>>36300026
He had personally collected all the scrap metal necessary to smelt the entire Iron Temple – and convinced the Emperor, may his strength never fade, to finance its erection! Cruthis remembered his favorite saying of Father Kilog’s, recorded faithfully by the temples’ scribes for centuries, “Not every man is a genius. But any man can be a genius of hard work.” Cruthis strived toward that genius.
Because the entirety of the temple was steel it grew very hot during these long summer days. Scoffers would see the familiar heatwaves rising from the temple’s roofs and towers and wonder why the foolish brothers would worship and toil in such an oven. In the winter it was the opposite; one could not lean against the walls, walk barefoot through the halls, or tarry long in rooms far away from the central furnace. To an architect or a normal man the design was pure folly. But, Cruthis, and all the elders too, knew the value of such a design.
“It builds character,” was a refrain heard more often in the burning and freezing months than in the milder ones in between. If a youth could keep a vigil, his lifting routine, eat his frozen oatmeal, and drink his hot, curdled milk without complaint, but with a heart of thankfulness instead… well. It bred a peculiar type of man. Ones that this fallen world dearly needed.

Comfy af.

>>36300080
This is a short story I wrote for a creative writing class in high school inspired by /fit/.
You reading fambo??

>>36300046
This time of morning the temperature in the temple was perfect. The coolness of the night quickly fled as the morning sun warmed the steel walls from the outside. Cruthis pressed his head against the doors, feeling the warmth of the sun on through the metal he loved so much. With a burst of gusto and enthusiasm he threw the doors open and let sunlight and fresh air flood the hall of the temple, welcoming the world and the day he had been blessed with!
He was ready to greet the first guests, but there were none. His smile quickly faded.
Where is everyone? he thought. Normally there were at least five or ten people wanting to come in, regardless of the weather.
He looked down the steep steps that led to the door of the temple. Down at the lowest step, with one chubby foot debating on ascension, was a single obese man, yelling behind him at quickly fleeing men and women.
Cruthis could not believe his eyes. He had never seen such a corpulent person. Immediately his mind recalled images from the basement tapestries of the human pigs that Father Kilog had driven from the kingdom when he founded the Iron Order. The fat man looked exactly like the demons stitched into the cloth! Sunken, soulless eyes. Rancid, pitted skin. Hair so greasy Cruthis was sure he could wring a day’s worth of burning oil from it. Shivers ran up and down his spine, hairs stood on end. This thing was a bad omen.
The fat man turned again and looked up the steps, which he was still debating on climbing.
“You!” he hollered up the steps at Cruthis. “Come down here this instant!”
Cruthis had to check his temper immediately. The tone of the voice was petulant, childish. It was clear this thing was used to having its way.
“Come down to you?” Cruthis yelled back. “Come up to me and explain why you’re running off my friends and brothers!”

>>36300149
“Those meatheads?” said the blob with a wicked grin. “I’m doing them a favor. Your order is a disease that shouldn’t spread. I’m quarantining you!”
Angry yells and whooping laughter wanted to escape Cruthis’ mouth simultaneously. Even those who did not follow the Iron Order agreed that it was an order of peace, and one that only helped those who sought out the solace it offered in discipline. What was getting this pig off? Cruthis started down the steps, daintily lifting his robe to clear his toes.
“You’re going to hedge us in?” said Cruthis incredulously. “You and what army? And by what right?”
“I am Cetus," said Cetus. “And I represent the True and Healthy Orginzation for Tolerance. Our right is one of universal justice, championing for those who do not know any better, and are taken in by your wiles.
“Your abominable order has held sway over the kingdom for too long. The highway here was strewn with casualties of your false doctrines: men who blamed themselves for being too weak, women who cursed their fatness, and children deprived of the joys of goodly foods and enjoyable treats! You sow misery! You are misery!”
By now Cruthis was standing in front of the man, and struggling to keep his composure. The ones who had fled from the walking-whale of a man had stopped and turned to watch the confrontation. The city’s edge was just within earshot of where the two men stood.
I must maintain my testimony! thought Cruthis.
“Friend,” began Cruthis. “You misunderstand. Our order is indeed difficult, and not for the faint of heart. But with all investments, great risk precedes great reward. I do not deny you met failures…”

>>36300177
“There are no failures!” squealed Cetus. “Your mind is diseased with this black-and-white philosophy of winners and losers! All men are equal. All of us are children of the gods. Who are you to judge your brothers on Earth? What is your order that it assumes authority reserved for the guardians of the hereafter?”
Cetus continued to bluster and wheeze his diatribe, but Cruthis no longer listened. This man only represented a philosophy he had seen develop during his own lifetime. A philosophy of tolerance, of indiscriminate, undiscerning “love.” This man might indeed be part of an actual order, but his doctrine was held by more than the order’s adherents.
Only last week Cruthis had tried to lovingly, pleadingly even, convince a skeletal youth to attend one of the daily lifting hours held at the temple. Food was provided, technique and guidance were given freely, and every elder was there, ready to step in and answer questions and help. But that skinny youth, so physically different from this slob, was so similar in his mindset.
“You men are never satisfied,” he sneered at Cruthis. “You lift things up, put them down, and clang and bang around in that rusty hot-box of yours. There’s nothing wrong with me… I resent that you see otherwise.” The youth had turned on his heel and left in a huff. Cruthis was heartbroken for the lad. What potential he had! How square those shoulders were! How strong that body could be! But he settled for where he was, rather than striving for where he could be!
All the while Cetus had continued prating. Cruthis’ eyes had glazed over in remembrance, but he snapped back to reality. The gravity of the situation before him now more fully realized.
“Hold, friend,” said Cruthis. Cetus stopped speaking abruptly about how, “love wins and the Iron Order’s hatred of natural body diversity is bigotry.”

>>36300195
Anyone reading or am I just embarrassing myself posting this?

>>36300217
Reading now

>>36300195
“I love all men,” continued Cruthis. “Contrary to what you say, I love all men, women, children, colors, and creeds. But with the dignity that we all possess as sons of the gods, which you rightly said before, comes a responsibility to steward and cultivate what we have been given.
“You see the temple behind me? That is only a building, though I love it dearly. The true temple is living, breathing. It is us. We, yes, you and I, are the sculptor and the marble! Our order welcomes all men to come as they are, but leave better than they came! Tell me friend, what did you dream of becoming as a child?”
The coldness that Cetus had been regarding Cruthis with suddenly faded. The piggy little eyes lost their greedy gleam for a moment as the man honestly pondered. A crowd had slowly accumulated near the two orders’ masters debating together.
“Well, I don’t know,” said Cetus. “I grew up as a baker’s son. But as a boy I remember wanting to make a difference in the world.” His eyes grew hard again.
“And that’s what I am doing now!”
“Slow,” said Cruthis. “Slow! I believe you have noble intentions. But let us continue this discourse. In your travels, surely long, tiresome, and arduous, do ever find yourself fatigued and near despair?”
“Of course!” said Cetus. “Traveling here was a week’s journey, over mountain, across hot plains, in danger from highwayman and bandit! I sacrifice for my beliefs!”
“And sacrifice is commendable,” said Cruthis. “But do you think you could do more for your cause if you could ride with less baggage, climb those mountains faster, and fear no bandit or thief?”
“I would do anything preach the truth more efficiently!”
“Then would you like to come to the temple and partake of our morning lifting session? It will make your muscles stronger, it will increase your endurance, it will give you coordination, self-control, patience, and more!”

>>36300328
Cetus seemed taken aback. He was not prepared for this. The literature he had read about the Iron Order described them as brutes, stupid, muscle-bound bigots that only cared about their own vain muscles. Cruthis seemed interested in helping spread THOT’s doctrine.
“Lies,” said Cetus finally. “We only met five minutes ago and already you try to change me. I am not yours to change. I am mine and I love me the way I am. Besides, I am capable of the same feats as you. This body is not inferior to yours in health or strength! To think such things is rank arrogance!”
Guarded disgust gave way to genuine conviction in Cruthis’ manly heart.
What a terrible trap this man is in. Is there any way to save him when he doesn’t admit he needs saving? thought Cruthis. He shook his head resignedly, Perhaps not.
“If you are indeed based upon tolerance, then please allow those who choose to come to the temple,” said Cruthis.
“I will not. Tolerance does not include those who do not practice it themselves,” said Cetus. “I am the truth these sheep do not know they need to hear.”
Cruthis’ anger quickly came rising back. This man spoke of the Iron Order being judge, but Cetus was assuming the same role!
“Cetus, please. You speak in contradiction, and that arrogantly. These people can hear yours if they desire, and they have heard mine. Let them decide. But do not decide what truth is for someone else when you yourself do not hold to it definitely.”
Cetus took a step closer to Cruthis so that his protruding belly touched Cruthis’ waist. If Cetus had been tall enough, and not obstructed by his own gut, he would have gotten in Cruthis’ face.
“I will not. I said I would sacrifice for my beliefs!”

>>36300345
The crowd was almost a hundred strong now. People continued to straggle in from the nearest buildings sensing a showdown. This man was child in his thinking. He had never matured and put childish things away. Speaking to him was clearly futile, so Cruthis turned to the crowd.
“Citizens!” he began. “Many of you know me as Father Cruthis. I have worked with hundreds of you as a father! Guiding your hands with my own, helping you mold yourselves into what you want to be! A father wants the best for this children does he not? But, I discipline the ones I love, and chastise every son whom I receive.
“Mr. Lane, did I not help you recover from your broken leg when the physicians had given up on you?”
“Yes, Father Cruthis,” said Lanes. “I’ll never forget it!”
“And Mrs. Jeats, after every one of your sons, may their strength never fade, were born, did my brothers in the temple not help you regain your strength faster than the other townswomen?”
“Yes, Father. And my sons love your teaching! After their father passed you truly have become our Father!”
“Then why,” said Cruthis. “Have you whom I have taught abandoned the principles which I learned you and fled before this laughable fellow? Does he have authority over you? Stand up for yourselves, pass him by, and lift with me today!”
Cetus’ eyes met Cruthis’; they burned with the newfound hatred of one who has seen the light, and rejected it. Cetus threw himself down on the first step and folded his arms looking very much like a pouting toad. Cruthis again daintily picked up the edge of his robe and started up the steps.
Shuffling noises started behind Cruthis. Never had he been so thankful for the sound of footsteps behind him.
“Don’t follow that heretic!” screamed Cetus from his seat. “He tells you that you are ugly and must improve! But I tell you that you are beautiful as you are!”
“Shutup, lard,” said Mrs. Jeats as she passed him.

>>36300367
Mrs. Jeats turned to look as Cetus grabbed her. As she tripped her body turned and fell downward. With a sickened pop and crunch her hip hit the corner of the steps she tried to climb.
The men following behind Mrs. Jeats immediately pulled Cetus from where he sat. The crowd, before curious and quiet, was now seething and yelling as a mob.
Cruthis quickly grabbed Mrs. Jeats from where she fell and ran up the steps. The temple had physicians. Hopefully the leg had just popped out of joint. That could easily be fixed. But the mob was following him up the steps! Mrs. Jeats hissed with pain in his arms. They had to get out of the way!
Cetus was now in the air, borne up by the arms of the crowd, yelling obscenities and slapping at the arms that held him up. Given his impressive girth Cetus was momentarily strangely impressed by strength of the men of the crowd despite the seriousness of the situation. But his wits quickly came back to him.
“Citizens!” he tried to yell over the angry crowd. “Calm yourselves! Don’t bring him to the temple! Take him away!”
Mrs. Jeats grabbed Cruthis by the collar and yelled with anguish in his face.
“Get me out of here, Father! I can’t feel my leg!”
But, the crowd continued surging up the steps and threatened to trip him up as he carried her away to the safety of the temple. Brothers of the order ran out to help control the crowd and allow Cruthis to get through the doors. Dr. Roes rushed to Cruthis’ side.
“Give her to me, Cruthis! Take care of the crowd!”
Cruthis nearly threw the poor woman into the doctor’s arms. Despite the doctor’s age he was plenty strong enough to hurry away with the woman to the temple’s refuge. Relief flooded Cruthis. Now to deal with the crowd!

>>36300387
But what was the crowd doing? The brothers were no longer trying to keep them from entering the temple doors, but trying make their way into the crowd. All the men had turned their back to the temple and were facing the steps and the city beyond. Still held aloft was Cetus, cursing and convulsing pathetically like a beached whale.
In one of those strange, fleeting hushed moments that happen with crowds someone yelled out clearly, “Throw the fatass down!” Which is exactly what those holding him up did.
Cetus’ scream was cut short by the roaring approval of the crowd and by the iron steps that he refused to climb earlier. Noise from the crowd did not allow Cruthis to hear it, but it did not take much effort to imagine the slap and crunch of the fat body bouncing down the unforgiving steps. Like a waterfall, the crowd started pouring down the steps after him.
Cruthis considered trying to regain control of the crowd or see if he could save Cetus, but something held him back. Some tiny, little prick in the back of his neck told him to hold. What was it?
Brothers of the order waited anxiously for his orders at the temple doors. Screaming from the direction of the steps proved that Cetus was not yet a fatality. Cruthis looked up. Heat waves were already coming off the roof of the temple.
“Come inside brothers,” said Cruthis. “Let us have breakfast.”

Done

>>36300407
You have decent control of prose but you lack some subtlety in you themes which makes it less enjoyable to read as a story. The intro set the scene very well though.

>>36300407
Dedicated to /fit/.
I'd like some critique. I know some stuff isn't very consistent, so that needs to be straightened out.
Anything you think should be developed? Or something that's a little too obvious and distracts from the actual story?

inb4 Complete shit

>>36300520
Yeah, I think their argument could definitely be subtler. It's kind of obvious.
Is that what you're talking about?

>>36300046
hehe...erection...

>>36300549
Pretty much yeah.

bretty gud OP

Bro-bump

I liked it

>tfw you will never live in a temple with your brothers and spend every day pushing your body and expanding your mind.

Is it acceptable to wear robes in public?

Decent writing, especially the first part, but I lost all interest as soon as I saw that it was going to be a man vs strawman story. It's really a bad idea to put shit like that in, because people who disagree will be put off, and people who agree will also be put off due to knowing that shit already. You need to be either incredibly clever, or so subtle as not to go out of the plot's way at all if you want to put something like that in. Especially when the issue is something that most people already have a polarized opinion on. Even someone like Terry Pratchett can get people's eyes rolling when it comes to political messages (although admittedly, not by very much).

Hope some of that helps, and may you make sick writing gainz within your lifetime.

>>36303356
You can make it a hipster fad.

>tfw you genuinely find silk togas comfy as fuck and would wear them every day but society makes you wear shitty denim pants and tshirts