ITT: We poorly describe a historical event or person and others guess what it is!
>taking a bath
>pic related
>die because of circles
>be nigth club owner by day gangster by nigth... or mabey its the other way around since nigth clubs are open during the nigth
>pop a .45 in a assassin
>some say its because dead men cant tell the truth
>be american
>get shot
>be thinking alot
>be thinking so much that 2500 years later im still famous because all the shit i figured out
>even my student is famous
>>66039
JFK or Lincoln assassination?
>>66039
Anyone going to public school!
>>66041
Socrates? Plato was his student right?
>>65980
Jack Ruby silencing Oswald :^)
>be asleep
>lose the war
>>66068
Right!
>>66073
Why would he need silencing?
rigth btw
>conspiracys
>be hating on the government
>be hating on the church
>fuck this lets make a society for free thinkers
>everyone knows about this society
>>66119
>Archimedes
correctamundo
>Be german and minion of Spain
>Become the ideal Dutch person they sing of when playing football against Germany or Spain
>win a battle
>you there run to the next town over and tell them we won
>idk thats pretty far
>no its not i bet lots of people can do it
>>66228
Marathon runner? didn't he run for help?
>If you hit my friend, I'll hit you!
>If you hit MY friend, I'll hit you!
>If you hit the friend of my friend, I'll hit you and you!
>get money from a bunch of people to figth other people
>get training from these people
>be called figther for freedom
>fast forward decied i need to wreck some shit because for some reason im mad at the people who paid me
>goat farmers figthing "elite troops"
>goat farmers can put up a hell of a figth
>collateral damage.exe
>try to invade all of europe
>get btfo by british and russians
>>66248
battle of marathon would have been the ideal answer
>>66291
AL qaeda
muh buhnevohlens
>>66248
No its actually a considered to be a myth and it was to declare the victory
>>66330
Yupp
>buy drugs
>sell drugs
>buy weapons
>sell weapons
>i shouldent have been doing any off that shit
>medieval guy
>Born in le wrong generation
>>66367
da vinci
>>65935
Eureka!
>fire two shots
>spark dozens of wars killing hundreds of millions of people
>get sent to conquer a fuckton of land
>boss gives me 5 paraplegics wielding sticks
>"here you go. now conquer half a continent."
>half way through he and his cunt wife tell me to stop and come back
>come back
>get sent away again
>return to see all my conquests have been lost
>no money left
>die
>everything promptly goes to shit
>entire life's work was for nothing
>>66364
CIA?
>>66400
Gavrilo Princip
checked btw
>>66140
Voltaire?
>>66413
Well yeah ofc CIA does that type of shit but im looking for a specific instance
>>66412
Belisarius
>>66440
Nope
literally EVERYONE has heard about this society
>>66039
Literally any American presidential assasination.
>>66449
Yep
>be russian
>country is being invaded despite the million signs it was coming
>still wander the streets, wondering what the fuck happened
>>66444
Funding the terrorists against communist terrorists in Latin America?
>>66521
To bad Justinianus was a jealous asshole
>>66533
Uhhh i guess thats pretty close but still kinda off
your missing half the story
>let's help this guy to get in a position of power
>fuck, we shouldn't have done that
>let's help these people with their .:armed struggle:.
>fuck, we shouldn't have done that
>let's help these people we trained to take back their country
>fuck, we shouldn't have done that
>be a frog
>be a heretic
>lead country to victory after countless defeats
>>66669
America: The Post
Which conflict is the question?
>>66669
something something USA something cold war
>>66685
joan of arc in the 100 years war
>>66291
ISIS.
>"He is dead"
>kicks door
>I need two of you niggas to keep walking until you find a beach
>k boss
>>66140
enlightenment?
>be all-powerful, invincible, etc
>lose
>>66703
>>66725
was thinking of what led to the bay of pigs invasion
AFAIK that exact shit only happened one time
they did something similar in argentina but it didn't end up so bad for them
in the rest of south america they skipped the second point, possibly also the third - see dominican republic for example
>everyone hates you
>you are in exile for a year
>come back
>now everyone loves you
>you take over the country without a shot
>>66904
different stuff comes to my mind, but I'm gonna go with the battle of trafalgar only because spain called its navy "Armada Invencible"
>>66954
sounds like Napoleon to me
Not even difficult but it's too hilarious to not greentext:
>become a big person on the local scene, make many enemies
>get poisoned
>don't even notice and get drunk
>get shot
>after a while, get up and try to escape
>get shot again and hit in the head, escape failed
>get shot in the head because the assassins are mad at this point
>dumped in a river
>(according to some evidence) still survive and die because of drowning
>>66954
lenin?
>>66954
Napoleon
>>66967
Rassclaat-Putin
>>66871
General Sherman?
>>65935
>become king
>don't want to be king
>lose war
>everyone dies
>>67017
Nope. Older.
>>66982
the coolest part about the hundred days is when he tells his old soldiers to shoot him, and they literally weep and go to his feet hugging him
napoleon was literally the greatest man to ever live
>DUDE A DONKEY EATING A FIG LMAO
>>66364
Nicholas Cage
>>66449
Adam Weishaupt?
>>66871
Lewis and Clarke m8
>>67169
BINGO
>>67077
Has anyone else ever been declared an outlaw and created such a storm of butthurt as Napoleon did after leabing Elba?
20/21 C terrorists need not apply.
>>67096
Chrysippus
>>67308
>themosticles
fug, i meant themistocles
>be emperor
>suddenly have 24 holes in my body
>y-you too
>>66202
80 years wat
>be me, the ruler
>previous ruler was kinda responsible but didn't like the turks
>guess I'll try to conquer the turks
>oh shit
>britain why
>france why
>sardinia why
>>65935
>be british
>behead mudslimes
>>67366
>Have a large, successfully growing empire
>Dominating Europe
>Winning the war
>Heavily inspired by another emperor from a century ago, who got so far yet failed because he decided to fight a war on three fronts
>Make the exact same mistake that he did
>Get fucked by the ruskies
>"Hurr, I fucked up."
>Kill self
>>66098
Hitler
>dont know shit
>famous for not knowing shit
>>67366
I thought it was 23?
>have a poo
>but not in the loo
>>67440
Socrates
>Marry woman
>Fuck her and get a daughter
>Have her executed
>Rinse and repeat
>>66364
Ronald Reagan
>>67448
Maybe, I thought it was 23+1 from Brutus, its been a while since I've gone over roman history
>>67440
Descartes?
>>67440
Nietzsche
>>67477
Henry VIII
also too easy to be honest family
>>67477
henry viii
>>66140
The ACTUAL Illuminati. The Early Modern German one.
>>66904
Xerxes?
>>65935
Slide down river in basket
Get bros to form empire
Collapses after 30 seconds
Only memory of me is a youtuber
>>67551
Romulus & Remus
>>67551
Sargon of Akkad?
>want to unify your people
>gradually acquire lands
>tell your neighbors in the north to fuck off and take some of their land
>tell your emperor neighbor in the south to fuck off and acquire chunk of land once ruled by mad king
>be a master manipulator and get your people to fight neighbor to the west and wreck them
>become one big unified empire
>>65935
>be ancient greek
>teach about the gods
>accused of atheism
>executed
>mfw
>be significant other of the year
>takes woman out
>leans in for a kiss
>trolol i can snap your neck whenever
>no kisses
>A handsome cruel monster grows up to be the coldest leader in the coldest country
>>66341
I remember reading that a modern marathon actually refers to the entire Athenian army rushing back to Athens after the Battle of Marathon. They had received word that the Persians had arrived by sea or something...anyone know what the fuck I'm talking about?
"This was the march that inspired the French educationalist Michel Breal to propose a 'Marathon Race' for the 1896 Olympic Games, tracing the route taken by the Athenians from the battlefield to Athens." -Tom Holland, Persian Fire. The only source I have on hand.
>>67617
Stalin
>>67597
Bismarck or some Austrian that formed the hre
>get surrounded by bees at birth
>get named after them
>>67617
Justin trudeau?
>>67646
Justin the Impaler (of cock - please somebody nuke Ottawa - I don't care that I live here)
>>67646
it's Stalin but that's funny
>>67597
Otto von Bismark dawg
>>67617
>Stalin
>handsome
If this is Stalin: why do people still take obviously doctored photographs seriously?
The man was physically a mess from genetics to injuries.
>>65935
>invade most European countries
>gets sent to an island
>returns
>lose in Belgium
>gets sent to another island
>dies
>becomes a great European icon
This one is easy.
This one might be tricky.
>group of people in a sea going around fucking everyone's shit up with their land tactics and spears
>destroying every village and military group they come across
>head for one of the richest kingdoms of the time
>leader hears of their advance and prepares for their attack
>invaders come in by boat and try to get into the river
>get blocked off by leader's military boats and can't cut into the river
>bowmen annihilate invaders since they're not used to fighting on the water
>bowmen destroy the enemy and the threat is neutralized
>>67629
Bismarck yep
>>67713
Hurri dunna boss, is it george washingmen???
>>67713
Le midget man
>a load of snobs and corrupt men ruin myhobby
>write the original shitpost and vandalise a door
>lauded as a hero for millions to this day
Who am I?
>try to start a slave revolt
>fail spectacularly
>hang around for a bit
>>67779
Martin Luther
>>67779
Martin Luther
>>67809
Yeh
>be a spoiled brat
>walk to the balcony
>everything is on fire
>"shiiiiiieeeeeeeeet"
>play a faggot instrument
>go on a trip
>take a step
>HERO
>>67853
Nero did nothing wrong.
>>67853
Nero
>>67860
Neil Armstrong
>be a fighter pilot in the Korean War
>shoot down two commie MiGs
>become an austronaut
>set foot on the fucking Moon
>punch a guy for saying the Moon landings were a hoax
An American hero.
>be city full of scholars and history
>invaders come by and siege
>these guys mean business they've conquered other lands
>destroy the cavalry and break through, destroying everything in sight
>river running black with ink
>>67621
Yes, the Persian fleet was withdrawing while the greeks charged them at Marathon. This fleet sailed towards Athens to conquer it. THis is why, after the battle the athenians marched back to the city
>becomes president through a Coup
>creates a new constitution due to anger in a state/province
>new elections come through
>wants to stay president
>creates a coup to make himself a permament president (aka dictator)
>leaves office during WW2
>returns to office through elections 6 years after
>kills himself 3 years later
>>67748
Voykungs
>>67953
Nope.
This is before the common era.
>>67873
yep
>>67748
That one Roman emperor who recked more then 500 viking boats with only 70 of his right?
>>67912
John Glenn
>>67974
Something in the trojan war then
>be hippie
>bro gets killed
>get mad
>destroy empire
>>67947
>durinf WW2
After*
>>68011
Sea peoples getting rekt in the nile delta then
>>67995
Arcann
lel
>>68036
yep
>Be emperror of small tribe
>Make tribe into a huge ass empire that kills everyone
>>67912
Buzz Aldrin
based AF
>>68104
Wait for it...the mongols
>>68044
Nope
>>67853
>>play a faggot instrument
mfw plebs on /his/ fell for the chirstkek lies about Nero
>be prime minister
>get embargoed
>chink out
>destroy empire
Should be easy
>set an empire in foreign lands due to defence
>not much informations except a chronicle
>after death, empire in decay
>be thought an asshole by those that don't understand me
>hurt people's feelings and give 0 shits
>many allies don't like me
>many enemies respect me
>be great at my job
>die in a depressing way (depressing considering what he'd been through and survived)
>>66098
Better one for this would be the Battle of San Jacinto
>>66068
SPA
>>66098
La Texas es Mexicano
Velasco treaty was not valid
Mexico es potencia
>shoot your own dudes in another country
>say the other country did it
>declare war on said country
>get btfo'd
>still win somehow
>>68753
ussr
>elected King by fellow electors
>act like a douche
>some faggot deposes me, run and cry to the Etruscans
>live out the rest of my days as a buttblasted old man
>>68077
>>67621
I don't think it was the whole army, but instead a single soldier who was called Philippidos, IIRC.
He also died after delivering the message.
>get captured by some pirate niggas who try and ransom you for cash
>tell them they're not asking enough
>nobody is able to stop a guy from traveling all over Italy
>be writing my articles
>decide to have a bath cause my skin is itchy
>some slag stabs me
>>71112
>I know that feel eczemabro
You were right. Marat always felt the most human out of all in the French Revolution simply because he had eczema
>be japanese
>get stabbed
>lose leg to cannon ball
By God, sir, I've lost my leg
By God, sir, so you have
>>68753
Marco Polo Bridge Incident?
>>71112
>Garibaldi
Nope, much older
>>71199
That japanese politician who was assassinate on live tv.
>>71237
Lord Uxbridge
>>70863
Hannibal.
>>71373
you got it
>settles 300 families in a new land
>gets imprisoned and pissed off
>participates in a revolution and creates a new country
>>67748
>Every fucking time.
>>67913
Alexandria?
>>68533
Patton?
>>68375
Alexander?
>get drunk with mates
>think it would be fun to light some illegal fireworks
>get caught
>get burned on a stick every year
>>71716
yep
>>71767
Guy Fawkes or Guido Fawkes whichever makes you happier.
>>71767
Fawkes. Too easy
>Enter a major war
>Fight a much smaller nation
>Be beaten back by that nation
>fuck you, I'm the leader
>no, fuck you, I'm the leader
>no, fuck both of you, I'm the leader
>>71437
Correct
>Hundreds of years believing in an outdated theory.
>"uh... I don't think it moves that way."
>Almost executed.
>>67646
he's literally bobby newport from parks and rec
>>72384
newton
>>72399
Getting close.
>guy starts a rebellion
>gets killed by his son
>son gets killed by his son
>this son gets killed by childhood friend
>>66054
Don't you have doors to knock on for the Sander's youth?
>>72384
Atheist's view of Galileo?
>>72384
Galileo
>country changes king
>hey we want the old king back!
>shit gets out of hand
>welp we might as well be independent
>fucking blizzards
>fucking russians
>cavalry charge
>>67046
Tsar nicholas ii?
>this fellow was at a dinner party and had to piss so bad that he died.
>>72685
Copernicus
>>72384
Copernic
>>72519
The Winter war?
>>66301
I wanna say French but maybe ottomans or germans
>have cool mustache
>sky man is dead
>>67598
Plato
You uneducated fucks will never guess this one.
> single handedly saves his entire nation with a small navy
> momentarily gets replaced by an idiot who manages to destroy all of his well crafted army in two battles
> still manages with a fraction of the navy to kick the invader's force ass off his country
>>72242
Nope. Religious thing.
>>72916
Freddy the Neckbeard
>>73070
The Western Schism?
>>72127
The three popes?
>>72967
>Plato
>executed
Nigga you dumb.
>>72482
American Revolution?
>>73148
I thought he was referring to the person reacting to all of that then i realized it was Socrates
>some faggots massacre entire city in our territory and claim it as their own
>fuck those guys!
>take it back
>some faggots massacre an entire city in an island next to our territory
>faggots attacked by people who claim that territory
>ask us for aid
>lolsure
>break multiple treaties and start huge wars that nearly destroy you
>>73189
Even then he'd be wrong, because Socrates could've escaped and didn't. That's a core theme in many of the texts about him.
>>73335
Yes he did chose to not escape but he was still executed
>>73362
Huh, thought I typed part of that post and turns out I didn't. Sleep is important, kids.
Anyway, Socrates wasn't mad at all about the execution so the reaction image is entirely misplaced.
>>73162
there was a change of monarch during the american revolution?
boy you do learn shit here
>>73045
Yi "Badass" Sun-sin
what do I win
>>73638
Impressive.
I honestly believed that I would have had to copy and paste this greentext for a month before getting the correct response.
You win a cookie
>>73470
Their wasn't a change during I was thinking it happened shortly before but im probably wrong
>have blue face paint
>britbongs get out
>Muh Legions
>>73881
William Wallace
>it's foggy and no one can see shit
>get drunk as fuck
>asshole in my squad starts talking shit
>fire my gun
>some guys from another squad panic
>they start shooting at us
>no choice but to shoot back
>everyone takes sides and joins in
>everyone gets killed by their own side
>army invades or w/e idgaf
>fuck of I'm doing math
>muh triangles
>>74149
Battle of Karánsebes
>>74213
Correct
>dakka dakka dakka dakka
>flightless bird fucking shits
>>74277
Emu War
>>74042
Battle of Teutoburg Forest
>>74313
correct
RIP Dad ;_;7
>Be general
>hate your co-worker
>co-worker's army gets caught and surrounded
>"fucker deserved it"
>watch his army get crushed and him commit suicide
>today was a good day
>pope dies
>elect a new pope
>some other guys elected a pope at the same time
>double trouble
>oops
>>74175
Archimedes.
>tell everyone the king is a lying nigger
>accidentally took over the entire country
>mfw
>my friends are great fighters
>I used to be great too
>decide to beat up thug at the end of my block to make them remember
>neighbor says if i walk through his yard he'll give me his baseball bat
>decide to take the main street
>thug's little brother breaks my legs and pisses in my mouth
>conquer half the known world
>survive malaria, massive wounds, and extreme heat
>die of AIDS from being a homo
>>74437
John Burgoyne?
>>74836
Alexander
>be cannibal dictator
>bunch of Germans and Arabs kidnap a bunch of people and fly into your airport
>battle ensues
>get btfo by the Prime Minister's brother
>PM's brother died but he blew you the fuck out anyway
>>74854
nope
>>74876
Correct
Made it too easy desu
>world's first shitpost
>>74922
95 theses?
