Porridge
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
You are currently reading a thread in /fit/ - Fitness
You are currently reading a thread in /fit/ - Fitness
Sweet or salty?
oats
>>36454630
With what?
>>36454616
Both, mostly sweet
>>36454616
i put peanut butter and a sliced banana in mine. tastes awesome.
Just put some nuts 'n berries in there.
Jam if you have to, but nuts 'n berries still reign supreme.
I put in a tiny bit of sugar in mine (like a few grains) and a little bit of butter (which has salt in it) then put some vegetables in there (usually chop some carrots [protip: cinnamon goes excellently with carrots] and cabbage) along with a tablespoon of spirulina (or alternatively, when it's time to take it off the stove mix one or two eggs in it instead)
Probably sounds awful but both me and my dog love it for breakfast.
It's ya boy. Back in the kitchen for some informative, great cooking lessons because that's what you came here for. Pay no mind to that, that not for you, that's for me.
So a lot of people have been saying in the youtube comments that I look a little hefty. I look fat...First of all, if I told you how much pussy I get, you would think I was lying, so we're going to skip over that and go to my next point. If I were skinny or if I were an attractive young twink, like they all enjoy, I think I would be less funny. I really do. I think that if you're gonna be funny you have to have some sort of obvious physical malady (i.e. John Candy, Dan Akyroid, Jon Belushi). You gotta wear your heart on your sleeve and sort of look the part. So that's the reason for the unkempt facial hair, for everything.
So these youtube comments have been getting to me real bad. I'm sick of seeing these youtube comments, okay? Finally it's time for a change, I'm gonna Knock Out The Fat. You're gonna be very excited about this; it's my new diet that I'm going on. It's not about what ya eat, folks, it's about the balance. You have to balance it all out. Most people don't even think about this stuff, they just go through their day picking and choosing. You know, "Oh that looks yummy, I'll try some of that," okay? They think, "Oh I need to lose weight, maybe I'll just have half of that thing I was gonna eat." Doesn't work that way, babe. Not gonna do it for you. You need to be smart, smart like me. Think it out, think it through.
You need to think about what the fuck you're doing, you know? Everybody learns this in elementary school; yet somehow we forget what we learn in elementary school, and that is: The Magic Pyramid of Nutrients.
You have two major food groups: you got sweet, you got salty. Sweet: Coconut oil. Applecider vinegar:this is half sweet, half salty, so you can drink this whole thing and you'll be in balance. BANG: s'mores, sweet. Nesquik, sweet. HOney, sweet AND it's natural. Now, natural foods you can eat as much as you need to, not gonna effect your balance at all. As much honey as you want. Potato buds: tricky tricky. Comes in a box, looks like a breakfast food--it's actually salty. This is actually gonna cover your salt group for the day. Potato buds are kinda like chips. This is unopened because we would never eat this garbage, but someone brought this here and said, "You just add water and it's like real mashed potatoes." This is disgusting, are you gonna eat this Joel? Charles, would you eat these potato buds here or should we throw this out?
Oh, chuck those in the fucking trash. Is this healthy Charles? Let me see. Can you talk about it real quick. They're as healthy as that.
Food groups. Does anyone use this Aunt Jemima stuff either? No, that's banned. That's a banned substance. Fill the toilet. Not only is this poisonous, but it's also racist. We're gonna get it outta there real quick. We're gonna get done with this real quick, although it is sweet so if you had enough salt, you could balance this one out. Joel, do you want this? Okay, there we go. What else we got?
>>36455246
>>36455253
>actually being acoustic enough to copy an MDE video word for word
you fucking sperg
I think we still have some of that peanut butter powder--the one that's for a dog. Oh, here it is. That's peanut butter powder. I think it's Alpo. It's dogfood. You're supposed to powder it around. This is the freshest kind, it's low fat. It's kinda good for parmeseaning some of your pasta. See, this is good. It tastes so good you just do this in the fucking trash. It's fit for a dog, dogs have it. It's not for people as you can see. I don't know if you can smell it from there, but as you can plainly see, the consistency isn't really...it's odd. I mean, any fucking moron with half a brain can see it's not fit for consumption, so whoever bought this, I don't know who did. That doesn't mean it's not good, it feels good. That feels good, let me see. Let me just do some fucking handstands with this shit. Powder it up. That's about it though. Want the rest? Didn't think so. You wanna try some of this? No thanks. You sure? I'm all set. YYou don't wanna open up your slacks? I'll pour it down. It keeps you dry, keeps you warm, it's good for deoderant, it's good for if you need to do some vomiting and you don't have any ipicath handy. It's good for that. It's good for anumber of diffrerent things, you can probably clean things with it. It freshens shoes, especially if you have over forty pairs. It's just good. It's not BPA plastic so it doesn't cause birth defects or anything like that and--it's a little bit chunky. A little bit caked up. They should have put some anti-caking agents in it. I forget what they use for that. Maybe stricnine? Probably stricnine powder aids in that. Let me see if there's a prize in here. No, this one doesn't have a prize. The prize is the taste. This is good. Look at this shit. It gets under your nails. Mmmm. Looks like it all done. Welp, peanutbutter and jelly time guys.
>>36455266
stop
get a job
Alright, now it's time for me to let you in on a little trick in case you're on the road, in case you're out there, college kids, okay? You can't afford to be going to get, you know, paying $30 for top flank steak at StopNShop. THat's what most of the health websites tell you to do; go spend lots of money. You don';t have to break the bank to eat healthy. $50 a day on food? What are you a gorilla, eating celery all day? Forty pounds of celery, going through the forest finding the greens? You go to McDonalds, get a McDouble for a dollar that's 390 calories, 20 grams of protein. You get 4, 5, 6 of those--you're all set. And that's why when peopole tell me that McDonalds doesn't represent good value it makes me really angry. Now it's time for me to show you a little trick to get your diet balanced. Okay, come with me, come one.
Alright so, BOOM. Let's say that all you have is sweet stuff. That's a situation not unlike the situation you might find in this household, because we have a sweet tooth. So you got sweet stuff here. What are we gonna do about this? Are we gonna eat seven of these chips deluxe cookies? We could do that, but then we would blow up and become big and round. We would blow up and become big and round if we did that. Because we're not balancing. This is where being a good chef comes into play. You gotta make sure you get this perfectly balanced. Get those nutrients on there. Very healthy. Is it salty or is it sweet? Guess we'll have to see. Turns out it's perfect. Whoever eats those next is gonna have to wash them off I think.
BOTH! Molasses, pinch of salt, maybe a little cardamom/cinnamon/nutmeg, and some heavy cream. Soooo good.
Sweet even though I have celtic ancestry. I failed my forefathers ;_;
Only stir your porridge clockwise or you risk summoning the devil
