Alright /co/ onto episode 3 of our voyage into bad old cartoons.
How are you doing tonight?
>Unable to connect to battle.net
Sue: We're lost!
Ben: Reed I've been throwing trees around all day. Getting to be a chore ya know?
The next time you invite us on a company vacation to a Transylvanian forest you can COUNT ME OUT!
It was between Transylvania and Paris and you KNOW my feelings about the French. Yes! We are lost! Yes I should have brought a map! Yes I shouldn't have led us aimlessly into a forest this close to nightfall! Hindsight is 20/20! I'll stretch up and take a look around.
Johnny: Want me to flame on Reed?
Reed: No Johnny. Every time you've visited California in the past year you've been responsible for every forest fire in the state during your stay. I don't need your kind of help.
I see a castle! It looks pretty spooky! Let's check it out! Maybe there will be a creepy old man in there that will let us stay the night!
That's a really nice moat. The roof needs some work but I think it's quaint!
Ben went on ahead! Once he gets started on deforestation it's hard to get him to stop!
Hey! Where did that moat go?! The door is different! There's no drawbridge! What is going on here?!
Sue: I'm scared Reed!
Ben: Looks like something outta... frankenstein or something.
Reed: Don't be a bunch of weenies. We're going in.
Hay! You guys! Don't go in there! Legends say there's some guy named Diablo who lives in there!
Diablo? That word sounds familiar. I believe I've seen it at one of those ethnic restaurants. Are you telling me that there's someone spicy who lives there?
By the way, who are you?
I am Mayor Von Van Pelt. I'm the mayor of Transylvania! You must be the Fantastic Four! You're very popular around here!
Pleased to meet you Mayor. But tell us more about this Diablo fellow? Why is he so dangerous?
I'll tell you! Let's go inside my castle and I'll tell you all about him! Follow me! You can spend the night! I love having company over!
So! You see! The feared alchemist Diablo was sealed inside this very castle 100 years ago tonight in the dungeons down here! Some say this place is haunted and I'm inclined to believe them! Pretty scary eh?
100 years ago tonight! There's a prophecy that an easily duped simple-minded golem man will come and release him from the dungeon tonight! So don't do that. Ok? Seriously don't. He's a bad man.
I can't believe this shit. Just because I'm a rock man you think we're all alike and untrustworthy? That's racist! I'll have you know I went to same college as Reed over there! I don't even know this Diablo guy!
I'm sorry. We don't get many Stone-Americans around these parts. It's good to hear that you won't go around unsealing ancient evils and imperiling the world. Let's all get some rest. Be sure to tinkle before you sleep! No wetting the beds!
YAAAAAAAAAAAWN. It has been a long day! Goodnight Mayor boyshorts!
LATER ON IN THAT DARK AND STORMY NIGHT
This bed is really comfy! I feel like sleeping beauty! Beauty! Oh who am I kidding? I'm ugly. Haw haw!
(If anyone's reading this an occasional bump and any snarky commentary you'd like to add would be appreciated. Lets me know I'm not doing this for nuttin)
BEEEEEEEN. BEEEEEEN. WAKE UP! COME TO ME! RISE FROM YOUR COMICALLY TINY BED!
Gooood Ben! Yeesssss. Come! Come to meeeeee. I need yoouuuuuuu.
Ben: Eh. I've got nothing better to do. Let's see where this is going. My curiosity has been peaked!
Thinnnnng. I need you to open the back door! It's firmly shut and only a big strong guy like you could get innnnnn.
No wonder they had a hard time getting this open! This ain't a door! it's a giant plug!
That was goooood Ben! One more thing I need you to do is move this heavy purple table to somewhere else. The Feng Shui is all wrooooooong.
THIS THING IS STUCK HERE REAL GOOD. HERE GOES
BOOOOOOOOM
At last after 100 years I'm free! It's time to take over Transylvania!
I have you to thank Ben Grimm! Known to the world as the Thing! You! Yes You! Will be rewarded! You'll get. exactly. what. you. deserve.
I don't like this! Why would Ben leave and go to the back of the castle alone?
Hey Reed! Look! A giant plug! You don't see that everyday!
I don't like the looks of this! Only Ben could have moved this! No one else!
Only Ben could have moved this thing!
I hear something! It sounds like Ben! A mumbling muffled Ben in the distance!
He's got some splaining to do! I'll get him!
HAAAAAAAAAAA
See? Right on the other side of this candle wax wall. Hey Look! There's Ben! Standing with someone!
HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT ME! I'M HANDSOME NOW! Sue! Keep your paws off me!
You look great Ben! How did it happen?
He gave me a magic potion of charisma and look at me now!
I've also hired him on as butler. As a reward for his help.
You HIRED him? No one swipes my employees! What is the meaning of this?
In exchange for his good looks I've made him my butler for a year. We're going to have wacky hijinks and we've got talks with FOX for the Diablo and Thing sitcom show. He'll be played by Dwayne Johnson and I don't know who's going to play me. The network says if we can cast a good sassy black woman and precocious and obnoxious shitkid to match wits with Ben we'll have a winning show for sure!
I've tried everything to make him look better and nothing works! If I couldn't do it NO ONE CAN! You're a fraud!
Well, maybe you're just a hack, Mr. Fantastic. To prove my greatness I'm going to grow a flower with my fertilizer potion. Observe!
Face it stretchy. He's out of your league! He does what you can't!
No he hasn't! This is all some sort of trick! No one bests Mr. Fantastic! No one!
LET ME AT HIM! I'LL TEAR DIABLO APART!
Ben: No one harms my new best bud. Take a chill pill.
Ben must be under a spell! Torch! Get diablo!
(a bump would be appreciated before this autosages)
Help Grimm! Help! I'm being repressed!
Let's see if Diablo can take the heat!
I'll stop him with a bucket of sand attack!
Hey! Now it's all in my hair!
I'll help you Reed. This won't be as bad as when your "Mr. Fantastic" between your legs got tied into a knot.
Get you lost you bums! If I serve Diablo for a year he'll make me like a normal human! He's already got me a gig as an underwear model and everything!
Reed: Well I never! He's beyond reaching!
Sue: We were just trying to help!
I've had about enough of you! Leave here! Before I call the cops!
While he's lecturing me I'll just steal one of his vials. I'll steal it and NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW
I am going to run as many tests as it takes to prove that Diablo is full of shit and I'm right.
THIS MIGHT BE THE MOST IMPORTANT TEST I'LL RUN IN MY LIFE
*BREAKING NEWS FROM TRANSYLVANIA! IT IS REPORTED THAT DIABLO HAS INVENTED A YOUTH POTION*
This potion is relevant to my interest in eternal life! I've had NO luck finding dragon balls.
DIABLO! GIVE US YOUR POTION! WE'LL PAY ANY PRICE!
Soon! Soon the whole world will know of my price gouging!
VROOOOOOOM
TAADAA
>>84092047
How ya liking the show so far?
Diablo's irrigation and fertile soil potion is fabulous!
>>84092087
But what if he uses his agriculture powers for evil? Could the world stop such a man? I shudder to think.
Let's find out if Diablo's Hyper armor potion can make our tanks rocket-proof!
>>84090525
Aww yes glad to see these are still going.
>>84092115
It works! Our strongest missiles can't penetrate it!
SUE COME QUICKLY!
>>84090787
The magic of inconsistency and low budget
REED I'VE BEEN STANDING NEXT TO YOU THE WHOLE TIME. IT'S ... IT'S.... IT'S LIKE YOU CAN'T SEE ME WHEN YOU'RE DOING SCIENCE!
Well. What is it?
I KNEW IT! PICK UP A PHONE SUE BECAUSE I CALLED IT! HIS POTIONS ARE DANGEROUS! LOOK! IT'S ABOUT TO BLOW UP!
*BOOOOOM*
That's terrible Reed! But so far he's broken no laws! Sure he's defrauded the elderly, sold products with hazardous side-effects without notifying anyone, sold some products that won't work or have only temporary effects and bilked the military out of millions.
But all of that is legal! There's nothing we can do to stop him!
Bad news Sue and Reed! Diablo just hired a private army! With the millions he's made and with his army he could very well take over the whole world! We must stop him!
WE CAN'T STOP HIM UNTIL HE BREAKS THE LAW! DAMN OUR SCRUPLES!
>>84091592
oh lord,
mis lados
>MEANWHILE AT DIABLO'S CASTLE
Diablo, I feel dizzy. I haven't felt this sick before ever! I feel like I've gotten a really good bargain out of this Faustian deal we've got going so far but could I trouble you for an anti-dizzy potion?
>>84092079
It's pretty funny.
>>84092211
lol'd
Sure thing! Take a sip of this! Half Antihistamine and half pepto bismal
Thanks Diablo! You're an OK guy!
I just can't... tear myself away from my reflection.
OH NOOOOOOOO
You... you lied to me Diablo. After all the good times, the parties, the bouncehouses, the go-kart racing.
>>84092349
>Hey, there's an orange gorilla at this window!
YOU THROW IT ALL AWAY AND TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MY GENTLE NATURE YOU SON OF A BITCH
I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER TRUSTED SOMEONE WITH SUCH A PERFECT FU MANCHU
YOU TURNED ME AGAINST MY FRIENDS! THAT MAKES ME FEEL ANGRY!
Stay back you lumbering buffoon! You're no match for my chloroform potion!
>>84092381
>"gentle"
Fall! Fall down like all the others who oppose me!
(Note to self: hire new assistant)
zzzzzzzzz
Too bad! Too bad you didn't listen to literally everyone else you've spoken to! I liked you and your zany antics.
*BREAKING NEWS! DIABLO'S POTIONS DON'T WORK. FERTILE FIELDS RETURN TO DESERT WASTELAND. TANKS NO LONGER INVULNERABLE. . DAVID XANATOS WINS CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT SETTLEMENT ON IMMORTALITY POTION CASE. DIABLO CONFIRMED FOR MENACE TO ALL MANKIND.*
Johnny: Did you hear that? Menace... menace... menacing! That's a crime! There's our chance!
Let's go Sue! We'll take the company car.
I'll go on ahead!
TRANSYLVANIA HERE WE COME!
I've been expecting this! Enemy attacker at 2:00. Fire rockets and swat him out of the sky!
>>84091419
>Alpha! Diablo's excaped!
>Recruit a team of four humans with freakish powers!
Whoa! Close one!
>>84092625
Shit, forgot my image
Drat! The rockets are heat-seeking! This is going to be a close one!
What luck! An open window! And the tanks are gone! Good thing Diablo is so cheap he never paid to fix up the place!
>>84092668
BANG
You've won the first round! But behind you I have men with fire hose guns!
Finally some action!
He's in our sights!
OW our heads! Our identical twin heads!
Now I have the big gun! Time to spray em all down and let god...sort.. no that saying isn't applicable here.
That cannon is moving on its own! Spraying all my troops with paralyzing water from my paralyzing water potions!
I don't need troops! I'm powerful enough to conquer the world alone!
I'm going to shut that guy up!
My own gun is aiming at me?! Whatever. I'll blow it up with a grenade potion!
Owie!
What the fuck is happening?
I got her! I got the invisible girl! Score 1 for Diablo!
Johnny: Thanks Sis!
Sue: JOHNNY STOP YOU ARE BURNING MY ARM
Johnny: I'll take it from here! I'll use a fire lasso!
Here goes!
DON'T YOU DARE CLOSE THE LOOP OF THAT LASSO OR I'LL USE MY SUICIDE BOMBER POTION AND BLOW UP EVERYONE!
He's probably bluffing but I'm not going to take that chance. Let's get out of here and regroup!
Yeah you better run! I showed them! No one can stop me when I have my potions!
I wonder where Reed and Ben are?
Hey Guys! I picked up a trick from Paper Mario! Check it out!
That's so cool! Let's go find Ben now!
Ben's this way. Let's go but be on your guard.
When we find Diablo I want first shot at him understand? No one mocks my science ability and escapes without a stretched foot up the ass.
Reed: There he is.
Sue: Poor Ben!
Reed: He's alive... in stasis.
That's some special glass! I'm not sure how we can get him out. If only we had a diamond!
I know! I'll burn it! So hot we'll be able to blow it into freaky decorative shapes!
My flames are impotently rubbing against it! This... hasn't happened before.
Keep trying brother! Turn up your heat all the way this time!
Full intensity? That might roast him alive? Oh well!
Fools! You can't help him! None of you can! I'm done toying with you all it's time to end this game!
Using my sleeping gas potion gun I'll put you all to sleep!
HOW DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL RICHARDS? Smells like herbal tea!
A whiff for you invisible girl! Just like going to the perfume department!
I got to save them! If I could just flame... flame flame! Forget it! I sleep now.
I win! I win I win I win I win!
I hate you Richards because you discovered how much of a fraud I am.
I hate you invisible girl because you're a poor female role model and you pointed a cannon at me.
I hate you Torch because you went on to play Captain America and made everyone forget about your older movies!
And you! You you you THING. I ... kind of still like you actually. Now you are all here in my collection!
And that's how you're going to stay until I get bored after I've conquered the world!
I'M STILL MAD AT YOU
How did you get out? Oh... probably because my potions don't really work that well. My greatest weakness! My own lack of competence! Now he's awake! And mad!
shitshitshitshit. I need to grab some more potions and quick! I don't want to get clobbered!
READY OR NOT HERE I COME
I'll just stay here for a while. My panic room is surrounded by durasteel titanium triple-plated deluxe super walls! I'll be fine until he cools down!
OH YEAAAAAAH
I've locked myself in a room with a monster! I have made some poor life choices.
*STOMP* *STOMP*
Ben's stomping has freed us all!
I need to get out of here! It's an earthquake!
You're not leaving this way!
I AM INVOLUNTARILY URINATING RIGHT NOW
https://youtube.com/watch?v=zVTrCgyW3MY
You're not leaving this way either without a big bear hug from the ever-lovin' Thing!
And there goes #2. I give up! I, the great Diablo can't do anything! I give up! Put me back in evil chamber and seal me up! Please! No Bully!
Get in your hole Diablo! We got a giant red plug off craiglsist and this one will keep you double trapped!
Think about what you've done. And how you went out a bitch and I'm the handsome super scientist that bested you, Diablo.
Bullshit! You can't just seal an ancient evil back up again! Someone ALWAYS is stupid enough to let them out! There's always someone retarded enough to fall for some transparent evil promise. ... No offense Ben.
I know Johnny! That's why we're going to destroy the castle and crush Diablo under it!
That's what I wanted to hear!
AHAHAHAHAHA
You want demolition? I'll show you demolition!
Sue: Now the world won't be bothered by that Diablo ever again!
Guys? I just thought of something. We were lost at the start of this and we're right back where we started and we don't know the way back home...
We're lost again!
Reed: Yep. Still lost.
Thing: Some heroes we are!
(Everyone laughs)
THE END
I hope you all have a good night! Until next week. I think I'll do this Saturday and Sunday nights.
> Next time on Fantastic Four!
Is that a monkey?
>>84093579
He's got a gun!
>>84093591
BLAM BLAM
Awww shit, thanks OP what was quite a read.
![IMG_1082[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/rqSChRA.jpg "IMG_1082[1].png")
>>84093579
>>84093591
>>84093597
lel
>>84093881
Happy to entertain. You're welcome!
>>84092381
>>84092399
>>84092420
>>84092434
>>84092452
>>84092468
Jesus H Christ this is fantastic
>>84093579
>>84093591
>>84093597
I think I love you OP.
Looking forward to the next episode.
bump for reading
>>84094037
Fantastic four!
>>84091766
Oh Reed
Previous ones in case any missed them.
How long will they stay up on archives?
>>84046960
>>84065970
>>84092899
>Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
>>84091623
Looks like Handsome Superman.
>>84096592
>Batman, I...
>>84092539
>DAVID XANATOS
Kek
>>84093305
>What's everybody focking me for, I'm not gonna sell sex for free
That was entertaining!
>>84101490
Sure was
They remind me of the Spiderdub
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL750C0706557F5CA3
>>84092539
>DAVID XANATOS WINS CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT SETTLEMENT ON IMMORTALITY POTION CASE.
cant breathe
>>84093106
>I win! I win I win I win I win!
Steal one of my lines, motherfucker?!!?
>>84093106
I WILL MAKE YOU FUN-SIZE!!!
>>84093579
>>84093591
>>84093597
MY SIDES HAVE ROCKETED TO GALADOR.
>>84091592
Holy shit
>>84093184
>My greatest weakness! My own lack of competence!
Sorry I'm never here to bump your thread OP. I love this shit though.
Bump for others to read
Just got done the other two threads and Pissed-Off Sue in the Mole Man story is tops.
>>84096543
A week I think
>>84093597
Thansk falaman.
>>84094079
>>84095807
>>84101490
>>84101679
>>84104869
>>84105541
Thanks everyone. I'm glad that people like it. Really encourages me to keep going.
>>84105734
That was really fun to write.
>>84106071
Oh only a week? I'll have to start screencapping them then. Thanks for letting me know.
>>84106314
No problem OP
I can't wait for the next episode
