Hello /fit/, I come to you with a fairly unique experience which most of you likely won't believe and I'd wager none of you could empathize with, but which represents a personal milestone and the washing away of a long-standing psychological burden.
I am a 26 year old virgin. That's not the surprising part; I'm sure there are plenty of peer aged people on this website (or wizards of higher mastery levels) who know that feel. There's plenty of threads a day about that subject and people here are far more likely to question another anon ever having had sex than not believe they're still a virgin. The unbelievable part is this:
At nearly 27 years of age, this morning was the first time I have ever masturbated.
I understand if you don't believe me; I've many years since stopped admitting to this fact Last time I'd discussed it was when I was 19, and my freshman room mate (a friend from high school) mentioned it to the other dudes from my dorm, none of whom could believe it. I didn't keep myself from doing it for any religious/spiritual reason nor any purposeful act of willpower. As an adolescent, I simply never felt inclined to do it.
That fact could come for many reasons: my personal hypothesis is a combination of self-hatred due to childhood bullying and some warped sense of not-engaging in the act somehow making me more morally upright - that thought process ended when I was about 17.
>>35225552
At that point, it just felt weird trying. I don't know what it was, but I just couldn't connect with myself. Despite the fact that pornography would arouse me (and I had the usual classroom boners going through puberty) something about self-gratification kept eluding me. Before today, the last time I'd even attempted it was sophomore year of college.
As the years have gone on, and I've continued to go without intercourse, my inability to please myself has became an annoyance and eventually a source of dread. Masturbation is a natural thing; what if my lack of sex drive meant something with my internal chemistry or biology was fucked up? How could I expect to perform well in sex if I didn't even know the fundamentals of my own body's sexuality? But, despite knowing it bothered me, I didn't realize how much of an issue this was for me until today.
>>35225598
(Thank God for anonymity, because I have to explain this to somebody, anybody.)
I woke up this morning at 5:30, waking from a wet dream. These have come - get it? - in cycles every couple of weeks since I was about 15, used to be one night and then a gap now it usually happens 2 - 3 nights in a row. I couldn't fall back asleep and after about half an hour, I started dicking around on my phone.
I ended up on myfreecams (as I often do) to see who was on (I've never paid a cent for these sites, BTW.) I looked over at my dresser and saw the lotion I'd bought for my dry ass hands and thought about my morning and my dilemma; a first date wonder, 26 year old virgin still having wet dreams, knowing exactly what it is in my life I want to work on, and looking down at my dick as obstacle number one. Human Sexuality 001, and I'd never even started class.
I decided to give it another go.
>breaking a 26 year nofap
>ever
>>35225552
First time I did it was at 19 and for similar reasons you took so long too.
>>35225663
And it actually fucking happened. The nerve endings sent all the right signals and for the first time in my entire life, I got to experience man's oldest past time, the root and building block of the sexual experience.
/fit/, I kid you not, I feel like a new man. I may still be a virgin with a long way ahead of me towards the things I want in life (career-wise, family-wise, and in many other capacities) but I honestly have experienced a revitalization I did not know what only a palm away.
I'm a person who loves other people; I draw satisfaction and joy from helping and making other people happy. But I've realized in the last few years that my desire to please others is my overriding concern in life. It defines my self-image to an unhealthy degree and I've struggled to overcome this.
I've thought a lot about how the first step toward contentment is learning how to be emotionally self-sufficient. And for 26 years, my inability to connect with and cherish myself as the primary source of happiness and stability (despite knowing objectively I am a good person and cared about by many people) has worked against me. But today, I have forged that bond with myself.
Thanks for listening, any /fit/izens that have read this. I understand and respect the weirdness of this post and that it's pretty damn pathetic. But I don't give a shit.
Also, I'm now firmly against circumcision. Thinking about having more nerve endings makes me weep for what my penis could have been.
Incidentally, Ebby Frost was the name of the model if anyone cares.
>>35225756
I just skimmed bro but good job on getting off. Nice maturity gains. Apply more reps, like at least once a day and get that drive going. We're all going to make it. Yada yada. You know the rant.
>>35225756
>health and fitness
ALso, I don't believe you
why the fuck would you need to type all of this and share it specifically on this board ?
>>35225818
Bruh is excited to share his first masturbation story and this nigga shoots him down.
Each board is for a particular interest and the threads are for talking with people with that interest.
Most of these threads should be tangibly related but don't have to be, if boy needs to talk he isn't going to /rk9/, he's going to talk with his /fit/ bros.
>>35225756
nice job. just be sure to use plenty of lube and don't get into any fucked up porn.
I didn't jack off till age 18 AFTER I lost my virginity
>>35225552
Good for you for moving on with your life, it's a part of maturation.
The fact that it took you this long to get on track is a shame though.
>>35225552
>>35225598
This 2 part post is entirely fiction.
>>35225846
Thanks, man.
>>35225818
Because who the fuck am I going to tell this to face to face? There isn't a person alive I want to know that it was ME, without my blanket of anonymity, that had this experience.
Maybe a psychiatrist, if I had one.
>>35225883
Only stuff I really enjoy is watching camgirls (not paying for it, ever, as I have said.) I don't need to watch another dude fuck a girl and something about the live aspect of it is more arousing.
>>35225846
OP here, on another topic I just found out my cozy as fuck gym that's 30 seconds from my house is closing at the end of the year. Shit sucks.
Congrats OP, I'm happy for you. If you really want a good fap, get some adderall. I remember during finals week I would be in the library till closing at midnight and then have a good 4 hour fap marathon right after. Those were the days.
>>35226237
Happens all the time man, the only places that are around me now are "rehab" centers that hospitals fund.
No squat rack, 2 benches, one smith machine, and 50 ellipticals.
Shit sucks.
Also I'm the dude who waited till he was 19 so don't make my mistake and start edging all the time, limit yourself so you don't fap yourself into a coma everyday.
>>35226243
I've got a lot of learning to do. I feel like a fucking Junior High Schooler. I've already done it again today.
>>35226250
I'm going to do it regularly enough so that I never have to have another wet dream cycle. There've been some close to humiliating moments when I've had to share hotel beds with people and gone insane worrying someone else would wake up.
>>35225552
How fucked up is your life in general?
Did you never think to go out and fuck a chick (not that I can)?
>>35225756
Can I ask what your life is like? Job? Education? If you're in NA are you, like, living in an isolated area, or something? I just don't understand. Congrats, tho! I think you can make it, you have a nice way of writing
>>35225751
>>35225552
It's okay, bros. I was 19 as well for very similar reasons. I never knew how.
I didn't masturbate until a month after the first time I had sex with my gf
