Why is it ALWAYS that when I don't care about getting a girl, I always get opportunity with her, but when I like a girl and try to achieve something with her, everything goes wrong?
How to escape this catch22, it's killing me.
How do I find a girl that I like and that likes me back or can be with me? There's always something that comes between, either she likes me back but has a boyfriend already and is committed or doesn't like me in the same way. Why the fuck am I cursed with this?
When I don't pay attention to the girls, because I don't like them, they go crazy over me. Should I just accept the faith and hook up with those girls?
>>35192347
tl;dr:
I always fall in love with the girl that I can't get for whatever reason. I don't fall in love with girls that are available or want to be with me. How to change this?
>>35192347
stop being 18 and grow up
>>35192369
i'm young - 19 y/o - that's true.
is it just the age thing, do you stop feeling this way when you get older? i hope so.
>>35192347
Have you tried reading the sticky?
>>35192347
>killing me
>>35192347
I recommend heavy deadlifts. They always makes me feel better when I've got grill feels on my mind.
>>35192347
Constantly just pretend to not like her.
>>35192592
I actually do this. On the outside i may act and maybe even convince everyone of this, but on the inside i'm just fucked.
>>35192568
will do them today. thanks.
>>35192347
This is what happened today:
>be me
>yesterday I was talking to a girl I liked since I met her when this semester started
>yesterday my friends went out to get drunk or w/e
>today
>come to uni, sit next to my m8
>he tells me this girl was on a boat trip with this other dude
>feels like my muay thai trainer just gave me a kick to the liver followed by a stab to the heart
>just smile and nod
>go home after uni
>get messages from a whatsapp group Im in
>this other dude is talking about how he is going to go to the sauna with this girl
>feel like I want to cry, but I can't
What a shitty day
>>35192347
This paradox is covered well in pic related. The tl;dr of that section is women want a man to be less invested in her than she is in him because a high level of investment conveys neediness (which is obviously unattractive). You circumvent this paradox by directly and honestly expressing your interest in her without getting hung up on her response or any shame. Now she knows you're interested but also knows, because you boldly put your neck out there, that you're not afraid of rejection and therefore not needy.
In other words, don't get too hung up girls you like and make a move if you're interested.
>>35192643
I'm going to buy this book right now.
>>35192639
There are 3.5 billion other females on the planet. Move on.
>>35192639
That's the worst man. I thought I was hitting it off real well this weekend, but turns out she had made plans to be with her online date later that night.
>>35192651
>inb4 samefag and shill
You can find it on any torrent site.
I've had similar experiences, but what I've realized is that the problem was me. Whenever I felt gaga about a girl, I'd let emotions get the best of me more easily and that's what screws everything up. Whereas in other relationships, both parties stay more calm cool and collected.
>>35192643
>don't get too hung up on girls you like and make a move if you're interested.
Nah that isn't it. I just need to lift more while spending my days browsing /fit/ and playing vidya.
>>35192643
thanks mate. there is a girl that we flirt quite a bit with and she seems responsive, but she has a boyfriend for 2 years. what to do in this situation? i can't ask her out, because she has a boyfriend so i can't boldly express my interest. you know what i mean? or should i just say that i like her and that it's a shame she has a bf.
>>35192643
This
>>35192629
You just have to endure and harden up
>>35192643
AYYE I just started reading this. How'd you like it m8?
>>35192652
Looks like I have no choice. But I have been moving on for so long...
Well, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
>>35192665
Have you guys fucked?
>>35192643
That makes sense, but what do you do if a girl has boyfriend? Do you wait for them to break up and express interest then and mess around with other girls in between OR do you express the interest when there is one (even if she has a boyfriend)?
>>35192665
>going for a girl that is in a relationship
what the fuck?
>>35192681
no, otherwise i wouldn't be asking this question. we're flirting quite a bit and she is responsive to touching, touches back and so on. alway smiles when we talk. is comfortable when our legs are touching when we sit/lie.
What the fuck does this have to do with health and fitness?
Take it to /adv/ or /r9k/ fagdick
>>35192665
More than anything else be honest, because she'll be able to tell if you're not. Without knowing the whole situation, the chances of you getting something going with this girl are very small.
>>35192675
Changed my life, not just with women.
>>35192694
sounds good
>>35192694
Stop being a faggot who tries to kuckold other dudes, seriously fuck off.
>>35192716
i know mate, this fucks me up. she is all good with flirting/touching in school, but then her boyfriend calls and she talks with him like she is really in love with him (has his name and heart on the contact, they make plans about celebrating new years eve and so on, he was i believe her only lover up until now). you know what i mean? in that moment it seems like everything i've been doing up to this point went to waste.
>>35192694
Move on, forget about her
>>35192746
i know mate that it's probably the best option. it's just shame, because you rarely find a girl that is cure and that you click with at the same time. fuck me and my love life.
>>35192745
I know this feel. When you two are so close, almost in an entirely different world. And then SNAP, someone calls and you are back on earth. This sucks
>>35192760
It's really not as rare as it seems, you're just caught up in emotions, move on, better yourself further.
>>35192686
You are wasting your time trying to get with a girl who's involved. Here are the possible outcomes:
>Try to start something and it fails
Obviously undesirable outcome
>Try to start something and she breaks up with the guy
>Try to start something and she cheats on the guy
You are now dating an unfaithful woman
>Wait an indefinite amount of time for them to break up and they don't
You've wasted weeks/months/years
>But what if I mess around with other girls in between
You're emotionally poisoning any relationship you may have by focusing on some other woman
>Wait an indefinite amount of time for them to break up and they do
You wasted weeks/months/years and now start at less than square one once you try to start something with this girl. She will know that you've been waiting for their break up all that time, which is incredibly needy behavior. This will make her more inclined to just find some other guy or be alone, rather than be with you.
>All obstacles aside, you then start dating
You are at stage one of a relationship which can go any way, just like any other relationship, but you wasted weeks/months/years of your finite life to get there when you could have had it immediately with some other girl.
Congratulations, OP
You're unknowingly practicing the baseline principle of PUA
>>35192767
you feel me man. this exactly.
>>35192774
it hurts, but i will do this. she probably knows that i'm interested in her sexually because up until now we've only been flirting. what do i do now? act completely normal like with other girls and don't flirt heavy anymore? then when/if she breaks up with her bf ask her out?
>>35192780
This baka desu senpai
>>35192792
Completely drop her out of your life, don't waste YOUR valuable time on someone who clearly doesn't give a fuck.
>>35192780
seems reasonable. but i don't care if she cheats with the guy to be honest. okay, she is unfaithful, but it's not like we would get married anyway. we would fuck around a little bit/maybe date for some time and that's it. i don't plan to marry her.
but thanks for the advice.
what would you do mate? ignore her from now on?
>>35192698
i literally had to come to terms with faggetry
we literally need to ban the word girl on /fit/
girls who actually lift have no reason to undermine their gender when posting, so that is the easiest solution
>>35192811
From what I've understand she does give a little bit of fuck about OP, that's why he has them feels.
>>35192824
She's using you as a crutch only when it's convenient for her. I've been through your situation. Drop her. There is literally no other solution.
>>35192347
>a month ago
>sister tells me to chat up her cute friend cuz her friend thinks I'm hot
>her friend lives like 130 miles from me but decide to chat anyways
>hit it off and end up texting/snap chatting all day and skyping at night
>hang out with her a couple times
>think things are going well
>Monday she informs me that her ex and baby daddy wants to get back together with her and she says she is gonna give it a shot "because of her kid."
>she was with the guy for almost 3 years, claims she hated most of the relationship because he is an asshole and never showed her any affection
>she broke up with him 9 months ago
>"we can still talk and be friends, anon"
Just fuck my shit up, senpai. She dropped that on me the day after my birthday. Felt kinda bad but I'm over it because I realize girls pull this shit all the time. Now I'm waiting for her to try and get me to be her emotional crutch because I tried to be so sweet and nice to her. Not that I'm gonna be the crutch, but I just know she's gonna bitch about him to me. She even said that I was the sweetest and nicest guy she ever met. That's what I get for trying to be nice.
Protip: be an asshole. Get em wet, treat me like dirt and they'll stick like mud.
>>35192840
>sweetest and nicest guy I've ever met
Literally an insult
>>35192347
It's a matter of being lucky enough to find that girl. I've been on this planet 26 years and never had relationship. Every time that I have met a girl that I liked, she either had a boyfriend or wasn't interested. In the meantime, there has been plenty of girl that wanted a piece of me, that i didn't care about at all. Nail them, eat, lift, sleep. Eventually you might be lucky enough to find that one who will make you happy. There's nothing wrong with you mate, that's life. Its luck.
>>35192813
Don't ignore her if you like hanging out with her. Accept the reality of the situation, be her friend, and pursue other relationships. Take it from an oldfag whose had a few long term relationships and a few very promiscuous periods in his life (now engaged). Casual sex is to committed sex (with the right girl) is like beef jerky to filet mignon.
>inb4 friendzone
It's not the friendzone if you're not hung up on the girl. It's also really beneficial to attracting women when you have attractive female friends. Bonus points if you get her to wing for you.
>>35192883
thanks man, but if i can't get her, i don't want to be just friends with her. it feels awful.
i'd rather ignore her and cut her out of my life than only be friends.
>>35192840
It's not about being an asshole, it's about not being a doormat. What women like about assholes is they have clear rules about how they want to live their lives, they have clear expectations of how they are to be treated, and treat people exactly the way they want to. It's the strength, not the cruelty that's attractive to women. That's why they complain about the assholes. That's why the assholes attract women with low self-esteem.
>>35192358
thiiiis desu
>>35192792
You don't chase em, you replace em
>>35192911
>if i can't get her, i don't want to be just friends with her. it feels awful.
That's what you tell her. Sit her down, explain your feelings, tell her why you can't be friends and let the chips fall where they may. That will shake things up more than anything else you could do and is your best bet if you want to be with her (but will most likely fail). She'll respect your honesty and emotional maturity, if she's mature enough to process it. You can also guarantee she'll talk about it with her female friends so expect a little more attention from them, if you share the same circle of friends.
>>35192347
Hey it is okay to fuck some of these girls youre not really into. Doesn't mean you're gonna marry them.
>>35192347
why can't you niggas enjoy being alone?
keep lifting
save money and buy good quality shit that you like
read books
write shitty books.
>>35192911
stop being a shitty friend who only wants to fuck her jeez. You put yourself in this situation/ now man up and tell her you only wanted to fuck and see what happens
>>35192991
>stop being a shitty friend who only wants to fuck her jeez. You put yourself in this situation
i'd actually be ok with that.
>>35192639
>be me
you deserve the lot of it you faggot
>>35192991
I remember thinking this.
When you get old, being alone gets old.
>>35193189
if you are alone when you were young, you are supposed to have a shit ton of money once you are "old" and you are supposed to travel to whatever yolo-place you can find to know more people rather than self-pitying your situation.
like nigga, go to thailandia or the caribe and fuck some latina girls and make some international friends, you may find your life there
>>35193279
Been there, done that. I'm ready to settle down. I'm 32. This isn't a game any more.
>>35193302
go on tinder/okcupid and get some gal with daddy issues
>>35193329
I started on match. The pool of female daters is fucking depressing. I can only imagine how horrific it is for the women.
>>35192715
Changed your life how? Could you go more in depth please
>>35193400
nigga, how bout you just go out and meet women? it's not that fucking hard
>>35193561
Helped me realize that I was the source of most of the problems in my life, guided me toward getting help for some psychological shit, helped motivate me to live the life I wanted, rather than the life I was "supposed to." It's not the bible for the modern age or anything but it was a lot of what I needed to hear at the right time in my life.
>>35192665
Hey mate I am in the same situation as you. She had feels for me also and displayed them first, so I just flat out talked to her about it and told her that I like her but can't get involved with her because of her boyfriend. She told me that she planned on leaving her boyfriend for a while now and so she did.
If you want to find out if she feels the same ask her, it won't hurt to ask and it will be better instead of getting hung up on it. If she says no to you then move on if yes then tell her that the only way you can be together is if she isn't with someone.
>>35194013
thanks mate, i just don't know how to bring this up to her... we were just shooting shit up until know and now all this serious shit all of a sudden.
>>35192347
Stay DETERMINED.
You find out that she has a boyfriend.
Your soul may break.
But it refused.
She might name call you.
Your soul may break.
But it refused.
These two words will keep you going. Stay determined.
Refuse OP
>>35192677
>But I have been moving on for so long...
>so long...
>19 y/o
>>35193875
Where? A bar? Fuck that. If I wanted to go out and get laid with some chick I don't care about that, I'd just get a hooker.
>>35192347
I have the same problem, I get the girl I have felt in love with but maybe just a couple of months and then, well, you know.
Happened like 5 times already, will happen another more.
>>35194136
>>35194073
Lol that was literally the exact same as with me no joke. It was months of just talking and shit then all of a sudden she made a move and got serious. It happens fast but don't try to rush anything, at the same time don't wait forever for her.
>>35192854
Are you sure? Are you sure it isn't metaphorically an insult??
>>35192916
Yeah I'm pretty fucking beta and awkward and shy and have absolutely no game and no confidence or self esteem. She pointed out my awkwardness but said it was "cute" and she liked it, she claimed. God I suck.
>>35194379
what do you mean by "she displayed feelings first"? Did she say she love you or anything? Because the girl i'm talking about doesn't take the lead or anything (she doesn't even text first), but if I start the conversation with her she is really happy and seems pretty eager.
>>35192358
>>35192347
I have this same problem, I think its just being self destructive. You make yourself fail. You want what you cant have, and you dont want what you can have.
>>35192686
>>35192690
yeah what the fuck are you a retard?
>>35193302
>settling down
you are only young once
why settle?
Become outcome independent. Don't expect anything to happen, good or bad.
Of course you're not gonna be on your A game when you think you're gonna marry this chick or something. You're gonna be apprehensive and shoot yourself in the foot.
When you lift weights, do you think the weight is gonna crush you or something? No, you just lift it.
Maintain your frame of mind and focus on the moment.
>>35192347
Because you think that you have to act nice and prove yourself to the girls you like. You probably become boring and polite around her. These are effeminate traits. She knows immediately how much you are attracted to her when you act this way. Even when you try to fake disinterest it is easy to tell you're faking, and then you look desperate. That is bad.
The reason that girls who you act uninterested toward like you more is because they are unsure of your feelings towards them. You probably speak more freely and are less uptight around them. You probably are more interested in getting work done or having fun than hanging out with them. That is attractive.
The solution is to change your perspective. Accept that:
1.) Your life's purpose is more important than any relationship.
2.) There is no such thing as "The One." Loving relationships are built, not discovered.
3.) You would like to be in a relationship, but it is not required for you to be happy.
When you believe those three things your demeanor and your behavior change naturally, and you become more attractive to the women you are interested in.
>>35195866
Also, about the hook-up part. Yes! You should hook up whenever you can. It is the natural beginning to a loving relationship, if that is the direction you wish to move in afterwards. With that being said, you have to be passionate and sexual and you have to perform better than her other guys.
>>35192347
What is this picture from?
>>35192347
It might be because when you like the girl you come off as needy and girls find that to be a turn off.
>>35195866
I actually shoot shit with this girl and tease her all the time (i posted in this thread before, she is responsive to flirting and touchy but has a bf that she loves so idk what to do)
>>35196236
she keeps you around for convenience.
Why do you factors continually birch about grills? Just go fap and do something fun/productive with your time.
