Gym stories thread?
>>37043476
thats hilarious
That looks fucking awesome.
the starfish
>>37043476
>>37043484
https://www.instagram.com/p/BE7Weizrs3v/
>>37043522
>https://www.instagram.com/p/BE7Weizrs3v/
Thanks bro now my roommate thinks I was just watching gay porn. Shit was funny though.
>>37043476
crossfit
>>37043695
fuck that fuck you
Maybe somebody can tell me what to fucking do
> walking into gym when notice a sign on the back entrance "we are now a judgement free facility." What the fuck kek this place turned into planet fitness??
>everything seems normal while walking to locker room
>another sign "There are no more men/women locker rooms only "Locker rooms," You are free to use either one you associate with...what in the fuck
>have this weird face while I think what that means while I walk into locker room
>4 chicks are in the "mens," Locker room changing...stop in tracks
>they all stare at me then just keep changing like it's fucking normal
>some chick is fucking topless next to my damn locker
>...instead of putting stuff in my locker I just beeline to the showers instead and decide to just get the fuck out and basically hide while taking a shower
>while walking to shower a fucking chick is actually just coming out with the damn blind open..stares right at me then laughs while passing me and putting a towel on herself "haha not like you haven't seen this before," while passing me and hitting me on the shoulder
>hehe yeah think "I'm a fucking virgin and this is the closest I've ever been to a naked chick."
>take a long ass shower and change in the fucking shower, hear nobody so start coming out into locker room..no one..was it just some weird deulsion?
>put my bag in locker, stand up then another fucking chick comes in, looks me in the eye then goes into the restroom
>literally watch guys going into the "womens," locker room and vice versa the entire gym session
...what in the fuck
>>37044070
Is this the start to some surrealist novel?
>be me, doing back off sets of close grip bench at 60% of daily max
>dude loads up plate after plate on the bar
>up to 355lbs
>I can tell by his size and muscle tone that he's far too weak to handle this weight
>he goes and gets a spotter
>proceeds to do 3 reps of about 2-3 inches movement with his ass a mile off the bench while the spotter holds the bar
>moves on to incline bench and puts 225 on
>does the same 1/4 rep shit
Zero gains were made that day.
>>37044070
yea man idk seems like you got unlucky maybe wear a KKK robe with a staff and quietly whisper shoo shoo gains goblin over and over while waving the staff around and shuffling your feet until theyre gone and you can safely remove your clothes
>>37043476
God tier stretching routine
>>37043672
I was literally about to post the same thing, word for word. I heard him stirring in this room after this blasted out of my speakers at 120 decibels.
>>37043476
Not really a bully but me and this Asian dyel at the gym play this little game. There's this dyel asian with a little dick who is so small it just pisses me off. Not really a bully but I have this prank I'll do to him sometimes. I watched him enter his combination into his combo lock a couple of times. Once I got his code, I'm off to the games. What I do is I wait until he grabs his towel and goes to shower. Then I'll take all of his clothes and walk out to my car and put them all in my trunk. I've done this so many times my trunk is full of like a weeks worth of dyel asian clothes. Next I walk back and find a spot to watch with a good view. Lol then he has to walk out of the lockerroom in just a towel and leave the gym through the lobby. Bonus points if he's late for work after an early morning session. I'm always out in the lobby sitting on the couch laughing my ass off when he comes out. I think he knows it's me because every time I'm always there laughing but he hasn't said shit to me. Guess he is a sore loser that he loses our game.
>>37044070
I-is this real?
Seems like a mix on one hand you get naked grils on the other you get them stating and you and accidental boners..
>>37044139
you are a piece of shit
>>37044141
This happened to my gym. Public sex nearly tripled that same month before they reverted it back.
>>37043476
My gym has one of pic related in the cardio area. It usually has signs on it that say Keep Off. I never thought too much of it. Then last week I had to go to the gym later than usual. I'm doing my warm up on the treadmill and all hell breaks loose. It was literally a sir comic.
>tfw stifling laughter and running at the same time
Apparently they have """classes""" Monday Wednesday and Friday evenings, and I've never been around to see them.
I ended up just turning it into a cardio day and running so I could keep watching the show
>>37043522
Holy shit it's even better with sound
>>37044107
My fucking sides
>>37044184
Jesus Christ that's pretty hot.
>>37044205
Any time anyone mentions a sir comic I go read all of them again. Sounds like you had a fun time, anon.
>>37043522
>>https://www.instagram.com/p/BE7Weizrs3v/
at least cite the original my man
https://www.instagram.com/p/BE496pPQsun/
>>37044139
Nice copy pasta you fucking faggot
>>37043476
What muscle does that work?
>>37043476
Is that lifting jesus, or just some westside congigate method for bodyweight training?
>>37043476
>Jesus training for the second coming
>>37044070
Where is this??
>>37044205
Holy fuck. It really does look right out of one of his comics.
>>37044205
I've always wanted to do a monkey bar style kettlebell trampoline battle rope joe rogan wrecking bell workout.
>>37043476
looks fun as fuck desu
>>37043476
I saw a woman doing squats in this
>>37044070
Are you sure this wasn't some fever dream of yours anon
>>37043476
Really makes sense that one would do this while preparing to be crucified. Death by crucifixion, long and agonizing as it is, is typically from asphyxiation. One becomes so exhausted that their chest and lung can no longer bring in air because they can't pull themselves back up to inhale. Guess he doesn't want to die for our sins after all.
>>37045299
how?
>>37045708
She went inside with a bar and started squatting
>>37043476
People be fucking around at Barbell Brigade. I would have loved to see Bart kick that guy out. Unless he was just trying to be funny.
There's a dude at my gym who looks as close to feel guy as you could ever possibly resemble something.
> completely bald but more like in a "cancer" than "badass" kind of way.
>looks like he lifts but nothing spectacular
>rectangular nose
>sad eyes
>tfw can't even express myself through feelguy meme, because that's someone else now
people curling everywhere. seriously wtf is up with this? why? these people will curl everywhere, the squat rack, the power rack, the smith machine, the bench presses, hell even in the fucking free weights area. It just makes me sad.
>>37044181
hello newfriend :^]
>>37045836
why does this guy look like a fucking golem
>>37044070
this sounds like a lawsuit in the making
>>37045877
Opposite actually. Trannies are suing if you don't let them use whatever bathroom they want.
>>37044070
What is the name of the gym? Im asking for a friend, of course.
>>37044070
I'm pretty sure this did not happen
>>37044205
I think that's a machine for synergy 360 classes. My gym has those and it's actually really good cardio.
>>37045909
>>37045996
>>37045877
There's a big case/controversy atm about trans using the wrong bathrooms, Target took out a policy on letting people use whatever bathroom they identify with. There's a 600,000+ signed petition to boycott the place as a result.
.01% of the population.
>>37046038
Target is right. If a tranny wants to shit in the other gender's room it shouldn't matter. I mean, toilets have doors, nobody's gonna notice anyway.
>>37044070
is this the start of one of those made up boner storys
>>37043476
Wow! Fucking live footage from jerusalem? I always thought, the jesus video was kept in the vatican?
>>37044107
Somebody screencap this i can't
This week I had my first training at a new gym. They want you to do this with an instructor – in my case the boss, a lovely and very caring milf in her 50ies who is also a physiotherapist. I should add that the gym is part of a sports club with lots different things to do, so it is ridiculously cheap and you can do other things like martial arts as well for free.
Anyway, she led mey through the gym, showed me the machines and free weights and so on and I had to show her my routine (as I wrote before that she is very caring for "her" customers). We discussed core excercises, when this older women (more 70 than 60) with hair dyed black and a skin almost tanned to cancer entered the room and fucking stared at me as if she never seen a male. The instructor said hello and did a little bit of small talk while I did planks. The lady then started doing a machine near me and I was in her full view. When I did a bridge, the old hag passed me and said something like she'd right jump on me. I guess, I just met the gym-cougar ...
>>37046244
Done
>>37046105
He forgot to mention the string of sexual assaults in Target restrooms.
Imagine that your 10/10 high test gf went into the restroom, followed by some dude with a wig on. Would that make you hesitate?
>>37044070
I find this kinda hard to believe.
But then again, I find it strange that you've never been to sauna with girls, which would be a pretty similar situation.
>>37044261
>anons start going to orgy gyms
>board is filled with pregnancy scare threads
>feel sick and tired
>decide to gym anyway
>start feeling out of it
>keep going, get pumping music on
>unracking bench to do final set, feel lazy and put one on bar next to me
>do last reps
>get up and realise a guy is benching next to me
>I'd put a 20kg plate on one side of his bar
>sorry are y-you done?
He went full aspie and apologies to me. Am I alpha?
>>37046589
No, you're just both autistic
A lot of girls at my gym use the assisted dip/pullup machine to do a stupid exercise.
They hold onto the pullup bars and put one foot on the pad (and the other stays on a foot rest) and start pushing down on it and let it come back up. I really don't see what it achieves considering there's no tension going down and the weight they've put on (usually around 50-60kg) will just push their legs up which could be pretty dangerous.
The pad is grooved as well so it can be comfortable for knees to rest in too
I did the free pool zumba class after heavy leg day. Shit was pretty cash, we got floaty dumbells and everything.
>youngest person other than me was 70
Some guy at my gym hit a 600+ lbs squat pr in cargo shorts on turf. Pissed me off.
>>37044070
Chicks in the mens locker room are probly there to get away fom the creepy guys who are now in the womens locker room
>>37043522
>https://www.instagram.com/p/BE7Weizrs3v/
holy shit my sides are in orbit
>>37044205
checked out their site
they actualy make realy cool jungle gym style equipmtent if my company makes it I kinda wanna donate one to the city just so Ill have a place to to awsome tier calestenics
>>37045767
feel guy is actually called Wojak.
>>37044139
>this sounds familiar
>walk in gym in my regular attire
>this motherfucking fatass "personal trainer" tells me to leave
WHAT THE FUCK?!
>>37047564
Rape her
>>37047564
EXIT STAGE LEFT! EXIT STAGE RIGHT! THERE IS NO PLACE TO RUN! ALL THE FUSES IN THE EXIT SIGNS HAVE BEEN BURNT OUT AND THERE IS ONLY ONE STRAIGHT AND NARROW PATHWAY TO PLANET FITNESS AND IT DEALS WITH PAIN AND DESTRUCTION AND RECAPTURING THE SQUAT RACK! YOU PERSONAL TRAINER WILL FEEL THAT PAIN, FEEL THAT POWER AT PLANET FITNESS AS THE WARRIORS CLAW AND SCRATCH ALL OVER THE BACK OF THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR AND TELL ME TO DO WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY RIGHT AND WRONGFULLY WRONG! TAKE THE SQUAT RACK BACK--TAKE IT BACK TO PARTS UNKNOWN! LOAD THE SPACESHIP WITH THE ROCKET FUEL! LOAD IT WITH THE WARRIORS! BECAUSE AFTER PLANET FITNESS, THE RACK. WILL. BE. MIIIIIIIIIIINE!
>>37047564
Where is this from?
>>37047752
Planet Fitness.
Not much of a story but this weird guy made the bench into his own personal fortress.
>>37047564
>Napoleon Dynamite hits the gym
>>37047937
wtf mayne
what's that guy like?
what does he do?
>shoes on top of bench
lmao
Alright.
>a new guy starts at my gym
>mid thirties, balding, chubby
>always walks on the treadmill shadowboxing every once in a while
>he starts talking to himself
>mumbling things to himself when he's slowing down to pick up the pace
>a few weeks in more and more gym members are getting uncomfortable
>they also start noticing the smell
>he has literally shit his pants sometime in the past few days and hasn't changed
>reddish brown stain at the back of his beige shorts
>I work there, so I'll have to politely ask him to change clothes because other members have began to notice he smells like actual feces
>he gets upset and leaves
>allisgood.jpg
>a few months later he comes back
>allisnotgood.jpg
>he has developed a second voice, a mickey mouse type voice
>mickey mouse voice tells him jokes and he laughs with his normal voice
>sometimes he gets angry at the mickey mouse voice for interrupting his workout with jokes
Is he going to show up at the gym with a machine gun anytime soon /fit/ or should we just let him and his mickey mouse personality do their business?
>>37047937
What the fuck is he cleaning out his car or something?
>>37047937
>infinite stair stepper machine in the background
oh I see your gym likes to replicate what purgatory would be like
>>37047968
Tell him only Mickey Mouse is allowed to workout.
>>37044329
yes
>>37047968
Just dont take his red stapler
>>37047968
Just give him a candy bar every day so when he shoots the place up he spares you.
>>37047937
lol wtf
>>37047060
Yes I see this all the time! WHAT THE FUCK they then leave dirty shoe marks all over it. Fuck it's so dumb I can't imagine what they think they're achieving
>>37046348
MY LELS OMG XD
POST IT ON REDDIT
Ugh
>finish workout on assisted dip machine
>6'3 and my knees teater on the very edge of the assist platform
>on my 4th set and I'm boned, got pretty much all the weight set on it trying to go to absolute failure
>knees slip off, arms collapse as platform comes flying up to meet my nose
>broken nose.Jwow
>blood flow is unimaginable
>all over my arms, shoes, equipment
>leave
>battle anxiety while eating post gym 1000cal meal
>>37046348
It wasn't that funny really
>>37047060
This happens at your gym too? Pisses me the fuck off, makes the rest of us look bad
>>37047060
They're improvising a leg press.
Next time, let them know that's an inappropriate use of the machine and that there's a better one designed specifically to leg press. It's called a leg press.
>>37045756
He is after hours staff. He was messing around, man.
>>37048209
>.Jwow
Kekked. You're pretty dumb, though. There is no reason at all to fatigue your muscles to that degree.
>>37046595
Kek
>>37048519
Wasn't it Snookie who got the broken nose?
>>37047564
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLa64nVCXvc
>>37047060
I just saw this the other day. Who the fuck comes up with this shit
>>37044391
Underrated post
>at different gym since i'ts like week and I like to change it up
>monday I notice some chick come in with a legit fake ass either she has ass genetics of the gods and jiggly as fuck too with shitty ass genetics everywhere else
>just a big fat ass real nice though I can't lie
>notice her staring through the mirror at me in the corner...guess she notices i"m new IDK
>Wed get there early and doing my shit again in the corner away from everyone
>fake ass comes in again and is like doing tons of curls in front of me basically
>every time she stops and drops the bar she has to keep pulling down her short shorts since they are riding up and you can see that ass line thing whatever
>after her curls she goes and does smith squats cool but still notice her looking in the mirror at me...getting weirded out
>almost done with my workout when she comes to where I am and actually takes the last of the corner where I'm at
>she's literally sitting next to me to the pint I can grab her
>she again is doing curls but now so close to me
>now I can see she does have a fake ass and some fake tits
>keeps staring
>we both smile at each other but she seems super stuck up like she's use to dudes hitting on her at the gym
She kept staring the entire time till she left. You think she just wanted attention from the new guy (me) or did she actually want me to follow her out to her car for some social interactions?
>>37043476
i once walked into a gym to check it out and there was a guy with a white-fro with a barbell with 2 plates on his shoulders dancing to music like kicking his legs out and stuff
>>37047564
Isn't this judging though? he didn't make loud noises and wasn't judging anyone.
> New girl in the gym
> Perfect THICK like pic related
> Wears this tight vest with her phone resting between her bra and boobs listening to music
> I can't help but be completely enamored by her, squats 3plate ATG.
> One day she asks me for a spot since she's going for 1rep max
> Assume the position
> Does it, turns around and gives me a kiss on the cheek despite looking like she's going to faint
> Finish my workout, I go to leave and she ends up walking out the same time as me
> slaps my ass really fucking hard before I enter the male changing rooms
> winks and blows a kiss
> turn up the next day, going to ask her if she wants something to eat
> not there
> w/e she might be resting/busy
> never see her again
>>37050334
Fuck man that blows. How long was it since this happened?
>>37050334
no one on this earth can be this autistic, has to be made up
>>37050392
Was about 4 months ago
>>37048420
All i can think is they're trying to keep it under control when they lift their leg up, but there are so many better ways to train
>>37050412
Don't really see whats autistic in that post
>>37050426
Damn sorry for the loss bro. Maybe she'll surprise you one of these days, never give up.
i met a girl at the gym in the pool last night
high test british accent girl. good feels
i did my first back workout without any cable or dumbells 3 days ago and my lats are still sore as fuck, i did 4 sets of wide grip pullups, 4 sets of chinups, 3 sets of regular pullups til failure and 2 sets of inverted row until failure too, is it normal to be this sore? when i did cable exercises i've never felt this sore
>>37044070
this happened to me 3 years ago when i went to a huge spa in the midle of a desert and there were a "liberal judgement free zone" there are tons of topless girls in the pool, fully naked people on saunas, people with boners and shit
if i wasn't so beta back then i'd be in paradise, planning on getting back there this year
>>37050178
Straya?
If so, that's me. I can't control the dance
Happened to me just this week
>Usually go to uni gym around 10:30-11 to avoid peak traffic
>Work runs late so have to get there after 11:30, 30 mins from closing
>Fuck it, just blast through routine everything will be fine
>Everything will not be fine
>Not even close
>11:59 and I am 4 reps from being out the door when it happens
>Someone starts turning the lights off and on in sections
>From the janitor's closet emerges a staff member with a cow bell and drumstick banging on it incessantly
>All the guys near me start running around putting weights back, re-stacking plates
>Like 10 dudes all reasonably /fit/ scurrying around because of a manlet with a cowbell
>Took me a second to process it all
>A second too long
>The manlet runs over to me and yells "come on you ugly lunks, get your sorry asses in gear."
>For the next five minutes I too am re-stacking weights ad putting bars back on racks
>Leave the gym confused as hell but with a sense of accomplishment
>W-was that the fabled lunk alarm?
>mfw
>>37047564
>that fat lower body
HIGH TEST!
>>37045836
Uh, shouldn't you be curling in the free weights area? Barbell curls are a free weight exercise.
Or do you mean dumb bell curls
>>37050579
That actually sounds like a fun gym.
>>37046568
Underrated
>>37044070
Jesus, 2 old Asian cleaning ladies started cleaning and saw me showering and I was rock hard. They just kept going and glanced over at it occasionally.
I would just explode with semen in this situation.
>>37050577
nah
>>37045708
We have a long bar with 2 loops on it for squatting in it. It's apparently part of the intended use.
>>37043476
Two men enter one man leaves
>>37047991
lol @ purgatory
>>37047937
wait, what is the blue thing?
>>37050579
Fuck I am laffin
>>37050579
TOP KEK
>>37045836
RUN.
>>37043476
>in the year of our Lord, twenty and sixteen
>not training for space ejection
Cmon
they all paused to stare at boobies on TV
>>37050579
nice
>>37050579
You did their job for them. I hope you at least finished what you needed to.
>>37050579
jej
>>37048209
>teater
>>37051668
nigga its not 36 AD
>Go to squat racks.
>They are all taken, some decent looking bros on 2 of them, last one has this tiny little girl, she can't be older than 14, she's doing squats with decent form with 5 pound plates on.
>It's too heart warming to muscle in on.
>Do a bunch of other leg stuff, easily spend 20-30 minutes, head back to squat racks - she's still fucking there, doing squats.
>Decide it's time to muscle in, walk up to her when she's done a set.
>Can't help but give her a big smile and be be polite.
>Shes got a huge smile on and is all bubbly and stuff, almost seems happy to let me work in sets.
>Get my shit done real fast and get the fuck out of there as I am 25 and she couldn't be more than 13-14.
>>37052012
Sounds spooky. Live in a fairly small town so most of the kids are not total strangers to me.
>>37052012
15 years is the perfect age, because you have one year to manipulate her for it to become a adult relationship
>>37052012
literally proud of getting mired by a baby
>>37052629
Literally delete your history now or enjoy jail.
>>37052696
hahaha what shithole do you live in where where u cant have sex with a 16 year
>>37052696
dudee the age of consent for sexy time is different in every country
>>37043476
I-Is that Richard Stallman?
>>37052012
Opposite story:
>Get a drink of water between sets
>come back and find girls unloading my bar
>3 plate squat and there where open squat racks
>theyve done this before
>let them finish unloading the rack
>inform them that i was using the rack
>make them put all the weight back on
>mfw i watch them struggle with the 45 pound plates
They never did it again
>>37046348
Not worth a screencap
there's this mid 60's mentally handicapped guy in my gym who literally talks to everyone and looks @ everyone weights on machines etc. anyways here are some stories:
>kid next to me is doing leg press
>loaded up like 90kg and started doing the first reps
>after a few reps old guy goes to him and checks his weight
>"ahh u want me to load 20 more kg on it?, that's not enough right now".
another one:
>be me with brother and mom @ gym
>me and bro warming up at leg press because squat reck was used
>see mom doing some core machines
>old guy goes to mom and talks to her, after a few words he just stands infront of her and looks at her
>after a few mins he walks up to me and my bro
>"you should go behind him and spot"
>brother and me just look at him and keep doing what we were doing
>>37051308
Half folded sun glasses lying face down
>>37043476
>mfw i do this
>>37050145
ignore her she wants to steal your gains
>>37050392
it didnt
>>37047996
I kekd
>>37052774
>>37052801
A little advice, you may think you are totally anonymous online, but there's always someone who can find you, and it could effect you in your real life. In no way is that a threat or anything but, not thinking before posting stuff online can hurt you in real life. I've been online since I dialed into bbs. I've watched it grown and flex and change. I've seen bad things happen to good people because they thought they where safe. So I guess what I'm saying is, don't believe just because you think you have anonymity online that there can be no repercussions in real life.
Because there can.
>>37053033
ok thanks mom
>>37052851
Kekked
>>37044070
are they at least hot? If yes, then I don't see the problem, besides that you might get a boner, but you can always fap in the shower.
>>37043476
>Go to local gym at midnight
>Sucubus only cardio, flirt or blood from vaginas
>Zombies Can't into gains neither, and those that do constantly hurt themselves
>If a ghost sticks around a machine, that's it, they wont let other people use it, not even when they aren't using it. Often haunt those that do.
>Vampires are bros, sucubus and draculas help each other often, pretty alpha and undead himself so ghosts let him do his thing, have all time in the world so they stick around the gym all night giving tips and helping with zombie reps.
>>37046105
Pretty sure they have been doing it, and there was no problem other than little Suzy asking why Betty's jaw is a little square. But of course tumblr needed to make a fuzz about it and now everyone is a biggot.
This happened today.
>Just me and some manlet in the gym
>Open the back door to let a cool breeze in
>Can hear kids playing nearby
>One of the kids sneaks into the gym
>I glare at him and he runs away.
>I hear the kid shouting "Don't go in there guys there's a man and a boy in there."
>man and a boy
>I chuckle.
>See manlet hang head in shame
>Chuckle again.
>>37053033
I once molested my younger cousin, she was 6.
I regularly jerk off to child porn.
I take creep photos of little girls from my neighborhood.
I often skip leg day.
Come at me, nigger.
>>37053292
>I once molested my younger cousin, she was 6.
Ew. I don't touch em after they stop wearing diapers.
>>37053292
>>37053354
watch out the internet police is gonna get ya
>>37048026
thanks dane cook
>>37047060
its a retarded leg press variation, kinda. quite a good exercise for leg stabilizers if u keep one foot in the air
>>37053292
>I often skip leg day.
YOU MONSTER
>>37053166
kek
This is literally happening. There's this dkembe mutumbo lookin ass nigga, I'm talking 6'4", 115 lbs soaking wet. He has 4pl8 loaded up on the smith machine, pussypad and all, he's effectively shrugging the bar up 2 (two) inches for sets of 3 and super setting dumbbell curls with the form of an epileptic retard. It is almost unbelievable.
>>37053686
>Pussy pad on smith machine
Wow, I didn't know I could have this much disrespect or feel this much shame for someone I'll never know.
>>37050145
Boy /fit/ is autistic. If that happened to me, I'd say something along the lines of "can I help you?" if she got that close.
