We all know that one guy with an Indian accent calls us and tells us there is something wrong with our computers. If you're like me, you love to mess with the fuckers. Post your best conversations with these ass hats, I'll go first:
> Hello?
> Hi there, I'm from windows sevice centre, your computer has been hacked and I need the details to "fix the issues".
> Oh OK, what do I need to do?
> First I need you to turn on the computer
> OK, it's on (not really)
> Are you sure?
> Yep
> What do you see?
> Lots of child porn
> ... Can you please close that out?
> OK one second
> What do you see now?
> A lot of Horsecocks
> OK... do you see the windows button
> No
> Do you see the control key?
> Yes
> What's next to it?
> The Alt Key
> What's between Control and Alt
> The "Z" key
> Oh my god... you're a motherfucker
> Can you please repeat that?
> I said you're a motherfucker
> Ask him to repeat 7 times in total
> *Click*
>>53420028
Never gotten one of these, usually just the "win a cruise" shit
>>53420028
No, I actually don't
>>53420063
>You qualify to have all your debts payed off.
but, I'm not in debt
>>53420028
I've always wanted to do this with a really old system
Tell him I have a virus called AmigaOS and as a result my internet always opens up to Sabrina online and I really want it to stop so I can use the normal windows, and how this is all my son's fault because he keeps playing those video games.
>>53420063
A lot of people I know are getting calls from these curry niggers claiming to be with the IRS. My neighbor from down the street, who is in her 70s, a bit kooky, and strung out on God only knows what prescriptions (no really, I don't think she or her husband know they're in the world half the time), almost wired them $10k. The only reason she didn't was because her daughter just happened to have her van that day, and so she came and asked me to drive her to the bank to withdraw it. She didn't want to tell me what was going on exactly, but she had the fucker on speaker, so I pretty much heard it all. I pointed out to her that the IRS would either send you a letter, or just show up at your door with a subpoena . They wouldn't fucking call you demanding money now, or ask you to wire it by Western Union, and also that the IRS probably doesn't hire people who speak such broken English. I managed to talk her out of sending him any money.
>>53420028
>Hello ma'm (not a femanon) am I please speaking to Mr Anon?
>Uhhh sure
>Ma'm I need you to listen berry carefully. I am calling from the Windows tech support. Your computer has been downloading illegal content.
>Why does Microsoft care about what I download?
>I'm sorry m'am?
>Wouldn't that be up to my ISP to warn about illegal downloads?
>NONONO You must comply with the Windows operations or your computer will be remotely shut down.
I just burst out laughing at this point and he called me a son of a bitch and I hung up.
This is hilarious.
Moar?
>>53420028
Honestly I'm to lasy to Fuck with them as they seems to always call me when I'm tried.
Usually just say I'm runing linux when they claim to be Microsoft
>>53421206
Just pretend to be tech illiterate
"windows? In my computer? What is that?
But a few weeks ago my wifes son installed something nicer for me called mind or mint or something like that, and I have to say it's working much better than whatever my computer came with"
>not googling unknown numbers when they arrive to determine if you should bother answering at all
>>53420063
*BLARING BOAT HORN*
>>53420028
>If you're like me, you love to mess with the fuckers.
Try not to ham things up too much though. Your first priority should be keeping them on the line for as long as possible, if not longer. Every minute that they waste talking to you, is a minute they are not being successful with someone else. Time is literally money.
>>53421611
fuck those calls
>h-hello?
>*BWOOOOOOOOMP*
>>53420028
My uncle paid these people money. He thinks he is pretty good with computers too.
>>53420028
for cases where they try to take over via their shitty vnc program:
>VM prepared with wacky autohotkey scripts
>keep them on the phone while it's booting
>install their dumb program
>mouse jumps all over the screen and porn starts popping up everywhere as soon as they connect
only got to use it once so far; he was salty about it
A week ago I did the reverse. I had one of those "OMG your computer is teh H4X0RZ" with a "Microsoft" support number popups that buggy sites sometimes get. So, I installed a Windows XP VM, installed Microsoft BOB over it, and called Dotty McDothead and let him remote on. I had the fucker on the line for about an hour, and he was getting pissed. I did install Firefox (IE on XP is outdated) and set the homepage to porn, and put a link inside of BOB. For an hour I basically Alt-tabbed or Alt-F4'd out of everything he'd try, and kept him on either BOB or the worst porn I could find on Xtube.
It was great. I acted like I was an old man named Samson. Their protocol does not allow them to hang up.
>>53421853
lmao you fucking sadist
this is great
>hello my name is keven i am calling you from microsoft windows technical support your computer has been sending error messages
>i have an apple tho
>your apple computer has been sending error mesages
>>53422488
Kek
>>53421173
I once pretended to have a heart attack on the phone
>>53423186
I like you.
I once pretended I was in the shower, even showered to make it sound real.
>>53421580
>Implying I answer my phone
>>53421134
>>53420028
>>53421853
>>53421548
how the heck are you all getting these POO calls?
>>53423260
>I was pretending to shower, but I actually showered to make it seem real
wot
>>53424757
Yeah, I really fooled him
>>53421173
>>53421611
>>53421647
>tfw not an american and only get telemarketers trying to get me to order the Donald Duck magazine
I already have a subscription
>>53421908
Awesome.
This gives me ideas.
>>53425034
Ausfag here
>>53425079
Could I just give them my number? How do I mess with them safely? Is a VM enough?
>>53425098
Why vm?
Just pretend to be tech illiterate.
Try turning on your "sons computer" because you only use an ipad for example.
>>53425373
>not wife's son's computer
>>53421580
>implying Android doesn't already do this. if google has a listing for the number, it automatically shows.
I'd love to string one along for 10 or 15 minutes then drop the bombshell that I'm running OS X.
>>53426473
How do I do that
>>53426521
idk, mine does it automagically. Maybe it's only GPE phones?
>>53426402
Already did that here
>>53421548
>>53420028
Is it possible to 1337 hax these guys when they remote into your computer? Can I get their IP and DDoS them or something?
>>53426827
hello /b/
>>53426827
>DDoS
Sure, if you have a real actual non-meme botnet.
Or a decent upload speed, keep in mind this is what households have, if the household:companies speed ratio is similar to other places, companies should have 20 on average
