http://www.elitefts.com/education/training/twelve-steps-to-getting-big/
(1/???)
> While every young guy seems to know that lifting heavy is the foundation of building muscle, most have the dietary caloric intake of a 16-year-old girl. Every bro in the world can tell you how much he bench presses, but ask him how much protein he eats a day and, 99 percent of the time, he’s completely clueless.
> “I eat so much man, you wouldn’t believe it. I don’t know why I can’t gain weight. I want to weigh like 200 and be jacked!!”
> “When was the last time you ate an entire carton of eggs?”
> “Uhh, I don’t think I’ve ever done that…”
> “Last time you ate an entire large pizza at once?”
> “But I don’t want to lose my abs.”
> “You would have made for a poor Viking.”
> Ask any big guy how he got to be 250 pounds or more and I guarantee his answer isn’t going to be, “I ate really clean and had non-starchy carbs, and I got hooge.” That has never been said ever. That said, there seems to be a trend right now of “eat clean and be lean” year around and a general discouragement of excessive bulking and dirty eating.
> Eating clean year around is swell if your goal is to continue to look like a soccer player who does curls, but if you want to reach the hallowed “damn, you’re a big guy” status, you need to down some calories. A lot of calories. More calories than your damn chicken breast and organic brown rice will provide.
> Certain rules must be adhered to when eating to get big. Eating an entire pound of seared dead animal flesh is a good way to start. While in the long run, these dietary guidelines will likely enlarge your heart and leave you sweating bacon grease walking up stairs, they are guaranteed to get you hooge in the short term. Lift heavy, pack in the meals, and watch your numbers climb. If you're serious about gaining weight and need to put on size now, man up and get ready for some truly epic eating.
(cont'd)
>>37686355
(2/???)
> 1) Eat an entire pound of beef. Until you’ve eaten an entire pound of ground sirloin in one sitting, don’t complain that you can’t gain weight. Clearly, you aren't trying hard enough.
> 2) Cook a packet of bacon. Bacon makes everything better. Plus, I’m pretty positive that the saturated fat boosts testosterone. The calories are like 1000 or something. Don’t want to start our day catabolic now, do we? On a side note, cook everything else in the bacon grease for a greater boost of testosterone. You can’t tell me that this doesn’t make any food taste frickin delicious. It's a great way to get your vegetables in.
> 3) Eat Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Remember, insulin is the most anabolic hormone, and we want it to skyrocket post-workout. Not only is every flavor delicious, I'm positive that the quarts are secretly designed to be post-workout meals with 1000 calories, 100 grams of carbs, 30–40 grams of fat, and some grade A dairy protein. Toss in some protein powder and you have the most delicious weight gainer in existence.
> 4) Eat a pound of rice with every pound of meat. Seriously, do this for a month and watch the numbers on the scale climb. Rice comes in 50-lb bags, so you don't have any excuse. Also, the Chinese weightlifting team does this, and they won like half the golds in weightlifting at the last Olympics (I’m assuming it's from the rice).
> 5) Consume butter. Jason Pegg once described cooking with massive amounts of butter as “a lake of awesome.” He was right. Prepare every food with butter and top that food with more butter afterward. The butter fat is good for you because your cells are made of fat (said science).
> 6) Have a frozen pizza with olive oil. Buy a large extra meat frozen pizza. After baking, cover the entire pizza in olive oil. Consume this in one sitting. This is my preferred post-deadlift meal. The sodium will help you rehydrate.
>>37686377
(3/???)
> Our typical day's meals may look something like this:
> Breakfast: 6 eggs, half stick butter, chocolate milk
> Brunch: protein shake with 6 eggs, syrup, berries
> Lunch: Whole chicken with barbecue sauce
> Pre workout: Bacon
> Post workout: Pint of ice cream, high carb protein shake
> Dinner: Pound of cheap meat fried in bacon fat, pound of rice with a stick of butter in it, HALF GALLON of chocolate milk
> Before bed: Whole frozen pizza slathered in olive oil
> Total calories = a fuckton
> Grams of protein = enough to get swole
> Grams of fat = I lost count, but your T-levels will be ridiculous.
> Grams of carbs = 1000? Gotta keep our glycogen stores up!
> Your abs = Did Vikings care about their abs? Hell no, they didn’t. You think you’re more bad ass than a Viking?
> I dare anyone to eat this way for a week and tell me they can’t gain weight. I dare you. So there you have it—everyone wants to be big, but no one wants to eat big. Follow these twelve steps and you’ll be on your way to being hooge!
>>37686355
Speaking to the swole as fuck choir brosephine
>>37686429
Summary pic.
REAL MEN BENCH 405 AND ONLY HAVE ONE FOOT
>mfw I've got about 10 pounds of meat in the oven right now
Gotta eat BIG TO GET BIG CMON
Powerlifters are a strange (autistic) bunch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FK_LQtc0ALQ
>>37686524
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FK_LQtc0ALQ
>dropping a class you have a B in over a few dsys of training
Isn't the mentality supposed to be the best you can be in all you do?
>>37686438
Only got one life home slice so don't beta your way to 80 the alphas live swole and die hard body ya bitch
do you guys not understand that this is satire?
>>37686642
> whole pizza soaked in olive oil before bed
> hard body
pick one
>>37686355
>You would have made for a poor Viking
>>37686355
Top fucking kek
>tfw day 13 of cutting on PSMF at ~1000 calories a day (that's not the deficit that's how much I'm consuming) and the only stuff I'm taking is creatine, D3 and thermogenics (as something to keep up my energy on such a steep cut more than to increase my TDEE)
>tfw also doing 10 minutes of HIIT and 1 hour of walking every single day
>tfw lost 5kgs already, no apparent change in muscle mass and no change in strength
B..but if you don't do 18 weeks of cutting at 500 calories below your TDEE with minimal cardio you'll lose muscle mass
>fry everything in bacon grease. It makes everything taste delicious
Oh lordy I think I'm getting palpitations just from reading this
>>37686377
> 3) Eat Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Remember, insulin is the most anabolic hormone, and we want it to skyrocket post-workout. Not only is every flavor delicious, I'm positive that the quarts are secretly designed to be post-workout meals with 1000 calories, 100 grams of carbs, 30–40 grams of fat, and some grade A dairy protein. Toss in some protein powder and you have the most delicious weight gainer in existence.
>>37686713
Hahahaha 2016 and still believes dietary fat makes you fat. 1979 called they want their studies back.
>>37686813
Digiorno 3 meat pizza is 2000 cal, plus unknown amounts of additional olive oil. Quarter cup = 500 cal, so we're looking at probably 2500 calories minimum.
Pretty sure eating that plus all that other shit will make you fat bub.
I don't know anything about eating, lifting, gaining or losing weight.
Seen this thread off the front page.
This is some funny stuff.
I'm no expert as we all all known now, but this seems like the fastest way to kill yourself slowly.
>>37686856
You ever tried it?
how to get fat - the thread
>>37686917
What? No, why the hell would I do that?
I'd rather live to be old than eat that garbage.
>>37686937
Haha why live to be old instead of living to live?
