I need help /fit/, and you guys are the only ones I can literally talk to. Back in 2013 I had an eating disorder due to the fact I was over weight and wanted to lose weight at a decent speed. My weight loss journey started out nice, was exercising, eating super vegetarian healthy, all the good stuff.
Then around about a month to two months before my birthday, I started plateau-ing and get kinda discouraged, but not by much.
Then, birthday arrives, and I think it was cake that I deemed I ate too much of and was feeling sick and dissapointed with myself, so I did what I saw on the Internet and tv, and stuck my fingers down my throat that night and forced everything out.
Next morning, surprise, I had breaken my plateau and was either a pound and a half or two pounds lighter, I don't remember.
But I was happy.
So it continued, fast forward 2014 I go ballistic one night and tell my parents and at first they were super supportive of me, but the first night a week later I relapse (because puking has become my stress relief)
They scream at me and ever since then ive never gotten better but never told them I relapsed again and again, so they think I'm all good.
Fast forward today, I'm spending about $100 every three days on just binge food, and its deteriorating my bank account and I can't stop. I puke about once to twice a day and still do about and hour and a half on the cardio machine every day so it's not like I don't go gym or anything.
It's just I get these uncontrollable urges to consume as much as possible, and before I buy the food, during, and after is terrible anxiety (it causes me to scratch and pick at every tiny thing on my face, making me look like I have a tiny case of acne, but little do everyone know it's self induced) that will probably force my hand to kill myself one day.
(cont)
>>36191067
It's horrible, I'm wasting so much money, money I don't get much of in the first place, and all my spare money goes toward this eating disorder. I cannot tell my parents because they'll get mad again, I can't tell the person I love because I don't want them knowing I went through this for so long because everyone knows after going through this for so long it never will go away and I don't want them to deal with feeling like they have to look over me, and I can't tell my doctor because I'm in the military and I've just started and this is all I have to start my career.
They'll easily find a way to get me kicked out and I joined right out of high school so they could pay for collage.
I don't know what to do, /fit/.
I want to stop.
I have to.
I'd rather just end everything then go through this another day.
Show your parents this.
Then ask them for help, you're going to need a professional for awhile.
They do help, but you need to tell your family. You're gunna need the healthy shame that comes with knowing there's someone you're accountable too.
The answer is simple: go see a psychologist
>>36191096
Go to a doctor, bulimia is a srs disorder and really fuggin bad for your health.
>>36191239
I can't go to a doctor, the only doctor I can go to is a military medical doctor and like I said they'd kick me out for this shit.
>>36191262
Maybe, but you need serious, professional help, otherwise you're in risk of permanent damage to your health. Take it from an oldfag
>>36191384
Professional help i won't be able to pay for.
its alright, I've given up.
One day ill wake up from this.
>>36191207
>psychologist
>not an Psychiatrist
One is a meme vape lmao weed420, the other actually has a medical training and degree.
>>36192670
So psychiatrist is the way to go?
>>36192703
Yes.
You should come gurgle on this dick. It's much healthier than sticking a finger in your mouth.
Seriously OP, go see a psychiatrist. You need help, you admitted it. This is extremely disastrous to your health.
Even if it means you get a medical chapter, you can always try to re-up after it expires.
>>36191262
Just stop.
Fun fact: bulimics usually gain or maintain their weight over time.
>>36193479
Stop what?
>>36192670
I went to a psychiatrist and one of the first things he recommended is that I should also see a psychologist
Both are necessary desu
>>36195485
>>36195469
I'm only going to keep this email up for about 5 minutes then I'm deleting it, if you want help email it asap.
>>36195496
What branch though? And rank?
>>36195597
navy e4, about to be e5.
>>36195608
Navy too E3 here. Where are you stationed?
>>36195494
Or he is just not good enough.
>>36195494
How much this shit costs?
>>36195612
Currently in Dam Neck for another C school, was on a ship outta norfolk, once this school is done going to another ship in norfolk.
youll definitely be non deployable , but that's not a career ender. Your health is issue number 1 and I'm just thinking about how bad you're messing your heart up with the exercise and purging, damn OP. If you're concerned about getting kicked out too then remember that it will be a med board and you'll get benefits , so you won't be in too bad a shape. You'll definitely get the help you need.
>>36195615
Or maybe you're a meme loving faggot
>>36195623
The psychiatrist is about $200 per appointment
>>36195636
IS maybe? Thats the rate I'm trying to strike for.
>>36195640
yeah, I've already become anemic because of this, and the navy knows about the anemia because I had to miss my last PFA because my heart was racing too much.
Can you explain what a med board is?
And you think I can keep these issues quiet or will my family somehow find out?
>>36195644
>$200 per appointment
yep, nope. I will never pay that much.
>>36195686
Nah. IT3.
>strike for
Ho sweet child, why did you join undes
>>36195644
Calling names would not change the fact that is more intelligent and beneficial to invert that money (if you truly need it) in a professional of health rather than in a mememaster (psychologist).
But is up to you to do whatever came out of your ass.
The med board process ,in short, is like this: military docs will determine your health profile, see if this illness was service driven or caused, and how much disability percentage you should get. It's all business discussed between you the docs and your chain of command. If you decide to tell your senpai about it is fine, you have the control then and there.
dont be so hard on yourself anon
>>36195732
Psychology is also health care? And dude my point is that OP will probably also need both and invest in both
If they go to a psychologist first they'll recommend a psychiatrist also and if they go to a psychiatrist first they'll recommend a psychologist also
With me and most everyone I know who has mental health appointments it was like this
And you'll need to see a dietitian for a controlled eating plan along with a therapist and a psych doc giving you anti depressants. All this care is free in service, you can't lose.
damn you got problems lol
>>36191067
OP, you can get professional help, but all they are going to do is help you to help yourself. Ultimately, you are going to need to stop this through raising your own awareness. I believe in your own power, OP. Some advice:
Don't run from the pain anymore. Let the pain run through you, let it hurt, let it make you cry. There is transcendence on the other side.
Set up the situation so that success is inevitable. For example, relocate somewhere you could not get away with purging as frequently or at all. Or set up your finances in a way that you cannot afford the food.
Love yourself, now. Soften your brow, visualize warmth and love, and receive it from yourself.
Stay socially connected and healthy. The fact that you had to turn to us is a sign that your support network is weak. Make new friends. Spend time with company that loves and appreciates you.
Godspeed, OP. I sincerely wish you happiness and its causes.
>>36196034
Anon.. you're making me cry.
Thanks, I really needed that..
;_;
>>36191067
You could try binging on fruits and vegs. No need to puke since you wont gain weight with them.
>>36196601
I binge on stupid ass shit sometimes it's rediculous. For instance, today was Shirataki noodles (30cal) a can of carrots (90cal) an apple (130cal) and like two normal sized bags of bugal chips hat you get from the vending machine.
It's just any time my stomach feels full or bloated, I stress and have to get it out or I'll feel like literally wanting to kill myself and trash
also speaking of, thanks to this mental way of thinking I'll eat out of the trash too so any leftover binge food immeadiatly goes in the toliet, or I'll reach back into the trash can and eat it again.
This ED has no logic behind it
Also, had to stop taking lax because I was getting up to having to take 60 at a time and still barely using the restroom (after a weak not going)
Thankfully I found coffee at after eight in the morning makes me shit almost immeadiatly, so Hopfully I'm done with lax the rest of my life.
(Lax addict has only been around a year or so)
You need to see a professional OP, pronto.
No ifs, ands, or buts, you're at the point where you need help from more then just anons on a Tibetan goat herding forum.
>>36196034
That's a top quality post right there.
>>36196601
That's not how eating disorders fucking work
>>36191067
>>36191096
I know what youre going through because I did the same shit to. My advice would be eat in very public places where the bathrooms would be packed at all times. I get too embarrassed to vomit and normally the food is held in to the point where it would be impossible fot me to vomit it out once I get home
>>36191067
y....you could shove your fingers up your ass 24/7?
>>36197534
>>36191067
or wait, you could just spray that stuff that they spray on dog shit to make it not taste good?
>>36197669
http://www.amazon.com/Solid-Gold-S-E-P-Eating-3-5oz/dp/9376674824
this stuff
>>36197534
>>36197669
>>36197699
>>36197699
It could work
just hear me out guys. you have bulimia right?
well what do you need to do to get fingers down your throat? fingers, exactly
just coat your fingers in a bunch of shit bitter stuff and problem solved!
you won't be able to throw up because you can't stand the taste of your fingers
OR OR OR try some EXTREMELY hot sauce, like pure capsaicin.
next time you try throwing up you end up burning like hell
then the pain makes you not want to do that again, problem solved
just never jack off or you will die of pain.
>>36196795
>or I'll feel like literally wanting to kill myself and trash
In the long run, that's much healthier for you than vomiting all the time. So deal with it.
