Post the most unique/memorable/funny koan you know (zen buddhist unsolvable riddle).
Tell me why.
The one I like: The most important thing is to find out what's the most important thing
I'm really sorry that I have nothing to contribute to this because it seems interesting. The only buddhist reading I've ever really studied was the Book of Five Rings. This board is dead when it comes to discussing eastern philosophy, too many Nordics/plebeians, but bump for interest.
Yeah I was looking for the right board, this was the only one with religious topics.. pity, its a very interesting culture.
Sozan, a Chinese Zen master, was asked by a student: "What is the most valuable thing in the world?"
The master replied: "The head of a dead cat."
"Why is the head of a dead cat the most valuable thing in the world?" inquired the student.
Sozan replied: "Because no one can name its price."
just think about it
>>814706
>This board is dead when it comes to discussing eastern philosophy, too many Nordics/plebeians, but bump for interest.
what did you expect? this was always going to happen
What benefit is derived from contemplating these unsolvable riddles? Is that in itself the meaning buddism, its just a big jerkoff?
>>814782
that in itself is the meaning. Trying to solve the irrational, the unsolvable
>>814773
>le witty monk face
If I lived in Asia back then, I would've punched all of these smug faggots in the face.
>>814784
So its all a big jerkoff because life is just a big jerkoff with no meaning. Am I a buddist master now?
>>814803
They would've punched you back because East Asian monks were the equivalent of Innawoods guys.
>>814844
They were unarmed lanky manlets, I would kick their ass no problem. I could kick your ass, too.
>>814853
nice internet confidence.
Now inspire me
>>814853
>internet tuff guy.jpg
>runty manlet 2015.jpg
>>814853
Read up on yamabushi. They would destroy you, pal.
Anyone walking about Chinatowns in America with observe statues of a stout fellow carrying a linen sack. Chinese merchants call him Happy Chinaman or Laughing Buddha.
This Hotei lived in the T'ang dynasty. He had no desire to call himself a Zen master or to gather many disciples about him. Instead he walked the streets with a big sack into which he would put gifts of candy, fruit, or doughnuts. These he would give to children who gathered around him in play. He established a kindergarten of the streets.
Whenever he met a Zen devotee he would extend his hand and say: "Give me one penny." And if anyone asked him to return to a temple to teach others, again he would reply: "Give me one penny."
Once he was about his play-work another Zen master happened along and inquired: "What is the significance of Zen?"
Hotei immediately plopped his sack down on the ground in silent answer.
"Then," asked the other, "what is the actualization of Zen?"
At once the Happy Chinaman swung the sack over his shoulder and continued on his way.
>>814677
the one i always remember is DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR ORIGINAL FACE?
i don't even think it's particularly puzzling by koan standards, but it sticks
>>814853
>unarmed
says who?
>>814954
its about the equivalent of:
'Whats the sound of one hand clapping?"
>>814677
I love this one:
A monk told Joshu, “I have just entered the monastery. Please teach me.”
Joshu asked, “Have you eaten your rice porridge?
The monk replied, “I have eaten.”
Joshu said, “Then you had better wash your bowl.”
At that moment the monk was enlightened.
>>814803
no you wouldn't because you would probably be a respectful confucian lad instead of an edgy foreign barbarian
Nansen saw the monks of the eastern and western halls fighting over a cat. He seized the cat and told the monks: `If any of you say a good word, you can save the cat.'
No one answered. So Nansen boldly cut the cat in two pieces.
That evening Joshu returned and Nansen told him about this. Joshu removed his sandals and, placing them on his head, walked out.
Nansen said: `If you had been there, you could have saved the cat.'
>>814993
sudden enlightenment was such a bizarre development.
get confused about a statement - enlightenment.
kick a pebble into a piece of bamboo - enlightenment.
get bitch slapped by your teacher - enlightenment.
>>815026
I'll just hope its a little more than that... but yeah, appareantly putting a sandal on your head would be enough in some way.
>>815035
Is about mindfulness.
you may think that the answer "wash your bowl" is about "do your tasks, the rules of the monastery". No, it is the actual answer to what the Joshu have to teach.
check out this one :
>Nan-in was visited by Tenno, who, having passed his apprenticeship, had become a teacher. The day happened to be rainy, so Tenno wore wooden clogs and carried an umbrella. After greeting him Nan-in remarked: "I suppose you left your wodden clogs in the vestibule. I want to know if your umbrella is on the right or left side of the clogs."
Tenno, confused, had no instant answer . He realized that he was unable to carry his Zen every minute. He became Nan-in's pupil, and he studied six more years to accomplish his every-minute Zen.
>>815099
I fucked up with the green text. I guess i dont have the every-minute zen yet.
>>815099
i was going to post the every minute zen one
thats one of my favourites
>>815099
I still dont get it. Was it to shake him up and get him out of his 'regular' zen? It's really a koan cause im very confused.
>>815000
>Joshu removed his sandals and, placing them on his head, walked out.
Is it wrong that I find this absolutely hilarious?
(Sufi instead of Buddhist)
Monk: “I have achieved an incredible level of disattachment from myself—so much so that I only think of others, and never of myself.”
Nasrudin: “Well, I have reached a more advanced state than that.”
Monk: “How so?”
Nasrudin: “I am so objective that I can actually look at another person as if he were me, and by doing so, I can think of myself!“
>>815169
mindfulness again.
>>815000
The sandals kept one's body distanced from the Earth and by placing them on his head, his action said his mind's connection with the Earth is also severed. Nansen understood and knew that a man of that caliber could easily sway a pleb like him to spare the cat's life.
>>815189
Is this Nasreddin Hodja? Man is a fucking troll.
>>814978
Bart nailed that one.
One day the emperor's attendant Wang Jingchu went to the monastics' hall with Linji and asked him, "Do monastics in this hall study sutras?"
Linji said, "No, they don't study sutras."
Wang said, "Do they study Zen?"
Linji said, "No, they don't study Zen."
Wang said, "Not studying sutras and not studying Zen, what do they do?"
Linji said, "All we do is make them become buddhas and ancestors."
Wang said, "Even precious gold dust, if it gets into your eyes, will cause blindness. Don't you think so?"
Linji said, "I always thought you were just a worldly person."
>>815212
And to add to that, Nansen seized the cat from the monks who were supposed to be enlightened or disciples of enlightenment fussing over an insignificant matter such as a cat. Nansen was baffled by such idiots and proved to them that they were indeed, idiots.
When Banzan was walking through a market he overheard a conversation between a butcher and his customer.
“Give me the best piece of meat you have,” said the customer.
“Everything in my shop is the best,” replied the butcher. “You cannot find here any piece of meat that is not the best.”
At these words Banzan became enlightened.
>>816057
This seems like sn easy one, but I dont have a week of time to contemplate. Elaborate/explain
>If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.
>What is the Buddha?
>A pile of cow dung.
Unsurpassable.
>>814806
Are you talking about the Sinoboo thread?
>>815246
This is a good one.
>>814773
It's not deep at all. It's just extremely simple, and people try and find depth which isn't there. This is life. That's the point of all koans. You're enlightened now.
Thank me later.
>>818232
The young disciple was masturbating to drawn porn.
The disciple says: "I'll do something else now."
The disciple reads a shitpost on a Zen imageboard. At that moment he was enlightened.
>>814773
That's retarded.
>"What's the most valuable thing in the world?"
>Not replying "scientific knowledge".
>>820814
A book contains knowledge.
Scientific knowledge can be contained within a book.
A book cannot read itself.
An unread book is valueless even if possessed.
>Understanding surpasses knowledge by virtue of practical application.
>What is Buddha?
>A dry shit stick.
I honestly think there are good koans that make you think and can be revisited, and bad koans which either make no sense or are incredibly shallow.
>>817256
I would say its because every piece of meat is the best piece of that meat and any other meat is just entirely
different meat... so I think its more about the pieces by themseleves than the quality of meat.
atleast thats how I would approach this.. in kind of Pantha Rhei of pieces of meat.
desu guys this all enlightement and zen thing, eventhough its cool and ascetic and hermetic and all that
i just find western philosophy and goals of it much more... sane, is if it were 4x game
so instead of seclusion shouldnt scholars and mystics be aiming much higher for the whole humanity rather
then egoistically aim to become better themseleves?
>>821773
well you dont need to understand or know to use.
thus
know<understand<<<use
>Using surpasses understanding by virtue of practical approach
>>822254
>so instead of seclusion shouldnt scholars and mystics be aiming much higher for the whole humanity rather
then egoistically aim to become better themseleves?
False dichotomy, desu. By improving oneself with sincerity, success and dedication, the lord (or scholar) creates an example that the people cannot help but follow--or so goes the ancient Eastern philosophy. Really, there's no contradiction between self-improvement and collective care.
>>822273
but then again there is no connection between self-improvement and direct economic progress
and thats why I cant feel anything else than being slightly disappointed :(
>inb4 naturalist scum
>>822289
>but then again there is no connection between self-improvement and direct economic progress
Why are you presupposing that economic progress is the only good a collective can attain? But I think that you're right, if it is the only good a collective can attain then it can't be pursued by a collective led by a government of virtuous people.
