Let's talk about America's greatest citizen, Ben Franklin.
>invented stoves and shit
>showed up in Pennsylvania broke as fuck, still gave a woman and her kid his money
>when apprenticing in england, BTFO drunken limeys by drinking water instead of beer all day, getting jacked because he was well hydrated and could carry printing plates all day long
>slayed pussy throughout 13 colonies, decided he hadn't had enough so he went to london/paris to cut through trim like a gardener on meth
>probably smoked weed with Thomas Jefferson
>witty as fuck
>had a cane that dispensed oil he used for party tricks
>died from pneumonia because he sat naked in front of windows in winter at age 80
>>31596
Mate thats not even the tip of the iceberg
>Wrote the most common book in every mans house, second only to the holy book of christ
>Discovered electricity by being electrocuted himself
>Was not allowed in on making the constitution because they were afraid of him sneaking jokes in there
There is more but I my computer just told me its restarting without my permission
>>32382
>once clapped George Washington on the back on a dare and got shit eyed so bad he never did it again
>thought John Adams was an asshole
>thought it was bullshit his sister couldn't read, so he taught her reading and math
>started a social club to talk to his intellectual equals, literally the first m00t
>wore a fur cap in paris, made it work
>once wrote an ode to farting
More like BASEDamin Franklin
>kept children in his basement until they starved to death
yeah top lad
>>31596
How about some Andrew Jackson
>Survived 103 duels
>One duel he allowed himself to be shot then took the time to aim at his opponent, killing him instantly
>Since that duel he had a bullet lodged near his heart for the rest of his life
>Survived several assassination attempts
>one where the assassin would have his gun jam, switch to his second gun and that gun would also jam. Both guns were in perfect order
>After the failed attempt he beat the assassin with his cane so hard that senators pulled Jackson away because he was being too rough
>Kicked the Indians west and let Americans take over the already plowed land
>Got rid of the national bank and successfully made the US in the positives, the only time the US has been without debt
>Before becoming president, was a successful general, defeating the British at New Orleans using slaves, pirates and native Americans, for a total of 4700 versus 11000 British
>Sustained 55 deaths, 185 wounded while British took 386 deaths and 1,521 wounded. The British losing all of their commanders
>Receives 1400 pound cheesewheel
>After two years of wife complaining throws a party in the whitehouse and invites all the citizens
>hands them all forks and its gone in two hours
>Had a parrot that was ejected from a funeral for swearing too much
>>32815
What?
>>33071
You forgot
>citizens are mostly DC white trash, so after the cheese is gone they go apeshit in the white house and steal liquor
>Jackson didn't even give a fuck
>>33175
He was pretty fucking rad. Franklin was just a witty, charming guy who built himself up from nothing to being one of the most important men in US History. He also was neck deep in pussy 24/7.
Seriously, he liked them young, old, fat, skinny, didn't fucking matter.
>>33429
Benjamin Franklin had children's skeletons found in his basement
>>33452
He also ran with the hellfire club. Basically a satanist libertine.
That's not John Jay.
>>33071
