So I write comics and shit, anybody care to tell me what they think of my latest one?
>>83886571
>>83886580
>>83886596
I'd axe the narration boxes here. You probably want to establish point of view but there's nothing being added by them and it all feels too on the nose.
The artist is fucking killing it.
>>83886571
>>83886580
>>83886596
These are...fantastic!
I don't know if I like the white on black lettering, but I haven't read anything on the theory in choosing colors for it. Might just be a "me" problem rather than something that would distract other readers.
>>83886596
>...and how important focusing on yourself is
Ending a sentence with 'is' just always sounds bad.
>>83886759
Here's the first issue
(1/7)
>>83886914
Yeah, I was really struggling with that last line. Any suggestions?
>>83886938
(2/7)
>>83886959
(3/7)
>>83886978
(4/7)
>>83886959
"...and how important focusing on yourself is" --> "... and how important it is to focus only on yourself."
Preferable that as little is changed as is possible.
>>83887000
(5/7)
>>83887027
(6/7)
>>83886719
Yeah, her self-centeredness is perfectly well displayed in her actions. Also the monologue is pretty weak to start off with the cliched "someone once told me" schtick. If I were you instead of having her talk about herself like that have her tell another story that illustrates the same point and parallels what we're seeing.
>>83887051
(7/7)
It's got a lot of potential. Makes me want to read more into the story but it just leaves it at that.
>>83887015
I was going to suggest "and the importance of focusing on yourself." But that works too
>>83886938
"Hellgorythm"
I'm not gonna lie, that's cheesy as fuck.
But I also love it for that same reason.
The art has grown on me in the ten pages I've was. I kike the heavy ink style, it feels like cyberpunk meets detective nior.
>>83887015
Focusing on yourself can be.
The art style is like reading graffiti at a blacklight rave. In a good way.
It's pretty dope. The art is stellar, though a little messy at places. sometimes it can be hard to tell what your looking at. I would be very interested in reading more, if you've got any.
So far, with it just being a cyberpunk noire, i feel like it stands out, if only for that killersicknasty art. Good on ya mate.
>>83886719
This, the worst thing modern writers do is put too much narration instead of letting the art speak for itself. Especially when there's such great art. It ruins the flow when you have to sit there and read a bunch of text for every panel.
Loving this contrast between black and light colors, short story format, and the cheesy grimness. Seriously I'd pay for this.
