This happened to me just now and I need to share it before I kill myself out of embarrassment.
> It's spring break, be staying with my parents in their apartment b/c no plans/ loner
> mom is super muslim, won't allow our family to eat anything except dat halal shit
> whatever, I'm sure I can still manage to hit my macros
> be this evening, just finished my pull workout
> down a protein shake and head home for dinner
> mom tells me she didn't cook tonight, so we're having leftovers
> leftovers is comprised of essentially no protein.
> heart starts racing- my gains are in mortal peril
> suddenly, I hatch a sacrilegious idea, an unholy plot, a blasphemous plan
> after "dinner", tell mom I'm going to buy some milk at the store
> unbeknownst to her, I have another destination in mind
> I make pilgrimage in my Honda to Chipotle, a temple dedicated to the Gods of Gains
> I enter the temple with a whispered blessing to Lord Genova, the patron god of sick and piss
> in this temple, the monks are fat Mexican ladies with greasy faces, and the incense is the scent of grilling steak
> I make a humble offering of $10.65
> immediately, the Gods of Gains reward me with a brown rice bowl with chicken AND extra steak
> murmur a prayer of thanks to Janoy and make the return voyage home
> I can't let my mom see me eating this so I stash the food in my trunk and wait for my parents to fall asleep
> I slink out of the apartment at like 1 am down to my car, which is parked in the parking lot of my parents' apartment complex
> take out the food from my trunk, get in the driver's seat, and begin to demolish the food like the starving pilgrim that I am
> I prop my phone up on the dashboard and watch Delray Misfits episodes as I stuff myself
> laugh as loudly and obnoxiously as I can, safe in the knowledge that nobody can hear me
> suddenly, a light shines through the passenger window, directly at me.
cont'd
>>36330106
>waiting 6 hours or so to eat room-temperature Mexican food
I hope you like diarrhoea, Anon. Because you're about to have a lot of it.
> it's a cop with a flashlight
> he tells me to roll down the window
> I comply
> "Hi there son, what're you up to?" he asks nicely
> suddenly notices the bowl of half-finished Chipotle in my hands
> sees my cheeks stuffed with food, bits of rice on my lips and shirt
> suddenly, Big Lenny says incredibly loudly in the silence of my car:
> "Anal stimulation is only something I will perform for a transsexual."
> it is deafeningly loud in the confines of my car.
> Big Lenny is also shirtless and flexing his malformed gut as he says this on the video
> cop looks at Big Lenny’s pregnant belly
> looks back at me with a strange look on his face and says "Stay safe tonight."
> turn off the video and finish the Chipotle and go to bed
Fuck my life. I just realized I snuck out of my house at 1 am like a teenager only to eat Chipotle in my car and watch a retard and a middle-aged gay man flex at each other.
kek enjoyed
>>36330106
please dont
Why wouldn't you just eat at chipotle you retard
Why would you go home for spring break
Why wouldn't you just bring the food into your room and shut the door
Why didn't you eat at the chipotle?
Muslims are retarded, so are religious mothers.
>Source: Have a super religious mother.
Enjoyed it
Live and learn, blasphemer bro
Reminds of the story of an anon dowloading limewire porn and "accidentally" getingt asian gay porn, then getting caught watching it by his sister.
Anyone have it?
>>36330106
>terrorist kills himself
STOP THE PRESSES
>>36330144
Time to move out OP.
>>36330106
Actually you should kill yourself anyway, because your post is so completely cringey that you couldn't not be embarassed by it.
>>36330144
nice.
>Chipotle
Enjoy the food poisoning
Holy shit! there are others.
here's my story.
>be not liftan
>start liftan
>family only eats halal heats
>has to drive 45km one way to get to store to get hella overpriced beef
>end up eating meat 2 days a week
> realize what this means for my gainzz
>gorge on this Dope ass bbq place (small town amenities)
Anyways, the fucks who sell halal meat price it like 20% higher than regular beef.
We could move i guess, but we'd be surrounded by brownies/Arabs
>>36330144
What episode were you watching
>>36330144
OP, your only option now is to head down to delray and join take Lenny's wrinkly, bloated dick in your ass
