Autism stories
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You are currently reading a thread in /fit/ - Fitness
You are currently reading a thread in /fit/ - Fitness
Let's have a good old autism stories thread. It's been a long time since we had one. Post stories where you cockblocked yourself because of your autism, or you just did retard shit that you still cringe when you think about
I'll start
>Walk into a bar all alone
>7/10 Girl grabs my arm
>"Do I know you? ;)"
>I reply "uhm n-n-no "
>Turn 360 degrees and moonwalk away
>at a club gig
>grab a qt and start making out with her
>she pulls me close and whispers something in my ear before walking away
>volume is too loud, so just imagine she had to go to the bathroom
>friend who came late say she saw her standing outside the club in the cold winter weather
>decide to stick with the lads instead
Another time:
>friend challenge me to see how fast I could pick a girl up at a bar
>8 seconds later I'm exchanging saliva with a qt
>tell her to grab her jacket and wait outside, needed a piss
>one hour later my friend asks what happened to that girl I hooked up with
>I had completely forgotten about her until he told me
Not sure if autism, but whenever I look for a new appartment, the most important thing I look for is if there's a gym within walking distance.
also
>be me on back/biceps day
>been in the gym for 1h30, almost done with workout
>walk toward biceps curl machine, the last exercise of the day
>see hot sloot doing picrelated right in front of the machine I'm about ro use
>decide to call it a day and keep walking straight to locker room instead
>one time I was fucking jerking my fat cock
>had a belt around my neck
>fucking came so hard that my entire skellington shot out of my dickhole
>skellington starts dancing around and being all spooky
>nope
>and then i died and now I'm a spooky ghost.
>>35273347
lol wtf bro
>>35273347
so... you're some sort of alpha autist I guess ?
>>35273347
You're my hero.
>>35273349
sacrificing gains for a sloot . not gonna make it brah
>>35273347
lol'd at your first story
>>35273402
I'm not alpha. I'm just attractive and stupid when drunk.
>Doing 3 plates DL
>Haven't slept since yesterday
>struggling with last set
>shout FOR TOMOYO
>turns out i didnt shout it in my head
haven't been back to the same gym since
>>35273463
kek
got another story, I've shared it here a couple times before
>at gym
>this gym for some reason has only men's locker room (probably because the 90% of attendants are male)
>changing clothes
>two girls walk in
>one of them say "excuse us...is there a locker room for girls here?"
>I reply "No, but you can change here"
>They laugh at me and they leave
>>35273262
If you turned 360 degrees you'd be going the same way you were in the first place.
You STUPID FUCKING CUNT.
>>35273527
>>35273527
your bait is so low quality that I don't even want to look for the low quality bait jpg
>>35273440
>I'm just attractive and stupid when drunk.
post pic to prove.
Otherwise neckbeard.
>>35273525
isn't it against the law or something?
>>35273614
I live in Balkans, so laws don't apply.
>>35273603
ok neckbeard then.
>>35273347
>>I had completely forgotten about her until he told me
My seids
I think I'm good looking now, maybe 7/10 at least, but I am full fucking autist and have no idea how to get girls. What do? I'm going to a party this weekend where there will be lots of sexy young girls and I might get laid if I don't sperg out too hard, how do I not fuck it up?
>>35273786
Just drink some alcohol and relax (don't get too shitfaced, that might make things worse)
Posting some courage wolf for you breh
>out all night with a couple of friends, both guys and girls
>time to go home, I drop people at their home with my car
>latest is a 8/10 cutie
>she looks at me with a weird smile, bites her lip, it's 3 AM
>"come on anon, it's not that late, let's drive a little more around the block"
>I literally ride one time around the block (1min 30 sec) and stop again at her home
>she never talks to me again
>>35273817
I haven't got laid for nearly 2 years I sure hope I can pull this off
>>35273878
this triggers me tbph (to be perfectly honest)
>playing the game with an 8/10
>childhood girl friend asks me to come over for a second
>puts her hand around me
>8/10 probably saw this
>tells me she likes me
>I'm not into her and wanna get back to 8/10 so I tell her no for a few minutes and go back
>see 8/10 being swayed by some other dude
>can't for the life in me get back in the race
God damn bullshit
>>35273262
>finishing pushups at home
>get out to the kitchen to drink water
>girl flatmate sitting there
>"oh, anon, when did u get so muscular?"
>"uhm... I dunno"
>go back to my room
>I was secretly in love with her for a year, while both of us had partners. Fell into depression later when she moved out.
Fuck my life.
>>35273878
you dumb bastard
>drinking with friend
>see a sexy sloot go to the house across the road
>they are having a party, only dudes seem to be there other than that one girl
>we decide to go over after we get drunk
>dudes are a few years younger and all skelly/fat/ugly, I'm not that great but tall and fit so clearly the best one there
>girl is drunk and keeps introducing herself to me, telling me to go upstairs with her to get some drinks, just generally seems interested
>one of the dudes get us some acid
>I fucking love acid
>tripping hard and can't concentrate on trying to get girl
>sitting on the couch with my arm over her at one point and got distracted by something stupid and just got up and walked away
>she got fed up with my shit and went and got with some fat ugly dude
>hadn't got laid for like a year at that point and haven't got laid since then, that was my only chance for god knows how long
at least it was because of good drugs not autism, pretty much worth it in the end
>>35273878
top kek
>>35273878
I literally have no idea about this one.
Was she expecting you to drive her somewhere completely else?
>>35273878
Where are you supposed to take her in that situation?
>>35274032
Can imagine the following: going for a night ride while Kavinsky's Nightcall plays in the background. Stop somewhere, engage in a talk, makeout then sexy time.
>>35274032
>>35274034
fuck are you guys really this retarded? I never get laid and even I know you just drive her to like a 'spot', every town has a few spots by a lake or fucking I don't know some isolated carpark or something, places people go to park up to smoke weed or eat lunch or whatever. Then you talk for a while then if all things go well you fuck in the back seat.
>>35274069
Watching too many movies m8
>>35273525
I've seen this story before. Damn I'm on here too much.
>>35274069
Wow, are you homeless?
>>35274081
the sloot was basically asking for a fuck, this is not a neckbeard movie-imagination
>>35274081
Haha fuck bro are you serious? Everyone does this. Not me, I have literally never had a girl in my car, but just about everyone else I know and on a weekend night I always see couples parked up together in places like that.
Do you guys ever get off the internet and actually see the real world?
>>35274096
I'm getting the impression that he was a high school kid or something, obviously if he had a place he could go back to that would be a better idea
>Flirting with girl
>Trying to be a smartass
>"So what are you into, Anon?"
>"Aural sex"
>"Well maybe I could kiss it for you sometime"
>"No I want to fuck you in your ear."
>>35273347
This is not autism. This is being alpha and drunk.
>>35274129
I would love to see a girls reaction to this
>>35274169
When I had a gf I used to always tell her I would fuck her nose and ears and try to shove my dick in them, its a lot easier to get away with retarded stuff like that if its your gf though
>be me at 18 y-o, virgin
>spend summer losing weight and losing acne (accutane), instantly become handsome man
>get 1st gf, a good-looking sloot I met at a club
>be in car with gf a couple days later, making out
>gf tells me "oh anon... I want you"
>me: "m-e too"
>resume making out with her, but don't escalate at all, keep hands on myself
>eventually tell her "I'm working tomorrow morning, I'll drive you home"
>drive her home and go to sleep
a week after
>be home alone with gf, watching some stupid kiddo movie about a dog that plays football or something
>gf tells me: "heh anon, let's go to bed"
>me: "oh... but I wanna see the end of the movie"
>gf falls asleep on couch
>movie ends, I pick her up and move her to my bed
>go to bathroom and brush teeth/wash dick, thinking "this is it"
>go back to room, gf is sleeping
>lay next to her, try to put my hand in her pants
>sloot is wearing supertight sloot pants, unable to to get in there
>gf still sleeping, so decide to sleep as well
>next day: gf calls me and tells me it's over (we had been going out for 3 weeks)
>sadfrog.mkv
>decide to go out to club that night to drink the pain away
>see now ex-gf, making out with a chad on the dancefloor
>walk to her, grab her by the arm to get her attention
>ex-gf turns and looks at me with disgust, pulls her arm out of my hand and mean mugs me
>I leave the club rightaway without saying anything and go cry in my bed
ps: to be fair, she was kinda known as a sloot, and I didn't have sex with her cuz virgin anxiety and to prove my friends she wasn't a sloot. My God I was dumb back then... fucking hell it hurts just typing this
>>35274206
>when I had a gf
is there a link between this and that?
>>35273614
That would be ridiculous. What's the point of such a law? They don't have to go there if they don't want to.
>>35274233
haha nah she thought it was funny at the time, we were together for years
then she left me
she left me /fit/
why
>>35274324
Why does it feel so weird in these threads to see everyone going like "DUDE YOUR WERE SUPPOSED TO FUCK HER" like he was actually supposed to otherwise he failed somekind of test?
>>35274127
>>35274102
First blow job i got was in my car in a deserted parking lot.. On the way home from a date and couldnt wait to get home this is kinda a thing guys
>>35274324
You wanna know why? Because you were too good for her. You hear me?
She decided that you could do so much more and that she was holding you back.
She bit the bullet and left the one she loves so that he could achieve more.
What are you doing right now? Are you wasting her sacrifice? Did you not get the memo?
Fucking get out there and make her, me and all of fit proud with what you can achieve.
Go and make it!
>>35274225
thats pretty painful man, I'll tell you about my first time
>be 18 year old virgin
>get first gf
>hanging out at her house for the first time, we making out and stuff
>try to touch her pussy and she stops me
>she sucks the dick
>couldn't figure out why she didn't want to fuck, later tells me that she did she just wanted to see how persistent I would be
>what the fuck mayne, women. I was oblivious to shit like this
>next time I know it will be all on
>next time we take some shitty party drugs that give you limp dick (I didn't know at the time)
>try to fuck but can't get it hard
>worst feeling in the world after years of being a virgin who thought he would never get laid
>eventually just give up
>next few times we try to fuck I am so nervous that it will happen again that it does happen again
>I would be hard as diamonds but as soon as it came time to put it in I would get nervous and distracted and lose my boner
>rage and depression consume my life
>after like a month she is sucking my dick and jumps on as quick as she can
>great success
>I came as soon as my dick went inside her
>lie that the same thing happened again, put the condom back in the packet and put it beside the bed
>she saw later that it was full of come
>didn't tell me til months after, laughing at me saying it was 'cute'
I didn't care so much because it was ages after, if she told me she found it right away the shame would've been too much to handle.
Found this gem on /v/
>>35274370
Life is a test. A test to see if you can get the fuck. It is the sole purpose of our existence. These guys are getting the fuck offered on a silver platter and passing it up. They are failing the test.
>>35274524
that sounds ridiculous
>>35274399
It was actually a long time ago and I'm over it now, I was just being melodramatic for a laugh.
Thanks for the kind words though
>>35274506
man what a beta, id have killed her on the bed.
>>35274545
YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK
DO YOU HEAR ME?
GET THE FUCK OR FAIL THE TEST
>>35274506
That's why you never marry. A fucking deathtrap that.
>>35274506
>she sees me and starts laughing, points at divorce papers
I doubt this actually happened
>>35274651
>he doesn't know how scary women can be
Anon it's terrifying how much they don't care sometimes.
>>35274651
Yeah that seems like a bit much even for a stupid lying whore bitch
>>35274506
His fault for putting a ring on a bar slut desu
>>35274668
lol im sure they feel the same way about us
>>35274225
Whores will be whores anon, make sure you get a quality gf next time
>>35274566
T-the only way to w-win is not to p-play heh... r-ight guys?
>>35274685
>lol i'm sure they feel the same way
>lol
This isn't tumblr, fuck off back to where you came from.
>>35274691
I haven't been playing for a long ass time and it sure as shit doesn't feel like I'm winning
>>35274708
says the guy with anime pics
>>35274506
this is why you buy a class A firearm, for self-defense reasons.
>>35274723
Where the fuck do you think you are you newfag? Jesus go back to your containment site.
>>35274726
>I thought he was raping my wife, how was I to know she would cheat on me so blatantly!
could work I guess, although you'd probably be fucked when she testifies against you
>>35274668
women can go batshit crazy indeed, but it doesn't add up. Maybe the /v/ nerd did something to piss her off and didn't mention it in the greentext story... I doubt a sloot would be evil enough to treat a guy for nothing, especially a beta like he seems to be
>>35274749
>she testifies against you
>have to go to prison
>9 months pass
>she has his kid
>you're forced to support it
>she's still whoring it up
>>35274785
My boy, I worry for when you step out into the real world.
>>35274169
just say "I love you" to some girl you know, you'll get the same reaction
>>35274506
There's no way she'd get the house in this situation unless it was in her name or something. No kids, was openly cheating on him, he implied he paid for it all... for sure she wouldn't get the house. Most cases of women getting insane special privileges in divorces is because of kids.
>contacted my college crush 2 years after graduation
>just broke up with bf of 5 year (the main reason i never went for it)
>invites me to go to new york with her for a friend's wedding
>sleep in one bed hotel 3 nights in a row
>first night drunk stay up all night talking
>second night drunk and high. Stay up all night watching movies and trying on our nice clothes. kissed at least once (high af)
>third night had danced together all night, heavy touching, euphoric. Drunk, High, laughing and having a great time.
>never had sex
>Haven't heard from her since
>>35274927
got played like a motherfucker
>>35274897
She complains that he is violent, he gets a restraining order, now she lives in the house and he doesn't, feminist judge gives her the house because it's the right thing to do. It's a no-brainer.
>Be me at the club with my mates waiting to buy a drink
>qt infront with her friend clearly eye fucking the shit out of me
>Look in her direction and meet eyes but look away like a beta
>End up right next to her as I'm now ordering my drink
>She is still fucking staring right at me and we are like only a few cm apart
>Look at her finally and give her a wink and a smile
>Her face glows up but I dont say anything
>Get my drinks and the several shots I bought for my poor friends
>She then asks me genuinely believing I bought her a drink after seeing so many
>I just play along and let her take a shot (FUCKING BETAAAA)
>I then autistically walk over to my mates and hit the dance floor
>I'm boogying it up and dance with a few other chicks but then catch that same chick again
>Man up, approach her and playfully say she owes me for that drink
>She smiles and instantly starts grinding on me
>Try to turn her around after a while and say to her "We should kiss"
>continued.....
>>35274955
This desu why do people still fucking defend women when it comes to the justice system?
>>35274973
>Can see the interest fading due to her not being able to hear me
>We end up parting and I rejoin my mates
>Few mins later I see some dude chatting her up and her laughing and dancing with him
>Mfw
>this entire thread
If she doesn't agree to the pre-nup there's no point in even giving her the time of day
>>35275013
WHAT WAS YOUR FACE
WE DIDN'T GET TO SEE YOUR FACE
THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME
>>35275013
Another one guys
>Be at college
>Hot, crystal eyed, nice cheek boned Qt and I walking with some other normies
>We're chatting it up as a group walking down a big set of stairs
>All literally complaining about the length and how tedious it is (Fucking unfit lil shits)
>I point out how cool it'd be if we could just jump over the bannister with no repercussions
>Literally walking side by side with Qt at this point with everyone ahead
>She laughs and says that'd be pretty cool whiles saying something else which I cant remember
>I reply back autistically, partially mumbling
>She gives a late awkward laugh
>I then proceed to speed past her on the stairs and catch up with everyone
She rarely talks to me now lol
>JUST
>>35275233
Dude there should be no suspence felt lol. You should be able to visualise it it. My face clearly looked like pic related
>>35274506
>moving in together AFTER they are married
what the fuck. Me and my gf moved in together after 1 month, 2 years ago, but that shit's just retarded.
>>35275248
lmao
autism is giving so much thought to minor shit like that
>>35275014
> implying prenups are enforceable in court
>>35274506
This has to be fake.
>>35273996
Worth it!
>>35274069
Are you 16? What kind of animal fucks in the backseat? At least bend her over the hood so it feels a bit pornish
>be 6'5" 215lbs
>have a basic knowledge of how to flirt
>brotege stage
>go into campus gym during break when no one is there
>usual roid monsters tearing up the dumbbells
>grab a squat rack next to chick that's always in the gym
>smiled at her a bunch of times
>she mires me and my gym buddy a lot
>start doing front squats
>after my sets she comes up to me
>"Wow I'm really impressed with your depth on those squats"
>engage random spaghetti
>"Haha thanks yeah I always go that low"
>"Yeah I never see anyone go that low"
>"Haha yeah that's how you're supposed to"
>"Haha yeah...."
>the whole time I was backing away
>turn around and immediately wonder what the fuck happened
I never do that, but this /fit/ chick just threw me for a loop.
>>35273786
I'd say talk to someone who you find interesting, not because you want to get laid but because you're genuinely interested in that person. Doing so will fix your body language, the way you talk and how you say things to go attractive-mode
>>35273996
you did what you wanted, do what you want and not what you feel that you need out of insecurity. Can be applied to a lot of the stories here
>>35274685
>lol im sure they feel the same way about us
you can't just go on and type sensible stuff on /fit/, that shit won't fly here
>>35276570
>having to samefag your own post because no one agrees with your retarded ass
>>35274790
>not just shooting them both and going to prison where you can eat, sleep, and lift all day
You'll come out looking like Kali Muscle.
>>35275014
>not knowing judges can annul prenups
>>35276596
you do realise how stupid you seem to me when I'm someone entirely different than the post I replied to
whatever floats your boat man
>>35274708
>getting triggered this hard because someone said lol instead of muh sekrit club kek
lol
>>35276621
>n-no i'm not the same anon i swear!
>>35276641
well u sure are the dude with the anime shit
what was even that wrong about what he said, I never get that with this place
>>35276660
Seriously man, you're too fucking obvious. If you're gonna try and bait, at least make it fun for the rest of us.
>>35273347
mate mate mate mate
>>35276666
>mfw I'm not the dude you're referring to but you will never believe me so I don't give a shit
will you tell me what was wrong with what he said then
>>35276686
>he's still trying
>>35273463
3 fucking plates get outta here
>>35276703
well won't you fucking tell me what was wrong about said post then, you dense piece of shit
if you're bait you're good
>>35276741
Pic related it's me and you right now.
>>35276450
>talk with someone interesting
All 7+ girls are a fucking snoozefest
>>35276773
how about university bru
and no, my ex was 9/10 and interesting
>>35276773
>>35276789
U 2 nagging Nancy's need to make peace right now and shake hands :3
>>35276773
>>35276789
also, find an aspect about some random chick that you're interested in
I talked to a qt today who I had nothing in common with who tried to get aggressive all the time to gain power over the conversation, so I kept on talking to her and tried to figure out why she was the way she was
turns out she seemed to have issues with fearing abandonment due to her parents being pieces of shit, so she was afraid to get stepped on. I had a really interesting conversation with someone who wasn't very interesting if I'd kept on talking to her, assuming I'd be interested in what she was saying
>>35276834
Fuck brah, I just wanna stick my dick in that hole you know?
>>35276867
why? Jerking off feels better.
it could be:
>you are insecure
>you want contact with another person
either way just sticking it in that hole won't fix that for you, getting to know someone you find interesting and then fucking them is heaps better than fucking someone after some pick up scheme. I've done both
>>35276604
... and a loose butthoel
>Be pretty skinny guy
>Want to start building muscle
>Start making smoothies that should in theory contain a lot of protein
>Too nervous to make them at home because my dad makes fun of me calling me Hercules and doing stupid shit like paying the black ladies from down the street to sing at me like the Muses from the movie Hercules when I walk past them
>Buy a small personal blender, one of those ones where you can detach the blending container and use it as a cup
>Start taking it to the gym when I go along with ingredients
>Always go at night so nobody is around
>inb4 why dont you just make smoothies when your dad isn't around, if he walks in when I am doing it he will make fun of me so I can't risk it
>Nobody is ever in the gym at night so I plug the machine into the corner and use it when I need some protein
>Do this for a few weeks
>Everything going pretty well, can feel my gains
>In the gym one day in the corner
>Taking out my stuff
>Take out my peanuts, chicken meat, broccoli and a square of dark chocolate
>Suddenly hear a noise
>Look up
>At the other side of the gym a cute girl just came in
>Realise I look like an autist sitting on the floor surrounded by food
>Silently crawl behind a pillar like solid snake
>watch the girl walking around the gym
>she eventually walks over to the corner where I had all my stuff
>looks at the pile of peanuts and food on the floor obviously confused
>I am hiding behind the pillar
>realise if I want to continue my workout I have to break the ice
>Loudly say ''I PRESENT YOU WITH A FEAST MY FIT LADY''
>she doesn't laugh which makes me nervous
>quickly scurry as fast as possible out of the door and to the locker room
>go home
>came back the next day and my stuff was gone including the blender
>>35277040
>'I PRESENT YOU WITH A FEAST MY FIT LADY''
>paying the black ladies from down the street to sing at me like the Muses from the movie Hercules when I walk past them
Holy shit, best fucking dad ever
>>35277040
can someone confirm whether or not this is a pasta?
I have one
>be me 17
>not beta, pretty popular with guys and girls find me attractive
>go camping towards the end of summer with my friend, a few other guys and a group of girls
>Everyone gets drunk as fuck
>We decide to go skinny dipping at like 3 in the morning except for one qt
>She comes along to watch
>When we get back to the camp me, another guy, the qt and her friend jump into a tiny tent
>Very little room so qt flirtily says that I can rest my head on her lap
>After awhile me and the other guy spoon the respective girls
>They love it
>Other guy and his girl say they are going to the other tent
>I say I'm tired and I'm gonna stay here
>QT says she is too
>Shes right up in my face looking at me
>I say ''Ok night"
>We stay in this position for 10 minutes
>QT eventually says shes going to the other tent
>Sleep like a baby
>Wake up the next morning and realize what I've done
>>35277147
>OK night
Ooohhh myy goood the pain
It hurts it fucking hurts
>>35277147
You are autistic
>>35277147
:DDD
>>35275993
It is fake. It's something a beta would make up to justify his antisocial lifestyle.
>a gf would just cheat and steal my house anyway so ill just resume the vidya
>>35277147
I don't think there is any way she could have made her intentions more clear. You literally had to do zero work, she did everything and you still fucked up. Learn from this
>>35274483
"put the condom back in packet and put it beside bed"
>>35274927
How can one man be so impotent, clueless and pathetic all at once?
Do you get off on this?
>>35273374
nice
I got one from a few years ago.
>had one friend who was hot gril, all her friends were hot too
>go out drinking with her in a big group one night
>she brings this friend we've hung out with a few times, legit 9/10, absolutely smoking in an exotic mila kunis way
>some guy is all over her the entire night, I assume he is her bf
>we all get hammered and go back to the mila type's apartment
>continue drinking and dancing to music
>bf guy is still hovering and dancing with her
>she eventually peels away from him, comes and starts talking to me
>its like 3am at this point
>we start just casually dancing while we talk
>at one point she just flat out says "im really attracted to you" while looking me in the eye and dancing with an arm around my neck
>bf is hovering and staring, shes drunk
>the only thng that comes out of my mouth is "No you arent"
>
>no you arent
>
>she says "yes I am"
>I chuckle and say "yeah ok"
>conversation shifts and starts to fizzle, she says shes getting tired, party starts to die down
>we eventually all leave her place
>go home and try to tug on my drunk dick and fall asleep
>find out a few weeks later that the guy wasnt even her bf, he was just a hovering autist who has always wanted to fuck her
>mfw a real live 9/10 offered her body to me on a silver platter and I didnt accept it because I was too confused and beta to figure the situation out
This was years ago and it haunts me. The girl blocked me on facebook, friend says she was probably embarrassed.
>>35277147
>ok night
>>35277147
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
just play it off as you giving your bro a 3 way
>>35274034
This mythical place called Pound Town where everything is shiny and chrome
> be going to gym
> childhood female friend starts coming to gym with her friend. Moslty doing simple body excersixes
> she knows how much of an aspie i used to be, fear for my life that she'll ruin my gym rep.
> She gets up to leave and turns to me
" hi anon"
o-www h-hi didn't notice you there ah ahah
h-have a good one
* le aqward smile *
please kill me
>>35277365
reading this hurts
I would have done the same bro
I am the Ultimate Loser. I am a 28-year old virgin. I only have a grade 7 education. I have never had a job lasting longer than two weeks. I don't have a driver's license. My mother was an alcoholic with a sense of humor. I was not lucky enough to inherit her sense of humor. My father was an emotionally distant Christian. I was unfortunate enough to inherit his complete lack of a personality. I had friends when I was a little kid. Once adolescence began, they started turning on me because they recognized me as the Ultimate Loser I am. I was spared a complete falling out because, at age 13, I was moved away from them to a town down the road. I missed them enough to actually convince the principal of my old school to let me enroll there again, something I accomplished with the help of my aunt and uncle, who let me move in with them. This experiment ended in failure as my old friends ignored me. Understandable, as they were entering the exciting world of teenagehood, leaving me behind. I have not had friends since: a span of 15 years. Shortly after losing my childhood friends forever, I acted out and was sent to an adolescent ward where they put me on anti-depressants which made me mostly-impotent. I managed to eventually get off the pills nine years ago, but the mostly-impotency remains. So not even the pleasure of masturbation is allowed to me. I have only had three orgasms in the last thirteen years. What makes all this the more tragic is that I am handsome. So you see: I am the King of the Losers! Is there any among you loser-y enough to challenge me for my crown? If there is, my surprise is great, and your challenge is accepted. But be warned: as hard as it is to believe, I have only scratched the surface of my loser hood.
>>35273996
I literally have never tried a single drug not even smoked weed before. I'm currently in the Marines where I get piss tested all the God dam time and am going into law enforcement after this so I will never get to try drugs until I retire from that. And I married a family friend and long time gf. I gotta say it does make me pretty jealous reading about anons getting fucked up on acid and fuckin random club sluts and shit. And my own brother is a locally known Musician who parties and bangs sloots makes me jelly as fuck.
On the other hand though I really like what I do, I'm financially stable and my wife is pretty cute too. Grass is always greener I guess
>>35274744
Not /a/ that's where we are
>>35277448
Man, I'd like to know what the American dream life's like
>>35277147
>Ok night
god fucking dammit
>>35277521
Tbh senpai its a mixed bag... sometimes I wanna go out and smash some random big titted stripper or club skank(I never act on it though) and at other times it'seems pretty dope to just chill out on the couch with the fireplace on drinking wine and watching a movie with my qt. Basically my entire life is mapped out already which is a little scary that theres not much room for adventure and excitement anymore at age 25
I got a taste of the life in South America on port liberty (minus the drugs) and it was pretty sweet.
How's the dirty life? As fun as it looks?
>>35277433
>I have only had three orgasms in the last thirteen years
>>35277639
Cocaine actually is a hell of a drug, don't let anyone tell you different
>>35277147
>ok night
>>35277725
like in a good way or bad way?
Apparently I'm one of the rare humans that has never done coke...
>>35277147
>we stay in this position for 10 minutes
mother of god
quads and we all have autismo for the rest of our lives
>>35277754
Rolling for Ottermode is the new body to aspire to attain
>>35277774
my penis
>>35277774
Ottermode fails, very close though
>too close
>>35277639
Well, the biggest enemy is boredom, because there's not much motivation to improve other than getting fit, so all me and my m8s do is hit the local club in evening. Sometimes it's dead boring, sometimes you catch a rare one and brag about it in the morning.
What's lacking is meaningful conversations, all it is is just banter mixed with flirting.
It's not fun, but there's not many options for me to take so I take what I can get. Same age as you by the way and I live my life as it comes
>>35277777
>>35274225
>and to prove my friends she wasn't a sloot
Hahaha
i'm that guy with my head buried in my phone between sets
>>35274225
>couldn't figure out why she didn't want to fuck, later tells me that she did she just wanted to see how persistent I would be
>what the fuck mayne, women. I was oblivious to shit likes this
My ex did the same thing to me. I was feeling her up before we started dating and tried putting my hand in her pants, but she kept taking my hand out. She said she would've sacked my dick if I pushed her head down there though. How tf am I supposed to know that? I'll never understand women
>>35278249
Woops, meant for this
>>35274483
>>35277040
>Too nervous to make them at home because my dad makes fun of me calling me Hercules and doing stupid shit like paying the black ladies from down the street to sing at me like the Muses from the movie Hercules when I walk past them
HAHAHA HOLY SHIT DUDE
>>35277040
>paying the black ladies from down the street to sing at me like the Muses from the movie Hercules
>>35273347
gawdaamn xD
>>35273563
how tf is that bait, its accurat you geotard
>>35273786
also, just go with the intention to have fun and invit e girls to join in, "Hey fat beached whale, wanna play BP with me?"
Prioritizing these natural systems, is described as paramount to ensuring the well-being of humans
>>35278606
>no
This can't be fucking real
>>35273262
>lifting babby weight
>3.5 pl8 squats.
>qt I've talked to once before comes up and asks when I'll be done. Start talking a bit.
>'what kind of music do you listen to get yourself ready for something this heavy?'
>'uhh...you know...Disturbed or Darkest Days'
> she takes my phone and sees I'm listening to Jesse McCartney.
>knock your train right off the tracks watch out.
>haven't talked to her much since.
Whatever. At least my man tits are real.
>>35277040
Troll dad has a cancer so. This reminds me of 4chan
>>35273347
fucking normie
>>35276377
Yeah I too some how spontaneously or automatically start moving away if some girl comes talking to me in the gym and later I wonder wtf did just happen
>>35273347
Glad I'm not the only
/alphatism/ around here
>be 7-8/10 6"3 195lb white dude in college in Northeast USA City
>good reputation and good luck w women
>hook up with decent amount of girls
>have no game
>some bitches just understand my story
>always act the same around bros and girls
>always play little personal games
>whenever I wake up with a girl make her dress me
>usually hung over as fuck so I just lay their and moan in semi fake agony
>watch as girls struggle to put on my shirt, pants and specially socks while I just lay in their/my bed offering literally no assistance
>girls always very flustered but surprising compliant
>favorite way to start my day
littlethingsinlife.png
10/10 would suggest
>>35274206
Haha I did this
>>35277365
>hovering autsit
God damn... I have done this to a girl that came flirting to me in a bar, after that se started wandering around the club and I was hovering behind her till we left to my friends house where we kissed and I askel her: 'so... Will you suck my dick?' After that we went to sleep and when I woke up se was gone.
>>35277732
You will possibly start literally fucking shit up.
Ex speed head here
>>35273956
>tfw no osananajimi
>>35278950
you sound like a sociopath
>>35277414
>using le
Don't make us do it anon, kill yourself.
>>35278950
holy shit i'm doing this
>>35273262
>at work
>fellow employee asks "how many Freddy Krueger movies have you seen?"
>"um 7 I think?
>"no I said when did you watch them?"
>"um last year sometime"
>"haha no I said what month were you born?"
Fuck me. To be fair it was pretty loud because it was in a kitchen and he had a deep voice but fuck.
>>35274726
I've never understood the logic of guys wanting to kill the other guy. He's not the one cheating on you.
>>35276666
Nice quadriceps
>>35277433
Post pic
>get a hot af grill from class over to my apartment on first date
>start drinking wine and making out
>she starts unbuttoning my shirt from the top downwards
>i figure ive gotten bretty far on first date and dont want to blow it
>stop kissing her and ask her if shes ready to go home
>she looks at me crazy
>drop her off and decide to wait a few days before calling her to not look desperate
>2 weeks later remember i havent called her yet and figure its too late now so i never call her back
not sure what i was thinking
>>35279493
Stop replying start reporting.
>>35273374
>>35279440
uhh maybe, I don't really think so
Got one I can remember, reckon the rest are buried deep within the recesses of my brain.
>Be about 14/15 and talking to a lil qt brunette same year as me in school
>Hear from her friends she thinks I'm fit (good looking) and wants to ask me out
>Start to hang out with her outside of school but friends always there as well and can't get alone time
>Walk her home and ask her out, she says yes and I'm happy
>Next day she takes me to a spot behind a church and says she's given a handjob here before, I should sit down on this bench whith her
>Terrified as my dick is circumcised and literally people in my school get bullied for anything and I know that shit would get out
>Decide to walk off instead and walk her home
>Get a MSN message the next day saying its over
>She gets fucked like a week later at a house party
>Couple of weeks later some kid gets circumcised for medical reasons and becomes a social outcast, people call him shit like Jew kid and bully him and he eventually leaves the school
>Not sure if it's a win or a loss
>>35277448
I would much rather be a marine with a qt wife than a musician who does drugs, bangs lots of girls. Your a model American, don't forget that senpai
>>35279848
>A country founded by pot growers
Sure.
>high school
>have crush on tall blonde classmate who I knew since primary school
>always glancing at each other, have a suspicion she might like me but don't fully believe it as she is way out of my league
>one day her best friend walks up to me
>"hey, do you fancy ___?"
>classmates all standing around close, freak out thinking they will take the piss out of me
>"u-uhmm - n-no"
>"oh, because she fancies you" *walks away*
>spend rest of day in shock, colour in my hand with green marker while everyone stares at me weird and asks if I'm ok
>barely ever speak to her again, can hardly even look at her
this feel.... this feel will never leave me
>be 4 months ago
>got just dumped by the love of my life
>whatever.jpg gonna move on with my life
>ask this awesome 9/10 girl over who i know through a mutual friend, I got the feeling she's into me
>kinda nervous so we start drinking at my place
>shit gets out of hand and she crawls to my bed and i pass out on the couch
>wake up like an hour later and crawl next to her on the bed
>start feeling her up, she's kinda reluctant but eventually fingerbang
>was planning on fucking her, but she's too reluctant and wasted
>have to wake up in the morning to get to work
>both have a massive hangover
>offer her GHB to feel better
>she looks at me like wtf
>realize i just gave the most rapeish feel of all times
>she now probably thinks i drugged her the night before
>try to keep contact with her, but she kind of blocks me now
fucking hell
>she's kinda reluctant so
>>35280221
>offer her GHB to feel better
also, please post her picture, I'm curious what a 9/10 looks like to you
this is some major throwback, here goes
>be about 13, middle school dance
>at last dance got a "gf," basically slowdanced with some qtp2t and asked her to be my gf at the end
>at this current dance slowdance with her some more, hear from my friends she wants to kiss me
>freak out
>im only 13, i dont know how to kiss anyone, what if im bad at it, what if she laughs?
>end of the dance, she comes up to me, kind of looking at me expectantly
>kiss her on the cheek, do a 360 and speedwalk out of there
>turn back and yell "BYE" over my shoulder
it's rare to be able to pinpoint the exact moment autism fully takes over your soul and you begin walking the path to social suicide, but in my case it's pretty clear
>>35273463
Tomoyo from Sakura card captor?
>>35280263
I would but I'm on a no-facebook-for-a-week thingy
>crushing so hard on neighbor
>working hard to max out looks
>she finally looks at me one day
>turn and run up stairs to show athletic prowess
>am now alone in apartment...fuck
>she moved one weekend while is was away
>still stalk her on Facebook
>>35273878
That's some top level autist man, but i understand, why she didn't ask you to go inside?
>>35274927
yet women are the ones who claim men only think about sex and get butthurt in the firendzone
>>35274927
>ThisKillsTheFam.avi
the ol’ bumparoo
>>35280550
vey good sir1
>>35280603
yes my man!!1!
>>35280616
hey! ru samefagging :(
>>35280627
lol
>riding metro home one night
>see qt3.14 reading a book i like
>nerdy as fuck so seein her with a book got me thinkin fuck yeah
>strike up a conversation about it and talk about it and other things we find interesting for the next 30 minutes
>she keeps smiling at me and twirling her hair and god by god i keep falling into those blue eyes framed by that curly brown hair
>reach my stop, stand up to get up
>she says "wait anon, I never got your name" obviously hoping for me to exchange contact
>say OH I'M RICK and then peace out
>realize i fucked up as the train doors close and the metro moves on
>>35280633
soon busted...go back 2 le reddit!!:)))
>>35280639
trollolololo
i troll you
>>35280637
You saved yourself from the straight relationship meme. Good on ya anon
>>35280637
this hurts more because I know if it had been me, I would've panicked probably just like you did
>>35274225
To be terribly honest, you did the right thing here
She was not the kind of bitch you want in your life
>>35276641
Is that an HD remake of NGE?
My shits all grainy.
Nothing too crazy but anyways:
>at uni gym
>doing squats like the SL fag I am
>two obviously foreign chicks I've never seen before come up to the Smith Machine right next to me
>they ask me - in cute af accents - how to use the Smith Machine
>/fit/ never trained me for this
>/fit/ told me Smith Machines are useless
>watdo.jpg
>end up telling them I have no idea how it works cause I seriously didn't know
>offer to let them use the squat rack soon since I was almost done
>do the fastest final set of squats you've ever seen
>quickly scurry away without saying another word
>mfw I still needed the squat rack for OHP
>>35280637
brutal
>>35280343
Why? Star Wars spoilers?
>>35280868
not the anon you replied to, but ultimately, facecuck is fucking toxic and a waste of time.
I stopped going on facebook a month ago and I don't miss it one bit
>>35280836
>offer to teach them how to squat properly
>proceed to OHP more than double what they will squat
How can you fuck this up
I'm a virgin and I've managed this
>>35279894
>le founding tokers meme
>implying that the hemp plant is only used to get high
wew lad
>>35280868
Nah, just noticed I spent way too much time there procrastinating. Anyway, here's a picture of my girl friend who'd I consider 8ish/10, so you can sort of get an idea what my 9 looks like.
>be me in in june before prom
>have a big titted mixed cuban/chinese cheerleader friend i've had a crush on since middle school
>in halls teasing her about prom
>"anon are you going with anyone"
>say nah haven't asked anyone yet, how about you?
>says nope
>stares at me for a good 5 seconds
>giving me the man up you pussy face
>end convo by saying ok haha gtg class bye
>prom was shit
>best friend ended up fucking her (JUST)
missed my fucking chance, i hate my fucking life
i'm on my gap year right now, just working and joined an oly gym. people and coaches are nice and help me with form and shit, will become /fit/ one day
i start uni in sept, honestly how do i get sluts? i'm not completely autistic, can talk to girls but can never get into anything more than school or friend related
what do i do? fucking turning 19 next month and still a kissless virgin
>>35280881
Maybe I should've said this in the last post but I'm a kissless virgin and absolutely useless around girls
I went to an all-guys high school and I'm only a freshman in college, so I have no fucking clue how to act around girls
I feel like if I try to do flirtatious bullshit, I will look like a massively autistic faggot so I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do to get a gf
>>35280944
Don't even think of them as girls
Just act the same way you would, continue being a dick and fooling around
Eventually, you will find yourself alone in a room with a girl. Then just take your clothes off
>>35280893
Looks like Eminem with a wig
>>35280893
she'd be a 8/10... without those ridiculous manly eyebrows
>>35274897
It's called at fault, he was ignoring his wife's needs, causing the divorce
>>35276377
this is not autistic, you are autistic for thinking this is autistic
>>35274225
you probably dodged a bullet man, dont beat yourself up
>>35277448
This anon here
Just hung out at a dive bare with some friends and a random former marine who bought me 80 dollars worth of drinks and some Chick bought me food
Big titted bar tender put my number in her phone
What the fucks wrong with me brahs
>be me, virgin, upstairs in bed at some partyhouse with big titted goth girl.
>bed is actually a small cot on the floor, so shes right next to me, whispering my name.
>pretend to be exhausted/fading into sleep.
>nothing happens. Wew.
2 years later, still virgin.
>upstairs again, different house, in bed with same big titted goth girl.
>small flaccid, im wasted, im thirsty, but she wants it.
>i suck the tits tho.
>try to stick dick in. Not even happening.
>have her lay on side, no idea what im doing. Try to find the whole. She keeps saying nope, not it, nope, nope.
>fucking give up and roll back over.
>have sex anxiety ever since.
>>35273347
Kek
>>35273527
Oh my god are you this retarted
>>35273563
>>35273878
>>35273463
>>35273347
My fucking sides
>badass big titty asian girl from school texts me at 2am
>says she is so upset etc
>only talked to me about school until this
>my bf at the club etc.
>can i come over and talk?
>s-sure
>comes over vents to me about her loser bf
>gets late asks if she can sleep on the couch
>say i have a guest room
>lay wide eyed the whole night basking in my autism
JUST
>>35281838
F R I E N D Z O N E
R
I
E
N
D
Z
O
N
E
>at venue, in a circle of people
>feeling anxious as fuck
>girl I had met before stands by me
>eventually I'm grabbing her ass
>friend gets in between us to talk to me
>not really paying attention, subtly reach around him and give her ass a squeeze
>she turns around, pushes him lightly and says 'hey'
>she thinks I was showing him
>punch him lightly in the arm and say 'that's fucked up'
>he's oblivious
>she makes a point to talk hug me and try to talk to me every time I see her after that
>friend is pathetically trying to get at 2 good looking blondes
>the more attractive one i standing by me
>do the same thing, grab her ass a little, but I'm more hesitant because this girl is legit hot
>she bends over pretending to pick something up
>she has her ass pointed at me for a good 5 seconds
>graze my dick on her ass
>she leans in hard
>literally no one is noticing this
>I'm too anxious to make a move
>kind of forcefully grab a girl's ass under her skirt in line
>when she moves away from me for the final time I'm annoyed and go right to her friend
>not really thinking, touch my hand to hers
>she squeezes my pinky and says sorry, basically opening herself up to conversation
>I tell her it's okay and move away
Recently fucked my first girl from this. Passed her my phone and got her number without talking to her lol
>>35281371
>>have her lay on side, no idea what im doing. Try to find the whole. She keeps saying nope, not it, nope, nope.
>>35278950
I know what I'm doing next one nighter!
>>35277040
Literally pissed myself in my bed from laughing
>>35273878
What is she asking of you? Dumb bitch could have just asked you in if she wanted to fuck.
>>35281371
What a cunt. Pro tip, from behind the hole is lower than you'd expect. Grip your dick so your fingers wrap around the head of your dick, that way you can feel with the top of your index finger and not just the tip of your dick. Makes things like 20x easier.
>>35273878
holy keks my sides
>>35282267
>nothing personnel
never gets old lmao
>>35280915
>kissless
At 19 that is absolutely unacceptable
>>35277147
Christ this might be the worst one. Complete and utter obliviousness.
brehs... kill me. this happened last week.
I WANT ONLY THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH
>oxford interview (for engineering)
>while in waiting room chatting to other students
>im the only one wearing a suit, everyone else is in casual clothes
>someone in chatting to says "wow your hands are wet"
>this makes me suddenly super insecure about my sweaty palms
>anyway, interview
>guy introduces himself as "Adam", sticks his hand out for me to shake
>its really hot in here
>remember that my hands are clammy
>dont want him to touch my hands
>just freeze up for like 10 seconds until Adam slowly withdraws his hand and just stares at me
>i mumble "sorry my hands were wet"
>do rest of interview
>get home
>cry
there is no way im getting in now
>>35282636
Yes there's no way you're getting in now. But you've learned how important handshakes are and you won't do the same mistake in the future.
>>35281786
we have winrar
>be like 16
>camping with random sloots who are family friends
>no adults, like 5 chicas with me and my 2 male cousins
>decide to go swimming
>turns into skinny dipping
>sloot pulls me aside, looks straight in my eyes and says "stand up so i can see ALL of you"
>"It's too cold"
>Mfw
>>35282697
I understand you. Girls don't know about shrinkage.
>>35282709
i still feel like having the chutzpah to show her my shriveled dick would have resulted in getting laid.
she also has like 2 kids now so im not sure how to feel
>>35282636
Tha's the reason I don't use Deodorant containing "Aluminiumhyrdoxid" anymore, because it makes my palms sweaty as fuck.
>>35282697
>>35282735
>Chica
>Chutzpah
I think you're confused
>>35273262
Brehs
Pls advice
So this grill I have a massive crush on told me she likes my body multiple times.
>green light
>but I'm an autist
This girl is a 10/10 in my eyes, a conservative 9/10 by /fit/s standards
I want to make sure I don't fuck this up
I asked her if she wanted to hang this weekend
"I'm down"
Asked her to a movie
"Sure"
I feel like I'm getting mixed signals. She has gone out of her way to tell me I have a nice body, texted me first multiple times ect.
But she seems so unenthusiastic.
Anyone have experience with grills like this? Wat do?
I'm a recovering autist and this is a big opportunity for me so I wanna make sure I don't fugg this up
>>35282823
What do you want her to do? write you a symphony? Doesn't it cross your mind that you're not everything she ever thinks of?
>boohoo she doesn't care about me ALL THE TIME, when I haven't even been to a date with her.
Also movie is the spaghettiest of dates. You're both sitting quietly in a room full of other people for 2 hours, not saying a word to each other.
You already fucked up. Might as well text her "oy mate wanna shag instead of the stupid movie? my place at 10 b there or b square."
>>35282851
I needed to hear this
Give it to me straight brah is there any way I can salvage???
Something along the lines of "matter fact, fuck a movie because there's no good ones out"
>>35282879
>Write a choreography. Mix street with wouthern influences. Put some salsa or tango in there.
>buy one thousand roses
>arrange them in the shape of a heart on your local marketplace/open area surrounded by people
>get a stereo to blast some dubstep
>tell her to come there and meet you as a surprise
>when she arrives you're there in a full tuxedo with a striped fedora and square-toed slippers
>in the middle of the heart
>performing your dance for her
>end it by giving her a box of chocolates while whispering "for you" into her ear
It's not that damn hard.
