Just use win10 you hipster

>>55245247
you can't do the free update to windows 10 until you have years worth of win7 updates installed. but updating windows 7 is seemingly impossible. the automatic updater is broken and there's no way to do it manually.

> built in "check for updates" button but it doesn't do anything

ms took all the win7 updates off the update server. it connects but doesn't download anything. there was supposed to be a sp2 download but it never materialized. i guess another way to push people to move to win10.

>>55245498
I'd gladly go to Windows 10 like a good goy but you cant even so the windows 10 free upgrade without a large portion of the updates. The option on the taskbar isn't even there.

...you can just download the w10 upgrade tool from microsoft and then run that

>>55245550

This.

>i tried looking for a manual updater online
The last time I needed to update a W7 system, I Googled "windows 7 update stuck at checking for updates" and found the link to the new update installer in a few seconds. Try again.

File: 1464499468310.jpg (12 KB, 400x400) Image search: [Google]

12 KB, 400x400

http://forums.mydigitallife.info/threads/45005-Simplix-Pack-to-update-Live-Win7-System-Integrate-hotfixes-into-Win7-distribution

Just download this and run it. I use it whenever I have to do a clean install of 7.

>>55245210
first update takes a LONG time, just wait it out. I just did a clean install like 2 days ago and it worked fine

>>55245523
download the ISO?

>>55245839
THIS

I integrated updates up to March in my installer. I installed it an hour ago on a machine and it's still looking for updates. Takes 1.5-2.5 hours on average to find that first batch of updates (even in March when I was testing it). Shit sucks.

>>55245274
Did you use their upgrade tool? It worked fine for me while on Windows 8.1, where I was way, way back on updates.

https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/software-download/windows10/

>>55245716
Noice. Thanks man.

>>55245210

Force upgrade Windows Explorer OP, or .NET, etc. the rest follows, YMMV

how about you using fucking google you fucking faggot

https://blog.krissmilne.tech/windows/windows-7/windows-7-stuck-on-checking-for-updates

you wont need to go past step 3

Install these, restart.
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/3161608
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/3161647

>>55245210
wsus offline updates

>>55245210
>>55245274

I updated 13 win 7 installs this month, I used >>55248948 and >>55246235

Still got 5-10 to go before the deadline.

Updating is a pain in the butt, sometimes if the system is stuck and cpu usage stays constant the installer is hanged. Its better to kill it, kill win update installer (net stop wuauserv) and start the upgrade helper again.

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>>55245210

First install this:

Installing and searching for updates is slow and high CPU usage occurs in Windows 7 and Windows Server 2008 R2
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/3102810

restart

Then install this:

How to update the Windows Update Agent to the latest version
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/949104

restart ahgain

Now it should work. I did it yesterday c:

did you by any chance download one of these windows 7 isos with some of updates pre-installed?

>>55245210
I did a fresh install of Win 7 a few weekgs ago. Literally took ~72 hours just to find/collect the updates. Note: It was an ethernet connection and I had the computer on the whole time. Just wait it out, OP.
Try updating the Update Client, too
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/3050265

>>55245210
microsoft intentionally made updates for win 7 slow

just leave the update on overnight and it'll do it

ALL OF YOU FOR THE LOVE OF GOD USE TEAM OS APRIL2016 WIN7. YOUR LIVES WILL BE MUCH EASIER. YOU'RE WELCOME.

also, never10 and spybot anti-beacon.

>>55250760
ninja clarification, this isn't just a scene thing:

http://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2016/05/windows-7-now-has-a-service-pack-2-but-dont-call-it-that/

>>55245210
Microsoft is part of NSA's mass surveillance program "PRISM":
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PRISM_(surveillance_program)

Microsoft informs the NSA about bugs before fixing them:
https://archive.is/OBGB1

Microsoft openly offeres cloud data to support PRISM:
https://archive.is/tW6fu

Microsoft has backdoored its disk encryption:
https://archive.is/2XIvX
https://archive.is/qLRZx

Windows snoops on the users' files, text input, voice input,
location, contacts, calendar records and web browsing history,
even after related settings are turned off:
https://archive.is/thsGd
https://archive.is/sz1nt
https://archive.is/g3QdQ
https://archive.is/ko469
https://archive.is/l6pmO
https://archive.is/zK93U

Micrcrosoft automatically downloads Windows 10 on PCs running
Windows 7 or Windows 8.1 (between 3.5GB and 6GB), even if
users have not opted-in:
http://archive.is/CEvKh

Windows 10 scans for illegal/pirated software:
https://archive.is/vhjwm
https://archive.is/2jehd
https://archive.is/KQsBh

Microsoft proudly presents surveillance statistics:
https://archive.is/MB0Yy

> Over 82 billion photos viewed.
> Gamers spent over 4 billion hours playing PC games.
> 44.5 billion minutes/month spent in Microsoft Edge.
> Over 2.5 billion questions asked of Cortana since launch.
> Windows 10 now active on over 200 million devices.

>>55245716
> You need to login to view this posts content.

Fuck that

I have a doubt. My IP is from Spain, but 4chan flag is Russia. ¿What's happening? Please help.

>>55245210
Wait for 5-12 hours

>>55245247
>implying anything after Windows 7 isn't pure crap

>>55252703
this
windows update is shit and slow

If you're still having the problem, I downloaded two patches and the update system magically worked once more. I think the two that I had installed were KB3138612 and KB3145739, though I could be wrong.

http://www.infoworld.com/article/3058260/microsoft-windows/heres-how-to-significantly-speed-up-windows-7-scans-for-updates.html

>>55245210
Make a slipstreamed disk.

>>55245274
You don't need to upgrade. If you download a Win10 iso and use a key for 7 it will install from scratch.

did a fresh install for niece other week and it never did updates either. it just sat on checking for hours

>>55252812
Same guy, just wanting to add that it did take me about an hour to install each update as it just stood there. Though, after that, updates came in bundles and within about 2-3 restarts 30 minutes after installing the second patch, I was fully updated.

>>55245210
I just use the Win10 ISO on fresh win7 SP1 installations and it upgrades without having to download any updates.