Hey /fit/
Been going to marriage counseling with my overweight wife. Disclosed today that I felt our marriage was suffering due to intimacy problems linked to her weight problem. Went on to say that over the last 10 years her effort has been half assed and thats why she never lost an appreciable amount.
>counselor says so she's over weight due to lack of effort?
>I say yes
>he says effort doesn't mean weight loss
>I say yes it does, if you are a caloric deficit you will lose weight. Period.
>he says no not true muh thyroid, muh metabolism
>I say calories in and calories out is law and if he disagrees to prove otherwise
>he tells me to read up on "leaky barrel analogy" and discuss it further with him next week.
>I say ok
So I look up leaky barrel and I don't see how it has fuck all to do with weight loss. And certainly don't see how it makes thermo dynamics not work somehow. I'm pissed. He basically validated all my wifes excuse making and made me look like an ass hole when I am right.
Can /fit/ give me some info as to how the leaky barrel analogy doesn't prove calories in and calories out isn't an effective weight loss principal? I want to really embarrass this prick next week. Might even save my marriage.
Links welcome
pic url
It is literally just calories in calories out that effects weight loss and weight gain.
>>36426925
>embarrass him
Sure, easily done and no doubt satisfying. His logic is flawed and you are right.
>save my marriage
Oh hell no. Women do not like to be logicked into doing the right thing. If you knew that you wouldn't be wasting your cash on counselling, and wasting your counselling on trying to be right.
And if you get her thyroid checked? Surely that'll disprove that her thyroid is not the problem.
>>36426957
Affects. AFFECTS
>>36426998
I thought a doctor would be logical. It is a guy. I literally couldn't believe my ears when he called bs on me.
You should bring up this thread with your counselor. Talk about how you went on your favorite anime message board and they said he was wrong.
>>36427037
I just looked it up on google translate, seems like you're right.
>>36427050
right everyone here is full of shit...
wait that means you are too...
I already said I read up on his bs theory. For the record it wasn't here. Appreciate your concern though.
>>36427050
I love the Vietnamese basket weaving forum meme
>>36427049
If he'd go around telling people the truth he'd have no returning customers
>>36427027
I said that
Also now that the divorce papers are practically in her lap she has been working out and dieting. Shes doing a shit job and losing weight. So obviously it works. Even on her.
>>36427075
Yea do tell him about this moroccan spice trading website that you are using as a second counsellor.
In all seriousness, he isn't a MD. Ever seen that Australian talkshow that gets thrown around here? Where the MD explains that it's literally just calories in and calories out, where the psychologist begins explaining why she thinks that isn't correct. They have no clue how the actually body works.
>>36426925
>Leaky barrel model
>Permanent changes in body weight require permanent changes in factors that influence energy intake and output.
So literally eat less and exercise more and you lose weight. He didn't invalidate you at all. Why the fuck did he even bring it up.
>>36427121
obviously true. Scary that he treats people with eating disorders. Haven't seen the vid but sounds alarmingly familiar.
>>36427121
Also this. Psychology is the softest fucking science. It's alot of bullshit to try and explain things without alot of hard science like neurobiology.
>>36426925
If anything, from what I just looked up, the barrel analogy just proves you right
>>36427132
>So literally eat less and exercise more and you lose weight. He didn't invalidate you at all. Why the fuck did he even bring it up.
No idea. Thats what I read when I looked it up too.
I don't feel like he invalidated me. But he did invalidate me to my wife. My wife feels like she has a speshul excuse and he basically told her she is right. I guess the leaky barrel thing was just a strawman? He even took a book down and showed me a graphic of the model and said "see" then snatched it from me before I had a chance to read it all.
>>36427169
This is stupid
your wife is unattractive to you, because she is fat, and there's no amount of excuses that's going to change that, even if she had some condition where if she were to drop below 30% bodyfat she would instantly die, she'd still be unattractive so what the fuck is the point of that.
>>36427161
maybe he thinks the truth won't save the marriage and I have to bullshit myself into believing she has a right to be fat somehow.
>>36427169
Call him out on that shit. Psychologist are far less infallible than say a medical doctor. If he's being a douche, tell him. Ask him why the model he mentioned last time was relevant in the next session. If he can't explain why he brought it up in a rational way then be done with him. Find a different counselor to go to. I mean your first warning sign is this guy seems to believe weight loss isn't achievable and then incorrectly sites a theory to back it up.
>>36427199
she would be hot if she lost 70lbs though. Acceptable if she lost 40. That shouldn't be unattainable.
>>36427215
I will call him out. Unfortunately the damage is done now. It's not like the wife is going to take my side now and willingly go somewhere else because I say he's wrong.
>>36427211
Maybe you are on to something there. How would you feel if someone proved to you, that you had been a lazy fuck all these years, and it's basically your fault that your marriage is falling apart because you couldn't be arsed to just lose a few pounds. This might be his way of "easing" this onto your wife. So when she realizes that it wasn't her fault, she might find renewed energy to try again.
I have no idea what i just said.
My dad died and he would cook every night. I took over and began cooking healthy shit. My mom dropped some weight over time.
Youre on fit...you should be a cook. You can fix this without even hitting the gym. Why eat nasty chocolate and candy from the store when you can bake a pie or some shit with healthy alternatives.
Why go out and be tempted to buy shit when you can both spend a lot of time together. Distract her from eating like a cow.
Youre such a pathetic cliche person. You want her to do all the work but you gotta put in some effort yourself bro.
>>36427246
Fuck you, I do all the cooking. And shopping. I can't control what she eats when not in my presence, which is likely garbage.
She is lazy, which is the big problem. Desk job, no exercise.
>>36427242
Then leave her. Why stay in a marriage with someone who can't bother to take care of themselves. Why settle for her laziness.
>>36427246
Of course he wants her to do the work, she isn't a small child. When things has been bad for a while in a relationship, you stop giving a fuck about putting in an effort for the other partner.
>>36427272
Man if your cooking wasnt trash she wouldnt go out ever
>>36427278
Not settling, being blunt and trying to fix it. I'm doing my best to try because I feel obligated to, for my kids.
This will likely end in divorce though.
>>36427246
No change will happen if she doesn't want it too anon. And you can call that anon cliche but you're cliche too to be honest. (i.e my situation isn't the same but it will totally work out like my example)
So I looked it up and it seems that the leaky barrel model basically tries to explain what motivates people to want to eat. Any reference I could find to it was horrendously outdated, and its only an analogy rather than a scientific theory, but that's just tangential.
Regardless of what motivates people to want to eat or what makes people feel hungry, we're sentient creatures that can suppress and control our biological urges. The leaky barrel model would only be relevant if this weren't true. Suppressing the urge to eat just requires effort - your original point.
With regards to metabolism, obviously peoples BMR does differ but not as notably as fatties would have you believe.
Thyroid problems are diagnosable and very treatable if she genuinely has one, which I'm going out on a limb to say she doesn't.
>>36427294
right, I'm supposed to cook 3 meals a day for her 7 days a week.
She eats my cooking, which she raves about for dinner week nights, breakfast lunch and dinner on weekends. I think it's reasonable for me to say she can fend for herself for some of the week and not pig out.
>>36427299
Give it a shot dude. If the loss of her marriage won't motivate her into life changing then nothing will. You did what you could. It takes 2 people to make a marriage.
>>36426925
calories in = calories out + cafatlories gained
EZ
>>36427323
Post pic of dinner
>>36427323
You're her husband, not the fucking pig's ranch hand. You are not responsible for making sure she eats moderately and healthy like a normal fucking adult. She is responsible for her own actions. Don't ever think different.
>>36427323
Very few people on /fit/ knows what it's like to build your life with a person. Heck even being in a long term relationship is something 99% of /fit/ has never tried. I hope you can see through the bullshit advice's you get anon. Luckily my girlfriend was sane enough to realize this weight issue and did something about it.
>>36427331
I guess it did motivate her a little. She is trying harder than before, but at the rate she is going it will still be years before she is HWP. It just sucks when you have to extort someone. Plus she is hating me and resenting me every minute she is trying.
>>36427343
right I'll get it from when I posted it on facebook earlier, give me a sec
>>36427350
bingo, all it takes is sanity. I can filter out the BS. Didn't really come for relationship advice. Mainly wanted some input on cock smoke therapists' statement.
>>36427349
Are you insane? Life is all about controlling and manipulating people. Letting your wife be out there making her decisions is something only a cuck would do.
>>36427037
There are reasonable arguments for both being correct, actually. (I say reasonable arguments because they go beyond "lots of people use the word wrong so now it means that thing" which is a current case being pushed for the non-word irregardless). It's sort of nit-picky to point out, because it's mostly technical usage versus common usage type stuff, but it was also nit-picky for you to correct him over the use of the word in the first place. For more information on the differences, consider that the verb affect is typically intended to be used in the context of a person affecting signs of an emotion or mental state. Feel free to Bing "affect psychology" for more.
>>36427413
Whoa there Edgelord. No, it's not your responsibility to provide every meal to your wife to ensure she doesn't gorge herself. You can fuck off back to not lifting and whatever cuckhole you came from to shitpost
>>36427441
You dont feed her daily, you set standards. God youre so dumb.
>>36427453
No fuckface, "youre" a fucking retard. Look at the post I'm talking responding to. Then look for a noose and kill yourself.
>>36427462
You mad bro? Why u so mad bro?
>>36426925
You're treating the symptom, treat the cause.
Your wife probably feels like 80% of wives, she's bored and the kids wear her down.
Give her some joy in her life, focus on things that make her feel good about herself. Nobody WANTS to be fat, once she has self respect she'll lose weight on her own.
I had a friend count his wife's calories and she hating him for it and started fucking around on him, his only accomplishment was keeping her in shape for other dudes.
>>36427520
Good advice. Been trying that approach for 4 years. Even quit drinking because that bothered her. Went to therapy to work my shit out. Took the whole "you can't change others but you can change yourself" approach.
At the end of the day it's hard to make someone happy who is making you miserable.
>>36427557
>At the end of the day it's hard to make someone happy who is making you miserable.
I hear you brother, my wife got ground down by our kids and her batshit family. I started by focusing on things that made her happy (cooking for her, daily messages, buying her shit). but I only made progress when I switched from focusing on happiness (which when you think of it is rather fleeting) to her own self worth. Get her to write down a list of things that makes her feel good about herself, maybe she likes to write short stories, paint, organize the house, yoga, whatever. Then make sure she has time and energy to do those things (I had to tell her family to fuck off with their shit at least twice a week).
just my 2 cents, goodluck
>>36427520
Chicks are weird man, nobody wants to be fat, but women that don't make any efforts with their weight find it easier to drag people down to their level, rather than raising the bar for themselves.
Honestly OP, your marriage is on the rocks for a few different reasons. You can't talk straight with your wife, and she's being indignant about her weight problem. 70lb overweight is not a joke.
And, you are correct.
Your councillor is an absolute joke, absolutely no therapist with half a brain would actively discourage a client from a healthy diet and exercise routine. Medically and psychologically speaking, a good healthy diet, plenty of exercise and good self-esteem means a healthy and happy mind.
If you do make a booking with him again, and I recommend you don't, you need to be very clear that he is not being impartial towards you, and is undermining what you were saying so he can score browny points with your wife. You were wrong to debate thermodynamics with a moron, but you need to re-evaluate your method at approaching your argument. Say her weight IS an issue, and when he tries to score points for your wife, ask him if it's professional opinion that a good, healthy diet, a good healthy body and good self-esteem is not something that a professional like himself would support.
>>36427520
>nobody wants to be fat
Check out plg
