.
>>24016864
Mormon....
>last fall, atta MMG-course
>me and three other teams, manning an m240 each
>get the go-ahead to engage any target at the range
>flip-up remote-controlled targets up to 900m away
>far out to the left something pops up, about 500m from us
>four m240s engage it with great fury and glorious anger
>tracers dead on, target drops
>a fine start
>rest of the targets are way to the right off the first
>ok, whatever, pay no mind
>keep shooting all throughout the day, red hot barrels errywhere
>time to clear up, start collecting brass
>send a few of us out to collect batteries and recievers from targets
>get a call over the IGR to check something out on the field
>head out there, meet up with the guy who called it in
>that very first target we got
>it was a fully grown, majestic red deer/royal deer
>huge antlers
>absolutely shot to shit, basically torn apart
>instructor loses his shit, laughing his ass off
>manages to catch his breath, scolds us a bit between barely choked back laughs
>apparently these things are kinda rare around here
>we all reach the conclusion that the best thing to do is be honest about it and tell our CO
>lolno
>drag what's left off the poor animal into the woods
>laugh about it
>never told the CO
Animal-related. Not dangerous, but funny as shit when it happened.
>Father was in Nam at the end of the Dry Season.
>Starts of the Wet season, endless rain begins.
>Heavy rain, enough to flood the city streets of Sai Gon.
>Father wakes up and found his room full of bugs, spiders, scorpion, and snakes trying to escape the rising water level.
>Shit his pants.
>>24016539
And I will now be sleeping in a heap of Raid cans.
>>24016883
This is why we cant have nice things.
>>24016828
>>24016855
Because a silencer will greatly reduce the damage incurred to my hearing? Fucking cunts everywhere tonight.
>On holiday to Australia
>Meet up with some ex-ADF /k/unts
>Go out into the west Australian desert
>Picking huge fucking spiders and shit out of my luggage after 3 days
>For some reason have to go to bed at dark
>Stand up on the truck to record the desert for my parents with their old camcorder
>"Mate, what the fuck are you filming?"
>"Just how empty it is"
>Long pause
>"You don't have night vision on, do ya?"
>"Yeah, can't see sh-"
>"FUCK. TURN IT OFF!"
>"FUCKIN' SHUT IT OFF CUNT!"
>All 4 leap up onto the truck
>"What the fuck is the problem?"
>Owner reaches into cab and takes the keys out after a while
>Shines a black light on the ground
>Fucking glowing scorpions all over the place
>"Oh"
>Have to sleep in the back of the truck, pressed together for warmth and because of the lack of space
>Wake up to find a Dugite coiled around my boots
Back in Perth city 3 days later
>Wake up
>Giant spider on my chest
>Stay incredibly still
>There's a sound to me left
>A mouse is sitting on the table next to the bed
>Spiders takes off at a sprint and chases the mouse
Suck a dick, Australia.
>>24016943
If everyone is a cunt, it might not be everyone else. It just might be you.
>>24016988
I can't possibly be a cunt, I'm a dick.
>>24016835
Dreidel is allowed here just as much as the rest of us.
>Be my dad
>ET in the Navy in the 70s
>Pretty smart dude
>gets chance to be on submarine
>says fuck that goes to antarctica instead
>fucking cold
>they get to go out to the coast
>TFW thousands of adelie penguins
>WTF?
>they start walking amongst the closest birds
>some of them come up to check my dad and his bros out.
>penguins arent scared at all!!
>he picks one up.
>its all lookin around all chill and shit
>cutest thing he ever saw
>>24016985
>Suck a dick, Australia.
reminded me of
“Eat a dick, jungle. Cover it with malaria and leeches, spread it with some dengue fever, and eat it a big goddamn jungly dick.” — Archer
>>24016828
b8/10
>>24017141
wild though out of nowhere, they've probably met humans before and the humans probably gave them bits of chocolate.
>>24016985
>e fuck are you filming?"
>>"Just how empty it is"
>>Long pause
>>"You don't have night vision on, do ya?"
>>"Yeah, can't see sh-"
How are they attracted to NV? And fuck waking up with a spider on my chest. Goddamn
>>24016592
No, apparently it happened often because I had a similar experience
>be inna Iraq
>hot as balls
>bored as balls
>LAR so just driving around
>platoon coil
>scout team leader goes to dig burn pit
>suddenly hear scream
>e-Tool flying
>see SSgt running
He had dug into a nest of baby scorpions
>>24016539
>>24017298
It's an IR lamp. Seems they love that shit.
>>24014771
God help us if those snakes put a jihad on us...and find a way to attach lasers to their freaking heads
>>24017326
>>e-Tool flying
>>see SSgt running
dunno why, but that cracks me up.
>>24017394
would shit brix
>>24014771
My grandpa saw a hedgehog while serving on the Eastern Front. This was near Minsk.
>>24017326
Another one
>be 2013
>29 palms
>finax of CAX
>LAR platoon moves into screen line positions overnight for a planned attack at dawn (on us)
>be gunner on CO's vehicle
>be only Marine with deployment on vehicle
>tfw your VC/CO was an air winger before this
>set into pos
>get told to perform rack ops
>be clearing largest rocks to make sleeping spot
>see holes everywhere
>get pop-up tent from turret
>lcpl DickButt "lol, Cpl Anon, I've never seen anyone actually use that before"
>"enjoy nature, faggots"
>wake up to screams
>smile smugly in my poncho liner
>>24017484
kek
thats pretty good
>>24014771
>as the black guy finishes the sentance about 100 cobras come out of each hole and start hissing and bobbing thier heads with hoods open all over the place
>bobbing thier heads with hoods open all over the place
Sorry, couldn't resist, suddenly the music was in my head and the mental image was there, me giggling like an idiot.
I hope some people even remember this /f/ thing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHvRhDfxkx4
>>24017326
>>24017484
>be inna Iraq
>visit Heider
>in MWR
>reading creepy pasta, because I think it's a good idea to make myself extra nervous in a volatile political situation where one misfired shot could undue years of work
>lol,no
>just a driver
>the time is, zero dark thirty
>get word we have to go
>CO's vehicle deadlined on a road running along the Syrian border
>providing security between cos vehicles and border
>get out, talking to scout team leader who's popped up in back
>start telling him the pasta about the hotel, the other watcher
>just finish line, "and their eyes were this weird shade of red"
> lingering silence
>sudden movement to our left
>both turn towards sound
>audibleclick*
>realize we both almost shot a stray dog
>no more creepy pasta for a while
I'm just glad if knew nothing of skin walkers back then. I would have killed someone on turret watch
>>24014874
Even in the southwest US, it's standard practice to check your shoes for scorpions.
>Born in El Paso
>On holiday in the Phillipines
>Beachfront hotel, really nice little place with a porch
>Blazing hot during the day, nice and cool at night. Glorious
>Only problem is the lizards
>Lizards, fucking everywhere
>Foot long fucking lizards
>Noisy as shit at night
>Like thousands of little kermits jerkin' it from duck to dawn
>My mom starts flipping her shit a couple of days in
>This huge blue fucker with red spots sitting on the headboard of her bed, shitting all over it
>Get a newspaper to poke it away, like the rest of the little assholes
>First poke doesn't budge it, just turns around and opens its mouth
>Yeah yeah toughguy. Poke poke.
>Fucker turns around and leaps RIGHT AT MY FUCKING FACE
>Clamps down on my eyebrow with the force of a redguard clinging to a looted xbox
>Scratching the shit out of my face flailing around
>I'm flailing around banging the fucking thing on a window sill to try to get it to let go
>My sister is screaming, mom pissing herself laughing
>Lets go mid-swing, pinwheels through the air and lands with a thud, turns around, and charges at my fucking sister,
>Makes her shit her pants, then darts off into the bathroom
>Can't find it. Fuck, its like some roidraged batman lizard
We heard that little shit doing its kermit call inside throughout the rest of the holiday but didn't see it up close again. But we knew t was there. Little bastard was like some sort of Giger alien, lurking in the corner of your eye. Waiting.
This thread
Fuck I'm glad I live at the arctic circle
>>24016758
Pork isn't just not halal, it's forbidden
>>24016746
>>24016755
>>24016770
whiptail scorpions (aka African Cave Spiders) are actually completely fucking harmless and are the bros of scary multi-legged critters. they have no stingers, no teeth, no venon, are harmless to humans and only eat smaller critters like ants and mosquitoes that will actually hurt you.
they actually have very calm temperaments and make for great pets, better than any spider or tarantula.
>Be in VN flying in C130 herky bird
>Pushing out pallets of resupply junk with attached parachutes
>Have Jimmie the squad's pet monkey with me so he can get his flight pay.
>His name is Jimmie cause when we play the 8 track jimmie hendrix album at max volume he panics and starts masturbating and generally chimping out (literally).
>Cargo door opens, green light comes on, crew chief and I start pushing the first pallet down the ramp.
>Jimmie jumps off of pallet onto crew chiefs shoulder, grabs and handful of hair to hang onto and starts masturbating.
>crew chief grabs him and with a look of disgust throws him out into space.
>as I watch monkey tumbling downward he increases his jacking tempo.
>bye jimmie.
>Back at the barracks its my fault jimmie met his demise.
>Go into saigon buy new monkey.
>fast forward weeks later, on guard duty inna prefab guard tower.
>Monkey tied to leg of guard tower on 12 ft strap other end tied to collar as he tries to awol erry night time.
>Someone gives him beer to see how much he can drink.
>monkey gets shit faced and starts howling/screecting and climbs up tower leg.
>reaches the end of the tether and slips and falls.
>hanging 8' off the ground and is really loud now.
>I pull out my Randall made Orlando Fla blade and cut the strap.
>monkey falls and hits concrete footing, now second ded monkey my fault.
>1st sgt says he gonna gib me art15 for destruction of gubmint property. Get deros before anything happens.
>>24016565
If they can get to the cables to smear shit on it, then why don't they just cut it themselves?
>>24016658
Fuck off Moshe.
>>24016828
Put your trip back on, faggot.
>>24016835
I'm racist as fuck, but this isn't the board for it. I hope M00t gives the /pol/acks their containment board back soon. It would be a nice gift to the rest of us.
>>24017141
Operation deep freeze? My dad's cousin was in that
>>24014771
Pic related is Walterinnesia aegyptia, Desert Cobra.
They dont make holes, not all snakes are able to do that. They dont have "communal nesting", or get even close to 100 specimens in a hole.
I'm calling bullshit on this one. Peace, bro.
Btw, you might be able to find Najas in Afghanistan. Our unit actually found a Caspian Cobra in Northern Afghanistan.
BASED TAPIR IS THE ULTIMATE ANIMAL OF WAR
Also, when in FOBs or secluded shitty areas, be careful where you put your hands at.
The snake that causes most fatalities in the world is Echis carinatus, similar to the Pic related (which is Echis jogeri).
They basically sit and wait for their preys in corners of abandoned houses, unders logs, rocks or some shit. They do occurr in Afghanistan, and i'm uncertain about Iraq, but it's kinda probable too.
The desert has some awful shit. I wonder how that part of the world gets so fucked up all the time.
>>24014771
Why are people fighting over this? Fuck the oil.
>>24014771
>bullshit
>>24018965
The story might be sketchy as fuck, but at least it lead to the creation of
>>24017650
>>24018965
I was exaggerating the number. There were cobras everywhere.
Muh Cobras dont live in holes
They live anywhere away from the boiling hot 120 degree sun when they are not basking.
http://www.reptilesmagazine.com/Snakes/Wild-Snakes/Venomous-Snakes-In-Iraq/
>The desert cobra is widespread, but may be absent from extreme northern Iraq. Like most cobras, the desert cobra will utilize almost all habitats and is attracted to areas occupied by humans due to shelter and rodent possibilities.
>>24019062
> I'm a liar
>>24016762
>>24016750
>It's a bit of a camera trick I bet.
This.
They had it hanging from something above the camera, it was still almost a foot long which is still fuck all huge for an insect.
>>24018881
That shit hole is still there. Just because they are too inbred and inept to use it with some light grade mod trolling doesn't mean its magically unusable.
>>24017650
It's been so long...
>>24016883
what a fucking cunt. should have been discharged and fined
>>24019062
Hundreds from every hole its pretty much different from "Oh, there were 12 cobras crawling around".
And as i said, they do not burrow holes. Also, they're not true Cobras, they dont belong in the genus Naja nor have an actual hood.
Here's a Caspian Cobra, Naja oxiana, from Afghanistan.
I was in Camp Geiger in North Carolina for MCT. There was a giant raccoon that would get into improperly disposed MRE's and apparently was a huge fat fuck of a thing. They called him Ranger Rick.
One of the rules of firewatch was "Don't shoot Ranger Rick."
>>24017484
CAX. Good memories. The air conditioned tents were LIES.
>>24018802
I wonder if Jimmy got his nut off in time.
>>24016755
>>24016746
>>24016759
>>24018731
Stop being such bitches, /k/ommandos. You'll never make SF if you keep acting like that.
Embrace and love the suck, because the suck certainly loves you.
>>24016781
My dad had me cleaning out the car port on summer. I picked up a big roll of black tarp and carried it down to our barn. Well it wasn't all the way rolled up, so like a foot of tarp is hanging out in front of me. Right as I get to the barn I decide to check the back side of the tarp.
>Carolina wolf spider.jpg
Thing was huge and had been dangling right in front of my junk the whole time. I threw that ducking tarp and got my dad and bros to show them how big it was.
>I didn't realize we had tarantula sized spiders in north Carolina
>>24018432
This. Near austin here. Always gotta check the shoes.
>>24016781
Those guys are adorable as fuck. I let them live next to my porch light, and fee them all the flys I catch in my house.
It's a good compromise
Bimp
>>24018465
>with the force of a redguard clinging to a looted xbox
sides in orbit
>in high school, couple of friends are staying over my house
>gets dark, throw on cammies, grab airsoft guns
>take turns hunting each other in the field behind my house
>basically lying prone in a grass field for twenty minutes, trying to shoot the hunter with a single bb
>eventually come back in, taking boots off in the garage so my mom doesn't get pissed
>giant wolf spider falls off one guy's boot
>we all lock eyes
>immediately strip to our skivvies, haul ass inside
>my sister sees the three of us walking up the stairs, wearing nothing but boxers
>idon'tevenwanttoknow.jpg
Only scary bug story I have, despite having lived in Amazonian south American country (read- shithole) for 9 years of my life.
>Be me
>Be 12
>Be in back in civilised world
>Dad walks in room
>Son we have to clean shed
>"God fucking damn it I hate shed there are bugs and spiderinos and waspos and all sorts of creep-crawlers in there"
>Son we have to clean shed
>Fine
>Be cleaning shed
>Dragging boxes of all shit out
>Hear phone ringing
>Son get phone
>savedbythebell.exe
>"Have you had an accident in the past fiv-*hang up*
>Consider running upstairs and going back to my comic books
>Decide I can't leave dad cleaning shitty shed or he'll be all "fuck you son"
>Go back to garden
>See dad dragging a large box behind him
>See yellow things flying around the air
>Realise yellow things are wasps
>"DAD. DAD"
>"hurry up and help me clean you fuck"
>"DAD. DAD. WASPS"
>"what?"
>"YOU'RE FUCKING WITH WASPS DAD"
>"what? I can't hear you stop mumbling"
>"DAD YOU PICKED THE WASP BOX I FUCKING TOLD YOU ABOUT WASPS DAD RUN"
>"son I can't- OH"
>"DAD RUN DAD"
>"RUN DAD"
>He drops the box and runs into the kitchen with me
>Dad- "fucking waspos"
>What's for dinner dad"
And that is the lame story of how I saved my dad from a couple of wasp stings. Thx for reading.
>>24016883
>funny as shit
No, that's sad.
>>24019755
Glorious
>>24016539
Scolopendra Gigantea. My worst ennemy.
>>24016835
/pol/estinian here
As long as he's a /k/ike i'm fine with it
>>24019293
Underrated post
>>24016855
What problems are you talking about.
>>24016770
>>24016755
>>24016746
After a quick google i found this is a TAILLESS whip scorpion (Damon Diameda); the whip scorpion (Thelyphonida) is a way less cool looking feller.
>>24019293
>Cópia
Are you a lusophone m8?
>>24016835
>>24018839
>can't handle my shekels
kek. Make me faggots.
>>24017141
That is literally the cutest thing i`ve ever heard
>>24020355
Yes. Very good, human. We're all cute and totally harmless. Keep thinking that...
>>24020375
vomit eater master race
>be old Navy guy talking to teenaged Phil
>drove a landing craft in the Pacific in 44-45
>be assigned to take some Jap prisoners back to Guam for trial on war crimes charges, along with all the animals they stole, and the base commanders riding horse and brand new jeep
>run into typhoon halfway there
>crew is fine, prisoners and animals are puking all over the place
>let Japs out of their bamboo cages so they won't drown; they behave and bum cigs off the crew when they're not barfing
>horse gets bloated and dies, slides all over deck until it finally falls through hatch into cargo hold right on top of the jeep
>try to haul it out with crane a couple days later, horse breaks in half
>entire LST now awash in seawater, horse guts, blood, puke, shit of nine different kinds
>finally make it to Guam and say fuckit, just beach the craft like it's an amphibious landing and lower the ramp
>a Hiroshima-sized cloud of smell emerged, along with a wave of seasick animals and Japs in underwear
>next day the base newspaper's headline reads NOAH'S ARK LANDS ON GUAM
>>24020350
Pls stay jew friend. i like it when stormfags get fanny bothered
I bought an idf t shirt just to piss them off.
and i get bonus points because im whiter than most of them
>>24020550
I think I'll buy an DF keffiyah covered with little blue Stars of David and wear it down to the Bay Area next time I go, just to see what'll happen.
>>24018465
>We heard that little shit doing its kermit call inside throughout the rest of the holiday but didn't see it up close again. But we knew t was there. Little bastard was like some sort of Giger alien, lurking in the corner of your eye. Waiting.
Oh god my sides
>>24020568
I like wearing my idf shirt in the somali neiborhood close to me
they just stare at me while i smile and wave
>>24017233
actually, there are no land predators in antarctica, so fleeing from a land animal is a waste of energy for the penguins.
>be me
>innawoods ausfailia
>hunting goats out past the Blue Mountains
>walking up a game trail with goat and pig tracks, decide to bush bash a bit so I get the jump on anything still on the trail
>step on something soft and freeze
>7 and a half feet Brown snake thrashing about
>stepped right on the base of the neck
>almost piss and shit myself simultaneously
>manage not to
>shoot the fucker in the head with .243
>Stand still for half an hour before I dare move
>don't leave the game trail again
>>24020716
Ehh.. not bad.
Centipede planet in centipede season tho...
>>24016430
You're awful.
>>24019807
Holy shit where did faggots like you come from?
Are you a child or woman or something?
>>24016708
Nope, every spider is venomous. Most just have such a weak venom it barely affects people.
>>24021059
You're clearly not a hunter
>>24021105
It was on gubbinmint property, no hunter could get near it anyways.
>>24021181
There's something wrong with you.
>>24018834
Because then when they go check the wires upon interruption of service, they catch you.
>>24016524
Yeah, there are some cool black people.
>>24019140
>people should lose their jobs and be declared felons because a bedded animal picked a very bad time to stand during a live fire exercise
Whatever you say PETA.
>>24018965
>>24019213
Autism at work trying very hard to ruin a simple story. Of course there probably weren't literally hundreds of snakes, but fuck, snakes love to snake pile, if it's hot they love any shade they can find, if it's cold, they love any hole they can find.
If you haven't ever knocked something over or looked under something you shouldn't have and disturbed a snake orgy, I doubt you spend much time outside.
>>24019755
>WASP BOX
This is a real thing that wasps do and it scares the fuck out of me. My aunt lives in the middle of the desert and some chucklefuck threw a small cardboard box in her backyard so of course a million wasps turn it into the buzz hotel. My cousin and I threw rocks at it until night time when we burned them alive with lighter fluid.
>>24016658
Oy vey that's just like anodda shoah.
>>24016750
They're giant, mean and really strong. Don't tempt fate if you find one, it will happily amputate your digits.
>>24018881
There's no excuse for shitposting, with the added flags and ids that board is better than its ever been.
>>24016805
Cuz you are a daft cunt, boyo.
>>24016822
It wasn't.
>>24016828
Forgot your trip.
>>24017480
That's absolutely terrifying, given how they can smell a single drop of fish in a swimming pool of human blood.
>>24019213
I didn't know that. I don't know all that much about animals. All I know that there were sankes, a ton of them and it was scary. there were probably more than 12. There were about 30 holes. Perhaps it is some other kind of snake. The nig said the arab said they were cobras. I didn't stick around to find out.
>>24017233
Don't fucking give any animal chocolate, you stupid shit. There are no land based predators there, so penguins have nothing stopping them from just being curious.
>>24018965
http://www.jerusalemzoo.org.il/len/aecommerce/c1950/11231.php
>During the day the it lives in its shelter underground, waiting until nighttime to search for its prey.
I don't suppose an underground shelter could possibly be a hole in the ground, do you?
besides it what I saw. call bullshit all you want. I know what I saw.
>>24017651
Ha ha I wouldn't worry about it, anon.
>>24018986
jesus christ. It can fit inside a bottle cap and it can kill you?
Snakes are like the audie murphy of the animal kingdom. Tiny in relative mass but extremely OP, even at level 1 it can take down a level 70 with one bite. IMHO too OP for the animal kingdom. No wonder they've survived so long.
>>24021105
I'd call 1000 rounds of light machine gun fire to be pretty humane.
>>24018645
>implying bagel disgust doesn't predate and transcend /pol/
Dumblr pls go
>>24019430
we do the same. they basically take over the porches, and we just leave them alone. zero bugs make it into the house.
>>24016781
That's gonna replace the Whale in my nightmares
>>24016758
I just learned something, thanks.
>>24021683
Good one, moot.
>>24020300
Less cool looking and also able to spray hyperacidic vinegar.
>>24017141
I read that line as "closet penguins"
>>24019414
Florida here, the fucking swamp,
always check my boots if I leave them out in the sun room,
spiders, cockroaches, lizards, frogs, black widows all over the fucking place, banana spiders the size of dinner plates.
always check the boots
Pic related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnDNo3k4aOE
>>24016783
Where do you live so I never go there
> socm
> things they do to a goat that you have to mend
> gunshots
> limbs broken
> amputations
> trich/teach
> arterial wounds
And a whole bunch of other shit. The goats themselves are kept a mined the FUCK out. They still shit, piss, and puke everywhere.
>>24023744
> ketamined
Fuck you too android.
>>24018465
>roidraged batman lizard
fuck
I'm living in a place that doesn't have any dangerous small animals only big ones.
>>24024049
>>24016368
Sounds like some made-up shit. Where the fuck did he get that much testosterone? It was hard enough for medics to get the fucking morphine they needed during that war, let alone testosterone.
>>24016883
So last time I qualed table 1 a massive fucking whitetail decides to strut out across our field of fire. Sadly, the CO was watching and he did not clear us to engage.
I also heard a sea story about some Lt taking pot shots at deer from the window of the BOQ with a fucking bow and arrow
>>24024263
Cos you were there, right? Or you're a qualified Vietnam War historian, yeah?
>>24024455
If the requirement for commenting on any historical event is "were you there?" then I guess we can throw out almost all of our history books.
>>24016864
>>24018465
sounds like a tokay gecko
>be my dad
>inna nam
>wandering around gook village
>little drunk lol
>it's quiet.... too quiet
>huge fucking noise behind me
>FUCKING CONG
>spin around and blow a fucking hole through it with muh 45
>mfw it was just a cat
>ARVNfag runs up to me
>why you kill meow GI????
>look around, do muh John Wayne face
>because
>go fuck hooker
>feels good man
>>24016368
I guess you could say he went...
Apeshit.
Got bit by a rat on the thumb when i was sleeping on the floor of a wrecked shack in iraq. Got scared by a hedgehog that nuzzeled my face when i was sleeping in a little pump station by the euphrates
>>24016437
You are easily the worst tripfag I have ever seen.
>>24016624
it is because you are a faggot
>>24027111
Youre so new its cute.
>>24027111
>Does nothing wrong
>Somehow gets shat on
Fuck off.
>>24016830
Actually the current incarnation of Zed isn;t to bad. No where near what the older ones were.
>>24016864
I thought you had a "girl"friend that kept "her" testicles
>>24027212
what the fuck lol
>>24020859
No you're awful. Niggers, Monkey's, Kebab, every creature on this earth deserves a modicum of humanity.
>>24027212
Thats Ivy.
Ive seen like half of all the trips on /k/ get accused of being 'her' now...that must have traumatized some of you pretty bad lol.
>>24027251
Yeah, but she is dating someone else on 4chan.
>>24027156
>being a trip
>expecting to not get hate when you don't do something useful with your trip
>>24027168
Whiteknight/10
>>24027317
>/b/ and /v/ shit
>>24027302
Oh yeah i saw that thing.
Total mongoloid and stump ugly.
>>24027317
You missed my point.
But hey ill give you a tip anyway.
Get over it or filter me you arent doing any good by shitposting about me.
>>24018731
This isnt the african one though, theres a species in puerto rico like it too. But yes they are docile, still gave me a mini heart attack though.
>>24021683
What the fuck is that thing.
>>24016771
wolf spiders are basically a wasp sting
>>24016539
>KILL IT
>YOU HAVE TO KILL IT
>>24016539
>see this
>skin goes into hyperbugalertmode
>any little rustle of wind or movement of hair sets off my senses.
>Be in Afghanistan
>Harassing gullible Pvt. about Camel Spiders
>They're like the worms from Dune, nigger, they suck little Hadjis down into the sand
>Their bite can dissolve a cow, man, srs
>Exit LAV
>Camel Spider in Pvt. Gullible's shadow trying to stay cool in the heat
>He keeps trying to run away
>Around and around in circles for a few minutes before it vanishes under a rock
Also,
>Father on a different tour
>LAV got hit, concussion
>Medicalrest.png
>Finally good to go
>10 minutes into patrol
>Bit by a big black viper right through his combat boot
>Says he regrets not being able to shooting with his pistol and send it home
>Got to laugh at him all doped up on anti-venom and drugs
>>24027573
Proof that something with the power of creation hates you.
>>24016537
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxDKd48FOHE
>>24016746
>>24016755
>>24016759
>>24016760
>>24016770
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awtMPTl7Cks
>>24028070
>during sex
Nope or Finish?
>dad tells about stuff that went down in Bosnia in the 90's (never deployed but his buddies did)
>NATO doctrine in case of attack on truck was to jump out into the ditch
>guys the NATO was fighting figured it out
>placed bombs in roadside ditches
>inna Bosnia
>Dutch soldiers want to avenge their buddies
>hand out petroleum tablets with jam on it to the local kids
>>24016539
did he eat it?
>>24020812
If nothing else, .243 confirms ausfag
>taking introduction to AC/DC course
>fat 6 ft tall neckbeard
>wears a cowboy hat with gator teeth in it
>ghetto black guy in our class asks him about it
>wild story about how he traveled to Australia to visit some friends
>with out into the outback and killed a gator with his knife by wrestling it and sliting its throat
>everyone is in various stages of holding back tears with ghetto black having straight up walking outta the room in tears laughing
>only digs himself in deeper when we ask him how he snuck his knife past airport security and why he said a gator and not a crocodile
>changes his story to he bought the knife in aussie land and lol gators, crocs they're the same thing
>teeth on hat are 100% gator teeth
>shits and giggles were had for weeks from that
not exactly horrible animals of war but I still felt the need to share.
>>24016912
It's nice seeing people use my photo. I spent like 20 minutes making that for another creepy cranky thread.
>walking with my dad around the house inspecting the damage a possum did to our year
> rocks got flung into the newpaper thing on the mail box
>tell dad the wasps are inside it
>he says he killed them 3 weeks ago
>i correct him as he goes to get the rocks out of the newspaper thing
>as i say no dad the wasps are till their my dad jumps back after 3 of them got his hand and a dozen more come for me
>fucking hate wasps
>>24028241
It does say innawoods Ausfailia, anon.
And I guess for them .243 is a good all-rounder boolit
>>24021242
underrated post
>>24020525
This was good needs credit.
>>24021875
The worst thing about venom is even if you win the fight unless you get a flawless victory you're fucked as well. Fuck Venom, shit's OP. Fix it God.
>>24021914
She's kinda cute.
http://io9.com/giant-worm-slurping-leech-filmed-for-the-first-time-1639845316
i hope no one so stupid to start a land war in asia again
>>24023744
I remember recently there was a bit of controversy about us sending our medics to some country to learn on live pigs.
I dunno what happened, probably still doing it because people will let the military get away with a lot because muh babyz
>>24024049
Is this shopped or do people really ride meese?
Former boy scout here, you can always tell when someone's woken up in the morning to sleeping bag full of daddy long legs, or a crab spider nesting at the top of the tent, or the fishing spiders in the latrines, and you can hear them start screaming from the far side of the campsite.
I live in northern MN, too, so it's not like you're safe up here. Prepared me for all the creepy crawlies I encountered at Bragg, not that it made them any more pleasant.
>>24024864
He's so cute. Fuck that anon and his biased story, I'm siding with Tokay.
>>24027054
You were raped by a hedgehog. Now that's a story.
>>24027302
>she
>>24028544
Also, fuck waking up in the middle of the night to use the latrine, and waking right into a crab spider dangling at face height. That's why I piss a few steps from the tent into the woods.
>>24028141
That depends where I'm at.
>>24016912
I wish I could deploy as a werfer of the flammen.
>>24014771
venomous snakes are scary
especially the ones at cause extreme necrosis like Puff Adders, Gaboon Vipers and various Bothrops
having your leg rot off isn't nice
>>24028534
>You are now imagining a blowjob from this thing
>>24016758
ITT: people confuse halal with haram
>>24024263
>that much testosterone
for all you know they only had the monkey for week and injected very small amounts of testosterone into it.Also I don't see how a lack of morphine necessarily correlates to a lack of other medicines. either way could be true could be fake. its a story man chill
>>24024263
>It was hard enough for medics to get the fucking morphine they needed during that war, let alone testosterone.
did the Americans really have a short supply of morphine?
>be in the heroin production capital of the world(at the time)
>have a short supply of opiates
>>24021875
In Australia we have the blue ringed octopus. Its tiny, it bite kills, it can fit in an empty beer bottle down at the beach.
They hunt us over bait.
>>24021914
Rodney McKay pls go
>>24028655
Anon got that right. I know because I see it in the fucking grocery store. Lets me know what food not to buy.
Halal = Good
Haram = Bad
Takbir = Praise the Lord!
Allahu Akbar = God the Greatest
Fix your ignorance, son.
If Halal = Good, Non-Halal foods are not fit for Muslims to eat.
Allah would rather see you eat non-Halal than see you starve though.
>My Grandpa in WW2
>Working as an air mechanic in Fiji, fixing the US Hellcats and Corsairs
>Aircraft would come in to land and the Myna birds would come over
>The birds would crawl up the exhaust pipes into the engine of the planes because it was nice and warm in there
>They'd carry sticks and grass and try and build nests on the engine
>Massive fire hazard
>Grandpa and the other mechanics could hear their feet walking up the exhaust pipes
>Stuff a bunch of oily rags up the pipe and try to start the engine
>Engine strains and sputters a few times
>Suddenly BANG! Engine starts
>Myna bird and pile of rags come flying out of the exhaust pipe, feet in the air and covered in soot
>lulz all round
>>24016537
Jesus fucking christ if they just cleaned their fucking bunks they'd be able to find it.
>>24028141
get even more aroused
Spent time at the Defense Language Institute.
>Based gets fenced up like 70 years ago.
>A pack of small deer are inside during the fencing process.
>Pack gets trapped and inbreeds for 70+ years
>Now retard deer with fucked up antlers roam the base.
>Will walk up to you, lick/bite you.
>One liberty was secured for 2 months because some NCO found a deer with an arrow in it's side. A legitimate home made arrow.
>Marines forming up
>Me and my lpo walk by
>petty officer picks up a rock and throws it at a crow perched on a tree nearby for shits
>nails it
>crow falls off and begins screeching and flapping on the ground
>deathstare the jarheads as we walk away
>Be at Corry Station working the NIOC
>Shipmate drinks too much one night, locks himself out of his BEQ room.
>Procedes to burn down his door to get in.
>It actually works and he turns himself in the next day
Join the Navy, they said.
>>24032180
Dude base deer are always fucked up in some way. They are a good source of entertainment when on duty.
>>24014771
>Cobra: 1
>GI Joe: 0
#REKT
>>24032180
sea stories are best stories
>>24020245
>>24020321
Brazilian operator.
Pic related was taken deep in the Amazon jungle, when we found that cute little bug climbing a vertical wall, inside a river.
Then, my buddy thought it would be a good idea to put it in his face.
When you're scared of little bugs, snakes and shit, how do you expect to fight an actual armed human of your size?
Bump.
Something nice to find under you and your blanket at night.
>>24027387
I still remember you, you degenerate, no good, tranny faggot. Did Ivy keep your balls after the thread, or do you two still keep em around?
