Can we have a /his/ jokes thread?
Here's mine (I know it's famous):
Q: What is the shortest book in history?
A: The Book of Italian War Heroes.
>>968668
italian detected
>>968679
Not him but this old as fuck "italian's have le shit war history XDDD" is a thoroughly beaten dead horse that we've all seen before and needs to stop.
>>968641
Any partizan is a hero of the Republic
Holy Roman Empire
>>968721
Especially those who go around burning the houses of their creditors with the excuse of them being allegedly fascists.
Or those who go around raping everything with the excuse of women being fascist prostitutes.
>>968731
Good lads, Fascists deserve nothing but pain.
>>968731
The ones you're talking about are called criminals, not partisans
Nietzsche walks into a bar.
The bartender asks him if he'd like a beer.
Nietzsche says "I think not", and disappears.
>>968746
When they fight in partisan regiments, and their actions get a pass because they did so, I think it's best to call them partisans.
>>968747
Nietzche? I'd had said Descartes
A messenger runs to a German General in WWII
messenger: Herr General, Italy has joined the war
general: Send a division, that should be enough to defeat them
messenger: no general, they have joined our side, we must help them
general: send two divisions then
>>968751
The ones that did so in order to defend the nation are truly heroes, the ones that did that only to pillage rape and personal gain don't deserve that title. Bad people are everywhere, even on the "good guys" side
>>968771
Then don't say "every partisan", say "good partisan" or something like.
>>968641
> Holy
> Roman
> Empire
>>968778
A "bad partisan" isn't by definition nothing more than a bandit? They don't deserve to be called partisans
>>968711
the Italians were dishonourable as fuck during WW1 (backstabbing) and were dragging their allies down during WW2. How is that stereotype in any way unjustified? The French get shit when they don't really deserve it, but the Italians really do...
Unless you're one of those idiots who thinks Roma = Italy.
>>968767
kek
>>968791
Disonhonorable in ww1, argument please
>>968641
Hitler waited a rudiculously long time before invading Russia but after a while he decide that he should stop Stalin
>>968791
The austrians broke the terms of the alliance during ww1 and Italy was basically forced into the war before the agreed time in ww2. You can meme all you want, the propaganda ain't gonna get any more real.
>the height of the cold war
>an American and a Soviet submarine meet in the open sea
>both captains shout at each other
>Soviet: "We have such good submarines, we can stay underwater for a whole month!"
>American: "Ha, with our technology we manage to stay underwater for a good 2 months!"
>suddenly, a third submarine appears
>the hatch opens and an old man with grey hair emerges
>"Heil Hitler! Does anyone know the next port?"
>>968791
Get out of /his/.
>>968641
Hitler, Stalin and Anne Frank walk into /pol/. So they turn to the mods and say: "ow"
>>968804
>>968796
Italians didn't perform well in WW2, the "not prepared" excuse is terrible - they had been terrible all the way leading up to the war already.
As for WW1, how did the Austrians break the terms of the alliance? The alliance may have been defensive, it doesn't change the fact that the Austrians had good reason to attack Serbia, and once that happened they were "defending" themselves against Russia, which declared war on them.
>>968806
still the italian?
>WWI
DANM ITALY WHY ARE YOU MY ENEMY?!
>WWII
DANM ITALY WHY ARE YOU MY ALLY?!
>WWIII
DANM ITALY WHY ARE YOU NEUTRAL?!
T. Germany after surrendering
A British tourist goes touring in Berlin, and at the end of the day, goes to a bar. There, the bartender casually asks him if he has liked his stay, to which the Brit replies he finds the city very interesting.
"Well, did you know," goes the bartender, "that Berlin is one of the flattest cities in Europe?"
The Brit replies: "Is that because of the geography or the RAF?"
>>968789
No, a partisan is a member of a political faction. No good or bad connotation involved.
>muh no true scottsman
>>968812
> it doesn't change the fact that the Austrians had good reason to attack Serbia
What is the meaning of "defensive", again?
>and once that happened they were "defending" themselves against Russia, which declared war on them.
Jesus H. Christ.
Russia joined the war to protect Serbia, you dingus. So they didn't attack anyone, diplomatically, as they were defending Serbia.
And even so, it was again Germany that declared war on Russia first.
You could at least check wikipedia before posting nonsense.
>>968852
the alliance between italy and austria-hungary and co. was defensive, and the case can be made that the Austrians were "defending" themselves, given the assassination of their future head of state. I agree that the Italians had an opt-out there, but nonetheless, to then go and fight AGAINST their previous allies? fucking inexcusable backstabbing.
>>968812
Basically because Austria and Italy didn't respect eachothers claims on the Adriatic&Balkans
>>968863
No. The Austrians weren't defending themselves. Stop saying that as it is untrue.
Also, During 1915 Italy asked the Central Powers to join the war in exchange of territories they regarded to be theirs. The Central Powers refused.
They therefore turned to the British which promised those same territories if the war was won. The Italians accepted.
It was always a matter of territories. The Alliance between Italy and Austria was a bitter one because of territories. That's why things went the way they went.
It is the 6th time I write this shit on /his/.
>>968863
I would not call Austria-Hungary an italian ally, they signed the pact but they've always been rivals
The TA was in origin a defensive pact against France firstly, then against any other Great power that threatened the members. Italy signed it with the condition of her neutrality against the UK and Russia
In the 1915 the entrance in the War of Italy was decided only by the king, the parliament was against it. But Vittorio Emanuele III forced the nation in the war, it was a real coupe d'etat of the king
>>968876
>the central powers refused
source? afaik the central powers and the allies BOTH told them they'd give them territories, it's just that the allied powers had more to offer in the end. doesn't change how bad the italian army was and how the behaviour can be seen as backstabbing.
>>968900
i didn't know about the neutrality clause, that would change things. as for the king, however, he is, for better or worse, the representative of italy at this time, and therefore you can blame italy for his actions (just like we blame germany for many things the average german was against doing).
>>968907
You said it yourself. The request was turned down cause it didn't include ALL territories Italy wanted.
>doesn't change how bad the italian army
I never mentioned that.
> how the behaviour can be seen as backstabbing.
Thank God world leaders don't think like edgy teenagers.
>i didn't know about the neutrality clause, that would change things.
https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Triple_Alliance_(1882)
As I said, you could at least read Wikipedia before posting.
>as for the king, however, he is, for better or worse, the representative of italy at this time, and therefore you can blame italy for his actions (just like we blame germany for many things the average german was against doing).
Yay, let's blame all Italians for joining a war they didn't want to join in the first place! Yay!
>>968907
Vittorio Emanuele III literally brought two world wars on Italy, it was the man who forced the prime minister to sign the London Pact and the one who gave the government in the hands of Mussolini.
Btw I don't think we can blame an entire nation for the action of a ruler (that they never had the chance to choose)
This works for Italy, Germany and any other nation
The beginning of WW1 is an incredible work of bad diplomacy, first it seemed that the germans pushed Austria in being agressive and unforgiven against Serbia, but right before the war the germans were the ones most sure that there wasn't going to be a conflict
>>968948
I agree with you, but that's on a personal scale. On a world, historical scale, it doesn't really matter how things come about - the fact is Italy dun goofed, and is judged by many people, including legal experts, accordingly. Otherwise we might as well have said to Germany "no reparations needed, it wasn't your fault your leaders were crazy", and the same goes for Italy. But the fact is, countries are judged by their actions, whether they had popular support or not.
>>968960
>the fact is Italy dun goofed, and is judged by many people, including legal experts, accordingly.
They won the war.
>>968791
>the Italians were dishonourable as fuck during WW1 (backstabbing)
Another shit meme, the terms of the alliance were practically non existent by the time World War 1 came about. They had literally no reason to even be in it by then.
>and were dragging their allies down during WW2
Yeah that has nothing to do with the fact that Hitler left Mussolini to spend almost everything he had to make sure Franco won the Spanish Civil War and then told him to fuck off when he asked to start the war in 1942 when he would be ready again and started it 3 fucking years earlier.
>>968721
And any republic is an enemy of the citizen. So this makes sense.
>>968771
Holy shit this is child levels of perception and morality.
>those partisans are good
>those partisans are bad
>the bad people aren't with the good people
>>968641
my grandfather is in that book tho.
I have his medal right here, he took out several slavs after being hit by a grenade.
>>968948
>Vittorio Emanuele III literally brought two world wars on Italy, it was the man who forced the prime minister to sign the London Pact and the one who gave the government in the hands of Mussolini.
Victor Emmanuel III by Vanity Fair artist Libero Prosperi, 1902.
Unlike his paternal first cousin's son, the 1.98 m (6-foot 6") tall Amedeo, 3rd Duke of Aosta, Victor Emmanuel was short of stature even by 19th-century standards, to the point that today he would appear diminutive. He was just 1.53 m tall (just over 5 feet).[1]
![aosta792[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/bbv2O23.jpg "aosta792[1].jpg")
>>971190
>>968641
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Napoleon
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Eugene_of_Savoy
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ambrogio_Spinola,_1st_Marquis_of_the_Balbases
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcantonio_Colonna
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raimondo_Montecuccoli
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charge_of_the_Savoia_Cavalleria_at_Isbuscenskij
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Basilone
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salvatore_Giunta
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Challenge_of_Barletta
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giuseppe_Garibaldi
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Lepanto
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raid_on_Alexandria_%281941%29
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amedeo_Guillet
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horatius_Cocles
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lombard_League
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guglielmo_Embriaco
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scipio_Africanus
>implying some of the most glorious fighters in history WEREN'T Italian either by blood or nation
shit joke tbf
>tfw you make people assblasted by just existing
feels powerful man, keep the butthurt flowing OP, I missed your threads
>>971342
>Napoleon
Top wew lad
>Puts Scipio but not Caesar
>>971365
>"Napoleon was born in Corsica to a relatively modest family of noble Tuscan ancestry."
calm down goon. He was Italian by blood. And there are too many great Romans. So I may as well just put the best
>>968812
>austria had good reasons to attack serbia
Franz please. Austrian army was shit and they took the whole Europe in their shit
haha this thread is funny
good /his/ meme
List of Successful Wars Waged by Germany
1.
>>971422
this
