>*cilck*
>*click*
>*ding*
A robber is now if your house. All your training has lead to this. How do you use your gains to survive?
Barter using my rare pepes
bjj that motherfucker
I have a german shepard
I get the fuck out and then call the police.
I have people who depend on me, and who doesn't live in my house.
There's no need for me to risk my life unnecessarily in a physical confrontation.
I have better things to do.
>>37109280
showing off dem cardio gains. good choice
What would Chad do?
Using my gains? I wouldn't, I would probably use a gun or call the cops. I lift because I like the way I feel when I do and it makes me look better and feel healthier. If you think doing SS and shitposting on /fit/ is going to do you any good in a fight with a burglar you're delusional m8.
>"HEIGHT"
>I tower over him
>"FACE"
>my handsome, masculine bone structure intimidates him as he backs out the door he came in
>"FRAME"
>my massive shoulders smash through the doorframe and surrounding wall as I follow him out the door
>at this point he is screaming, he defecates all over himself in fear and proceeds to turn himself in at the nearest police station
>I celebrate with piping hot slice of PIZZA
>>37109288
chad owns a glock pistol 9mm
What's he gonna do? Steal my whey?
>>37109263
break his fucking head with 1plate
>>37109293
Kek
>>37109293
10/10
Wait until he walks past the staircase and drop 2 plates on his head.
>home gym master race
>>37109348
This is why I train
>>37109263
Implying I didn't spend months turning my house into a impenetrable death trap. I feel sorry for anyone that even steps on my lawn
>>37109263
DROP PANTS, SCREAM AT FULL VOLUME, PROCEED TO DEFECATE, GRAPPLE THE FUCKER IF HE HASNT RUN FROM PURE TERROR YET
I keep a baseball bat by my bed and a shotgun underneath it. Id most likely grab the bat, and lock my bedroom door. Id start going for the shotgun and as soon as i got it, id load a shell into it so that it made the cocking noise as i tell him to get out of my house.
>>37109269
i like how you think! go right for the blow j-job
>>37109293
Underbaked
>>37109438
That's illegal.
Also stop watching Home Alone.
>>37109452
Nothing I did is illegal and it's nothing like home alone lol
display my soft, supple boybutt with my pre-lubed pink puckering bhole inviting him towards me like the fluttering wings of a monarch butterfly
then when he is about to nut in my ass pull him close enough for a kiss, as his face switches between confusion and desire, slice his throat with a straight razor
>>37109263
He's still gotta get through my doors privacy lock. Won't take him long, but it'll buy me a few extra seconds. Enough time to put on my work boots (steel capped), grab my leather jacket and if time my leather belt to wrap it around my hand. I'm heavy (bulking) and 6'2, so with boots and a leather motorcycle jacket, I'm gonna outweigh him. The belt is that my hand has a metal buckle on it. I'm slow as fuck in the ring, so my best bet is to end him asap. Punch with the buckle at his face, kick st the shin with boots.
I usually have both my jacket and belt next to my bed, so I can get ready in the morning and out the door asap, so getting jut a jacket and boots on when tired and groggy is engrained.
>>37109263
Pick up one of my dumbell and smash that fucker's face. Call an ambulance and no police afterwards. Ain't no snitching around here.
I trust my anger issues to do the job
*unleashes katana*
*teleports behind robber*
"Too slow, Mr. Lupin"
*beheading noises*
Uh-oh it was my mother
sorry mom
>>37109263
I own a door. This scenario would never happen.
>>37109567
>beheads own mother
>psh, nothing personnel, kid
>>37109263
Reach under my mattress and pull out my maverick 88
>>37109348
Most house doors open on the inside though.
>>37109666
Senpai clearly doesn't have most house doors
>>37109263
Keep the lights low, turn on some upbeat music, exit my room in just a Speedo and start towards the robber doing my BB poses. The burglar will be so entranced with my sexy muscles that he'll sit on the couch for a lap dance, which ill give. Once we're settled down after the inevitable love making session, he'll fall asleep and I'll call the cops.
>>37109348
Breaking over your head is bad form. Gotta do OHP first.
Well done anyway
>>37109293
lmao
I shoot him with my gun so that I don't waste gains on cardio
Summon the creatine crows
>>37109775
>>37109293
The kekest
Use my functional biceps strength, open the window and nope the fuck out.
>>37109293
LÃœL
Ü
L
>>37109440
Get your fudd lore outta here.
>>37109293
L Ö L
Ö
L
>>37109263
Rush at him while flailing wildly, thanking the heavens that my bizarre physiology allows me to be a 210 pounds fatass while still being able to perform physics-breakingly fast sprints and wonder how many bones he'll break with such tremendous momentum thrown right at him.
And hope he doesn't know any tai-fuck-jutsu that could allow him to dodge effectively despite the massive surface I cover.
Blaha trained me for this.
>>37109293
tpo kek
I would just throw a pair of pliers at him.
shoot him with a gun
USA USA USA USA USA
>>37109542
>Ain't no snitching around here
iterally worse than hitler.
He'll break into a qt3.14 single-moms house next and rape her underage daughter while robbing them of all their belongings.
He'd be in jail if you reported him.
>>37109293
Lel top banter m9
>>37109441
Fuck off leddit
I'd grab my gun and shoot them. Fuck trying to fist fight, I'd be tired and have school and work in the morning.
>>37109452
It's illegal to defend your home?
>>37109263
Pick up my shotgun and shoot him.
>>37109280
>fleeing your own home
what a cuck
>>37113434
you technically have to in California
you can't shoot a home invader if there is an exit you can reach safely, regardless of if your family is in the other room and can't get out
JUST
>>37113447
I thought California was a Stand Your Ground state? I didn't realize Cuckifornia was that bad though, I need to get out of here.
>>37113447
>implying that if you kill him the police will know
You do realize that you can get rid of the corpse easily right? You people aren't street smart.
>>37113447
>no officer, he was standing between me and the exit
Wow, that was hard
>>37113578
Blaha is that you?
>>37109263
>I hide around the corner
>Wait for a good opportunity
>Reach around, OHP the Bandit
>He screams and wails helplessly
>Force him to sit on my sturdy shoulders
>Pull really hard on his legs so he can't break free
>Wait for him to calm down
>Treat him some ice cream
>We soon become best friends and together, we fight crime
>People all over the world know us as Musclar & Burglor
>Sworn enemies of the gain goblins
>>37109293
>>37113578
The tub and acid thing only works on tv
>>37109263
>knock him out with the steel pipe I've hidden near the entrance
>strip him
>tie him up in bondage, legs up and spread, suspended from the ceiling
>shave him and dress him in lingerie
>shove my used underwear in his mouth
>splash water on him to wake him
>start teasing his nipples and cock
>lube up his anus
>take him to poundtown as I sound his urethra with a thin steel rod
>make him cum exclusively with his ass
>explode inside him
>make the dogs lick his hole clean
>rinse and repeat for the next few months
>>37113447
http://ww2.kqed.org/news/2013/07/22/5-things-to-know-about-stand-your-ground-in-california
Wow, look at that, a single google search and the first fucking link prove you wrong.
>>37109263
I just started you faggot give me a few years to get rid of my skinny body and androgynous face
>>37109263
I approach my assailant, a quivering mass of vascular flesh, rippling like waves on a vat of Taco Bell boiled meats as I flex.
"Hey qt, u wan sum fuk?" is all I ask, "it's not gay just because we've both got dicks."
>>37109263
shoot him?
Eat him for extra protein
>>37109263
Burglar is heavy object
Lift heavy object.
Set down heavy object.
Lift heavy object.
Repeat till heavy object vomits then steal his wallet as an object moral lesson.
>>37109441
>>37109269
faggot, newfag, samefag and leddit minded.
I'd shovel pass my 15lb container of protein into his chest taking him off his feet. then as he's going hurdling towards earth I'd jump above him and come down full force with my foot on his face.
too easy.
Set up a series of death traps for the thief. You can call me Macaulay Bulkin.
>>37109263
Pic related
I stand in front of the door wearing nothing but my shoulder holster, a smile, and flipflops, with my gun drawn. The thief meets my eyes, and relocks the knob before closing my door and finding a softer target.
Depending on the time of day I might only be half erect, and thus only three quarters as intimidating.
>>37109293
Mein sides
>>37109319
Pretty much this. Just fucking lob a weight down the stairs and finish the job with mr baseball bat
>>37113603
>musclar & burglor
>>37109263
Grab my shotgun and fire away. I live in Florida so it's all gravy here.
>>37109293
i love this meme
>>37109288
>Chad
>walk out in salmon shorts, a abercrombie un-bottoned shirt with abs showing, boat shoes and a swag hair cut
>Jaw line of a god
>Abercrombie fierce cologne on
>Drops stunner shads over eyes
>Tell burglar
>You better leave, do you know who the fuck my dad is, ill fucking sue you ttill your fucking dead.
burglar runs knowing not to mess with the alpha white male.
i'll just find a dark corner to hide in, then i'll scream wildly and incoherently and bang on walls until he realizes he's outmatched
>>37111708
>throw a pair of pliers
>>37109263
>click, click ding
Don't you mean "click, click, BOOM" ?
>>37114221
The worst thing is that people who have these type of thoughts look perfectly normal.
I flex my rights as a citizen of the United States of America and relieve my Sig Sauer p320c of 15 rounds of freedom in the direction of the tresspasser.
>>37109263
Use my strength gains to curl open my drawer filled with freedom.
I can use my lungs that have been strengthened by cardio to yell at him first if I'm feeling nice.
>robber fiddles with lock
>I leap to my feet in my undies to grab my 4 ft cold steel claymore
>shove the blade through the door
>hear whimper on other side
>open door to find out the robber was actually a girl guide whom I just impaled
>who else /autisticimpulses/ here?
