Weird ass (figurative or literal) things that happened in the French Revolution thread?
>In 1791, there was a rash of incidents where nuns who refused to swear an oath to the nation and constitution (which was denounced by the Pope) were forced into town squares and publicly spanked.
lol catholics
>>433199
assignats
the princess de Lamballe, a favorite of Marie Antoinette's, was beaten to death during the September Massacres of 1792. The murderers stuck her head on a pike and dragged her body to the prison where the king and his family were being held, and told the guards they wanted to take the head inside the prison and make Marie Antoinette kiss it.
The guards wouldn't allow it, so they made their way into the courtyard and put the pike up to the windows. Marie Antoinette didn't see it, but one of the guards told the family what the mob outside was trying to show them. One of the servants at the prison said he recognized the princess and that her hair was still soft and curled, floating around the pike.
The Cult of Reason and the Cult of the Supreme Being
one of the rhinos in the (former) royal menagerie was stabbed to death by a pissed off revolutionary in 1793. which is amazing. who fucking stabs a rhino?
granted she would have died 2 years later during the famine like most of the other animals in the menagerie anyway.
>>433259
go to bed Edmund Burke
The only good Republican is dead Republican
>t. Joseph de Maistre
>>433259
Because the monarchs were so nice before them.
>>433259
A thousand years of blood, avenged in only ten
The Fête de la Raison, instituted by Robbi in his last year or so, when he went a bit funny in the head. It was an attempt to replace traditional holidays with a bizarre combination of worship of reason with Greco Roman motifs, complete with pagan symbols and whatnot.
>>433199
>be 13
>I admire Robespierre so much
>I know all his quotes
>All evenings I pray to Robespierre
>I thank him for the Republic that we've been given, by our Creator
>"Robespierre is love, Robespierre is the Revolution", I say
>My father gets mad and calls me a faggot
>He's jealous of my devotion to the Terror
>He slaps me and sends me to my room
>I cry because it hurts
>I lie on my bed
>A warmth is moving towards me
>I feel something touch me
>It's Maximilien Marie Isidore de Robespierre
>I am so happy
>He whispers in to ear, "it's time for Terror"
>He makes me lie down on the bed
>I'm ready
>I spread my ass cheeks for the Revolution
>He penetrates me with his incorruptible dick
>It hurts, but I do it for la Republique
>I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water
>He pushes farther
>I want to please Maximilien
>He roars "Despotism!" while he fills me with his fraternity
>My dad walks in
>Maximilien looks him in the eye and says "The Revolution is the war of liberty against its enemies."
>He leaves through my window
>Maximilien Robespierre is life, Maximilien Robespierre is the Revolution
>Next morning, I find my dad decapitated
>>433259
needs to happen again in america. and in europe.wherecer those fuckers are hiding out
>>433446
Better than I expected well done
>>433446
Then you die of syphilis
>>433446
10/10 f a m
Thomas Paine escaped execution because of an incorrect chalk mark. He had been arrested and sentenced to death; at the more 'luxurious' Luxembourg prison (which was a former palace) the jailers would go around and mark the doors of prisoners who were set to be executed the next day, round them up in the morning, and go from there. But the jailer put the chalk mark on the wrong side of Paine's door (inside, rather than outside) and he wasn't collected that morning. The mixup wasn't noticed for a few days, but by that time Thermidor had happened and Paine ended up spared and then released.
>>433259
Thank him later.
After Charlotte Corday was guillotined, the executioner held up her head for the crowd and slapped her cheeks. He was sentenced to 12 years in prison for his actions.
(Later, the idea that her head blushed after being slapped would be added as a legend.)
>>433218
>was beaten to death during the September Massacres
actually raped to death but yeah.
>>435612
>actually raped to death but yeah.
Stories of her death have been greatly exaggerated over the years. The most brutal stories about how she died (tortured for hours, raped, sexually mutilated, etc) came from people who weren't even in France, the hysterical emigres and foreigners whose accounts greatly differ from those of people who actually saw the September Massacres in their real barbarity.
The accounts from the more reliable witnesses, including a hostile British witness who would have no reason not to report any of the gruesome acts of the revolutionaries and one of the guards who stopped the mob from getting into the Temple tower itself, indicate her death was similar to those who were now in the pile of bodies before her: beaten and stabbed with pikes. Which is horrible enough on its own, not including the later mutilation (the guard reported that her body had been split open and her intestines were among the things hanging on pikes). If she had been raped, there's no doubt that at the British witness would have written about it, furthering hammering home how animalistic the French were.
Are there people here who think the Terror was necessary ?
Sure there were horrible things done during this time, but let's not forget France was all alone, invaded by every monarchy of Europe and attacked from the inside by traitors and radical monarchists.
>>433446
>posting the american friendly version
Smh desu
>>435736
I mean. Yes? And no?
There were some people executed during the Terror who were engaging in counter-revolutionary activity (sending money to royalists for army funds, sending military plants, political secrets, etc) that not only endangered the new republic, but ordinary French citizens who would have been 'collateral damage' to any foreign armies who found their way into France.
But there were also scores of people executed for things that weren't inherently, actively dangerous--like writing about sympathy for the imprisoned royal family in a letter, or just being denounced by dick neighbors for not being revolutionary "enough."
People also forget that there were plenty of people executed during the 'Terror' period who weren't executed for their political sympathies but for ordinary crimes: embezzling money, hiding assets from the government, stealing food, abandoning military posts, etc.
Okay, before the French Revolution but still in the reign of Louis XVI...
In France, anyone entitled to entrance into the chateau (meaning just about anyone) was entitled to be present during the childbirth of the queen.
For Marie Antoinette's first child, so many people packed themselves into the room that it was nearly impossible to move. Some people even stood up on tables so they could get a better view. It ended up being so distressing - and possibly dangerous, since at one point Marie Antoinette fainted and could barely breath - that the king allowed them to change the etiquette so that "only" the royal family and certain high ranking attendants could be present during the birth. This still amounted to about 20 people or so, but much better than the countless others before.
This engraving depicts the 'less crowded' birth of her second child.
>>437116
What you need to understand is that accusations of bed pan substitutions were rife, so it was vital for the state that the birth was witnessed.
>>437722
Oh, I know. That's why the law couldn't be changed to allow for a private birth even after the near death experiences during that first one. Doesn't make it any less weird for people to be climbing on tables to get a better view of the royal how-do-you-do as it pushes out a screaming princess!
>>436510
Not to mention the hundreds if not thousands of innocent people dying in the civil war, which like every other civil war did not spare civilians.
>>437116
Well you have to remember the birth of the first child, especially if it's a boy (I don't remember if the Dauphin was the elder; I think he was but not sure) is a grand political affair as well. There was nothing 'private' about the birth of princes and princesses.
>>437756
What's weird is that they weren't masturbating.
>Marquis de Sade
>became infamous for torturing girls and boys alike in sexual non-fatal ways
>included his wife and wife's sister in these acts
>mother in law eventually had him imprisoned after tricking him
>he wrote a huge array of gory erotica a good chunk of which featured the things he wanted to do to his mother in law
>freed during the storming of Bastille
>because of the chaos of the times he actually became an elected leader
>in a twist of fate he became the judge who decided the fate of his mother in law
>so renown was his legacy for torture that the word "sadism" was derived from his fetishes
>>433240
What kind of man would stab a rhino before letting it starve to death?
>>439524
If I remove that culotte, would I die?
>>439528
you are a big citizen
>>439545
Pour vous.
>>439524
it wasn't starving at the time. it was killed during a wave of violence on symbols of the monarchy
>>439812
thanks.
It would have starved to death any way.
its not like zookeepers are employed during revolutions
>>440740
in this case, they were. the royal menagerie was revamped during the Terror and reopened in Paris as a more 'natural zoo,' to contrast with the pomp cages of the royal menagerie which were designed to show off the monarchy's glory. but the famine of 1795 killed half the animals.the zoo was gradually improved during napoleon's reign.
>>433446
This cancer isn't allowed on this board, gtfo
>>433199
>Louis Philippe Joseph d'Orléans (13 April 1747 – 6 November 1793) commonly known as Philippe, was a member of a cadet branch of the House of Bourbon, the ruling dynasty of France.
>He actively supported the French Revolution and adopted the name Philippe Égalité, but was nonetheless guillotined during the Reign of Terror.
kek. but then:
>His son Louis-Philippe became King of the French after the July Revolution of 1830.
>>441658
I always thought it was interesting that even his fellow revolutionaries were like "woah dude that's fucked up" when he actively voted for the king (aka, his cousin's) execution, because the Tribunal actually gave him an officially approved sanction to abstain due to the king being a blood relative.
>>435580
>is that a potato in his pants or did he actually have a horse cock?
>>441794
poetic license
>>438007
You weren't there, what do you know
