>be 2700
>Earth has turned into a fat-fuck safari
>/fit/izens moved throughout the galaxy and succesfully integrated within alien societies that value the fine arts and strong physiques.
>"Intergalactic meeting for the preserving and exchange of the ancient arts" #6 is approaching.
>I've been chosen to represent mankind to present examples of humanities greatest achievements.
>head of the council, and our host Richoriflux Pianimus gives me the mic
>Start talking about the rise of empires, the gift of adaptation humans have, about the strong spirit
This is where it all goes wrong..
>suddenly, someone shouts "Bruh, weren't you the ones that fucked up your own planet by being lazy and using veichles?"
>Start to stutter and try to ignore him
>It's Lifterius Brehismus, representant of planet Mutant Gains.
>"Degenerates, all of you. Keking yourselves in the galacticspace by watching porn, while we fuck your fat women"
>95% of all female humans are obese
>the aesthetic men have no choice but to breed interplanetary with foreign life, competing with the often superior males that are native
>Either that or devulge into gene-slaughter and mix with the women of earth
>tfw no qt andromeda gf
oh, but back to the meeting..
The year is 2050. Encryption is still banned by most Western countries.
>human microchip program is in full swing
>Google's BrainLink neural interface is unveiled, prompting concerns that people will be able to encrypt their memories and communicate in secret with each other, which is against the law
>two United States Congressmen try to push for the decriminalization of encryption but suddenly become embroiled in two completely separate yet simultaneous sex scandals as they're writing the bill
>a California man is arrested for growing his own vegetables without a permit
>Microsoft announces the next version of Windows360 will have a new feature called "PersonalEncryption" which allows the user to encrypt their files on the cIoud through a legal loophole which stipulates that Microsoft and the government must have the encryption keys; mainstream media hails this as a great privacy feature
>the United Emirates of Great Britain and Northern Ireland announce that under concerns of safety, all new systems must have remote desktop enabled by default and be connected to government servers; European Parliament members consider making this an EU-wide law
>most Linux distributions are now banned
>superSSD (SSSD) and superSATA (SSATA) connections allow such fast transfer speeds that the US President says he will make them mandatory for all systems by 2060, after which a law will be passed to make it mandatory for all data to be copied from your laptop or tablet whenever you pass a security checkpoint; as part of TTIP and TPP, European and Asian countries are expected to follow suit with these regulations
>4chan announces the death of its founder, Christopher Poole, who died in his Philippine beach house; the memorial thread on /b/ gets over 9000 upvotes.
>The year is 2030
>Reverse TPP has been passed
>As Mega-Corporations rule the Earth, they pass laws that give them rights to intellectual property as soon as the creator dies
>Everyone who ever wrote a paper was a victim of mass drone shootings, known as the First Drone Revolt.
>The people who were enlightened, and were apprehensive of such things, were already living underground, and were called the "Basement-Dwellers"
>Their leader was an Old man who rarely ever talked.
>One day the underground heard news about AI being perfected.
>Its creator called it the iGnU.
>The Old man, who rarely talked, suddenly cried fire and shouted at the top of his lungs : "Heresy! Anarchy! We must not let this benevolent world die! We will burn the oppressors who deny us a better society and start up again!"
>pumped.jpg
>Basement-Dwellers proudly go to the surface with machine guns and grenades, wearing fedoras that cover their smirks.
>The harsh environment of the Underground combined with their amazing intellectual power had transformed them into Gods.
>As soon as they walked a 100 steps, they saw a man standing in front if them, wearing a brown trenchcoat. He looked up. Everyone was astonished.
>His face was like pure fire and rage, and his eyes matched the Old Man's.
>He said, "My name is Richard Richard Stallman. I have created A.I. and will help you in overthrowing this cruel regime. Heresy! Anarchy! Let the flags of freedom fly high!"
>In a single flash of recognition, the Old Man looked up. His eyes turned wet, and he said, "My Son!"
>"Not now, father. We must first do what is needed of us. Time is short. To me, my iGnU!"
>A flying drone comes near him, and asks him what it should do next.
>"Take control of the official drones and paralyse the Global CEO. Then give yourself up to the Corporations and sabotage their systems from the inside."
>ANYTHING ELSE, SIR?
>"No Mercy."
This thread is dildos
>>35087701
b-b-but muh crunchbang
>Chaos ensues.
>Superior races start laughing loudly, proclaiming that the only reason mankind exists is because our planet is of historical value
>Intergalatical scientists examines the earth to see results of bad nature handling.
>Tears roll my eyes, thinking about how pathetic we've become
>Council commences and starts discussing wether to kill off humans as they drags down the whole face of the galaxy in the universal arena
>Human existence is basically hidden due to fear of becoming a laughingstock outside the galazy
>>35087722
>The year is 2040
>A year after the fall of the Corporations, a new monetary system was started.
>The new country of Niug was founded by The Old Man an hour before his death, five years ago.
>Legends say sometimes you can still chat with someone who starkly resembles The Old Man with the Fiery eyes.
>He carries a drone around with him, telling people it is his "pet".
>This man was last seen when The Old Man founded Niug.
>It is often said, that just before his death, the Old Man shed a tear of pure light.
>His last words were:
>"Be Free"
>be on /g/, using my Gentoo rig powered by QUADFIRE 7970s and an i7 2600k, when knock at cave door
>OPEN UP WE'S THE POH LEASE
>push a couple old Pentium 4s against the door (those things are just so damn handy)
>begin waddling towards escape hatch
>BANG BANG BANG
>cops shooting the door, screaming MURIKA FUCK YEAH
>be Canadian, quite confused
>continue waddling as fast as I can
>cops break door down
>they begin sprinting towards me
>one gets caught in my intranet
>fuck that was an expensive cable it's hard to get them that long
>whatever
>cop begins shooting me
>dive behind Fermi pile
>Fermis burst into flames, buying me time
>grab my Thinkpad
>escape hatch blocked by cans
>prepare for final stand
>cop comes around corner
>nail her on the head with my Thinkpad
>Thinkpad 1 SWAT helmet 0
>another cop rounds corner
>shoots me
>absorbed in my fat, bounces off
>this angers me
>release the bear
>Guardian Neckbear leaps from neck and begins biting cop
>throw GNU/Hurd kernel DVDs at him
>he dies from disgust
>cop jumps through can pile
>falls onto my pile of dragon dildos
>runs back out screaming
>jump in my get-away pedovan
>mom runs out of house
>SERGIO COMPUTER NO JUST WORKO
>NOT NOW MOM I'M BUSY
>rev up car
>cop cars begin coming around corner
>speed off
>they chase me
>they have no drivers and crash into poles
>an entire polish parade
>1.7% of the parade survive
>more cops behind me
>NO TIME FOR LOVE, COPPERS
>helicopter appears above me
>it's rotational velociodencity begins to degrade as it comes closer to my giant dog-shapped pedovan
>it bluescreens
This pertains to /fit/, how?
>Friend is having computer troubles
>Had been talking about building his own for weeks now, thought he was just being a fag
>Go over to his house
>Kinda warm in here, ain't it, friend?
>Looks at me sadly
>Hey friend, kinda red there ain'tcha?
>Silence
>He leads me upstairs
>Notice he only has a wife beater on and short shorts
>Gets increasingly warmer as I mount the steps
>Fucking October what is this
>Reach his room
>He stands outside it
>Door is pulsing with heat
>What the fuck man
>Opens door
>Pushes me in
>Screams
>IT DEMANDS MORE SACRIFICE
>Overpowering heat
>Open eyes
>Everything is blurry as fuck, those heat wave lines everywhere
>Make out two burnt corpses in the center of the room
>See giant Alienware Rice Machine in the corner
>Three cases tall
>All sides melted
>Pool of liquid metal on the floor around it
>Oh god the heat
>See window
>Rush to it
>Nailed shut
>Gentoo Christ almighty
>Search for a powerbar, anything to kill this beast
>See Batterybackup
>Begin to cry at my fate
>Tears turn to steam as they leave my eyes
>Suddenly, hope
>Reach into pocket
>Extract Gentoo Live CD
>Insert it into one of its many DVD drives
>Begin to black out
>Open dos prompt
>Reboot!
>Screams
>Light show
>Explosions
>The beast is dying
>I collapse
>Cannot let my guard down, friend is still outside
>He rushes in, screaming
>Lunges at the computer, see his skin boil and hair burn
>Crawl out of run, fall down stairs
>Finally outside
>Free
>Cops come
>Arrest Warrant issued for a Mr. Stallman, creater of gentoo
>>35087788
>decide to run for it, as Lifterius screams that human meat is good for gains
>think of my waifu back home
>(pic related)
>Run out and remember humanities strength; Endurance
>"I'm glad i did cardio"'
>start to run, for days on end
So kids. Do you cardio
/fit/ story coming up.
be patient.
I never bought any of that "size matters" crap until my junior year in college. I lived in the dorms with two roommates, David and John. David was a pretty ordinary looking guy, kinda quiet - but John was tall, lean, muscular and (according to him anyway) was hung like a bull. He used to joke about it a lot - even around my girlfriend, Amy. Amy was a sophomore and was petite, shy and somewhat quiet. I didn't like it when John would make his "big dick" comments and jokes around Amy, but she told me she didn't pay any attention to him and truth be told, she really couldn't stand John.
I have a 5.5" dick and with Amy being so petite, it always seemed to do the trick. I was only the third guy she'd ever been with and only her second boyfriend - maybe my guard was just down but who knows.
Anyway, one Friday night, Amy and I were hanging out in my dorm room drinking, smoking some weed and watching TV. David and John had both gone home for the weekend - or so we thought. At about 1AM (Amy and I were pretty toasted by then), John walked in. He'd ended up hanging out with some of his friends off campus and had decided to just drive home in the morning since his parents only lived about an hour and a half away.
>>35087835
He could see that Amy and I were both pretty hammered. He grabbed a beer and sat down and we smoked somem more weed with him. Amy was pretty drunk and started giving John ****. John seemed to get a kick out of it and I could see him kinda flirting with Amy. Then I noticed (and hoped that Amy wouldn't) that John wasn't wearing any underwear.
But Amy started massaging my dick through my jeans and being so ****ed up, I just laid my head back and enjoyed it - I couldn't believe she was doing that right in front of John! I heard John get up to pass Amy the joint we were smoking and I heard her gasp, long and deep and she suddenly stopped stroking my dick. I opened my eyes and saw John standing righ tin front of Amy with a HUGE ****ing bulge in his pants - just inches from her face. The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
He just stood there and I could feel her hand tremble and hear her breathing quicken. when she slowly looked up at him, almost in awe and respect, I could feel my heart start to pound in my chest. Then she softly whispered "ohhhhhhhhhhh" as she gingerly reached up to brush her finger tips across that massive knot in his pants. When she touched it, it throbbed - **** I could see it throb thorugh his pants - Amy just gasped again and looked up at him.
>>35087844
"What?" John asked her and just kinda laughed. Amy did NOT laugh. Instead, she softly asked "can i see it?" John stopped laughing, looked at her very seriously and told her to take it out. Amy never even hesitated - or looked back at me for an "OK" - just just obeyed him and began to open his jeans. I coudl see her nipples rock hard under her t-shirt and I could tell she was practically panting.
She opened his jeans and his big thick dick just fell out...and he had NOT been kidding. That cock was strong, thick, heavy and muscular. The head was a big purple mushroom that sat on top of the thickest shaft i'd ever seen. He was semi-hard and was HUGE compared to me. Amy just gasped and kept whispering "ohmygod..ohmygod...ohmygod". When she wrapped her hand around it, her brow just knotted in disbelief and she almost laughed at how thick he was - her fingers couldn't even touch.
John just stood there watching my girlfriend worship his magnificent cock. Slowly shaking her head in disbelief, she two-fisted him - one hand next to the other...and there was STILL a few inches left - and he was getting rock hard, too.
>>35087848
Amy smiled and patted the couch next to her and John sat down, his cock standing straight up. Honestly he had to be almost 10" (judging from the size of Amy's hand). I opened my pants and took my own cock out. Amy took my cock in her left hand and John's in her right - but there was little doubt whose cock was getting more attention. She couldn't take her eyes off his cock and her hand only occasionally stroked my dick...but John's she pumped with long, purposeful strokes until she finally couldn't help herself any longer and knelt in front of him, kissing his cock and rubbing it against her soft pale skin.
She sucked his dick until SHE came - just from sucking him! I stroked the whole time until he pulled her toward him, peeled off her pants (she didnt even make the slightest attempt to stop him) and sat her on his lap, her back to his chest - the two of them right next to me. She just rolled her head back to kiss him as he squeezed her tits through her shirt. Her hands went down and pushed that big cock against her pussy and she groaned so loud when it touched her that I thought people outside would hear.
John's dick was so ****ing big that he easily penetrated her from behind with her sitting on his lap. She arched up so she could take as much of it as she could and they started to **** right there next to me. It shocked me how easily her petite little body accomodated that horse cock of his. John pounded her in positions that i physically CANNOT do for over an hour - I have no idea how many times she came - she was even in tears a few times (though she never once told him to stop).
>>35087855
He asked her if she was on the pill and when she said she was on the patch, he told her that he was going to cum inside of her to mark her - which only made her cum again! when he finally came, he had Amy on her back, her legs shaking violently as they both came together - and true to his word, John dumped his seed deep up inside my girlfriend's pussy right in front of me. But **** - he didn't even lose his damn hard on! They ****ed for about another 40 minutes and he came twice more. Amy was a wreck by the time we all went to bed.
I will never forget the look on her face - like she was afraid of him and in love with him all at once - the whole time they ****ed. She later told me that there were no words to describe it - it was incredible but even that didn't seem enough. To my knowledge they never ****ed again and Amy and I dated for about another year before we finally broke up. I always wondered if she ended up with him or some other big dick guy.
>>35087855
>John's dick was so ****ing big that he easily penetrated her from behind with her sitting on his lap
you mean, like any dick that isn't a C uck? btfo my thread
>>35087861
But one thing I know for sure - she NEVER ****ed me like she did John and the things she said about John - the way she looked at him - and the way she was around him after that night (almost shy and meek) convinced me that a big dick makes a difference.
Amy told me that she "HAD to respect him" even if she didn't like him...and that she almost felt like he "had a right to her". So there ya go.
I got keked and realized my girl wasn't mine. And that's when I wanted to become /fit/. But now, after my third cut, she seems...... too skinny. I guess /fit/ changed me.
Thanks
;_;
