>-Hakurei Shrine, Gensokyo
>A local "shrine maiden" is in hot water after the Human Village Papers have revealed disturbing facts
>Reimu Hakurei, a village prostitute that occasionally pretends to be a shrine maiden has been hiding away funds for years
>Up to 90% of donations have been funneled to an offworld shell corporation
>Scores of faceless men have voiced displeasure as the great Whore of Gensokyo has gone missing
>It seems the semen trails have dried up and one can find the missing girl
Is this the end, /jp/?
Shut up.
Aya you already have a thread
I wonder what tewi does with the money she gets from her donation racket. Who knows how many decades she's been doing it for.
>>15033168
Tewi is a business tycoon who owns half of the real estate in the human village from just a small loan of a million Yen
>>15033127
>Japanese Bird Found Dead
>Aya Shameimaru, "reporter" age 295, was found dead this morning floating down the Kappa river in a suspected murder with blunt force to the head
>Police suspect Hakurei Reimu, shrine maiden age 17, after Aya has been smearing her after reportedly turning down multiple attempts of romance.
>"Bird's die all the time. Maybe she just hit a tree branch?" Reimu comments while sweeping withe a broken broom
>"It's a victimless crime" Yukari Yakumo responds about the incident
>Police have yet to take action as no one actually cares.
>>15033438
If bird is ded, then who's writer?
>>15033438
>>15033438
Comments
1. User: ParuParuPatriot
typical of soros funded LIEberal media to try and blame tengu stupidity on hardworking gensokyoians who are just minding there business especially when we are at war with buddhists and taoist rapefugees who are violating corpses and buying fetuses to use for their murder magic
>>15033471
2. User: HermitLivesMatter
Another privileged low-info youkai bigot who just wants to mouth off. Who cares if the human village is censoring media and preventing us from learning the TURTH about where our donations are going? Human are giving so much faith like blind statist sheep but no one wants to wake up and stay woke
3. Usagi_friend8213850
You won't believe what happened to my friend. She tried this one weird trick. Click HERE to learn how you could be earning 8900 yen PER HOUR from your futon! Be quick and read our free newsletter *now* before the powers that be shut this down - for good!
>>15033176
This image gives off an evil vibe. She's not going to commit a crime is she?
>>15033467
Hatate, she's a reporter too ya know!
>>15033467
Hatate. I wanted to put something in there but I couldn't think of anything other than "Love, Hatate"
>>15033438
What a monster. What else does Reimu have to hide?
End media censorship! FREE PRESS FOR GENSOKYO!
>Foreign Fairy Granted Asylum at Hakurei Shrine
>The Hakurei Shrine Maiden, Reimu Hakurei, 17, said, "I came home one day and there she was raiding my fridge before scurrying off like a rat beneath the shrine."
>The minor immigration of fairies from Hell to Gensokyo has caused a notable rise in mischief.
>"I want her to go home already." she said. "She almost sets fire to the shrine on a daily basis."
>The fairy population has increased by less than 0.01% due to immigration.
>"It means more friends to play with!" Grainia, 92, rice fairy, said.
Hell is literally sending their criminals and their rapists to Gensokyo.
4. User: WaitingForWonderland
As awful as that shrine maiden is, that crow really had it coming. Always flying around, sticking her beak into other people's business, taking photos... It was only a matter of time before SOMEONE did something about it. Just saying.
5. User: rozen_maiden_fan98
>4
Agreed.
6. User: totally-not-a-sockpuppet
>4,5
Me too.
>3
this spam needs to STOP!!, I've contacted Mima about it twice now so clam up or watch out.
>>15034018
That's racist! There's nothing wrong with CP!
Why would anyone go to Reimu's prostitution den anyway?
It's usually visited by filthy youkai, she charges whilst the other miko does it for free, she makes you wear a rubber and just lies there, emotionless the whole time.
>>15033176
Ya damn rabbit, stop staring at my house.
>>15034646
Is this the other Miko you were talking about?
>A thief wearing traditional witch garb posed for a video camera when they stole an expensive magical device from Kourindou
>“We have the ‘smile you’re on camera’ with a picture of Marisa crossed out at the front door to prevent shoplifting” said Rinnosuke Morichika, the owner of Kourindou
>The thief spent 5 minutes browsing the store before they grabbed three boxes of junk behind the counter an bolted out of the store
>The thief's face was conveniently blocked by a strange orb of darkness but was somehow able to see where they were going
>“This is my livelihood,” Rinnosuke said. “This is how I survive. This is how I put food on the table and now I'm going to have to eat berries from the forest for another month again.”
>Mystia, grilled lamprey vendor, reportly saw a figure fleeing the scene on broomstick when cleaning her stall to prepare for the night's business
>Police suspect have two suspects they have questioned: Marisa Kirisame, ordinary witch, who is notable for wearing traditional witch clothing and riding a broomstick and Rumia, youkai, who
manipulates darkness and frequently travels around in an orb of darkness while hunting
>Rumia has been forbidden to enter the human village with penalty of extermination after last years incident during the Setsugun festival in which she tried to eat 7 humans because she thought it was for seasoning
>"I've been flying all around Gensokyou that day" Marisa responded before flying off when questioned
>Witnesses have confirmed that Marisa was seen flying very high around Youkai Mountain during the time the crime was committed
>On an unrelated note Alice Margatroid, magician who makes dolls or many shapes and size, has been seen frantically looking for something near her house
>Perhaps a crime wave has begun in our fair home?
>Anyone with information should contact the Gensokyo Crime Stoppers Association
I kind of really like this thread prompt
>>15034018
Miko will save us! He'll force Hecatia to build a wall to separate Gensokyo and Hell!
#BuildWall
Top flight user comments. 11/10.
>>15034729
>Anyone with information should contact the Gensokyo Crime Stoppers Association
Snitches of Witches get Stitches!
7. User: elegance&nevertardy
I am only 495 years old what is this
8. User: asdkajkd9321
i like bird
9. User: s.m.h.
tl;dr
btw y is my usernam bein censord??? had 2 rite it with dots...... i am NOT baka, baka!
10.User: doyouknowwhattimeitis
Its spring!
11. User:DocEirin
Enlarge your penis with this one simple trick long used by the Mayans! 100% Works!
>>15034722
Eww, who wants to do it with a tranny.
>Do Youkai Lives Matter?
>When a local youkai, whose name we cannot release for legal reasons, went out on her standard day, she never expected to be the victim of shrine maiden brutality.
>Local mikos Reimu Hakurei and Sanae Kochiya happened upon the youkai, and viciously beat her into unconsciousness. Local eyewitnesses report that one miko would stand guard while the other had their way with the poor soul.
>A protest group formed outside the Hakurei Shrine, shortly before Hakurei fired danmaku into the crowd, injuring an estimated 12 youkai in a scene some call a shocking suppression of dissent.
>A witness, who wished to remain nameless, called the scene "Absolutely disgraceful. The green haired one even went as far to tear the clothing from the youkai and grope at her chest"
>Sanae Kochiya retaliated, stating that she did not sexually assault the youkai, and that the witness was "talking out of her ass."
>A new protest group has now formed, claiming to campaign for the rights of youkai everywhere.
>We approached the leader of the group, one Byakuren Hijiri.
>"I despair at the news that I have heard. We are currently caring for the affected in our temple's safe space. We have written extremely worded letters to all relevant authorities, calling for some kind of punishment for this terrible crime."
>Miss Hijiri went on to beg the interviewer to attend a temple service for about forty minutes.
>We also approached Miss Hakurei for comment, who simply replied "Tell the nun to fuck off. And you fuck off too, Aya. You're shedding all over my shrine."
>What do our readers think about the heavy-handed approach of law enforcement? If you have any opinions, kindly keep them to yourself.
>>15041253
>SJW Byakuren
k e k
12. User: sackofsin1969
WE WANT YUKARIN'S PANTSU
Am I missing out on dank memes or what.
13. User: XxK1J1NxX
pretty edgy comments tbqh but not nearly as edgy as my dress smdh f4m
Sent from my iPhone.
14. User: <3$EXY_VIVI<3 [BANNED]
Hey sexy! I'm a lonely girl looking for a new master! Wow, you live in Quadruple Barrier Proxy too? That's a lot closer than I thought! Maybe we can work something out....
PM me at [LINK REMOVED] for details!!!
>>15034646
>DREAM SEX FOR CHEAP
>***** (avg. ½*)
I finally found the courage to visit the Hakurei shrine last weekend and boy was it good!
The Hakurei miko is very plain. She has small hips, mediocre breasts and a tired-looking face.
But when she laid down on her back on the floorboards, she gave me the most amazing look of contempt. My penis, then at half-mast, sprung up like a snake when I looked in her eyes.
Reimu did not bother to undress, and for the very competitive price I got to fuck her motionless, fully clothed body like an onahole.
Most of the time she smoked and played with her cell phone and didn't even look at me. I got so hot I wouldn't even get limp after cumming.
The only minus was that she insisted on condoms. I had to stop to put on a new one after every orgasm. I would have rather kept on going straight through.
I recommend the Hakurei shrine for all emotionless sex enthusiasts.
>Local Kappa Blows Up Dam
>Kawashiro Nitori, Kappa age 176, has been arrested after an experiment went awry and blew up the Moriya Dam
>Nitori was testing out a drone, a robotic flying device used to take pictures, when a strong gust of wind made Nitori lose control.
>The device spun of of control before colliding with the dam and exploding
>When asked why she lost control the Kappa immediately fed the scene
>The dam was built three years ago when the Moriya Shrine was built for the purpose of make a lake on top of the mountain
>The Great Suwa Lake is a popular destination in summer despite the large amount of frogs that dwell in it
>The lake has already drained down to 25% capacity and is expected to drain down to 10% within the week
>When asked to comment on the incident Suwako Moriya, goddess age ???, she burst into tears while crying out, "Won't someone think about the frogs" before running away
>Kanako, head god of the Moriya Shrine age ???, didn't comment on the incident either as she was busy laughing at the smaller goddess
>Tengu Police Force is actively looking for Kawashiro Nitori
>>15044295
She has been arrested but fled for the crime scene? Aya get your shit together
I want to cuddle romantically with Sanae!!! I'd rather do that than fuck Reimu
>>15044519
I originally put in that Nitori was arrested then escaped using optical camouflage but I forgot to edit it away after I gave up due to poor wording
>>15044746
PROOF THAT AYA WRITES LIES!!
>>15044957
I want the tanuki to leave
>>15033160
You forgot to write a post
>>15044957
Go away Hatate
15. Usagi_friend642267
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>>15045552
>8900 yen PER HOUR from your futon!
It's prostitution, isn't it?
>>15044205
I needed this.
It has been months since I've read a disinterested Reimu sex story. With this my future is secured for at least a little while longer.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you.
~~~~~MEET HOT YOUKAI IN YOUR AREA TONIGHT. LEWD FAIRIES WANT CASUAL SEX IN YOUR AREA RIGHT NOW CLICK HERE~~~~~
>>15045804
16. Usagi_friend7191937464
You won't believe what happened to my friend. She tried this one weird trick. Click HERE to learn how you could be earning 8900 yen PER HOUR from your futon! Be quick and read our free newsletter *now* before the powers that be shut this down - for good!
17. Usagi_friend986433
You won't believe what happened to my friend. She tried this one weird trick. Click HERE to learn how you could be earning 8900 yen PER HOUR from your futon! Be quick and read our free newsletter *now* before the powers that be shut this down - for good!
>>15034066
>>15034070
>>15034073
18.George_RomeroslilSweetie
I Wholeheartedly agree with HermitLivesMatter.
\Maybe the corpses WANT to be violated! Everyone should hug a corpse...and let the corpse chew on your arm as well. BUT STAY AWAY FROM THE GRAVEYARD! NO INTRUDERS!
>Large Bug Corpse Found Outside Garden of the Sun
>The body local insect youkai, Leader of the BRA (Bug's Rights Activist) Committee, and buzzing nuisance, Nightbug Wriggle was found dead by the entrance to the Garden
>Her body was severely bruised, her head had taken blunt force trauma and she had the faint scent of insectide between her legs
>Experts deducted that she was beaten with possibly a parasol or umbrella
>Multiple suspects usually seen with such objects were approached
>"Eh? I was here at the village playing with the children! I would never harm a fellow youkai!" Proclaimed Tatara Kogasa, multiple witnesses and children confirmed her alibi.
>Yakumo Yukari, age 10^100^10, was questioned, but she seemed rather apathetic of the matter. "Hm, looks like this summer will be an intense one."
>"Why would I concern myself with such small fry, on such a streak of bright days this past 2 weeks? Besides, isn't it a bit obvious who committed this crime?" Scarlet Remilia seemed a bit agitated when questioned.
>Police were running out of leads and have decided to write the case as an arranged suicide.
>This summer, the cicada will be just be a bit quieter, it seems.
>>15033127
>A local "shrine maiden" is in hot water
PUNITIVE DAMAGES, OUT OF YOUR ASS
19. Usagi_friend28
You won't believe what happened to my friend. She tried this one weird trick. Click HERE to learn how you could be earning 8900 yen PER HOUR from your futon! Be quick and read our free newsletter *now* before the powers that be shut this down - for good!
>>15047416
>Yakumo Yukari, age 10^100^10
>not 17
YOU HAD ONE FUCKING JOB!
>The Kappa Fire Department says they responded to a call at 9:29 a.m. of a kappa who had fallen after her jet pack malfunctioned Friday.
>She was approximately 20 feet in the air when she fell in 2 miles south of the Kappa Village.
>The President of Kapanet Industries, Kawashiro Nitori, 236, was the one injured. Police spokesperson Inubashiri Momiji said Niroti had injuries to his ankle and superficial wounds to her head, face and torso.
>A friend of Nitori named Kagiyama Hina, 241, reported she also suffered small burns when a safety all-stop mechanism failed to initiate.
>"She was just going to do a little hover flight. She had made some recent changes to the machine, so that's why she was testing it," Hina said. "She had some control issues so she crashed and got scraped up. Shortly after that the jet pack lit her dress on fire"
>"It was so pretty when she caught on fire that I forgot to help her for a little bit." Hina embarrassingly admitted "She has such a cute scream after all."
>Nitori lost consciousness for a brief period of time, but regained consciousness before emergency crews arrived on scene.
>The test was a routine flight control and engine performance check.
>The pack she crashed -- model KAPA7-Z -- was one of two the company has created, both of which use a hydrogen peroxide fuel. The company is currently developing a third jet pack, but the new one will be powered by tengu turbine technology.
>Despite being cleared from the hospital, when asked why she made a jet pack when she can just fly everywhere Nitori couldn't respond coherently.
>"I think this is just one of those Kappa things. You know how they are. They love machine and explosions." Hina said. "I bet if the jet pack would have exploded then Nitori would have declared it a success even if she was terribly injured"
>>15048976
Could be
Age 100^H^H7
>>15047416
>Yakumo Yukari, age 10^100^10
I bet she's older than that
>>15047416
19. I_Hate_Sunflowers-Honest!
Why would Remilia try to pin such a heinous crime on the pure, innocent Big Friendly Giant youkai Yuuka? It is incredibly obvious Remi ambushed the NIGHTbug, you know, at NIGHT then did unspeakable acts to her with the insecticide. Yuuka would NEVER record herself laughing whilst brutally raping and torturing a sweet girl over and over again, before murdering her to add to her incredibly long, incredibly thought-provoking collection which she uploads for her many lovely worldwide fans.
My question is how have the police run out of leads when the culprit is SOOO obvious? It must be some sort of conspiracy that goes to the very top. Remilia know Reimu. Reimu knows Yukari.They all know Sanae. It must be a conspiracy. That's what I (aka not Yuuka) believe.
Thread of the Century right here.
It's glorious
>>15048998
I knew it! Gensokyo using the imperial system!
Cute story, anon.
>>15054245
/jp/ is very creative! I made the OP but everything else was other anons.
>>15033127
Was this originally a dig at the Panama Papers leak?
>>15041593
Who art thou quoting
>>15059609
Do not ask for whom the anon quotes; it quotes for thee
>>15059708
Reimu is learning from the best.
>>15060152
Some hours later.
http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=manga_big&illust_id=53841782&page=1
>>15059311
Exactly so. I decided to spice it up a bit after realizing it was stupid.
It's still stupid, but in a way I prefer.
>Lunasa Prismriver, Poltergeist Violinist, Dies of Injuries in a Beating
>Lunasa Prismriver, an violinist whose brief career influenced musicians all over Gensokyo, died Monday night at the Bamboo Thicket clinic.
>Ms. Prismriver had been comatose since being beaten during a fight at a local mansion, according to Reisen Udongein Inaba, a nursing coordinator at the medical center.
>Ms. Prismriver's rapid-fire fingering techniques and composing talent earned her a reputation as one of the top violin players. At the peak of her career she toured with the Prismriver Sisters.
>The police said the beating occurred before dawn on Sept. 12 after Ms. Prismriver tried to enter a mansion from which she had been barred. The guard of the mansion, Hong Meiling, was arrested Friday on a charge of aggravated battery and released on 円500,000 mon bond, the police said.
>Early in her career, Ms. Prismriver had disdained drugs and alcohol, saying they impaired her playing. But colleagues said she later, after being introduced to the Hakurei shrine's parties, began to drink heavily and for months before her death was penniless and unemployed, often sleeping in a local park.I know. Using an IRL subject is a bit too tasteless. I noticed it by like the second paragraph. But I had already started, so...
>>15060971
>>15060971
20. User: Guardian
The shrine maiden is behind this.
21. User: lunasa_lives
I saw her ghost at the shrine this morning!
>>15060971 #
22. User: atouchofclass.
She should have been home in bed. Nothing good happens at 2AM. NOTHING
23. User: basementdweller
>22
fuck off. 2AM is the best time of the day. THE BEST.
>>15061039
24. User: Danzai_Xamayanadu
@lunasa_lives
>lunasa_lives
>I saw her ghost
>lives
>ghost
OBJECTION!
I think contemporary /jp/ journalism should be a thing.
>>15039667M-me...
>>15061107
>>15068990
I like this picture, may I save it? :)
>>15066740
25. User: lunasa_lives
She lives on in our spirits...
>Genbu Ravine Concerned Over Yamawaro Military Drills Near Border
GENBU RAVINE F BLOC - Last week, the mountain kappa faction, the Yamawaro, launched complex military drills along the F Bloc of the Genbu Ravine.
These drills involve cooperative operations between subterranean and surface servicemen. According to the Bunbunmaru Newspaper, some 300 Yamawaran troops were involved in the drills.
These drills have become more frequent in the past month as tensions worsen between the kappa factions over trade and control over key agricultural areas due to a series of droughts in Yamawaro lands for the past four years.
>>15068934
Aya Showmeyourmoves, pls.
We know you don't know what objectivity means.
>An incident at the Human Village has sparked new debate over immigration into Gensokyo
>A recent immigrant from Old Hell, Clownpiece, was arrested last week after allegedly attempting to incite riots
>One of the first responders was Schoolteacher Keine Kamishirasawa, told the Bunbunmaru that the accused was, "running around, waving a torch, and shouting "welcome to Earth" and "hasta la vista, baby"
>While being questions, police say that Clownpiece was uncooperative and belligerent, and repeatedly asked "am I being detained?"
>Is this an isolated incident, or a sign of things to come in Gensokyo's near future?
26. User: ordinary_magician
youkai diversity is a front for human genocide, wake up sheeple and donate all your money to nationalist mikos today
>>15083008
27. User: Victim A
Do not listen to this thief, the 'nationalist mikos' funds are all a front for this thief's scams!
>>15083901
28: Victim P
This, I was also tricked! Worse of all, my rare collection is also stolen!
29. User:ordinary_magician
>27, 28
Fucking LIES from youkai shills should be deathbombed only youkai scum steal from hardworking humans
>Yesterday, it came to public in an leaked audio recording, a discourse rehearse performed by the current vice-deity of the Moriya Temple, Moriya Suwako. The context was her promotion to Main Deity after goddess in charge Yasaka Kanako was demoted from its position.
>"(...) many came to me, asking to give at least a preliminary word to our faithful worshippers. What I do with a lot of modesty, caution, and a lot of restraint, but also in the face of my condition of Goddess, and of course substitute deity to Lady Yasaka Kanako", said Suwako in a section of the recording.
>The current Goddess made no official announcement, but told aides that "the wolf left its hide". The Priestess and also Goddess Kochiya Sanae said she would not give her opinion on the subject.
>The Goddess Kanako Yasaka is currently responding to a demotion process from Main Deity of Moriya Shrine by the Sages Congress, with charges of Conspiracy, endorsing Old Hell's Nuclear Program, involviment with Religious Extremists, and Corruption involving overbilling contracts for a dam building project with the multinational company "River Kids Company". The voting will occur this Sunday.
30. User: @realToyosatomimi
Lyin' Byakuren calls herself a Buddhist, but clearly still has desires! And all these youkai are still following her? Sad!
31. User: i<3brains
Ugghgghhhh
>Yakumo scandal update: Yukari sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which she believes gives her sexual powers.
>>15093813
see
>>15047021
>>15096284
Zombies tend to come in mobs, Anon.
>>15046818
I clicked the link and found an account named SunnyJuicyMilk69 that lives in Hakurei Shrine, GO. Is it worth signing up?
>>15090809
She can't be demoted without the crimes being proven, that's a coup.
>>15100921
You better not say that out loud if you don't wanna end up disappearing mate
>>15099881
careful which link you click there okay, a 'booby prize' might be yours today
