>Be me
>be chubby manlet
>complete newfag to diet and exercise in general
>no idea how to even start getting fit
>read threads on /fit/ about weight loss tips
>people suggest cutting out pop and juice because of high fructose corn syrup
>instead drink tea and coffee
>not a big tea or coffee drinker
>only had something from Starbucks maybe once with family
>make myself a pot of coffee
>never made a pot of coffee before
>remember someone mention something in a thread about 8 scoops
>put 8 scoops of coffee grounds in to one cup
>start running out of space in filter and can only make enough for 2 cups
>fill up my biggest mug with coffee
>drink some
>gag immediately
>tastes absolutely disgusting
>I add a shitload of sugar and creamer so I can stomach it
>feel blood rushing to my head and my hands start shaking
>figure that's just the energy from the coffee working
>decide to use energy and go for a jog
>10 min later I feel a pain in my intestines
>ohgodno.jpg
>realize I have to shit BAD
>no bathroom in site
>it's working fast through my bowels
>try to hold it till I make it home
>get close to apartment
>ohpleaseletmemakeit
>spot qt3.14 from my building
>she's out walking her little chihuahua
>she's coming my way
>freeze in fear because of crippling social anxiety
>she says hi and her dog starts sniffing around my shoes
>oh no
>no
>the shit is coming
>I can't stop it
>mfw I'm wear gym shorts
>mfw my shorts explode with the biggest, watery shit I have ever had in my entire life.
>mfw it spews all over the poor little dogs face
>he's covered in my shit
>she screams and runs off
>mfw I'm now on final notice with my landlord for inappropriate interactions with other tenants.
Fuck you /fit/.
>>35365413
Holy shit. I can't.
>mfw OP's poopy bum bum
>>35365413
OP. My god.
>2015 to 2016 transition nearing completion
>not starting your day off right with 20 cups of concentrated coffee in your mug for max gains
>making it
How do you fuck up this badly?
best fake story ive read all day
>>35366069
Upvoted for visibility.
>>35365413
Merry Christmas OP.
Thanks for the keks
>>35365413
Fake as hell
>>35366097
And you watch movies because they are so real
Been drinking coffee since I was 5
Feels good being a lifelong addict
>cutting
>adds sugar
>only 8 scoops
Not gonna make it
>>35365413
3/10 story telling
Try working on making your story more believable
Also this is a fitness board, try >>>/lit/ to make believe
>>35366122
Comparing movies to a hair styling guru workshop image board
Shake my head, to be honest, family
>>35365711
This post is 10x funnier than OP.
>>35366069
>>35366097
>>35366162
This isn't fake. You dickheads and your horrible advice completely fucked up my life.
I got this in my email today.
>>35366316
Nice try Fatboy.
>>35366077
Fresh off the boat, from reddit, kid? heh I remember when I was just like you. Braindead. Lemme give you a tip so you can make it in this cyber sanctuary: never make jokes like that. You got no reputation here, you got no name, you got jackshit here. It's survival of the fittest and you ain't gonna survive long on 4chan by saying stupid jokes that your little hugbox cuntsucking reddit friends would upboat. None of that here. You don't upboat. You don't downboat. This ain't reddit, kid. This is 4chan. We have REAL intellectual discussion, something I don't think you're all that familiar with. You don't like it, you can hit the bricks on over to imgur, you daily show watching son of a bitch. I hope you don't tho. I hope you stay here and learn our ways. Things are different here, unlike any other place that the light of internet pop culture reaches. You can be anything here. Me ? heh, I'm a judge.. this place.... this place has a lot to offer... heh you'll see, kid . . . that is if you can handle it.
hey OP, the part where you shit on the dog's head by accident is simply pushing it too much.
I mean let's be honest here, how many humans took a shit on a dog by accident since the beginning of humanity? Probably less than 100
>>35366351
pic related
>>35366316
What was the first complaint against you?
>>35366410
I was doing my laundry and only had enough money for one load (We have on site laundry) and I had to do my towels because I had accidentally spilled an entire jug of koolaid all over the kitchen floor and carpet and I don't have a mop so I had to soak the mess up with my towels. So I washed them, and then put them in the dryer, and while I was waiting I decided to take a shower. The laundry machine is right down the hall so I thought I could sneak in there and grab a towel quick before anyone saw me. Except when I walked into the laundry room the one of my neighbor's kids was in there putting some clothes in the wash. They got an eyeful and told their parents. I tried to explain the situation, but the parents complained to the landlord anyway.
>>35366542
OP... you can't make a pot of coffee, in fact, you asked 4chan to help you with that... knew that you had towels in the dryer... you could have air dried and put some other clothes on...
maybe you should live somewhere else
>>35366542
>mfw all this autism
Jesus Christ Op
>>35365413
Nice try, but you can't make a pot of coffee on the go. At least make your shitty fake stories internally consistent.
>>35368601
When did he mention anything about making a pot of coffee on the go?
