HI ANONS
Give me the most crazy ideas for useless inventions you can imagine!
-It must be quite easy to do
>>893085
Computer script for posting this type of post on 4chan.
>>893085
Condoms.
the kickstarter / crowdfunding sites are full of them
also here is more-complete version of OP pic
>>893085
I really want to find someone with a missing eyeball and built them a prosthetic that's also a laser pointer. An animal would be okay too.
>>893085
Gasoline powered turtleneck sweater.
Fur lined kitchen sink.
Battery operated solar cell.
>>893279
If I lost an eye I'd get an eyepatch myself. I know three people with fake eyes and it's pretty obvious as well as distracting.
I'd make my own and have more eyepatches than underwear. So like four or five then I guess.
I've got this one idea.
It's like a tripod for a camera but instead of have three legs it has one and instead of having it standing up on its own the user has to hold it.
The crazy part of it is that the camera is facing the user so it takes a photo of the user taking a photo, as those are the photo people would rather see.
I mean why would you want to see a nice landscape when you can see a photo of someone taking a photo looking at a nice landscape.
Just need a good name for it.
>>893085
a book that can clean testicles
under foreskin bidet
device that turns off tv when you cum.
device that turns on tv when you cum.
device to shit post when you jerk it.
robot parakeet
cyborg guinea pig for anal exploration
>>893603
how about such a tripod with a button on the handle.
occasionally when the button is pressed, rather than take a photo, the camera is released and drops to the ground
selfie stick where the camera faces away from the stick along the direction of the stick.
>>893607
>a book that can clean testicles
I would pay good money on this as a birthday present for a rich friend who has everything.
OP, get this shit going ASAP.
>>893609
And the button has to be pressed by clinching the butt cheeks
A steering wheel that comes off when you honk. The honk noise is replaced with a morgan freeman narration about nature.
Glow-in-the-dark flu shots.
>>893675
I have been laughing for a good 10 minutes over this post
good god my cheeks hurt so much
Selfie stick that indicates certain colors when a picture is taken
Selfy stick that slaps you in the face if you take more than one selfy per week.
>>893797
Actually useful
Selfie stick that releases mustard gas. The best part is it takes the photo 10 seconds late so you can see the person inhaling it.
>>893085
I have had people ask me to build a bluetooth device so that their smartphone can tell them how much bluetooth they're being exposed to because they think bluetooth causes cancer.
A bunch of sewed together Brita fliters then drag it though polluted lakes and rivers. Or mount it stationary
100 million dollar job and only 15k in Brita filters and some Chinese kids to sew it for me
I came up with this while I was rolling a joint on the can last week
>>893622
Genious
>>893603
nice selfie stick meme, anon.
>>893085
my dad and i built this slinky machine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xum21NLSFhw
You know laser tag, right?
Well, I thought about making it more exciting by adding a flash capacitor on the vest and some electrodes so that when the player is hit, he gets shocked as well.
It's called taser tag.
Electroshock therapy vibrator.
Sugar-free salt.
An app that calls your aunt whenever you turn on the GPS.
Food-grade toilet paper. You can call it "360 tissues".
>>893085
Videos of cats wearing clothes while it makes vocal noises to lure in birds and other activities. And a way to turn on and off someone's television without being in their place.
>>893864
True story. I knew a guy who wanted to open a distillery and wanted a way to filter his shine.
In the early stages he was using a small stove top unit and needed a way to try and get his mash dialed in.
He needed a filtration unit and didn't know what to do. He paid me 750 to come up with a filter.
I got 5 generic gravity filters from walmart on clearance and installed it into a section of food grade PVC pipe.
He loved it. Cost me like $100.
Man them hips movement are lewd as hell. Looks amazing is the rumbling noise from the machine's motor ?
A selfie stick that fixes the phone in such a position that it can only take photographs of the stuck itself and the hand that holds it.
A machine that can suck your cock at night, cook you bacon and eggs in the morning, and iron your shirts in the day.
Lube laced with aspirin, "for extra strong headaches!"
Velcro shoelaces.
A volcano.
>>894763
>A volcano.
whoaw there buddy that's some radical thinking!
>>894695
I already have one.
Might be useful for some of you perma-virgins though.
>>893085
a pocket vinyl player
>>894828
for very short songs?
>>895138
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VepjINQlqnE
>>893607
>cyborg guinea pig for anal exploration
You can make it simpler by making a dildo shaped as a worm that moves like one, crawling in your insides, it might need a microcontroler or a remote to reverse the direction, otherwise it could end coming out of your mouth, possibly suffocating you. The chances japan is already working on this are too damn high tho.
Jumping rope with razor blades on so you can cut the grass and work out at the same time
Water soluble toothbrush.
>>893085
male vibrator ring with nut warming ouch and optional anal devastator
>>895354
>nut warming ouch
>ouch
That doesn't sound good.
A mind reading program to Google random thoughts that come to mind while I'm jerking it. Both hands are busy
I get my best thinking done while I'm jerking off. More then in the shower
A Christian friendly abortion
A bulletproof dog (cops love killing those damn things)
A bar where rape is legal
A numbing condom with the numbing agent on the outside
Alternatively, a keychain that remotely turns off your car's interior lights and headlights in case you forgot
Anymore ideas guys?
>>895884
How about a public bath like what were really popular in ancient Rome. Except this public bath is in something like one of these centrifuge fair rides that pushes you against the wall, so now all the water is pushed against the walls and you can have a bath at a 90 degree angle. The walls should have some holes in them so water sprays out like a sprinkler and waters a garden.
>>895889
Like a salad spinner. That's a great idea
>>893085
How about a metal box that shoots non ionizing radiation into stuff?
Maybe even something like food?
Tramp-o-line
a sexual lubricant popular with sluts
>>895904
HOOOOOLY FUCKKK MAN
WE COULD COOK POPCORN IN SOMETHING LIKE THAT I BET
An epoxy that once hardened separates back into two liquids if enough pressure is applied.
Cyanide bubblegum - for a spy who's not in a hurry!
Wine glass holders in cars so you don't spill when your driving
Heated toilet seat
Heated dick sock
A race of people that are superior to farm equipment
>>896304
>Heated dick sock
that's useful and must already be in stock somewhere.
metal headware that lets you hammer nails into concrete walls if your hammer broke.
>>894681
That would be a selfie stick true to its name.
Brilliant!
Will build one.
>>895964
Fucking Chinese finger trap epoxy. I'd buy it
>>894162
>And a way to turn on and off someone's television without being in their place.
i have this for my house as a phone app. i sometimes use it to fuck with housemates.
how about a small box with a hole in it just large enough to fit your finger inside?
A grinder for bugs.
>>895889
Hey I rode on that one once. Almost felt like dying.
>>894162
I had an ir light on an old phone that came with a universal remote app. I would change to porn or the Spanish channel randomly when i was walking past the room
>>896672
Care to elaborate on how you've set it up?
>>896697
Kek
A butt plug with a hole in the center so you can fart 100% silently in public
>>896882
That would just involve you shitting your pants alot.
>>896884
Naturally the invention should include a turd filter. Filterless version is for diaperfags.
I noticed in small rooms, like offices or bedrooms. Whenever the entrance door is closed, you often end up with this empty blank wall where the open door would normally block.
My idea, put a picture of the door on that wall so it won't look so empty.
>>896756
>Almost felt like dying
How did you know what dying feels like?
>>893085
An automatic toilet paper unroller.
A device cooled in liquid nitrogen that temporarily makes uncooked eggs superconductive.
>>894813
Your mother doesn't count.
>>896882
>wanting to silence your farts
>not wanting to make a loudener for your ass
I'm severely disappointed
>>896937
Because he rode on that ride.
orange juice flavored tooth paste
>>893085
stirling engine -> generator -> electric heater
Combination flashlight/fleshlight
Tiny heated rollers to curl your eyelashes
A bicycle powered by an electric motor you have to petal to power.
A website for creepy crawlies enthusiasts, were they talk about their experience with hunting the little ones, I even got a name for them: bugchasers dot com
An ass gas collection and storage system which keeps the gas "fresh" for a long time, so that you can use a gas chamber to execute criminals with fart.
>>897648
Hmmmmm
>>893085
Anything this guy does:
>>892920
>>897648
actually this would be a VERY good idea if it was targeted towards young adults and/or Japanese
>>893085
Chair-pants
Pants which unfold a chair
>>897791
That's pretty smart
>>897526
Actually useful to disguise your sex toy.
>>897791
how much would you price these?
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>>894085
Already exists, is used by military and police in practice sessions and can be played at my local laser tag club for only 40€ / 2 hours.
Gonna check it out with a buddy next year.
>>897862
the leds are embedded in the flesh
A machine to connect with others through long distances that is not a telephone. Like a virtual interaction thing
A bucket that can only hold hot liquid. If the liquid ever cools and touches the sides of the bucket from the inside, the bucket melts releasing acrid smoke that burns the eyes and throat. So, if you're using it to carry hot water you better hurry.
>>893607
under foreskin bidet.
you fucking genius
for all those times where you bring a chick home after a binge and you remember that you forgot to shower because of yesterdays binge. You know your dick smells like tuna fish and you want to clean i quickly.
you fucking genius.
my invention would be an anal catheter connected to a small pocket which can contain lots of methane and is easy to empty. I just hate retaining farts, like anyone, and my work puts me in a lot of situations where i have to retain them at all costs.
>>898715
noice
A reversed musical candle, that is only ever not playing when it's lit.
>>893085
An alarm clock that throws a Frisbee at your head.
>>899202
Not useless at all. There are actual alarm clocks that explode into puzzle pieces that you need to reassemble to shut it down, alarm clocks that fly to the ceiling, roll away in random directions, clocks that force you to solve basic equations etc., basically anything that forces you up.
Getting hit by a frisbee is somewhat ineffective in comparison but it isn't useless.
>>893803
Kek
>>895211
Underrated post, kek
>>895211
If the toothbrush bristles are made of hardened toothpaste, this could actually work.
>>899545
Isn't that more or less what those tiny disposable toothbrushes are?
>>897862
You have to fuck it to activate the light.
>>893085
An image board where words like eight and Chan are censored and a jap sells all your data to jews
A drinking straw that is also a catheter.
>>893149
That kid looks miserable.
Program that can change IP, make several different youtube accounts and go through the sign up process. Being able to sign up for email service and accept basically everything. Then it will watch your youtube videos, click your ads, give you money.
>>895425
Adoption
Body armor for dogs. Fund it.
Only gay guys and rapists would go to that bar
>>893085
A rope that releases your neck after you climax
>>901317
Could've saved David Carradine.
>>893149
>the kickstarter / crowdfunding sites are full of them
This. And guess what, there is barely any correlation between idea stupidity and level of funding! It's all marketing folks!
>>895889
>water vortex
Wouldn't people drown in that? Sounds pretty fun though.
>>902257
this is cat + buttered toast tier troll logic
Hey hey... I got this idea... What if I... Put sleeves on... Get this shit... A blanket!
>>902267
There's a lot of idiots who legitimately believe devices like this work and there's a conspiracy to suppress them.
>>902301
Sell 'kits' on ebay.
a Guitar effects pedal that uses a transformer that is in saturation with magnets.
>>893316
>Battery powered solar cell
I like this one.
reverse pepto bismol
you drink it and it give you a stomach ache and diarrhea
>>902342
you mean it gives you
Nausea
Heartburn
Indigestion
Upset stomach
Diarrhea
Oh Fug! Lomsib Otpep
>>893279
>not putting a marble in and using a cat's eye as a cat's eye
Pilebunker. I'm surprised nobody even tried doing one.
>>902267
>>902450
>Oh Fug! Lomsib Otpep
What's "Guf Ho"?
a small hatchback car whose engine is removed and replaced with pedals for people that have driving bans for combustion and electric vehicles.
head gasket kits for ebay sales made from cardboard or sliced cheese.
>>895444
That sounds pretty cruel but you can do it, regular condom and some anbesol gel.
Chapstick that dries out your mouth
>>902663
Chapstick that can double as a permanent marker.
>>902342
>What are Haribo sugar free gummi bears
>>900071
Yes , like one of those flashlights that you shake to generate the electricity.
Water soluble drinking classes.
>>902805
Technically what ice shot-glasses are.
>>895889
genius
>>896972
why is this so funny
>>899211
>alarm clocks that.. roll away in random directions..
- fuck, that is evil, want, need, must. Buy Shit Drunk and Delivered Already @ AMZ type link? - ta.
In saying that, just bought a car (with leak) that functions on much the same principle. Floor-mounted central nervous system control box, sitting in puddle of damp? - hit door remote, anything (or everything) shall randumly result, outwith door unlock. But always with the fucking alarm going off, simultaneously. Always. Fucking VW.
>>893576
Send pic, anon. I believe you. I just want to see them desu.
>>903432
I think you missed the first word of his post.
Burnt-toast smelling incense. For when you don't even have enough time for a properly ruined morning.
a button that screems when pressed and can only turn off if you find the other, also screaming button
>>896882
I have a fart suppressor. It's called ass hair.
>>896884
Kek. This made me laugh. Thank you.
>>896882
A butt plug with a whistle.
>>893576
>>904320
The Shitwhistle
>>904935
>The Shitwhistle
Isn't that what they call that default Whatsup jingle?
Microwave oven with a built in camera and tracking software attached to an additional microwave emitter on a powered swivel mount. This emitter uses the camera to track the plate in the oven as it rotates and targets the center of the plate. This will ensure that the whole plate is heated thoroughly, and not just the edges.
Million dollar idea.
>>893085
>>893279
Wouldn't it be cool to diy a cats eye as replacement so you have 1 human for day and one cat for night vision?
>>902340
it already exists but it only works at nighttime
>>893316
I once made my girlfriend a brick covered in fur
Door handles made from soap
>>902301
The thing about free energy is that once the idea gets in your head it's hard to get it out without actually trying it. There's always that "what if it actually worked?" in your mind. My free energy idea was to blow air through a venturi speeding it up which then powered a turbine which powered air into another venturi and so on. Took me so long to give that one up even at one point trying to rationalize that it's "getting energy from the atmosphere"
>>906963
>once the idea gets in your head it's hard to get it out without actually trying it. There's always that "what if it actually worked?"
Okay, so you try it and it doesn't work. You try to figure out the reason (some other than the fact that it's a perpetual motion machine) and try again. It still doesn't work.
Then it's the time to write a lengthy article about how the idea itself is totally ok. You actually know how to make it work, but due to limited time and funds you can't do it yourself. However, since you're a good person, you have made the plans available for a nominal $50 fee.
Bonus points for botched up measurements suggesting it really, really works.
A box that spits out pieces of paper with ideas for useless inventions printed on them whenever it's single button is pressed.
>>894085
You could put in a delay of a few seconds before the shock and call it taser lag.
>>893085
A cellphone app linked to an apple watch or similar device that will emit a slowly rising reeee as your heart rate increases
A clothing line for runners that is practically non existent. As in dong holsters instead of shorts and underwear and titty bands instead of bras
The line will be called NewDist
(New distance)
>>905283
Well, you could just ad a gear and put a "random orbital" platter in it.
Fuck, someone will probably market it for millions, people are stupid.
>>894763
an ICE volcano
>>893603
That reminds me of this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GDZBXZunzM
>tfw no imagination and can only leech off other peoples ideas and modify to suit
Kosher Bacon
>>908906
Probably already exists and marketed outside of Israel; the reason being that it's actually not hard to buy bacon in Israel and the only demographic are people who know what bacon tastes like but don't really feel wholeheartedly against eating it, so to sort of come out clean they'll eat this fake substitute bullshit.
So American Jews, basically, which means you've got a good market there.
>>909030
american bacon is 90% fat
so just cut strips of pure fat from other animals
they will probably like it better desu
>>908906
They do do holy-ham.
It's funny, you'd reckon Muslims would like Ham because it is named after MuHAMmad
The Primal Scream
Some sort of mouth mask that you can scream into, as loud as you can, but no sound escapes.
>>909481
Those are called "pillows".
Here's a real idea:
Soundbars never fully fit the length of the tv stand they are on, and full surround sound isn't a good fit for some living rooms. How about a soundbar where you can take the ends off and separate them a little more to fit the full ends of the tv stand? I heard a Sanyo (?) soundbar that was +40 inches long and it sounded amazing, true "left side to right side" sound. But it's too long for my tv stand and would hang over the edges. Surround sound won't work in my living room because the couch is against the wall, so we'd never get that rear speaker sound "behind" us. Best we'd hear is left to right which a soundbar can do. But the one we have doesn't quite give that "side to side" sound and if I could extend the left/right speakers a bit more to the edges of the tv stand it just might...
>>909555
>isn't a good fit for some living rooms. How abou
how about be less poor
>>909558
Ain't poor nigga, just got a smaller living room thanks to the walk around fireplace. Potato pic related. (bought the house, not renting btw)
>>893576
>more eyepatches than underwear
>so like four or five
are you saying you only have three pairs of underwear...
>>909648
Yes, two socks one yellow the other lime green and some white y fronts.
>>909658
Socks don't count as underwear, silly.
>>909661
depends how you wear them.
>>893316
>Gasoline Powered Turtleneck Sweater
You are looking at America's next richest man.
>>902342
Not a shit idea for getting out of commitments
Self lighting matches.
>>906963
mine was a circular motor with magnets attached on the outside would be other magnets opposite of the ones on the inside which would repulse it to make it spin contently. it that wouldn't work I thought maybe there could be a mechanism sl everytime the inside spins part way it would flip the outer ones to make sure it keeps going. never built this though. but it's been in mah head. I just assume I am not thinking of something and it won't work because someone should have thought of that before.
>>910367
>Self lighting matches
"Next on the evening news, mass fire burns down entire warehouse district!"
>>906963
I have 2 amazing ideas for perpetual motion energy devices one has these blades that spin on a circle. when you blow on it or it gets windy it turns a generator it looks similar to a pinwheel. another is a circular wheel with paddles slotted in the center. when you out it in flowing water it too will turn and charge a generator.
>>910444
nice meme on perpetual motion
>>894158
>Electroshock therapy vibrator.
they exist and sell well
Self tying shoes because people can't be trusted to tie bows with out hanging them selves.
>>910469
I actually thought about putting the ratchet straps off a pair of roller blades onto my boots so I wouldn't have to keep retying them, and they wouldn't pick up shit like velcro does.
I couldn't figure out how to attach them without mangling my boots, though. I'm not ruining my $140 boots for a novel idea.
>>910482
Redwing has a line those ratchet boots
>>893085
A mothorized shovel. You see, a shovel with an engine that you must use like any shovel...
>>910494
Already done my friend.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxamY1FPPlY
>>910466
>they exist and sell well
Source?
>>910534
google "wiredpussy", it's highly effective anti-depressant treatment :^)
>>909663
Top kek
A hole on a wall with a glass pane in it so you can see outside.
Small dark glass panes on a frame that you can put on your face to have better view outdoors when it's sunny.
A device to wirelessly activate a vibrator
A fleshlight that contracts like a dead snake for more intense orgasms
>>910376
wew lad
>>911365
>A device to wirelessly activate a vibrator
Remote-controlled vibs have existed for many, many years. Since they have to be quiet, they can't be very powerful, but the fear of getting caught and feeling naughty usually does the rest.
>>911367
wut? I say something wrong?
>>911413
That explains the simultaneous funny buzzing sound and dreamy eyed look of one of my female co-workers. Thanks anon; the more you know!
>>906935
Just use brass doorknobs, or add a silver coating. The oligodynamic effect will kill the bacteria.
>>911759
>funny buzzing sound and dreamy eyed look
Maybe she's connected to a dialysis machine? Don't be so quick to judge people, Anon.
>>908451
This is good post.
>>896882
a buttplug tapped with threads for a firearm suppressor
A shotgun buttplug you can shoot by contracting your anus
toothpaste sweetened with high frutose corn syrup
filter that turns alcoholic beverages into water
shoes with removable soles for the barefoot experience
a fork that splits in half to mimic chopsticks
a showerhead with a single hole
manual washing machine with gear system and a handcrank
>>912228
>A shotgun buttplug
wait,
is it aimed AT your butt or AWAY from it?
>>912797
>a showerhead with a single hole
Most have that as one of their adjustable settings.
>manual washing machine with gear system and a handcrank
Would be pretty cool to have a manual option in case power's out or you want to work and do the laundry but you're short on time.
>filter that turns alcoholic beverages into water
That's called "liver", son, and it's quite expensive to buy.
Nothing is bumping on the catalogue anymore. was like it yesterday too.
Is it just me?
>>912883
>That's called "liver", son, and it's quite expensive to buy.
I bought some from Morrison's yesterday for about £1.50.
>>904764
I know a guy who got shot in the head and lost his eye. He has a fake eye that doesn't look too bad, we call him pirate because he's got an assortment of cool eyepatches.
>>912797
>a showerhead with a single hole
They have these, it's called a firehose in Alabama
Classic: shovel with a chain as broom.
>>913929
>shovel with a chain as broom
What? How does that make a broom?
>>897619
Kek
>>903638
>Burnt-toast smelling incense. For when you don't even have enough time for a properly ruined morning.
Thar's just so sad for some reason.
>>914171
It's how Bruce Lee cleaned his home
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cqzOo6B0Ic
>>902800
THIS IS A MILLION DOLLAR IDEA MILLIONS OF NEETS POWERING THE GRID BY VIOLENTLY JERKING OFF INTO POCKET PUSSIES
>>896718
Like a grinder for bugs to use, or a grinder for op to grind up bugs?
>>903660
>Buttons come in sets of three.
> they must be pressed in the correct order to stop the screaming
> the order is random every time
A door bell with a pull up switch, that way, if the button is not pressed, the door bell will do his shit noise calling until someone press the button and stays there, otherwise, you will have that shit playing over and over 24/7
>>915853
That's a shit idea because then Jehovah's witnesses will just wait outside until you come out to turn it off.
>>893085
>A wind-powered outdoor patio fan
>opaque driving sunglasses
>a stirling-engine powered heater
>diet lard
>Bluetooth 4.0 cactus
>solar vibrator
>hydraulic tires
>cotton rain poncho
I can keep going...
>>915853
>will do his shit noise calling until someone press the button and stays there, otherwise, you will have that shit playing over and over 24/7
I have no need to buy something like this.
My. Fucking. Neighbors.
I doubt they ever turn off their pop MTV channel or whatever that shit is that plays the same 10 songs every fucking day.
>>897526
Combination flashlight fleshlight that charges by you using it to wank .
>>915923
Infinite power
>>893864
Nicotine toothpaste to make kids addicted to brushing
Nicotine vegetables, nicotine bathwater, same idea
>>895889
That would be cool as fuck if you could make it work without killing anyone.
You could also use parabolic surface of the water as a radio dish for a zenith-facing radio telescope too.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liquid_mirror_telescope
>>916409
>people puking everywhere
>>916409
why not add it to cigarettes, too, those can be pretty expensive if you have to buy two packs a day.
reversible funnel
comb to separate butt hairs before you crap
Pez Roofie dispenser
reading glasses for illiterate people
screws that can be installed with a hammer
dog leash made from red licorice you can eat at the dog park while your dog runs around
hummus strainer
>>893085
underwear that jerks you off while you walk, Market it towards fat people who cant reach their Johnson.
>>916409
>Turn habit-forming into a good thing
You're a fucking genius
>>916516
> implying fat people could properly put such a device on without help
