So how would you rob a bank?
>>23324450
With a note so if I'm caught worst case scenario I'll get 3 years
>>23324450
with bad intentions
By converting to Judaism.
>>23324450
with a lot of explosiv, if they dont stay calm ang give the money, boom.
>>23324450
>With a note
ayy wit boi gib dollas
>>23324473
But if you die there i no more money?
I'd assemble an eleven man team and execute one of the most complex heists of all time.
>>23324450
I'd form a banking corporation, then give out a bunch of mortgages I knew were trash, then claim it'd wreck the economy if I failed in order to defraud the taxpayer.
Don't act dumb.
Make sure it's state chartered not federal so if I fuck up/get caught I'll only get like 5 years instead of 20
At least that's roughly the sentencing structure here in WA
>not breaking in through the fake ceiling
I wouldn't
>>23324450
I'd wait for a ferguson level chimpout and then rob it.
Go watch the Payday 2 heist walkthroughs if you seriously can't figure out how to play that game.
>>23324450
Electronically.
>>23324470
Goddamn it. That's what I was going to post.
Pic for hivemind.
>>23324534
But that's not robbing a bank, that's the bank robbing the people.
>>23324450
By becoming the bank president.
By hacking it you Neanderthal
>>23324450
FBI pls go
form a private equity firm and use a massive amount of debt to buy the bank's company. Then force the bank to pay me millions and millions in management fees. I then transfer the loan I used to buy them with to the bank company. I make a few short sighted changes to make it look more profitable on paper. Take it public and sell all my stock.
I walk away with tens/hundreds of millions of dollars.
>>23324450
You don't.
>I want to steal money!
>Let's try at the place that was designed to stop people who wants to steal money.
>>23324450
>implying anyone gets away with armed bank robbery anymore
6 Man team
Cover-alls
Shotguns
Respirators
Sunglasses
>Smoke bomb the place blind, take some hostages before the alarm is raised, GTFO, dump hostages all over the city
Alternatively, hit the weakest link: Seduce the woman who handles the most transactions and start funneling fractions of a cent at a time office space style.
Get the money, dump her ass, come back to GF rich as fuck.
Go in and rib the bank.
Keep everyone on the lobby while I negotiate with the police outside for hours and hours.
During that time, My other team members build a fake wall while leaving a space in between the new one and old one in the back of the bank.
Hide in that space for about a week, then quietly walk out after hours.
>>23325119
Rib?
I like ribs. But I meant rob.
>>23324509
but you'll be rich
>>23324515
Why eleven?
Killdozer.
drive through bank and breech vault. take money, gold. drive away. drive into a building. set killdozer on fire. leave an already dead and missing body in the killdozer. leave stolen loot hidden where you can get it again much later. evacuate burning building containing burning killdozer. claim to be innocent bystander. get loot later after police have given up.
>>23325159
That's the minimum amount to do it stylishly.
>>23325159
Oceans.
>>23324450
>Wait until armored van guys come to load up cash
>Point guns at them
>Take money
?????
Profit.
>>23324830
>walkthroughs
>stealth pleb detected
>>23324450
I'd participate in a POS carding ring. The risk of getting caught is low and the reward is high. Jumping the counter and grabbing from the till is for niggers who think $2350 is hitting the jackpot.
>>23324461
>worst case scenario 3 years
yeahno.jpg
All bank robberies are treated pretty much the same. Implicit threats are just as bad as waving a gun around. BEST case scenario is you don't get a couple extra charges in addition to the armed robbery.
tl;dr they're all considered armed robbery, and all handled by FBI making them federal offenses to boot.
>>23324515
He said bank not casino
>>23325185
>Mister open up the safe
>>23325119
That movie was only half decent. Good twist though
6 man team, masked and armed
4 on the each register, 1 crowd control, 1 driver
Go in, corral everybody, make them strip naked
(Nobody is playing hero naked)
Hit the registers, and wallets leave.
Go on a free way until the first rest area, get in second car, drive the opposite direction.
>nobody suggests a tigerkidnapping
>>23325218
Going into an actual bank probably won't yield good results.
>Dye packs
>silent alarms
>Cameras
>People who may be armed
You might also get a shitty hull for the effort you put into the job.
It's not worth it.
How would I rob the bank?
Become the CEO
>>23325072
To be fair, almost a full third of bank robberies are completely unsolved, despite having the highest "clearance rate" of all crimes.
According to wikipedia, unarmed gangs have a failure rate of 6%, although it doesn't state how many of them are later apprehended.
My uncle is a bank VP. They've had 3 different robbers this year, all 3 of them robbing multiple banks. One was a 17 year old kid doing a "drop job" with notes. He got away with the first 2 before getting caught after succesfully completing the third. If he'd stopped after the first, he'd have gotten away. The 2nd one, they got his car tags on camera LOL
>>23324450
I wouldn't. Most bank assets aren't kept in cash. You'd be just as well of to rob a Walmart.
>>23325259
>implying dye packs affect more than 50% of the money
Cyber crime or insider action.
Physical robbery is silly.
>>23325180
Ahhhhh, I see now.
I can't believe I didn't see it earlier.
>>23324450
Become the CEO
>>23325268
Also, pretty sure that kid's serving 20 years without possibility.
Considering he'll still have most his life left after committing one of the most staunchly prosecuted crimes, I'd say he got off easy.
>>23325204
>believing this bullshit
if you use a note all you have to say is that you were coerced into doing it because they were going to kill your family if you didnt
I woudn't rob a bank, but I would rob this.
With the money from the proceedings I would buy more guns and more ammo, till I have monopolized both, guns and money.
>>23325344
That's the safest and quickest method.Trouble is you don't really know what they're carrying without a inside man.
>>23325275
This. Regular armed robbery will only stir up local Law Enforcement instead of the FBI, and usually have similar rewards with lower risk of encountering armed resistance or people trying to play hero.
I used to get nervous as fuck sometimes when I worked at a pizza place with a really high level of business. No cameras, only shitty plate glass between us and outdoors, multiple exits, and a highway not even 2 minutes away. Some days there would be anywhere from 1.5-5k sitting out in the office in plain view being counted by my 18 year old manager before it went in the safe, not counting the 500-1000 in tips between our 5-6 drivers (we worked 12 hours shifts).
>>23325259
^this
My uncle is a sheriff's deputy and was CC'ing in a bank when two basketball Americans tried to rob it.
He shot one in the spine and the other in the jaw.
>they dindu nuffin
>>23325333
And then what happens when they ask your family and they find they weren't in danger at all?
>>23325333
>FBI guys
"WHO coerced you? Let us help you man. If you don't give these guys up, it's your ass"
Yeah I don't want to look for the story, but people have tried that. In one case it turned out to be true, and the dude STILL did a pretty big bid despite giving the assholes up who took him hostage with a remote controlled explosive collar a la Battle Royale.
>work innabank
>bank was robbed about a year ago, now has "bullet resistant" glass (mostly to prevent counter-hopping)
>most of these suggestions are hilarious
>the rest are disturbing
Most banks won't have more than 200k in the safe unless they're preparing to ship it out that day. That's not a lot of pay for a risky heist.
>>23325259
Except most people know about and can counter all of those barring armed citizens. Hell, dye packs are probably the easiest thing to counter since they have to be stored separate from the actual cash.
>>23325344
I'm surprised these aren't hit more often. Some of them are downright incompetent.
>at grocery store
>parking
>oh look, there's the armored truck, which is actually a Ford Econline that's been pimped out with some mexican and english writing on it
>doors wide ass fucking open on the back
>driver in the driver's seat looking at his phone
>no one in the back
>as I'm walking to the store, see the second guy come out with the money
But some grocery stores don't even use armored vehicles. My mom's old job, she or another manager had to run the money to the bank each night. They got a cop escort though, which was neat, but I never liked her doing it since the bank was near the hood.
I would do it the smart way
>Get methed up
>Paint face with sharpie to make impossible to identify me
>Use toy fun crappily painted over with spray-paint for intimidation
>Show my ID to prove that I am old enough to use the bank
>When police show up, ask them for a ride
Bonus points for carrying a vest of fake dynamite, being Arab, Muslim, and chanting in Arabic or shouting "Allah Akbar"
>>23325398
>work at an alarm monitoring centre for a big bank
I agree yes, but we do hold more than 200k sometimes though, but never more than 4-500k.
>>23325259
Depends on your branch. I've went into my local bank before only to see the vault wide ass fucking open with piles of money just sitting around, collecting dust.
Kind of makes me rethink doing business with them, but it's a major corporate chain and FDIC keeps me covered.
>>23325403
Ever see groundhog day?
Also, the chucklefuck that brings money to the bank i work at frequently forgets some or all of the shipment or his logbooks, and has left 100k+ at a time sitting next to our vault. The employees could have just strolled off wit it, since it never "technically" entered the building.
>>23325378
>implying your family has to be hostages to be under threat
if i can find a family and take pictures of their kids at school, i can get anyone to do something for me.
>>23325398
When my aunt's bank got robbed, I think one got away with 5-6k and the other got about 25k.
I'm pretty sure the 25k one got caught.
>>23324450
I wouldn't. Most reputable banks have way too much security and very little cash on hand and readily accessible. There are very few (if any) banks where you could crack a vault and just shovel millions of dollars in cold hard cash into a gym bag like they do in the movies. A bank hit that yields over $10,000 is considered above average. After months of planning, procuring a getaway vehicle, arming your team, robbing the bank, splitting the cash, then getting away and laying low for a long ass time afterwards, it's an operation that would barely pay for itself.
If I wanted to rob a bank, I wouldn't do it by walking in the front door with a ski mask and a shotgun; I'd go after client accounts digitally. Ideally, I'd never even set foot in the bank I was taking money from.
If I just wanted to steal valuable shit is target people who couldn't/wouldn't go to the cops, like drug dealers.
>>23325344
>tfw my town has the small ass normal vans converted to be armored vans
How much easier would those be?
>>23325412
>get fat suit
>spraypaint skin black
>afro wig
>get money
>Fat Albert done robbed the bank
>>23325413
My branch is a bit small, so that might be why we rarely have that much, but even 4-500k isn't worth it. People think we have Indiana Jones levels of gold just fucking sitting around... nope.
![FedNewYork[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/bsLoh7i.jpg "FedNewYork[1].jpg")
Federal Reserve Building of New York.
Find an abandoned/out of use tunnel that does under the building. Dig to cause structural failure and have the gold fall into your tunnel. throw bullion into cart and walk away. Smelt the gold down into smaller bars. Add in some impurity like a radioactive metal from a science supply company. Deposit the gold in a foreign country after getting it on a boat and out of the states.
>>23325462
Western europe here, we fill a single ATM with 150-200k on a long weekend
>>23325444
Well you know there was this one case where these robbers basically dug a tunnel under the bank. The tunnel took years to construct but they broke the floor and made out with all the cash in the dead of night and were never seen again.
>>23325434
>mfw he's not incompetent but he's skimming money and has an excuse if ever caught
>>23324450
>get job as armored car driver
>wait for big load
>drive off
>ditch car
>lay low
>???
>profit
People who rob a bank by walking in the front door with guns are either niggers or idiot romantics who think this is 1930s Chicago
>>23325464
I've heard that the Federal Reserve isn't Federal and has no reserves. So the gold isn't real
>>23325469
Oh, shit, forgot about ATM's. Ours hold maybe 400k max, but usually is under 300k (only add maybe 80k at a time) and would be harder to get into than the main vault.
Probably.
>>23325485
implying the truck isnt gps tracked as well as the money and probably the equipment you will wear
>>23325485
>drive off
But what about the other guys who are in the car with you, specifically to prevent you from running off with a shit ton of cash.
>>23325509
>>23325485
Coupled with the fact that you probably DON'T want to be identified.
>>23325474
That was based on the 1971 Baker Street Robbery and from my understanding, that was a major bank.
And they were security deposit boxes.
>>23325444
This is true. I know when I closed down my account at my old bank (shitty regional chain that had pissed me off one too many times), they didn't have enough money in the vault. At first they told me to "drive to the other branch" and I told them hell no, and they finally had money sent over from the branch a town over.
And it wasn't even a lot of money, I think maybe $7-8k.
>>23325480
nope. We count the money, if any was missing, it'd be his ass, since it was in his custody
>>23325517
I'm not really sure but I am certain that same idea has been replicated by other robbers.
But then again your average bank robber tends to be a nigger who can't tie his shoes so what do I know?
Rob a gold smelting plant. Couple guys with rifles and a van should be enough to drive off with millions in gold.
>>23325498
They drill holes in the wall here, put lots of gas in the building through the whole and make the whole thing explode over here. They take the money cassetes out of the blown up atm and usually salvage 40% of whatever was left.
For those that might take this as a hint, it doesn't work on every brand of ATM, you need to know which gas, 3-4 people and be very quick before police arrives. Also you could get yourself killed, I wouldn't want to be the one igniting the gas
>>23324450
with a Thermal Drill
>>23325509
Alarm monitoring operator here, most of them aren't even tracked they only have a rough schedule of were they are supposed to be. Suppose it's more serious in the US since we don't move loose cash around
>>23325550
acetylene?
>>23325542
You didn't think that through.
>>23325398
>Most banks won't have more than 200k in the safe unless they're preparing to ship it out that day. That's not a lot of pay for a risky heist.
Do you know how many EDC knives I could buy with that ?
>>23324450
I'd become and employee and befriend the guard. Then I'd convince the guard to get in on it. I don't know what I'd do from there, but inside job is best job.
>>23325581
You probably foun that on google didn't you?
It's impressive to watch the cctv footage afterwards but it's pretty dangerous to pull off. And in the end even if you manage to salvage 40k, you still need to split it between 4 people
plus you'll need a new car every time.
>>23325628
nah, science class. Acetylene is some really explosive stuff if you don't control the burn. It is also fairly easy to get.
>>23325469
>>23325498
Been done before, culprits got caught from the drag marks of the atm they towed behind there pickup
What about robbing a jewish diamond's shop?
>>23325660
Who would you fence the goods off to?
>>23325660
If you paint a Swastika on it, the robbery will be disguised as a hate crime.
>>23325650
The entire building is often destroyed. We've had some cases of the robbers igniting the gas while the people in the appartment on the next floor we're watching them or robbers using full-automatic rifles against the first cops to arrive at the scene. I wouldn't have the character to do a such thing.
By creating my own.
Free money!
>>23325660
cut stones are marked.
>>23325660
>stealing diamonds
do you like not ever being able to unload you loot?
>>23325660
Diamonds aren't that useful without papers.
>>23325688
the best you could do is pawn them off one at a time for less then half their worth. you would have to spread it out all over space and time.
>>23325688
Same with gold I believe.
>>23325702
Gold can easily be melted, and I've never seen someone ask for papers for a chunk of gold. You could sell it 2-3 ounces at a time in different shops in different cities and be pretty undetectable
>>23325702
nah you just need to melt it into new bars. you can always claim you struck it rich digging for gold some place innawoods.
>>23325474
>one
It happened in Germany in the past year or so, and that wasn't the first time.
>>23325742
SWIM approves.
>>23325681
>not adorning things with diamonds and then selling those things
>>23325724
Shit, more than that. I've done the cash for gold thing before (did my math and I got more for what I had there than I would have on eBay) and there ain't much of a process to it. Just gotta sign that you own it. Didn't have to prove shit about where I got it, even though it was all shit I had acquired at public auctions, storage lockers, and some broken jewelry my mom wanted out of the house.
supposedly Cyprus still has some banks that sit abandoned but full of money and other valuables. the banks are in the ghost cities of the DMZ. only the UN blue helmets patrol the DMZ and barely at that. just scout out of the banks and if they look intact. You get a van and some tools and break the bitches open.
>>23325767
>putting marked diamonds on things so you can get caught
i dont know why you cant comprehend that all diamonds are cut with ID marks
Robbing the armored car is better, using chlorine gas to flush them out would work, also getting a way to jam the tires into place, if all else fails, shaped explosive charge.
>>23325792
>going loud
thats a good way to get a helo and you ending up dead
>>23325782
Or you could go to the Aokigahara forest and steal shit off of dead people.
They won't be needing it.
Oh and just so everyone knows. SWIM means Someone Who Isn't Me.
>>23325809
>Aokigahara forest
Good way to get murdered by ghosts
>>23324450
Become CEO.
/thread/
>>23325824
>Believing in ghosts
What are you? A pussy?
>>23325809
The Yakuza already do that.
>>23325809
>Aokigahara forest
implying NEETs, students, and Salary men have anything of worth on them as sudoku.
>>23325831
I'll remember you when you go missing
>>23324450
blind with the pure light from the outfit of the gods
>>23325842
Rabbi outfit?
>>23325838
You will remember me for all the loot I acquire. Those watches and yens aren't going to stick around forever!
>>23325736
Actually been looking at crucibles and molds pretty easy to set up and create new bars, just go slow and small.
>soon zergface marked bars enter the gold market
>>23324450
You dont.
Unless you can figure out the layout, the schedule, the security set up and the response time robbing a modern bank and getting away is next to impossible.
You'd have An easier time robbing an armored car which still would be crazy hard
>>23325736
you have to pay tax on minerals claims and then you pay another tax on selling the gold
>>23325678
How do they mark them? do they put some serial number or something like that?
Armored vans will not resist attacks by high explosives, shaped charges, explosively formed penetrators, injected toxic gas, and larger gun calibers [.50 BMG] In any attack against an armored car there are three phases: Immobilization, neutralization, and extraction.
http://www.google.com/patents/US5848650
This describes how Halon gas, like that used in fire extinguishers can be used to immobilize vehicles by stopping the combustion of fuel in the motor, this is a very handy thing to know since its impossible to rob an armored car while its moving. Trifluoromethane is the preferred halon mentioned in the patent, but any of the halons used in fire fighting will work, the halon is introduced into the engine by spraying it in through either the external air intake or through the front grill, you want the biggest one you can carry, a 17 pound halon filling costs about $300 last time I checked, which will really kick ass at putting out a gasoline or diesel fire. [not done yet]
>>23325959
I think its lazor etched logo
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Securitas_depot_robbery
>>23325849
>go to Forest
>wander aimlessly looking for corpses
>find a couple
>digging through bloated bodies yields:
>rotted suicide notes, empty wallets and $20 dollar watches
>suddenly realize what you're doing with your life
>the Forest claims another soul
>>23325967
Wheel chocks are another possibly way, these are placed underneath the wheels to prevent it from getting enough momentum from moving, you need at least two pairs so that both forward and rear tires are chocked. Coat the face of the chocks that will be in contact with the tires with a thick layer of grease to increase their effectiveness, getting them on is a matter of speed and stealth, you don't want the driver to notice so best be hasty, also having intimate knowledge of the undercarriage of the vehicle will help immensely, a fast RC car with cameras will help here. Using a small explosive shaped penetrator just above where they are will give you a hole just big enough to inject an irritant to force them to flee the vehicle, you can be creative here, ammonia solution would work best since you need specialized filters for ammonia.
>>23325444
>There are very few (if any) banks where you could crack a vault and just shovel millions of dollars in cold hard cash into a gym bag like they do in the movies
I know some flagship banks keep a pretty large vault, and there are larger banks with gold deposits. All of those have a small army of security though. A bunch of robbers with guns would probably die within seconds of contact
>>23325451
Even if you could snag one they all have GPS and the bills are marked
Even if you evaded the cops long enough for the heat to die down you'd get busted the second you spent any of your loot.
Basically you'd be sitting on hundreds of thousands of dollars you could never spend.
I would do what the Russians "accidentally" did to the terrorists and civilians in the building
>Go for large mob bank, a rich-people bank, or some other bank that has some equally valuable stuff that won't be missed
>Wait until the shift change during when they get a large shipment
>Seep in as much "sleeping gas" as possible to kill everyone
>Something odorless and colourless
>THEN you go in with gasmasks and equipment, drill into the safe or something, safety deposit boxes, etc. Get all their everything worth money from the bodies, such as jewelry, money, cell phones, and such
>Destroy vehicle, take Client's vehicle, later destroy it whence you arrive at your destination
>Kill partners, take their share of the goods
>Remove all diamonds from jewelry, separate everything by materials, gold-with-gold, silver-with-silver, etc.
>Sell most materials to Cash4Gold and places like that that don't require proof
>Sell everything else to crackheads, thugs, some underground, or black market to the highest bidder
>Change identities, get plastic surgery, then change countries
Done
>>23325660
>Wanting to get blazed up my Deagles and Uzis
>Wanting the Illjewminati to find you and feed you to lizard men
Serious breh, you mess with the Sheckels, and you'll regret it.
>>23326106
You may have a lot of cash to deal with so collapsible carts will help you transfer the cash from armored car to vehicle, for anything numbering a thousand plus pounds, lets say for example precious metals, you will need an industrial roller track.
You must know every little detail, as they say, you always get hit on your way out, so it is impeccable to keep any crowd and the guards under control, if any of them pull a move, take em out, that'll cut down on the hero factor when off duty deputy Mchardass is shot in the head by 7.62x39 and his brains and skull fragments are covering the street or floor, be quick, be smart, and if possible, try not to kill anyone, only if you have to, don't want to give the cops more reason to hunt you down.
>>23326193
>>Something odorless and colourless
You would want carbon monoxide.
>>23325514
"Hey, you missed the tur-"
>pew
>>23326141
why does it have to be banks in america?
why not diamond mines, banks in africa, gold mines, etc....
Theres like 3 shows on the discovery channel about all these dudes mining gold in middle of the jungle with no visible security... Pay off government official to see where these small companies have permits to operator and rob there asses with 2 land rovers and 8 guys.
>>23326193
the Russians used an opiate 1000x + stronger than morphine
>>23326231
A lot of them do have security FYI, you'd need a good sized crew to take them all out.
If I really was desperate I wouldn't rob a bank but watch a pawnshop, see how many employees they have, plug all but one and run with as much gold as I can.
>>23326220
Also you want to cover every part of your body, nothing that can identify you should be exposed, even your skin color, so best to go blackface and get some colored contacts, the FBI having little idea of what you actually look like is preferred, and for security, it all depends honestly, some might freeze up, giving you enough time to smack him in the face with your buttstock, some may try to draw on you, you never know honestly, so be prepared.
>>23325268
How much dosh did he get?
>>23325398
that's because you aren't a poorfag
>>23324450
bulldozer, explosives, and shit tons of cowblood to cover up everything
>>23326266
>i'd kill people so i can definitely get the cops running a full investigation on my ass
why are you mouth breathers such giant fucking retards
>>23325268
That's because you don't rob just one, you keep doing it till you either get caught or die.
>>23326344
>bank robbery master mind confirmed for Pringles CEO
>>23325486
The NY branch does facilitate gold deposits from foreign countries. The gold's there. It's just not American.
>>23326193
>>23326223
>>23326245
Gee ... If only there was a way to acquire such materials for very cheap and be practically untraceable
>>23326300
adding some height and weight by choosing your garb effectively night be something to investigate, as well.
>>23326419
Exactamundo, now you're thinking like a criminal mastermind, literally anything that can throw them off should be done, even the tone in which you speak, the accent, anything you can possibly do to separate your identity from the alias you will be taking should be done.
>>23326419
correction, apparent weight. if all they have is CCTV footage, and you look 6'2" and 260 lbs, but are really 5'11" and 190, is call that a good enough start to make some distance.
Honestly, if I robbed a bank, I wouldn't be trying to get away. I've always wanted to rob a bank, and get into a police chase or something like that, but I really just didn't want the consequences, so if I wanted to commit suicide I'd just stick up the bank and do suicide by cop.
With a telephone.
>I have this kid and he's going to die unless you give me the money.
>>23326448
....Chris? is that you?
Become the owner of the bank.
>>23326231
This guy knows what's up.
True they'd be likely to have mercs but with a good sized professional crew you could pull it off.
Also getting one of those hats with LEDs on them and replacing them with IR LEDS will distort cameras from getting a picture of you as it has the same effect of pointing a laser directly at the camera, you can get pretty creative with these things so don't be afraid to try something different.
No clear camera footage = happy bank robbers
>>23326454
> suicide by cop
And then you somehow get away, money and all
top kek
>>23326359
10/10 I laughed so hard.
>>23326499
I wouldn't even be mad. Honestly though, if I actually got away I would be so afraid of getting caught after the investigation I would just blow my brains out.
What mask would you wear /k/??
>>23326543
>>23326543
>>23326543
I would find a mask of Charles Barkley to wear
>>23326543
>imbling
>>23326543
Nixon. I wouldn't get away with it anyway. And if 8 got arrested my only defense would be "I am not a crook!"
>>23325186
Seriously? who the hell does stealth?
>inb4 shadow raid, where it's required
>>23324450
I would become the bank.
>>23325344
I work for an armored truck company right now. It would seriously be piss fucking easy to rob one and get away.
>>23326543
They wouldn't know what hit 'em.
>>23326543
>>23326664
furfag pls
>>23326667
>implying furfag
>implying a furry suit head wouldn't be the best mask
>>23326682
>modeled after someone else's fursuit
>when you get away, some poor furfag gets arrested
>>23326664
Most of those creep me out, but that looks really nice.
>>23326231
>a small team of poorly-trained gunmen, if not an individual
>attacking a large, open area
>they DO have security, they're just not blatant and you think American cops are shitty
>they know the area a lot better than you do
>hostile country where you don't speak the language
>good luck blending in afterwards, pasty round-eye
>good luck sneaking diamonds and shit though customs
This is a fucking awful idea for any Westerner.
>>23324450
With a laptop that I got off craigslist for $20 and later dumped in a garbage bin
>>23326609
I like, very patriotic m8.
Assemble a 4 man team. Me, a tech specialist, a demolition expert, and a fall guy.
Harm no hostages, but keep 1 with us, preferably a kid. We enter the bank through the back, take out the guards, then secure the hostages. We crack open some safes by drilling a hole in the top, filling it with water, then putting a charge in it. We thengane access to the vault through some technical motherfuckery, and get dosh. We take the kid with us, ducktape his mouth, then escape to a sewer, having the fall guy make it look like were still there. Once we escape, we count the dosh, then see if our fall guy is in custody. With out newly acquired child, we make a deal to release the kid in exchange for the fall guy. it's the perfect plan.
get out nsa
>>23326842
>We crack open some safes by drilling a hole in the top, filling it with water, then putting a charge in it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxgPX5-cmvc
>>23326842
Sounds like a bad movie plot.
Taken 3: takenest
>>23326712
Well that's it.
You're furry now.
>>23326543
SURRENDER YOUR VALUABLES, KNAVES
(Codename: Cyclops)
Go in alone, no mask, no nothing, no clothes what-so-ever
Murder everyone, stabbing everyone with my armor-piercing penis, for people that hide behind the bullet-proof glass, I just shoot through it with my cum like nothing, killing them instantly as it penetrates (Giggitty) their skulls
As for the safe, that's the easiest part, I simply drill-fuck straight through the safe like it's warm butter, take everything of value, walk out, walk home, done
>>23324450
Confusion
>Britbong dressed as a skinhead
>Iraqi dressed as ISIS
>American as KKK (me)
>Asian dressed as Triad
>Black guy dressed as Vice Lord
But here is the thing, we will all speak Portuguese and scream "Blood for the Blood God, Skulls for the Skull Throne!" and "Vote Republican, DevilDog!" Then when we escape we all run in the direction of our home nation/state in dune buggies with kevlar dicks on the roof that house 240Bs.
>>23326543
We want to hurt no one! We're here for the bank's money, not your money. Your money is insured by the federal government, you're not gonna lose a dime! Think of your families, don't risk your life. Don't try and be a hero!
So how is bank security in the UK?
By hacking into the bank and transferring all the funds to other accounts.
>>23326543
>>23325423
When 10-30% of those stacks are rigged with a combination of dye, potassium perchlorate incendiary, and CS tear gas, the robbers are going to have a bad time in the getaway car.
>>23327043
I'd rig the bank to blow and tell them if they give me fucked money I will blow them all to ravioli chunks.
>>23327043
>not securing your haul in a prepared environment with the necessary gear well after you make your getaway
Do you even professionalism?
>>23327038
>No black face
>No colored contacts
>Not shaving your head
Turrible
>>23327072
It is more confusing if you shave your head after you do the crime, not before.
>>23327089
It would be better if just wore a balaclava
>>23327100
But then they cant see the fake swastika tats I will put all over my face along with the 12" black dick on my forehead.
I'll do OP one better and tell of how I did rob a bank.
>Rent car
>Drive across country
>Find a bank that has a running trail not too far from it
>Park car at trail head
>Stash bag in bushes near bank and trail
>Wear running clothes under robber clothes
>Go into bank and approach teller
>Smile as I hand her a note saying to fill two bank deposit bags with 100's and to not make this difficult
>Crack jokes and make small talk with her
>Grab the bags and walk out while thanking her for her time
>Stash everything in other bag
>Jog back to my car parked a couple miles away
>Jump in and drive like normal out of town
>Camp on the way back and burn all of the evidence
>Return the car
>"My trip was fine, thank you. The mountains are beautiful this time of year."
All in all I got away with enough to live comfortably for the next 2 years or so while I finished school
>>23324450
>me and atleast 5 other guys just for assurance
>dressed in 100% british redcoat uniforms
>each have a musket and flintlock pistol
>march into bank in line of 2's
>I pull out my rapier and put the tip right at the guard's neck (assuming there is a guard, if not then i put my sword against the closest worker
>"by order or the king's regent, this establishment is to forfeit all of it's cash reserve immediately"
>3 men watch workers/civilians while rest secure the money
>get outside into our horses waiting.
>ride down the road as everyone nearby watches in amazement at the "cool reenactors on horses"
mfw they don't know we just robbed the bank
>>23327121
>no proof
Yeah, sure thing kiddo.
>>23327166
obviously he's lying. just sounds stupid
>>23326767
/thread
>>23326767
>>23327211
i don't get it?
>Go in
>Point gun at nearest guard
>Take his gun
>Drop my gun
>It was actually airsoft, thanks
>>23327247
>leave with new gun
i like it, op didn't say anything about robbing the money from it
>>23325403
I used to work a large clothing store, the manager would just drive to the bank by herself, or sometimes with another manager. It'd be so easy for someone to just rob them in the parking lot. Of course, the only way you'd know their schedule was to work there, and if you tried anything yourself you'd be recognized, and if you get someone else to do it for you you'd better hope they just don't keep the money for themselves
>>23325678
Thats why uncut stones are superior. Fucking joos
>>23327429
I work for the PA liquor control board (state runs all sales of basically anything but beer through their own stores) and it's hilarious. Managers just walk out once or twice a day alone and go to the bank. If they're close enough, they'll just walk down the street.
>>23324450
why rob a bank when you can open a bank and rob the whole dam country
>>23326707
>And nothing of value was lost
>>23326226
have fun trying to find the many many different types of lojack on those trucks if you're in the US
>desperately taking apart the truck in search of a tiny pinhole size tracking device
>>23327089
>Buy a wig that is convincing and doesn't look like your natural hair, preferably darker
>Shave your head long time before the crime
>put on darker wig, use an eyeliner pencil to make your eyebrows look darker
>commit crime with dark wig on
>Flee
>take off wig, wash eyebrows, destroy wig
>Your friends and family are so used to seeing you without hair that they'd have a hard time imagining you with hair.
>profit
>>23324830
>Buy the first Payday 4 pack because it was less than $5
>Friends and I are still wondering how the fuck do you play this
>>23325218
>Nobody is playing hero naked
Unless you pick the day that /k/ stops in to cash his welfare check.
If that happens, you and your team will either end up dead or scarred for life.
Your move mister bankrobber.
I don't know. I'm about to go watch Heat because it's been recommending on /k/ a bunch of times.
Also, does /k/ like Heat or The Town better?
>>23327429
This actually happens A LOT.
Bank robbers case a place for a little to watch who opens and closes mostly to determine who might be a physical threat
Closing time is when most robberies happen tho. At 5 pm the manager will go to lock the doors so they can count the money. Bad guy comes in before the registers are loaded back in the safe. Lots of banks have rules to try make closing procedures under 30 minutes because of it.
Stalking a worker is pretty much useless. You can steal their keys but the vaults and safes are on timers.
>>23326971
Not bad
>>23327499
How'd you get that gig? Are you a cashier? Last time I looked, you had to start as a part time cashier and move up from there to literally any other position in the company.
>polite sage for OT as fuck
>>23324450
Just saw the start of The In-laws any other good bank robbing movies?
>>23327875
Yeah that's basically how it is. It's not just "cashier" though, they just have a pool of people that they make do fucking everything. Not a bad gig really, just had to take a civil service test.
>>23324450
Just like in the movie Bandits... except instead of spending the night just plan a way to basically be in the managers driveway as he is leaving for work or knock on the door at 7:00AM and have him get you to the bank early...no muss with multiple people
>>23324450
I wouldn't physically rob a bank, too much risk. I'd steal their client funds electronically.
>>23324479
Legit made me giggle.
I actually saw the end of a robbery once, it was hilarious.
There was like a foot of snow on the ground, and some guy came running out of a bank with basically a shopping bag, like from a clothes store.
He ran out and got on a bike (yes a bike) and started pedaling away across the parking lot, which was mostly slush, after like 20 sec the dye packs exploded and there was this giant CHUFF sound and he screamed something like 'holy shit' and fell off his bike.
It looked like someone just dumped a bucket of paint on the snow all around him, cop cars were there almost right after and tackled his dumb ass who was then trying to run on foot without the bag. The cops didn't have any sirens going?
The articles said the week after that he thought the cops couldn't chase him with their cars in the snow so he waited for a blizzard to rob somewhere and escape on his bike or on foot... like they couldn't just fucking run him down on foot.
That was like 6 years ago. Anyone else actually seen one, or part of one?
>>23327910
The Town
>>23325464
>Die Hard 3
>>23325603
1 cold steel knife that breaks in a week
>>23325660
>Snatch
Yeh like dags?
>>23327138
I would pay to see this happen
also
>yfw shoot out
>>23326063
>air currents carry Fukushima fallout into the forest
>this combines with the spirits of the dead in the forest to make another zone
>you step in an anomaly
>lost to the Zone
>>23327247
only plan in the whole thread that would work lol
>>23327138
>Soviet gas masks
>smoke bombs
>tracksuits or leather jackets
>Obrez's with the bayonet lugs welded on
>bayonets fixed
>shotguns
>yell only slav phrases
>pile into a van
>make sure to have fake plates
>Have a truck waiting with dirt bikes in an abandoned parking lot a mile away
>rendezvous there
>burn van
>split up with loot
profit
>Roll up in a stolen white work van with fake company logo vinyl sticker on the side
>steal the plates with from another white work van
>Fursuits
>AKs and MK 23's, because most other trigger guards aren't big enough
>Coldsteel swords
>sharpened Baddragon dildos
>repro stahlhelms
>roll up in front, run in in wedge formation
>handcuff everyone, ball gag them
>threaten the tellers with Dragon dildos
>shoot the cameras with M43
>microwave the hard drives
>dry hump the security guard for dominance
>take the money
>get in the van
>swap the plates back
Meanwhile in a shitty part of town
>roll up to the house of a well known junkie/ pot dealer
>now wearing black airshit gear And ski masks
>same van, same sticker
>storm the place
>kill everyone, plant the fursuits and a small amount of the cash from the robbery (this is important)
>take whatever weed/money you can find
> wearing gloves, fire a few rounds from the shitty hi point you bought private sale using the dead man's hand to pull the trigger
>plant furry posters, magazines, etc in bedroom under pillow/mattress
>drop a few knives/zipguns/jammed Saturday night specials in/around their hands, make sure to get their printed on them
>take off in normal clothes, through the back if possible
what you now have here is a story
>degenerates Rob bank
>van takes off
>Van found outside residence of known drug dealer
>Probable cause, police raid
>Evidence points to the a gunfight
>missing cash and product points to raid by rival dealers/gang
>police run numbers on found cash, links back to the robbery
>thorough search reveals fursuits from the robbery, along with furry porn
>robbery pinned on dead dealers
>dealers are dead
>news gets one hell of a story
>furries seen as criminals
>profit? ??
>>23324450
dress as bug spray guy... walk in with sprayer loaded with nockout gas...
put guard to sleep... put everyone else to sleep.... take shekles...
before doing this put up add on craigslist for someone to meet you outside of bank wearing specific outfit.... accept several offers so when you walk out of bank there are about 7-10 guys wearing the same thing as you standing there...
change outfit... escape on a sled...
.... this actually worked...
>>23324450
Whatever they did in Heat I guess.
>>23325782
>Going inna zone
>dodging UN patrols
>scout banks
>call in rest of crew
>others infiltrate through sewer system/rubble
>grab what you can
>be discovered BY patrol
>forced to operate your way out in a hijacked Truck/APC
I'd watch that movie
like STALKER and Ocean's eleven combined
>>23325903
Even better
>get Chuck E Cheese tokens
> make molds out of them
>cast gold tokens
>take them to pawn shop, claim they're gold
>force him to have them analyzed
(possibly bet they are for a higher payout)
>HFW they come back positive
Alternatively,
cast them as one big token, wear it on a chain
>>23326543
Either Obama mask or
>witch nose
>curly wig
>cowboy hat
>beard
>Israel flag pin
>constantly rub hands throughout
as a last resort,
Guy Fawkes,
just to laugh at all the artists claiming it's part of a new action by anonymoos
>>23326682
>full pursuit
>padded, with lifts
>police now looking for a furfag that's both taller AND fatter than you
>>23327064
this
even fake explosives are easy
>grey play dough
>brass casing buried halfway in
>wires running from it to a tracphone
>instead of playdough, use pipe sections with a hole drilled in the end caps
>or a pressure cooker
>>23327138
Same, but with cowboys ,
or even better
>steal a 30's Packard
>Go in dressed as 1930's bank robbers,
fedoras, trench coats,1911's, repro trench guns, everything
>get money
>drive off
>>23324995
then, also embezzling
>>23327220
you use the laptop and (perferablly) public wifi to hack some bank accounts, then use the money to buy something like bitcoin so you can convert it into actual money you can spend while making it very hard to find who you are
of course this is completely hypothetical and certainty would not work in real life
>>23324450
>take manager key
>hit security room
>set up thermal drill
>be butt hurt because I don't have a saw for the deposit boxes
In case SHTF
>ECM jam
>take out the clerks
>hold everyone up
>rob the joint
What about robbing a currency exchange?
