What do Jehovah Witnesses believe?
Knocking on my door like clockwork just after I've whipped out the dick
>>431684
The end is nigh.
I can see the signs.
They are autistic biblical literalists. They can't have blood transfusions and they believe that literally 144,000 people will get into heaven. Basically they take everything literally.
>>431684
If you become part of their doomsday cult you get to be revived after shit hits the fan.
Dead people aren't conscious in any way.
Blood transfusions and organ transplants are sinful.
>>431688
I just come to the door with my dick out willing to talk theology.
It confuses them.
And sometimes excites them.
I know it excites me.
>>431698
I think there were a few in that angel/saint thread
Arianism, and only 144,000 people get to go to heaven.
I had a friend who was JW.
>Jesus is the Son of God, but distinct, not part of any trinity
>Humans don't have immortal souls, only angels
>Only 140,000 people go to heaven, the rest of the righteous are just resurrected on a paradise Earth
>Hell doesn't exist, the sinful dead are just annihilated
>Blood transfusions are "eating blood" and therefore forgiven
>Total pacifism and rejection of patriotism or honoring war veterans
>Anti-abortion, anti-homosexual and anti-feminism
>Old earth creationism, literal flood
>Divorce is allowed in the case of adultery only
>Jesus was crucified on a straight stick, the cross is a pagan symbol
>God is not omnipresent, his angels often see things for him
>Free will exists and explains the problem of evil
>Reject the protestant label as negative, but reject Catholicism
>Satan was allowed rule over Earth in 1914
>Armageddon is imminent and the UN is an agent of it
>Satan will attempt to destroy Jehovahs Witnesses, prompting God to start armageddon
>There will be a short resurrection of the unrighteous and non-believers who weren't destroyed specifically by God or in armageddon, they will be given a chance to accept Jesus during his 1000 year reign before Satan has a chance to mislead humanity one final time
>Doctrine is basically handed down from elders and individual interpretation is strongly discouraged
>Families distance themselves from apostates and refuse contact with them
>Witnessing is your main goal in life, jobs and education should only support yourself while you preach God's word
>Holidays like Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Valentines and Birthdays are pagan and offensive to Jesus and God
>>432184
>>Jesus was crucified on a straight stick, the cross is a pagan symbol
does he realize what crucifixion means
oh who cares
>>431709
get out fifel you're drunk
>>432192
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crux_simplex
>>432354
I'm not drunk yet. I'm sober, and doing "theology."
>>432184
Many religions have this end-time prophecy.
What fascinates me about them is how specific they are.
Like how in Norse mythology Loki will sail in on a ship made of nails. In Christian mythology Jesus will look like a lamb with seven eyes and seven horns.
But here's the thing that strikes me most about this: If a deity has deigned to reveal his big endplan for his creation, why does he leave in the shitty bits? Like Satan ruling for 1000 years, stuff like that. Isn't said deity strong enough to prevent that from happening? And if he isn't, then why would he mention it, making him look like an idiot?
No, if this deity is real, it's not omnipotent and its totally cool with that.
>>432184
Ex-JW here.
This is pretty accurate, but with a few minor mistakes.
>144,000 will go to heaven, and they are the only ones that partake in the "emblems" of Christ's Blood and Body, which the Witnesses only do once a year on Nissan 15.
>"Faithful and Discreet slave" reveals new insight into scripture. Recently changed from the Anointed "144k" to the Governing Body, a bunch of super-elders that live in NYC headquarters.
>Only believe in crimes where there are "two witnesses" which is what leads them to have serious child abuse issues.
>Shun ex-JW, apostates or not. Apostate is a title reserved to ex-JW trying to convince witnesses to leave.
>Higher education causes atheism, as do tight pants and most of modern media.
>The gay agenda is real and a sign of the last days.
>The are two hells, Gehenna and Hades. Hades is the common grave, where people don't suffer. Gehenna is for the especially evil and is proper suffering. Lots of J-Dubs don't even know this, but it is canonical.
>>432696
>Gehenna is for the especially evil and is proper suffering.
Huh. Like, eternal suffering, or suffering before annihilation?
>>432696
>Higher education causes atheism, as do tight pants and most of modern media
This is actually pretty accurate.
>>432184
>>Satan was allowed rule over Earth in 1914
>>432696
Those last 2 is bs and you know it.
>>431684
Have an about 1h video on the subjects:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru3GbBB_pIs
>>432184
>>Blood transfusions are "eating blood" and therefore forbidden
What do they think about the whole eucharist thing, then? Or hell, even what Jesus said at the last supper?
>>432184
>Humans don't have immortal souls, only angels
>Hell doesn't exist, the sinful dead are just annihilated
How do they figure that?
>>431684
>What do Jehovah Witnesses believe?
This crazy shit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFExZQyNbf0
>>431684
In a typo turning a "Y" into a "J".
>>431684
They sadly believe that you can work your way to heaven and reject god grace
>>432184
>>Jesus is the Son of God
Stopped Reading
Wrong they believe he is Michael
Seriously /his/ is full of bad historians
>>431684
Not sure exactly what they believe. All I "know" is that they are against blood transfusions and they don't accept gifts on birthdays and christmas.
>>432434
This image is completely wrong. Rickenbackers have a white inlay on the left side
>>431684
that you can only interpret the bible properly if you have a copy of their magazine and two elders of the church in the room, also no blood transfusions or medicine or holidays or any fun and none of it guarantees entry in to heaven because their kmart calvinists
