ITT:Epic Bible quotes
>From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.
2 kings 23-24
God orders people to be stoned to death for picking up sticks on Saturday (Numbers 15:32-36), and commands that those who follow other religions be slaughtered (Deuteronomy 13:6-16). Indeed, genocide (Deuteronomy 2:31-34, 7:1-2, 20:10-15, and Joshua, e.g. 10:33) and fascism (Deuteronomy 22:23-24, Leviticus 20:13, 24:13-16, Numbers 15:32-6) were the very law and standard practice of God, right next to the Ten Commandments. Instead of condemning slavery, God condones it (Leviticus 25:44, cf. Deuteronomy 5:13-14, 21:10-13). And so on.
And the New Testament was only marginally better, though it too had its inexcusable features, from commands to hate (Luke 14:26) to arrogantly sexist teachings about women (1 Timothy 2:12), from Jesus saying he “came not to bring peace, but the sword,” setting even families against each other (Matthew 10:34-36) and approving the murder of disobedient children (Mark 7:6-13), to making blasphemy the worst possible crime (Matthew 12:31-32), even worse than murder or molesting a child. It, too, supported slavery rather than condemning it (Luke 12:47, 1 Timothy 6:1-2).
Worse, its entire message is not “be good and go to heaven,” itself a naive and childish concern (the good are good because they care, not because they want a reward), but “believe or be damned” (Mark 16:16, Matthew 10:33, Luke 12:9, John 3:18), a fundamentally wicked doctrine. The good judge others by their character, not their beliefs, and punish deeds, not thoughts, and punish only to teach, not to torture. But none of this moral truth was in the Bible, but instead drones on about subjection to kings and acceptance of slavery, while having no knowledge of the needs of a democratic society, the benefits of science, or the proper uses of technology. It even promotes superstition over science, with all its talk about demonic possession and faith healing and speaking in tongues, and assertions that believers will be immune to poison (Mark 16:17-18).
>>378819
>And if there arises in your midst a prophet or a dreamer of dreams, and he gives you a sign or a wonder, and the sign or the wonder comes to pass, that he spoke of, saying "Let us go after other gods, which you have not known, and let us serve them" You shall not listen to the words of that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams; for the Lord your God puts you to test, to know whether you do love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul.
God instructing Moses on how to do abortions on wives that husbands suspect have been cheating on them.
>Then the Lord said to Moses, “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘If a man’s wife goes astray and is unfaithful to him so that another man has sexual relations with her, and this is hidden from her husband and her impurity is undetected (since there is no witness against her and she has not been caught in the act), and if feelings of jealousy come over her husband and he suspects his wife and she is impure—or if he is jealous and suspects her even though she is not impure— then he is to take his wife to the priest. He must also take an offering of a tenth of an ephahc of barley flour on her behalf. He must not pour olive oil on it or put incense on it, because it is a grain offering for jealousy, a reminder-offering to draw attention to wrongdoing.
>“‘The priest shall bring her and have her stand before the Lord. Then he shall take some holy water in a clay jar and put some dust from the tabernacle floor into the water. After the priest has had the woman stand before the Lord, he shall loosen her hair and place in her hands the reminder-offering, the grain offering for jealousy, while he himself holds the bitter water that brings a curse. Then the priest shall put the woman under oath and say to her, “If no other man has had sexual relations with you and you have not gone astray and become impure while married to your husband, may this bitter water that brings a curse not harm you. But if you have gone astray while married to your husband and you have made yourself impure by having sexual relations with a man other than your husband”— here the priest is to put the woman under this curse—“may the Lord cause you to become a cursed among your people when he makes your womb miscarry and your abdomen swell. May this water that brings a curse enter your body so that your abdomen swells or your womb miscarries.”
I love Exodus 4:24-26 because it comes out of fucking nowhere and makes no sense. Moses is in the middle of his "Let my people go!" story with pharoah when all of a sudden
> 24 On the way, at a place where they spent the night, the Lord met him and tried to kill him. 25 But Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin, and touched Moses’ feet with it, and said, “Truly you are a bridegroom of blood to me!” 26 So he let him alone. It was then she said, “A bridegroom of blood by circumcision.”
Hosea 9:11-16 Hosea prays for God’s intervention. “Ephraim shall bring forth his children to the murderer. Give them, 0 Lord: what wilt thou give? Give them a miscarrying womb and dry breasts. . .Ephraim is smitten, their root is dried up, they shall bear no fruit: yea though they bring forth, yet will I slay even the beloved fruit of their womb.”
Hosea 13:16 God promises to dash to pieces the infants of Samaria and the “their women with child shall be ripped up”.
2 Kings 15:16 God allows the pregnant women of Tappuah to be “ripped open”.
>>378843
>I love Exodus 4:24-26 because it comes out of fucking nowhere and makes no sense. Moses is in the middle of his "Let my people go!" story with pharoah when all of a sudden
That's precisely the point: You can't get so caught up in your grand heroic mission that you forget about the little things, your personal and familial obligations. Moses, like everyone else, was supposed to circumcise his son on the 8th day, but postponed it to do his whole redemptive mission.
>If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, 12then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.
Deuteronomy 25 11-12
>and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and went into the holy city and appeared to many people.
Matthew 27:52-53
Curiously, no other Gospel or historian mentions the zombie invasion of Jerusalem
>>378827
>Bethel
Damn, I didn't know Elisha went to Bielefeld.
>>378819
>bible quote thread
>immediately hijacked by the same five quotes from the nofun brigade
>>378819
Genuinely interested in the meaning of OP. Could someone explain?
>>378884
WERE YOU THERE?!
>>378938
I think it is meant that when the supposed end times come it will not be something to hope for.
Amos' entire existence appeared to revolve around telling people they suck and it is only going to get worse from here. It does not help he was also proven right pretty quickly.
Render onto Caesars what is Caesars, render onto God what is Gods
