Ayo /fit/ I need your help here pls......
>be me
>lift
>acquire qt3,14 gf
>she tells me she's depressive; but during the first months, it's not too bad, so I figure whatever
>everything is still going great
>5 months in, her father, who was terminally ill, passed away
>depression everywhere
>she starts taking SSRIs to ease some of the pain
>sex life goes to shit
Fast forward 5 more months to the present moment and our sex life is STILL RIDICULOUSLY SHIT. Holy shit /fit/, I love this girl and have always been there for her, but I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE. I literally used to be more sexually fulfilled a single. This shit is driving me nuts and depressing me as well. For the first time ever, I am legitimately considering to either cheat or just walk away. I am about to give in. I swear that at this point if I had a night out and got too drunk, it would only be a matter of time until I wind up cheating.
What do I do fit? I never asked for this :_: At the same time I feel like a bit of an asshole if I try to pressure her into having sex but I cannot do this any longer... I have talked to her and she said she's going to "try to fix it", but I don't really see any substantial improvements, and most of my sexual advances get shot down (plus I am sick of always having to be the one initiating it; it's making me feel like a desperate creep)
Please help me /fit/ I would ask any of the other boards, but this is sort of mental health related and you lads are the only ones I trust with their opinion
you have two options:
a) keep waiting, be patient, don't initiate at all, fap if necessary. be there for her, be romantic, but don't even think about having sex with her.
b) break up with her and fuck bitches. you might regret this though
>>35063906
Cheat on her my nigga
My ex gf still doesn't know I did and ot didn't hurt her :)
>>35064010
not sure if you're serious, but you can only get away with cheating if your partner retarded. otherwise they will find out sooner or later and then you'll regret it.
Go get some side.
>>35063906
What in the fuck is wrong with you man?
I remember a few years ago when my mother died, I didn't want sex or anything of that sort
I just wanted the people around me to be there for me, and 5 months is not a large enough time to get over it. It's been 2 years now and I now know I'll never be completly over it.
Are you really so weak willed that when she needs you, you can do anything but think about how you want to get your dick wet? Just fucking jerk off or something
>should I cheat on my gf who I love because she's going through a really hard time right now?
This is what you sound like
>>35063906
Sorry bro, this is what you get when you stick your dick in crazy. I'm sympathetic because I have been there...unfortunately half of these bitches have some form of depression or anxiety or both. As soon as that shit manifests itself, run. I was too naive and lost years to shit relationships with head cases. Don't be me.
>>35064024
It's been a year and she doesn't know kek
>>35064168
You're such a 17 year old faggot. Do you know what NORMAL and HEALTHY people do when they lose a loved one? They morn and move on with their life. They honor the loved ones memory by continuing to live a happy and productive life, rather than making people around them miserable . They pick up, dust off and hit the gym, go back to work/school and just live.
>>35064223
This, wasted 3 years on a girl with depression, aint ever going back.
>>35063906
how would you feel if you were depressed and she cheated on you ?
>>35064168
Sex is the second strongest drive after food. If you're not hungry, it's only a matter of time before you get horny. Expecting your bf/gf to jerk off while you mourn your loss is not fair. It wasn't his father nor was he attached to the man. 5 Months is a long time, if she's not ready, he should just dump her
Dude just fuck her. Hold her down if you have to she'll love it.
I've been dating a girl with depression for 6 months now and it's going really well except when she's feeling really down. Even though I think I love her I still have thoughts about breaking up with her and fucking happier bitches..
>>35064237
She's probably retarded then
Hey, OP here, thank you for your answers, guys.
Shit, I know that leaving her sounds harsh, but to be honest I think she would prefer that to me cheating... I don't know. I think that I'll just openly tell her I am about to jump ship (it might create pressure but who cares at this stage).
Also to everybody saying I should stay... Bear in mind it's been five months, it's not like I went to shit from the first minute on. Like I said, it was easier to be idealistic in the beginning...
>>35064741
Don't tell her why you are breaking up just make it clear you are. If she has half a brain she'll figure out you left because of her Bullshit and she'll either get it together or not either way you still win. If you play your cards right she'll come back to you and you can just keep her as a friend with benefits.
>>35064741
You won't regret it OP. No one benefits from hanging on in a shitty relationship. If anything this will help her get her shit together. Good luck.
Just to add an echo to all of this, I broke up with my ex when she started down a route of near-suicidal depression. Her mental health had been an issue for several years, but we attempted to work through it together. It surprised me just how much those small mental health issues impacted my life.
I'm definitely more focused now we're apart, focusing on my career, fitness and well-being. If the relationship isn't a net positive and won't be for the foreseeable future, you should break it off and not look back. This goes for friendships, hobbies... anything.
Godspeed, anon.
>>35063906
>Lads
Fucking europoors.
>>35063906
You're basically fucked either way. Hanging around depressed people makes you less driven because you have to supress yourself around them to be understanding. This quickly becomes permanent. It becomes your reference point, and you are too gentle with yourself and other people. If you leave her, well you basically already know how much that is going to suck and it will for a long time. You'll be a little broken either way.
I would suggest stepping back from your relationship a little. Don't cheat, but hang out with your friends more and see her a little less. Be outgoing when you do see her, and dont let her just insist on cuddling and watching movies all the time. Minimize that, once in a while as an actual treat.
If she asks why, tell her the truth. That you want to help, but if you get too involved you will start to sink and will not be a rock above her that will help her pull out. Say that you are there for her, but this is a problem only she can solve and so you can never be codependant or an enabler.
She may fight this a little, because she is in a weak position, be strong for her because quite frankly I gave you the other two alternatives and they both fucking blow. If she tries to walk away, very firmly say 'no, because I love you. I'm not leaving'. But insist on having shit be your way. Do it right or accept that one of the above will be the consiquence
>>35063906
How old are you, anon? If you aren't 30s with kids, and by your typing you sound like you are early 20s at best, you should just break up and find someone you are happier with.
There is no reason at all to try to make yourself into a component of this girl's mental health recovery plan. Take it from a guy who married someone who had some issues that were "not too bad." I should have left her until she fixed the issues, and if she wasn't willing to I should have just moved on. Now I'm in my 30s arguing nearly every night to get her to actually go to therapy and take her SSRI as prescribed and stop sneaking wine and food on the sly.
>>35064254
I don't know why you're saying this, OP has already told us she suffers from depression - your standards don't apply to her, because she isn't healthy.
The lack of empathy in this thread is pretty crazy.
>>35063906
Hey OP. Sounds super shitty. Nothing kills sex drive like anxiety, or depression. Your girlfriend is going through a lot of tough shit right now having lost a loved one, compounded by the fact she has a mental illness. Continuing to pressure her with advances will just make this shit worse.
That being said: your decision needs to be made based on only one position - what would make you most happy. If sex is such an important part of your life right now, you have to cut things off with your girlfriend.
If however your girlfriend makes you happier, sans sex, than sex with someone else would, I suggest you stick it out.
Being with someone suffering from depression can be very difficult, don't be afraid to reach out to a local counselor or mental health professional for strategies to help your girlfriend.
Some immediate advice would be to not try to "fix" anything, and learn how to listen.
Or be an adult and end the relationship.
>>35065375
Is the worst, isn't it? The way they try to break you down. Depressive people can be so very destructive.
>>35065351
Just want to add that I have been on both sides of this circumstance and have now mostly recovered.
Anon with the depressed wife,
The real summary in my post above is that you can't drag people into good mental health, it is counterproductive, but you can create the circumstance where they want it enough for themselves to try to improve. I would say that your wife is now addicted to the reinforcement of someone loving her enough to fight for her, but is no longer trying to get well. If you put that in a box, you are putting effort into the box and are not helping the person at all, therefore should you continue to do the same?
She just needs you to cuddle her a lot. Show her how much you love her. Don't pressure her into sex. She only even has sex with you because she knows it means a lot to you.
Do special things for her. What does she like? Do you best to make her happy. She'll start to enjoy sex more on her own.
But I will warn you, don't let it go too far. If she never gets better, then it's probably best to just drop her.
>>35064254
Confirmed for never losing a loved one except great great aunt myrtle
Yeah you have to live on man but its not cut and dry "five months after my mom dies i will finally be ok with it"
>>35065451
I mean honestly the worst part is that I empathize and it has led me to enable some of this shit over the years. I was like op, and still am basically, I love her and really like spending time with her when things are good. But goddamn, this shit has a way of poisoning anything good.
When we were younger it didn't matter as much. But now we have a kid and have to do shit with inlaws and deal with her insane mother and her stress about not being 'good enough' for my family. So it got worse and the consequences are more pronounced now.
>>35065566
Double dubs of truth checked.
>>35064027
>Colin Farrell saves fit fagots.
Happy that not all niggers nog.
>>35063906
Take her to the bedroom, say "tonight is all for you, baby" and eat her out for 3 or 4 hours (but do a good job).
That'll ease her pain a bit
>>35064971
>Her bullshit
I really wonder how old people are on here.
It's not really voluntary if you aren't horny anons, after my father and best friend died I couldn't get it up for months.
It isn't "bullshit", it's depression faggots.
welcome to being in a relationship with a depressed person. get out now before she drags you down and you lose all your gains being a sad loser with her. because if you dont you will lose gains being sad with her or you will be sad after when she leaves you because she doesnt wnat to drag you down and then starts fucking some other faggot less than 2 months later fucking bitch i hate her
>>35066187
If she chooses to sit around and wallow in self pity it is bullshit, I known people who had lost a loved one and still went to work the next day only taking a day off to bury them. In their own words they still hurt but sitting around being sad isn't going to fix anything. I will concede and say not everyone has the same emotional constitution.
mushrooms
mdma with you
both of these are unconventional and could potentially make it worse
so can ssris
at least mdma is fun
