/diy/, I want to stop an office food thief, but I don't want to do anything illegal like booby trap my food. I was considering affixing a small disposable rfid sticker to my lunch bag and using that to track whoever's taken in within the office. How feasible is this approach, and how would you go about it? I can find rfid stickers on amazon but I have no idea what computer/phone programs I'd use with them.
Laxatives in your food, say it's a medical issue
OR
Empty a tin of Scho Ka Kola into a bag, then when they eat the whole thing, look for the person with the bleeding asshole.
RFID isn't that feasible.
Put a pringles can in your lunch with one of those big ass springy things with glitter in it
Find the person with craft herpes on them
>>1014794
If you don't really know anything about electronics, then I would recommend something like
https://www.amazon.com/SkyeTek-SkyeReader-SR70-RFID-Reader/dp/B00JPORXYI
If you can figure out how to solder a couple of wires and can get an rs232 connection working on a laptop, then I would say get one of the skyetek M1-minis. I think they have an antenna already built in, but it is small so you would need to be very close range, like within a few inches. I only recommend skyetek because I have successfully integrated them in to an electronic design before, but I also designed my own antenna to increase the range.
Honestly, RFID might not be the right choice here if you can figure out a cheaper way to do it. Although the M1-mini isn't expensive, you will probably spend a lot of time getting it up and running.
>>1014794
Just make really spicy food that doesn't look spicy. Ghost peppers in the middle of a sandwich or something.
So your plan is to walk up to every person in the office and point at each with your RFID scanner? And you're going to put the tag on the bag, which can be discarded in the nearest trash can while your food is taken farther away?
Get a clue, OP.
What I'd do is put the lunch in an opaque tupperware box, and rig an alarm on the lid such that it will go off when the box is opened. Then I'd memorize the position of the trigger on the lid: when you want to get the food without triggering the alarm, just hold down the part of the lid where the trigger is attached, while lifting from the other end.
If your lunch is stored in a place where you can't hear the alarm, use a stink bomb or one of those exploding paint things that the banks use.
Otherwise, make your food unattractive to thieves. Hide a small (but clean) metal object inside the food; a tack, a coin, a ball bearing, a razor blade, etc. If you don't want to cause real injury, hide a tiny portion of something disgusting, yet edible, within your food. You'll have to remember to remove it before eating, though.
>>1014794
How about you inform management before you resort to spending money.
its fucking theft after all.. and if they're willing to steal from co-workers they are willing to steal from who ever you're working for.
>>1014824
When I worked security at a very large bank's headquarters (office building with about 2500 people on any given day), the security supervisor used to show me video from a few hidden cameras that they use for catching habitual offenders like that.
A few of the people caught were guards, a couple janitors, and some people that had no real reason to steal when they were making close to 6 figures.
shaving cream = whipped cream
hide some wet koolaid powder on the underside where they would grab it so their fingers get all red and stained
epicak, probably spelled it wrong but its an extreme stomach irritant. They will throw up a lot and violently within minutes.
>>1014829
I know how this shit rolls. I use to work security for Disney. heads up, if you loose your wallet in disney parks, the persons who found it isn't the one who stole your credit cards, and cash, it was the security guy returning it to you. bunch of fucking crooks, after I reported that shit twice and nothing got done, I left. I'm not gonna be accused of stealing, sometimes even felony stealing. because the "BIG CHEESE" doesn't wanna get a bad rap on the news because it had its security officers arrested.
make lovely brownies laced with chocolate laxatives, classic for a reason
>>1014836
We fired people for any ethical violation.
>>1014843
Disney has no ethics unless ur a feminist or nigger. offended by literally the dumbest shit..
but if your life guards are texting on deck.. that's kay. because no nigger or feminist bitched.
whole company is going down the fucking drain.
Buy a couple cherry red sodas from Walgreens.
While you're there, get a cherry laxative drink.
Open one of the sodas and pour some of it into a glass to enjoy later. Pour in as much of the cherry laxative as you can.
Cut the top off of a closed bottle and enjoy your soda while you cut the clear plastic out of the cap to leave the safety ring intact.
Break off a quarter of an alkaseltzer tab, drop it in the intact bottle with laxative and quickly put the cap with safety ring on.
Leave the bottle with lunch. Preferably something spicy
Da Bomb Hotsauce. Ground zero.
A drop will suffice a huge bite. It also tingles and inflames skin if they touch it. make a sandwich with it between 2 pieces of cheese, so it doesn't ruin the whole thing if they don't steal it. It also won't be seen. They will be in tears with hot hands. Youll know. Youll know very fast
Set up a hidden cam, record the theft.
Then tape pics of the thief to the fridge caught red-handed. Who knows, it might be more than one thief.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vOIP5NaxMM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J4GAq_9Isc
>>1014833
>epicak, probably spelled it wrong but its an extreme stomach irritant. They will throw up a lot and violently within minutes.
^^^This is what you need.
How you do it properly is this:
1. Do not tell anybody what you are doing! Nobody else can know.
2. Get a dosing syringe and some ipecac syrup, and inject 1 small drop into the middle of a syrupy, gooey food. That 1 drop is plenty for it to work, don't worry. You can't put very much in anyway, since the stuff tastes vile. Put too much and they'll taste it and spit it out.
3. Never tell anyone you are doing it, even afterward. And never confront that person, either.
>>1014847
>Disney has no ethics unless ur a feminist or nigger.
This is kind of a separate issue, but anyway: it's probably true.
Most big US companies are terribly terribly afraid of being accused of being racist or discriminatory in any way--except against white males.
So minorities, women, gays, trannies ect ect can get away with lots of misbehavior that would get a white guy fired.
This is caused by a couple of US employment laws, and there's not really much that US companies can do about it. And no US politician will touch those laws.
>>1014878
I bet you the food thief is a white guy.
>>1014856
I have a bottle of da bomb, not sure if it's the ground zero variety. The bottle says it's 135000 scoville, though it tests hotter than any peppers I've ate in this range. It's so spicy it's impractical to eat. You will be able to tell who's stolen your lunch if they they eat a sandwich with a teaspoon of this in it.
>>1014856
I don't get food thieves. On our job sites it's like 20% white guys and 80% Mexicans and I've never heard of any of the from a dozen to hundreds of guys getting their lunch stolen from the cooler or job fridge.
I just don't get it, I mean only like a fraction of the projects have ever had a fridge or something and everyone has perfect fucking manners.
>>1014833
Can't buy that anymore, I've tried.
>>1014900
At that point, aren't you basically just buying pepper spray to put on your food? Who eats this shit?
>>1014931
>Can't buy that anymore, I've tried.
well nuts, wiki says manufacturing stopped in 2010
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syrup_of_ipecac
it was mostly used for jokes anyway, it hadn't been recommended for medicinal use for a long time
-------
okay, then go hardcore:
leave some meat out long enough to spoil, and then use that
bluetooth key finder. Track it with your cellphone. They're like $5
>>1014794
Bitterant from canned air worked for me. It's odorless and you can't see it.
You take canned air and turn it upside down and spray on the food you suspect will be stolen.
It tastes like the stem of a dandelion. It's awful.
Kids were getting high off of the stuff before so the companies were required to add the bitterant to prevent them from doing so
Small food dye packets inside the meal somewhere. Look for the person with the bright purple mouth.
>>1014794
Put Hallucinogens in the food.
When they freak out and do something to get fired you know who it was.
buy this:
http://www.hotsauce.com/Blair-s-16-Million-Reserve-Crystals-p/misc-blairs-16-million.htm
and put it in your food. It's pure caspaicin extract.
I'm going to give you the most reasonable answer yet.
You ready?
Buy a mini-fridge for your cubicle and keep your lunch there instead of the main office fridge. They're about $100 and pretty convenient. If people still steal from that set up a webcam and record your fridge.
>>1015021
Even more reasonable answer than previous anon.
Do that, but put an alarm or lock on said fridge.
>>1015023
>come back next day
>"Where's my fridge?"
>>1015024
nobody would steal a fridge
>>1015025
I'd steal a fridge.
>>1015027
webcam would catch you even if an alarm wouldn't
>>1015029
What are they gonna do fire me?
Nigga I got a free fridge.
>>1015032
at any decent job you could have earned that fridge in less than 4 hours, and still be able to earn more fridges
>>1015035
>What are they gonna do fire me?
>Nigga I got a free fridge.
This anon is obviously black.
>>1015066
no that doesn't make any sense why would he even be working at a company?
>>1015021
As if any office anywhere would let you put a fucking fridge under your desk. You would get hauled into some bullshit meeting with the accountant about electricity overheads, the diversity manager will tell you that you are privileged enough without a fridge and the big manager will confiscate it because he likes stroking his ego that he has power over the little people.
>>1015101
Huh? I've worked in big and small offices, and I've seen mini fridges all over the place. It's usually the people who want to keep liquid creamer for their coffee.
Protip from someone who used to have to share a fridge with a bunch of fucking poor white dudes who though everything was fair game:
Just take a fucking bite out of it. Enough to stop anyone buy the hungriest mother fucker.
>>1015116
Why share a fridge? If you have a job it's really nothing at all to just buy your own
>>1014794
inject printer ink into a can of coke and dab hot glue over the hole
chocolate pudding do the same thing except with shit
jenkem soup
a nice salad with yew seeds mixed in
fruit salad with holly and mistletoe berries chopped up in it
>>1015072
obviously he doesn't work there, he just came to steal the fridge.
>>1015116
I licked my sandwiches and took bites out of them and they were still stolen. I think the person just cut off the bite marks.
>>1015161
They could just be throwing your lunch away.
Dealt with this too, both in my personal and professional life. Most of the time it's some jackass who doesn't mean any harm or malice, but has no concept of ownership, etiquette or boundaries.
Nice Method: Report that shit to your boss, because as it's been said already it IS stealing and any manager worth their salt will tackle anything that hurts their KPI (poor worker productivity and morale will make them sit up and sing Dixie if you play it just right)
Meh Method: Take your lunch in a cooler bag and keep it in your desk. You can get small Tupperware-sized foil bags for like $6. Or just use one of those bigass supermarket freezer bags. Or take dry ingredients that you can assemble at chow time that are unpalatable by themselves (I used to keep miso powder, ramen and tinned tuna in my desk, and used the water boiler in the break room for instant fish noodles).
I-See-What-You-Did-There Method: As per Meh Method above, but also out a decoy lunch box in the fridge containing a plain bread sandwich. Nothing on it at all, literally just two pieces of bread sitting together. (Bonus points if the lunch thief accidentally outs themselves to you by bitching about how he "saw" some rando eating plain bread with nothing on it in the lunch room. You're a fuckwit, Rosco.)
Fuck It Method: Buy a block of Conbantrum (kids' worming medication, looks and tastes like chocolate). Use a bowl floating on a small saucepan of water to melt it down, mix in 1tsp Epsom Salts and some icing sugar and use it to redecorate your muffins with tasty chocolate icing. If they eat more than half, time-delayed diarrhoea strike (usually between 30-50 mins later so right when they're back at their desk).
>>1014794
If it's your lunch, and *only* your lunch that is being taken, then it is clearly being targeted. It's either someone you know being malicious, or its some random person that figured out that you were bringing the good shit.
Either way, just changing what you bring your lunch in may be enough to stop it, for a while atleast. If you get a new lunch pail and the same shit happens on the first day, then it is definitely someone you know.
If you happen to know a druggie hippie, get ahold of a dropper of acid
Three or four droplets of liquid on your sandwich bread and you're in for a treat.
Everyone at my place bought in lunches in brown paper bags they stole from the supply closet. Youd just write your last name on it. Someone even had the idea to leave a black marker on a string on the door handle.
Well, lunches went missing on a regular basis until Hofmann's lunch got stolen and the owner's 45 year old son was escorted out of the building for throwing patient files in the air.
A detective came in doing interviews about the "poisoning", but nothing came of it, except for lunches never being stolen again.
>>1015117
This was at work in a factory. Bringing in my own fridge was not an option.
>>1015161
Some of the old guys there had lunch boxes with locks on them. You could also just bring an insulated lunch box and keep it at your desk. They'll keep your food cool for 4 hours.
Basically you want to avoid all these random people saying it's a good idea to poison or put gross things in your food to trap someone. You can serve prison time if it goes wrong.
>>1015220
An old trick that I used to use was to get a box of Capri-suns and stick them in the freezer, then every morning I would pack a lunch and throw one of them in. It serves as an ice pack all day, then at the end of the day you can drink it.
>>1015221
I do this with my gogurt like it says on the box.
Yes, I am a 46 year old man who eats gogurt for lunch 5 days a week.
Even when I leave my lunch in the truck it doesn't get warm enough for long enough to spoil the food. Not like I pack a lunch 4 days in advance.
>>1015221
I used to do that in school. Buddy of mine thought it was genius. He tried it with a soda can though. Didn't go well.
>>1015222
does candi at the strip club know you eat gogurt dick?
>>1014932
You take like a tiny pea-sized crystal of it, melt it in a spoon using a lighter like fucking heroin and drop it in a large pot of chili or whatever.
I did it once and I felt like I was doing something illegal like building a bomb or some shit.
>>1015012
Best one itt
>>1015035
The same could be said about food.
Easy mode, laxatives in the food, if someone asks you have problems down there.
Hard mode, you will need to stay sharp. Put pepto on the food, 1-2 hours later search for the person with black tongue.
>>1014844
Fuck em. They shouldn't be stealing food.
>Find yourself some pot
>make pot brownies and pot cookies
>maybe mix pot into other shit if you can
>put in bag
>wtire "annons lunch DO NOT STEAL" on bag
>the thief can not refuse this chance
>thief eats pot laced food
>once you see someone had gotten into your pot bags send an emial to HR complaining about the drug culture some people in your area have been promoting
>LOL DRUG TESTS FOR EVERYONE!!!!
>thief gets fired
I had something like this happen only it was in a factory so this asshole was pilfering other peoples lunch boxes. Until i beefed up a rat trap, put it in a bag of chips and laughed as it broke 4 fingers on the food thief.
>>1015403
Ice cold
>>1014794
>>1014908
>I don't get food thieves
I steal food
but when I do I usually do it while staring into the owners' eyes and eat it right off their desk.
>>1014794
You'd better come back and tell us how this story ends, OP.
>>1014908
20% white europeans
80% mexicans
No food thievery, makes sense, more respect in culture.
80%white european
20%mexican
Yea there's gonna be some food stealing by whitey
>>1014932
Undiluted, it's not as hot as pepper spray, though it is in the same league. The purpose of such "hot sauces" is to add a lot of capsaicin to food without adding enough peppers, tabasco sauce, etc. to mess with the flavor.
As the other anon said, typical use is to take a speck of it for a large chili pot. And PPE would be prudent when directly working with it. Gloves, goggles, face shield, with onlookers well away. Dispose of the gloves afterward using the biohazard clean removal technique. If you get an invisibly thin residue on your hand and then rub your eye later, you're going to have a bad day.
>>1015755
>Undiluted, it's not as hot as pepper spray, though it is in the same league.
Really? The Scoville rating suggests that it has 40-50% of capsaicin, which is more than an order of a magnitude more than what normal pepper sprays have.
>>1014806
>If you don't really know anything about electronics, then I would recommend something like
>https://www.amazon.com/SkyeTek-SkyeReader-SR70-RFID-Reader/dp/B00JPORXYI
>If you can figure out how to solder a couple of wires and can get an rs232 connection working on a laptop, then I would say get one of the skyetek M1-minis. I think they have an antenna already built in, but it is small so you would need to be very close range, like within a few inches. I only recommend skyetek because I have successfully integrated them in to an electronic design before, but I also designed my own antenna to increase the range.
>Honestly, RFID might not be the right choice here if you can figure out a cheaper way to do it. Although the M1-mini isn't expensive, you will probably spend a lot of time getting it up and running.
With all due respect, you're a dichotomic moron of no use.
>>1014794
Put a little baking soda in the food the perpetrator will start shitting in less than 10 minutes and the diarrhea will last through a day or two.
It has helped me numerous times. It won't fail you too. Sempai
>>1015756
You're right. I was thinking of something else.
>>1015135
>a nice salad with yew seeds mixed in
Might as well just feed them ricin at that point
Fuck that.
> be me
> Little bro in law kept stealing bottles of coke from the fridge. Denied doing so.
> Bought another 1.2l bottle, removed cap without breaking neck seal.
> Emptied into a jug.
> Pissed into bottle, topped /filled up with the coke.
>Replaced lid and put in fridge.
> went around house and told everybody not to touch my fucking coke in the fucking fridge.
> next morning.jpg get home from working shift.
> bottle gone
> kek.mpg
> ask everybody, nobody touched it. Little bro in law looks sus.
> told other bro in law i pissed in the bottle, didnt tell the thieving fucker.
> next week.mpg
> leave coke in fridge. Isnt even touched. Thieving bro in law cant say shit wihout admitting he thieved it and copping a flogging.
> keep dropping piss & scat references (/b/ tard) for the next 3 years.
> win.
>>1015762
NO, YOU!
Seriously, do you actually have a comment, or were you just trying to show off how you learned a big word?
just get some of that, dry it, grind it, mix with mayonnaise
the thief will never what hit him
>>1014896
I love adding it to other condiments, especially when i have a hot sauce with a very good taste but not enough heat.
> I want to stop an office food thief, but I don't want to do anything illegal like booby trap my food.
I did the laxative trick and it works. Just keep yer mouth shut and have fun. I would love to have another excuse to dose some asshole and spend the day chuckling to myself while they hid in the shitter.
Miralax works nicely and is used for colonoscopy prep. Ignore the directions and dissolve as much as your target drink will take without precipitation. You may have to sacrifice a test drink at the the house so I suggest adding it slowly.
The Anon who suggested Alka-Seltzer is an evil genius. I used koolaid which worked well enough, but who can resist delicious soda.
I'd work overtime if I needed the money to afford torturing people who steal my or co-workers stuff. My life would acquire new, sadistic meaning. I'd be cheerful and more productive at work.
>>1014794
put a drop of liquid lsd in the food.
>>1014794
if you have aids just make some kind of blood sausage with your blood
ruin that faggot's life m8 !
>>1016031
Sugar free gummy bears. Add about 20-30 in a bag to your lunch. 28 hours of the most intense colon cleanse of the thief's life.
>>1016054
I thought they stopped selling those.
>>1015175
>doesn't mean any harm or malice
>has no concept of ownership, etiquette or boundaries
You're talking like it's a 5 year old. These are grown fucking men employed by a fucking company for money. No, there is no excuse for "lacking any concept of ownership", that's called "stealing" where I live.
Anon, poison your food in whatever way necessary to find the culprit; keep doing this for 2-3 weeks until people leave your sandwiches the hell alone out of fear. Don't confront them or they might retaliate, just keep poisoning the fuckers until they let go of your lunch.
>>1015101
>has literally never worked in an office
>>1015773
xactlee
>>1016102
Yeah mother fucka! Put laxatives in everything, serious duty laxatives, and watch them cramp in the pain they've earned.
Fuck anyone who can't obey the one golden rule of "don't be a dick".
>>1016138
But anon, what will OP eat for lunch if everything he has is poisoned? Does he need to build up an immunity to laxatives first?
>>1016158
OP can eat a large breakfast and stash a couple of powerbars to eat in the shithouse or anywhere he won't be noticed.
A minor sacrifice for the fun he'll have.
I'd cook hot dogs and wipe my arse with them before putting them into a nice bun.
>>1014794
Mix some radioactive isotopes into your food. After someone eats it, go around probing people with a geiger counter. The culprit is the one who sets it off.
As a bonus, they will probably die or at least get sick.
>>1015201
>Hofmann's lunch
I had a chuckle at that
>>1014843
California or Florida?
>>1015869
well I thought it was neat
>>1014829
>...and some people that had no real reason to steal when they were making close to 6 figures.
The poor steal when they are desperate. The rich steal because that's how you become rich.
>>1015035
>"decent jobs" pay over $200/hr
There is a reason half the country wouldn't bat an eye at the idea of setting you on fire and watching you die.
>>1016351
There is a reason you are poor. Learn to math.
>op doesn't want to booby trap their food
>most replies involve booby trapping ops food
Super helpful y'all.
>>1015220
>lunch boxes with locks on them
>just bring an insulated lunch box and keep it at your desk
This is the only reasonable solution, and there's two in one post! Good job 1015220.
>>1014794
Honestly OP if you have any tolerance for spice just start bringing spicy food to work. They will still try one or two more times but eventually like a puppy learning not to shit indoors they will learn not to touch your food.
>>1014794
Make decoy food clearly labelled "DO NOT EAT" and put laxative in it.
Hi
>>1016479
Not a lot to tell hey, happened pretty much as I described- wasn't actively trying to catch the lunch thief, just fuck with their head a little. Peeps had a tendency to swing by my cubicle to chat and sometimes bail me up for smokes, and one day one dude named Rosco talked about how he saw some guy eating a plain bread sandwich and how fucking weird do people get or some shit. Plainly asked if that was the guy with the red Tupperware box (mine) and the dumb fucker went yeah, that was him, don't remember his name but he's an odd fucker blah blah blah.
Told him to his face he was an asshole, that was my box and the only way he could know about the sandwich was if he was the dickhead stealing shit from the communal fridge. Fuckwit turned red and walked off without another word, later got suspended from work without pay for three days by HR. Felt like I should have just punched him but honestly the look on his face nearly made me come on the spot.
>>1016098
I just checked and they're on sale on Amazon.
They'd be difficult to use as a trap though. I mean, who would put jelly candy in a packed lunch? Its the kind of thing you'd put in a bowl for the office to share. Great April fool's / last day prank though.
If you really don't want to confront the thief for whatever reason you could just make your food the tiniest bit inaccessible and I bet he wouldn't bother.
Things like putting a piece of tape, preferably a type that shreds and can't be put back easily, on the plastic bag opening. If he has to work for it and has to leave shredded evidence, even if it can't be traced in any way, it's enough of a hassle for em.
>>1016770
That wouldn't prevent the thief just taking the whole package, which is what they usually do.
There is some kind of dust that glows under uv. Sprinkle a bit on the bag and then watch other people's fingers under uv
Laxatives aren't great for catching thieves because it's not something that's visible publicly (unless you use an awful lot). I caught a food thief at university with a beta carotene filled lasagne. They ended up looking like an Oompa Loompa; I asked if they'd eaten any lasagne lately and they might have blushed, you couldn't tell.
>>1016041
Oh yeah I'll just drop by the pharmacy and pick up some acid you fuckin idiot
>>1016347
Spoken like a poor hippie
>>1016351
Minifridges don't cost $800+.
>>1016725
Hello!
>>1014871
OP blows the lid off an office food theft ring.
>>1015025
Challenge accepted.
>>1016749
Nice. Fucker got Columboed
So if you put a landmine between two pieces of toast ...
>>1015877
Unrelated to thread but the fat will prevent its full effect. The best way to mix it is to use vinagre.
>>1017703
This Fallout mod needs to happen
>>1015877
You can trip on these? I have hundreds of the yellow ones growing in my yard
>>1018752
Yes, but apparently they also make you really sick. Not that it stops a true druggie.
>>1018752
There is a really good reason people don't usually trip on fly agaric. They are poisonous and potentially lethal. (boiling will lessen the toxicity). And that's if you take proper fly agaric, the red one with white spots. The white variety will kill you fucking dead even if you only eat a little.
