So my cousin knows a guy who knows a friend who has a brother that served Afghanistan and got to meet Tony Stark. So Stark is like crazy loaded but then his convoy gets attacked by some dudes called the Ten Rings because I guess they're really into bling carrying weapons he made.
So my boy Tony almost gets smoked by his own weapons and starts having flashbacks to how awesome he was because he was loaded from being crazy smart and makin' weapons and he got always got all the chicks like this crazy stupid fine reporter from Brown. He's also got an assistant, Pepper, who is also crazy stupid fine and when Brown wakes up she's like "Bitch you better leave now so I can tell people the trash took itself out." So Peps gets Tony to his plane and of course all the stewardesses are crazy stupid fine and everyone drinking sake which you know isn't my taste but I kinda like it with sashimi. Anyway Tony gets to Afghanistan and is like "Yo dawgs come take a look at this bomb ass missile I made" and it like blows up a mountain and Tony's like "Yeah that's how my pops taught me to roll!"
So Tony wakes up from the flashback like "Damn that hurt and why do I have wires stickin' from my chest?" So this guy turns around and goes "Yo dawg you was hella messed up so I hooked a car battery up to your chest to save your life. We met before but you don't remember me so call me Yinsen." So it turns out Yinsen also got kidnapped by the Ten Rings dudes who want the two of them to build Tony's bomb ass missile. SO they play along and Tony's like "Yo dawg check it we gonna make some sweet ass armor and escape." But the lord of the Ring dudes catches on and threatens to kill Yinsen and TOny's like "Naw man please I need an assistant." and Yinsen like "Yeah dawg I got steady hands ask my homie Dr. Strange he knows what's up."
>>83066625
So they finish the armor but they need more time to turn it on so Yinsen distracts them by actin loco like "Yo dawgs I'm escapin' by shootin' the air look over here." So Tony powers up his armor so now he's like a rockem sockem robot and just bats them around but it's too late to save Yinsen so he's all like "You dudes killed my homie prepare to die." So he lights em all on fire and flies off only to crash and he's all like "Damn I'm surprised I survived that fall."
So Tony gets rescues and he goes to Pepper "Yo Peps I've been cravin a burger since the humvee ride stop by Burger King and gather my peeps." So this Agent lookin' guy goes up to Pepper like "Hey girl we need to talk to your dawg Stark about the crazy shit that went down and get his help finding a better name for our spy agency know what I'm sayin?" and meanwhile Tony's like "I almost got smoked by my own weapons so I'mma stop makin' em." and everybody's like "Damn son!"
So Tony's homeboy Obidiah is like "Dude we need your secret chest nightlight." and Tony is all like "Naw man I need to keep this on the downlow." and Obi is all like "Ok lay low and I got your back."
>I've prettied this so you guys won't have to wait for ever
>>83066640
So Tony starts pimpin' out his ride right and in between he has Peps change out his chest nightlight. So after he makes his suit he takes it for a spin and wants to go higher and goes "Hey Jarvis hold my beer and watch this." but Jarvis is like "Dawg you best watch out for ice or you gonna get iced." but Tony goes "Dawg I'm hot enough to melt any ice." Then Tony starts falling but saves himself at the last minute and he's like "Damn I can't believe I survived that fall."
So then Tony makes a new ride and goes "Yo Jarvis paint my new ride red while I party. I'm so gonna be able to pick up chicks in this." So Tony goes out to a party and Coulson is there and he's like "Dude we still needa talk about that crazy shit that went down." and Tony's all like "No prob I'll just have Peps write ya in while I make my moves." So Tony and Peps about to hit it off but when he goes to get her a martini Crazy Stupid Fine reporter chick comes up and goes "I'm on to you with all your crazy stupid weapons in Gulmira." So Tony finds out Obi's been dealin' under the table and Tony's like "Oh it's on now dawg."
So Tony suits up and save Gulmira but he's got to let his homeboy Rhodey know when he gets spotted. Meanwhile Obi meets with the Ring dudes but he's got this thing that paralyzes people kinda like pikachu's thunder wave I prefer poisoning myself but that's more of a playstyle thing. Anyway he takes the scraps of Tony's first suit and has some scientists make his own suit but they're all like "Naw man we can't get the reactor any smaller." and Obi's all like "Damn I need a guy that shrinks hella bad." But Tony sends Peps to spy on Obi but Obi finds out. So now Obi knows that Pepper knows and told Tony so Tony knows.
>>83066653
So Obi uses his thunder wave on Tony to take his chest nightlight to power the suit. So Tony starts dyin' and his robo buddy is like "Yo dawg don't forget you gave Pepper your old nightlight." So Rhodey gets to help Tony and is like "Dude I'mma totally try that silver suit out next time but I gotta wait until my makeover is finished."
So Peps gets Coulson and he's all like "Yo Peps check out this spy stuff." But then Obi turns on his suit and goes after Pepper by breaking out of the ground like a Street Shark. Then Tony shows up but his old nighlight is low on fuel so he's all "Yo Obi I ain't installed the duel disk in my armor yet so we gonna settle this battle bot style." So they start flyin and Tony's all like "Yo dawg you ain't hot enough to melt ice." and they both go falling and Tony's like "Damn I can't believe I survived that fall." So Tony tells Peps "Hey girl I'mma need ya to blow the reactor." But she goes "But that's gonna fry you too." but she blows it anyway.
So after all that Coulson shows up and is like "Dawg that was some crazy shit that went down but since you helped us created a bomb ass name for our spy agency just stick to the cards and we cool." And Tony tries to put the moves on Pepper but she's all like "I'm still waitin' on the martini you promised me." and Tony's like "Damn I knew I forgot something." So Tony's like "Damn the only way I'm gonna score with Pepper is if I admit to being Iron Man. Screw it YO PEEPS I'M IRON MAN DEAL WITH IT!" So the whole crowd is like "Daaaaamn!" except for Crazy Stupid Fine Reporter Chick who is all like "Damn I shoulda locked that down earlier."
So Tony thinks he clear but he comes home and this Samuel L Jackson lookin dude is there with an eyepatch and he's all like "Yo dawg I want to talk to you about this Avengers thing we got goin."
>>83066653
>he's got this thing that paralyzes people kinda like pikachu's thunder wave I prefer poisoning myself but that's more of a playstyle thing.
Heh.
7/10.
Great, now do another one.
>>83066625
Please let this become the next meme on here like Principal Prinkly's speech thing or Batman raping the Joker.
I would love a scene of him explaining Civil War to a rapidly running out of patience Hank Pym.
has potential and gave chuckles/10
>>83066625
Hey Luis, do you know where Scott has been?
>>83066625
>and everyone drinking sake which you know isn't my taste but I kinda like it with sashimi.
So I was at the aviation fair with my homie Pedro, and you know I'm more of a locomotives kinda' guy, but I respect Drummond's contribution to modern society, you know? Pedro be tellin' me about his homeboy Martin who worked for CIA, spinning 'bout this dude who be waiting at the airstrip for mercs to bring some scientist, they roll around with the dude and three more guys and give 'em to the CIA dude free of charge. Now, had it been me, I'd be skeptical, you know? Mercs don't even give out STDs for free, know what I'm saying? So CIA brings all four in the plane and keeps sayin' he filled for his posse and just one of them, and is gonna pop and ditch who ain't talking. One of them be like "why kill the guy and then throw him off the plane". CIA this guy's mask and he's some Darth Vader looking motherfucker named Bane, who all like "I had to find out what the doctor told you", and the doctor be like "I said nothing", which is like the snitch motto, I mean if they guy had just said "Yo, I told them this and that" maybe Darth Wheezy would'a spare him. "The lie stings more than the die", as my mama used to say.
CIA be asking if Bane planned to be caught, and he's all like "For real". CIA then goes all "If I take this outta yo face, you die?" and Bane be all "That be painful", and CIA gets in a tight spot, you know how dudes be out of touch with their emotions, so he tries to cheer him up, compliment his biceps or something, says "you a big guy", cause who don't like a compliment, and Bane be all "For you", and I be like "be painful for you", and Pedro be all like "a big guy for you", and I feel that's a really weird phrasal construction, you know I'm all about respecting the grammatic conventions, but whatever works for the dude, I guess. So the CIA tries to keep the conversation afloat, asks Bane the next step of his masterplan, and Bane be saying "crash this plane with no survivors", and then there was a bunch of gunfire and explosions and I guess everyone died.
>>83066625
>>83066640
>>83066667
>>83066653
8/10. Pretty good start and plenty of meme potential
>>83066625
>>83066640
>>83066653
>>83066667
>>83066667
>Yo Obi I ain't installed the duel disk in my armor yet
>>83066625 (OP)#
>>83066640#
>>83066667#
>>83066653#
mfw
>>83066653
> So after he makes his suit he takes it for a spin and wants to go higher and goes "Hey Jarvis hold my beer and watch this." but Jarvis is like "Dawg you best watch out for ice or you gonna get iced."
>>83066625
>>83066640
>>83066653
>>83066667
Best thread ever.
>>83067363
Are we even getting an Antman 2 or is it going to be Wasp?
>>83069537
Literally called Ant-man and the Wasp
>>83069537
Ant-Man and the Wasp
>>83069537
It's confirmed to be called Antman and the Wasp
>>83069537
What the others said, coming out in summer 2018.
>>83066625
>>83066640
>>83066653
>>83066667
>>83069577
>inb4 shitflinging by tumblr saying "IT SHOULD BE WASP AND ANT-MAN, NOT ANT-MAN AND WASP!"
>>83069628
I'm excited for it, so long as it's still as fun as the first.
>>83069658
They already said the movie should be outright cancelled and replaced with a Black Widow movie.
>>83066625
I can't wait for AM&W to open to Hank and Luis hanging out on a gallery discussing sculpture or history or philosophy, with Luís doing the teaching, finally having found a buddy who can keep up with his refined tastes.
>>83069716
This bugs me. Black Widow is one of the most boring non-superhero-depended concepts they have, and people just want her movie because she was the first on screen. Wasp, Scarlet Witch, Captain Marvel all make for more interesting concepts than spy lady.
>>83070037
Right? Like, I just want a movie where Luis appreciates the finer things in life. Or, where he explains Wagnerian opera to Thor.
I don't think Luis starts every sentence with "So".
>>83070223
So?
>>83069716
source: your torn up asshole you fucking faggot
>>83073021
He means the generalization of SJW Tumblr is saying that, not Marvel Studios or anyone with actual power
>>83069716
What is the fucking appeal of Black Widow?
>>83070037
>This bugs me. Black Widow is one of the most boring non-superhero-depended concepts they have, and people just want her movie because she was the first on screen. Wasp, Scarlet Witch, Captain Marvel all make for more interesting concepts than spy lady.
Or, you know, maybe people like spy stuff
Just saying, I mean, Captain Marvel and Wasp are characters I think could carry their own movie but like saying Black Widow would be boring isn't really right
Where was the fine art reference?
>>83070347
So it makes him look less refined than he should when you give him speech patterns of an 8 year old doing show and tell.
When is Luis getting his own series? The MCU doesn't have a sitcom yet.
>>83073179
As of now she's clearly the MCU woman with the most characterization.
>>83074192
Is Damage Control still happening? What with DC basically stealing the concept.
>>83070197
- Thor, those valkyries are like the Wagner opera?
- Wagner? Opera? I don't understand.
- Oh, let me explain then. So one time I went out with this girl named Cheryl, although I thought she looked more like Daisy because she had Daisy-like features you know? And she wanted to go somewhere fancy. But not fancy like that restaurant where they serve you small servings in huge white warm plates, but something really classy, you know? Like the theater, and I had this buddy Carlos who'd gotten some opera tickets from this guy he did a job with. And they were playing Wagner, although Carlos heard from this guy that if you want good opera you need to listen to Verdi or Bizet. But we went because hey free tickets to somewhere fancy, and I didn't know what kind of suit to wear, bro! So...
I love Luis.
>>83069658
It's gonna happen I can feel it in my bones
Not marvel caving they pander but there not that bad but tumblr is going to complain
>>83066625
Daily reminder that this was possible because of Peyton Reed himself
>>83074270
>Luis explaining the plot of the Ring
Oh my god, that would literally redefine the word 'epic'.
Mexican immigrant ex-con changes world forever, says "I was just explaining something to my ese" - news at ten.
>>83074644
Good thing too, that second Luis monologue got by far the biggest laughs out of the audience I saw Ant-Man with when it opened.
>>83074644
Peyton Reed saved the movie
Post yfw Luis is a Scientologist IRL
>>83074270
Thor trying to ask Lang what the hell is going on between Luis's explanation is the funniest thing to me right now.
>>83077104
>No Scientology explanation, Luis-style
>>83066667
>gotta wait until my makeover is finished."
holy shit
>>83066625
This is a good thread.
