I mean, you name your kid Goofus, what do you expect from him?
That fucking Goofus, eating his fruits and vegetables like an asshole
>>77963743
>bottom left
>/g/ uses a mac.jpg
I always wondered if Gallant would one day crack after having to be perfect all the time.
>>77963715
If Goofy can turn out to be a pretty nice guy, this shit has no excuse.
>My, but I like your dog
what a gentlemen. Also they used to look like Peter Pan?
>>77963820
>going down the moving staircase to cut time is somehow a bad thing
this one is the most realistically achievable
>>77963787
This little shit has a hot babysitter and he's just mad he didn't get to go on mom and dad's movie night.
>>77963908
Gallant's looking pretty evil in the last panel. Are we sure it's not Goofus in disguise?
if I acted more like goofus i would probably get laid
>>77963934he looks like he's asking to see grandma's 'fine china'
>>77963956
Not with yer looks, be real, bro.
>>77963774
But
Ok,
What ifGoofus and Gallant are the same person?
>Goofus impregnates every hooker and has to pay for all the abortions.
>Gallant always makes sure to finely chop up the bodies and dissolve them in a tub of acid.
>>77963767
That looks more like Gallant is passing a blunt.
>>77963774
That's the scary thought, isn't it?
Not that he would actually crack, but that he wouldn't. He would keep up that perfect facade for his whole life, he would live every day with a smart, sensible head and a kind heart and he would always be his very best and do his very best.
He would wake up early, get his exercise in, do his chores, do his work better than any of his co-workers and drives and walks safely. He never shoves, never snaps and keeps his head straight no matter where he is.
And though his co-workers and friends sometimes say stuff, imagine stuff like "I bet he secretly is a freak and jacks it to weird porn" or "Unlike him, I don't work too hard I'm too good to promote!" Or "I bet his wife sleeps around/cheats on him/finds him boring", none of it is true. But they say it anyway, and he takes it in stride.
And then, one day, he's going to be on his death bed, probably fairly old due to how well he lived and how well he took care of himself, and they'll try to find some secret, something to make him out to be worse than he was, something to give a sign that nobody, nobody at all, could ever do things right like he did. But they'll never find anything, no secret perversions, no nothing, and the real scary part will be realizing you could have lived a life like that, if you were just a little stronger willed. There was no secret horror in the mind of man, it was just you.
But hey, I bet he was a furry or something.RIP, Mr Rogers.
>>77964021
>That motherfucker is throwing cans again I swear to fucking god
I like some of of the earlier comics because Goofus is more of an asshole as opposed to just slightly inconsiderate or having poor etiquette
>>77964141
>WE WILL PLAY CHECKERS.
>OBEY ME OR DIE.
>>77964074
>Gallant is Mr Rogers
HOLY SHIT THAT MAKES TOO MUCH SENSE
Wait, then who's Goofus?
Oh... oh god...Are we all Goofus?
As adults
>Goofus is a total asshole to women and gets laid on a regular basis
>Gallant is a nice guy and always gets friend zoned.
>>77963820
>>77963850
goofus family never lived in a city
you better walk down that subway escalator in nyc
>>77963767
>comparing apples and oranges
>>77963973
Does that book say "JFK rant"?
>>77963767
Goofus seems pretty alpha desu
>implying anyone but Tom and the dog matters
>>77964304
>not liking spinach, one of the only good vegetables
>>77963803
>Goofus asks a classmate to stop being a distraction
>Gallant blesses his friends' nosebleed
>>77964259
That particular comic is from 1959, so I would guess no. Unless...
>>77964189
>>/r9k/
>>77964362
>not changing the rules to make the game more fun
lame
>Let's eat them all before Tom gets here
But I thought he loved Tom
Goofus is correct in at least a third of these scenarios
>Gallant gets rabies
>>77964420
>help me play with my toys
how do you need help? is gallant impaired?
>Goofus handles things in the store
That's what those things are there for!!
>>77964202
Definitely a Goofus here
>>77964478
>Goofus tries to keep pests under control
>Gallant contributes to the downfall of the ecosystem
>>77964481
Honestly seems like a shady way of being greedy with toys. "You can HELP ME play with my toys....." but not really play with them.
>>77964526
Thank you, I was waiting for the shoops
seems like Goofus is enjoying a proper childhood. It's not childhood if you're not doing unsafe things.
>>77964624
gotta say, gallant has the right idea in this one
>his mom's face
[
>>77964666
It's not very Gallant of you to brag, Upamanyu.
>>77964141
WE SHALL PLAY CHECKERS, MORTAL
DO NOT QUESTION ME
itsHSG
>>77964304
This just makes it seem like Gallant is fucking brainwashed
This thread was a great idea, OP. Good work.
>>77964581
>throwing a small fish in the bushes
Anon, that's not having a proper childhood, that's being a huge dick.I used to fish with my brother, and we used to THROW the fish back. It wasn't until years later I found out you are supposed to gently place them back in the water, or drop them if that's not possible. I feel like such an asshole
>>77964456
Man FUCK Tom that guy's an asshole
>>77964786
>not leaving small animals to die
Sounds like someone didn't have a proper childhood
>>77964686
That had no business making me laugh like this
>>77964711
Gallant is a little retard who thinks those elections do anything
>>77963850
You could knock someone over if you're not careful about it. And those metal steps are just plain mean to anyone who so much as stumbles on them.
>>77964711
Gallant votes for Hilary.
>>77964196
Fucking this
Jesus fuck if you're going to run down the stairs do it on the fucking stairs you piece of human garbage
>>77964783
who's right?
>>77963820
>standing still on the esculator
>>77964456
Wait, who's Lem?
>wondering why it's a bad thing he wants to read
>remembering this was made with kids actually read for entertainment, so the equivalent today would be 'they can clean up. I'd rather go watch someone else play a video game on my phone'
>>77965061
Goofus is the friend people need. All those mother fuckers we post in cringe threads just needed a friend to tell him how gay that shit was
>>77965075
probably a hippie's child
>>77964189
>>77963956
Nice guys get laid all the time. All you have to do is be nice and sensitive and yet also occasionally say "hey, by the way, I like spending time with you, do you wanna fuck?" instead of hovering around a girl, shoving presents at her face and sniffing her hair when her back is turned and wondering why she didn't spontaneously drop to her knees to suck you off.
>>77965152
>Still going to make the joke
>Dissing a kid for wanting to gain knowledge
>>77965207
How to be a nice guy and get laid
1. Be nice, or at least meet the standards of common decency.
2. Don't be two faced about it, actually be nice or at least meet the standards of common decency.
3. Make your intentions clear and don't break rule number 2 when faced with rejection, especially when the counter offer is friendship.
>>77965311
>Gain knowledge
>Books
Unless it's a textbook that's not happening.
>>77965395
Do the horrible piles of shit that are that poor fucker's parents look like they keep anything but advanced calculus on their bookshelves
yes, Gallant shares--but he's sharing a boring ol RC car, not a freaking unicycle
>>77965439
...
Fair enough.
>goofus helps a buddy out
>>77965463
What if Goofus needs to see if that motherfucker is ALIVE you heartless fuck
>chess club
>>77965538
>goofus has a nightmare his friend died and called in the morning to ease his worried mind
>gallant wants until school to see if his friend is alive
>>77965624
Yeah well no fucking shit Gallant only touches one when they're all the same.
>Goofus is bad for appreciating nature
>>77965075
Vladimir Lem, dearest of all our friends
>>77963908
goofus' mom is hotter
>>77965660
>Goofus wants to be on time for school
>Gallant insists on annoying the shit out of everybody and wasting his own time for no reason
>>77965486
>Action park.jpg
>>77965660
Who the fuck wait for everyone to finish eating?
>>77965598
>Goofus becomes a well adjusted human being
>Gallant is wracked with anxiety and paranoia for the rest of his life
I'll admit Goofus is wrong for not turning in the watch, but he looks so hip and cool in that panel
also
>fuck Tim
>>77965689
>Goofus wants his team to win and bring pride to his school
>Gallant doesn't give a single shit about his team
>>77965764
>implying the teacher won't just pocket the watch
>>77965733
Used to be basic etiquette, back when people normally ate around the table with their families for dinner instead of everyone grabbing a plate and going to sit by their respective electronic device.
>>77965764
>That watch might feed Goofus' family for months
>That football was donated by Gallant's rich ass family in the first place
>>77963787
Only the most premium of pussy for Goof.
Does anyone else get the feeling Goofus has a troubled home life?
>>77965792
>Used to
Let's keep it that way. Just because something used to be etiquette or "proper" doesn't mean it's inherently good.
>>77965792
It was annoying as fuck, too.
>Just sit there and watch me eat
How the hell is it considered courteous to sit there and just watch someone eat their fucking food?
>>77965823
>Goofus getting to play is exciting because a college scout watches all the games and he might get offered a scholarship
>>77965836
>Bitch sits on her ass all day doing nothing
>Makes Goofus do all her work
>durr why is my son maladjusted
>>77965869
Society told you it's correct so you're not allowed to question it.
![20fa8-tumblr_n3m99zilpz1su6zr6o4_400[1].gif](https://i.imgur.com/Cr8nSWZ.gif "20fa8-tumblr_n3m99zilpz1su6zr6o4_400[1].gif")
>>77965061
>>77964021
>little shit not taking the trash on the way to the ball game
>>77965869
You're supposed to talk. Meals are supposed to be a social event for the family.
>>77965792
Yeah and slavery was a tradition too.
>>77965836
>Goofus attempts to stimulate the economy by creating work
>Gallant encourages work for unlivable wages
>Gallant's parents can afford to buy bags of food to give away to all his friends
>Goofus' family is poor and can't afford to
So, where's the edits or OCs of Goofus and Gallant as adults with Goofus being alpha as fuck and crushing mad puss while Gallant is a beta little sub faggot?
Those exist, right?
>>77966066
I get the feeling you're not understanding how this shit works, Anon.
>>77966018
>N-NO IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE
Stop.
>>77966043
Is that that sorry motherfucker Tom? Christ fuck that guy Keith is so much cooler
>>77966043
>Goofus is a free thinker
>Doesn't let others push him around
>Has his own opinions
>Firmly believes that he shouldn't have to let everyone else walk all over him
Remind me why Goofus is in the wrong again.
>>77966026
>>77965920
>>77965869
>>77965842
>this much butthurt over sitting for an hour or so with the family in the evening
>>77966018
And talking while you eat might lead to choking. Oh and having your food in your mouth while you talk is bad manner so you can't really talk. Oh and the food get cold if you bother talking.
>>77966086
>MOM JESUS CHRIST HE'S BLEEDING EVERYWHERE PLEASE HELP
>Mother, I believe father has cut himself.
>>77964189
No, no. They'd both get laid but
>Goofus makes it quick and is on with his week.
>Gallant plans a movie, dinner and drive and is hurting for gas and rent by the end of the month.
>>77966154
>SOCIETY TOLD ME IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO SO I DON'T QUESTION IT
Have fun with your shitty family that has to force social interaction
In retrospect a lot of things Goofus does seem related to his family being poor or at least not as well off as perfect Gallant
>>77966103
Yeah I do. Goofus would be a player that goes in without a condom, gets what he wants, then bolts.
Meanwhile, Gallant would be on her hand and puss, trying to please her forever and being pulled around like a bitch.
>>77966154
Yes we get it, you're a brainwashed twat who thinks everybody should live their lives the way you did.
>>77966086
>>77966192
I'm sorry that your family was so terrible that sitting together once a day makes you so irrational. Is that why you relate to Goofus so much?
>>77964304
I see Goofus stays 5 star or nothing. Plebs can feel free to die.
Why are these niggas elves tho? Some sort of Changeling backstory here?
>>77963842
>>77964304
THEY WERE ELVES ALL ALONG!
>>77966255
Obey.
>>77966248
Shoulda put some horns on the mom but B for effort
>>77966248
Needs goat horns
>>77964624
>stab myself in the eye
>stab myself in the dick
>>77966230
>>77966192
>>77966166
Have you never had a meal with another person? You generally talk to them as you eat, usually in between bites.
>>77966255
>Has to force himself to interact with family
>N-NO YOU HAVE A SHITTY FAMILY
Alright bro. Let's go over two things;
1. Not everybody has a perfect family and wants to spend every waking moment with them like the needy attention whore you are
2. GUYZ IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO BECAUSE SOCIETY SAYS SO
>>77963803
hey, he said please
>>77965486
>those kids straddling the rope
>>77964666
>That artstyle
JOHNNY JOHNNY?
>>77966392
>Oh no, somebody challenged my inchoate and childish worldview, better yell memes at them!
>>77966444
No papa
>>77965566
I wouldn't take goofus for a chess guy
>>77964563
>Semi-people
Heh, this should actually be a slur used in cyberpunk.
>You're not a real person, Jay. More like some kind of half-man.
>>77964189
Nope.
"Nice guys" are ones who hold a door open for a woman and expect to be laid for it.
The term you're looking for is a good person. Anybody could look nice, but a person has to actively be good.
Has anyone else ever read that Goofus/Gallant fanfiction, where everything is in the style of the captions
>>77966515
Gallant is basically a zombie, not a "nice guy"
>>77966281
Just the style the original artist went for, I guess. I wonder how long the elf style prevailed, some of the early Goofus & Gallant pages from that same artist look like regular kids.
>>77964304
Why are they elves here?
On the what?
>>77964304
>Goofus has high aspirations
>Gallant wishes better-off families would be as miserable as he is
>>77964478
Gallant's going to catch a desease from that squirrel
>>77965689
Then next year, Goofus makes the team and leads them all the way to the LLWS before losing to Japan.
HE'S GOT HEART
>>77966765
Gallant's the type to use a condom, no worries there.
>Implying Goofus and Gallant don't live together as adults
It's literally The Odd Couple.
>>77963715
>you name your kid Goofus, what do you expect from him?
I expect him to dress like this.
>>77966461
TELLING LIIIIEEES?
>>77964563
Clearly letting cyborgs marry led to the downfall of civilization
>>77965764
Gallant will likely spend the entire game on the bench
>>77966933
DON'T DATE ROBOTS
>>77966927
>Goofus keeps his bathroom visits brief as a courtesy
>Gallant spends 50 minutes cleaning the bathroom while his dad who has to take a massive shit is forced to wait in agony
>>77966707
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Davenport_(sofa)
Band-Aid of sofas.
>>77964189
>relationships as written by lonewolf edgetards
You're only going to get laid by acting like yourself. Putting up a facade is just going to make you look like a huge fucktard, and anyone can see straight through it.
>implying missing a ring on a ring toss is as embarrassing as rolling a gutter ball
>>77965523
>Goofus hooks you up with the hook up, boss of all bosses 10 years later
>Gallant lets you flunk and wonders why you're on the street prostituting 10 years later
>>77964304
Anyone who doesn't like spinach is my emeny!
>>77966985
>relationships as written by middle school teachers
>>77964786
Hey, putting the fish in the bush fed some critter who wondered by, and all kinds of bugs after that. Circle of life!
>>77966086
Gallant is going to get salmonella picking up random turtles
>>77967007
>Goofus fails to win a free game, and will now not have enough money for food
>Gallant happily wastes his rich father's money on rigged carnival games
>>77966018
>supposed to talk
You got something to say better speak when I'm not eating and finna take a shit after.
Sort yourself out nakama.
>>77966043
>Sharing your food
Big mistake, parents worked their asses off to feed you, not a foster family.
If those kids need to eat they can deal on the street.
The more of these I read, the more I realize Goofus is probably a barely lupper poor class citizen, you know the type. Owns a home with a lot of debt and barely has food. Which leads to him being a terrible asshole because he has little and his parents end up terrible parents because they don't seem to be around much (off working 2 jobs each?).
Whereas Gallant is a upper middle class kid whose parents have plenty of money to throw around. Thus leading to Gallant being "generous" because his parents can easily provide for him everything.
>>77964420
As long as the other players are okay with it, what's wrong with house rules?
>>77966985
Yeah, and Goofus is acting like himself, while Gallant is being a goody two-shoes so he can feel validated, i.e. a "nice guy."
>>77964563
I'm dying of laughter.
>>77966199
>Goofus gets too much money because he's an alpha who cops a watch off the playground and stays fly as fuck.
>>77965721
It's not his mom. Goofus barged into his neighbor's home. He is goofus, afterall
>>77966927
Oh I get it now! Goofus is just stoned all the time!
>>77965792
My family still eats together at the table whenever I'm back home.
Shit I remember these, from the Highlights fo Children magazines. Used to read those all the time
>talking at the dinner table
My mom used to tell me that she loved family dinners because when I was eating was pretty much the only time I shut up.
>>77968050
damn
>>77963820
it's not a fucking ride Gallant keep walking
>>77966927
>Beatrice: Have you heard all the jokes about space aliens?
>Vergil: No, tell me one.
>Beatrice: Never mind, they're over your head
>Vergil: You're going down. Now I'm a little motivated!
>>77966504
>>77965566
he obviously wants that puss
>>77963842
Goofus rolling with the sixhead in his second panel.
is there any rule 34?
>>77968105
It's kinda true though. I mean, I even talked in my sleep.
>>77968375
damn
>>77966421
You mean the ones in the process of climbing over it what about 'em?
>>77968372
Of courshe.
>>77968372
Surprisingly enough anon, there actually is some on paheal
>>77964786
>Not killing it yourself just to watch it die
>>77965729
I want to shop an ejaculation into this so badly
>>77965367
>How to get laid
1. Be interesting.
2. Probably be physically attractive.
That's it. People pretend that niceness, or a lack thereof, is somehow necessary, while ignoring the tons of terrible and great people out there who are having sex on the regular.
The "nice guys finish last/first" meme needs to die.
>>77964711
but if you vote for sue she'll let you smash
>>77970796
Wise up, Gallant.
All those ballots in there, you think she's going to let them run a train if she loses? Think she's going to take shit from anyone if she wins? Lose-lose situation.
Goofus made the right choose. Besides, Karen can still get it.
>>77965025
more
>>77972002
>Gallant called the police 35 minutes ago
Nice
>>77965463
>not being best bros with someone to the point where you can call them anytime you want.
>>77965836
I get the feeling his parents are just too busy banging all the time to raise him properly.
>>77963715
The part they never mention is that Gallant grows up to be a c.uck while Goofus is the one c.ucking him.
>>77964021
Why is Galant reffering to dark-skinned girl as "litter" that needs to be cleaned up?
>>77964506
What... exactly is in Mrs. Greene's purse?
>>77973360
is kek filtered now? good to know.
>>77966927
>Goofus leaves his bathroom through the door
>Gallant attempts to leave his through the towel rack
>>77963715
LOSS
IT'S LOSS PNG
>>77966043
That's easy to say if you have an entire bag full of apples, Gallant.
>ITT: "Don't Do What Donny Don't Does" They could've made this clearer.
Does anyone have that Goofus and Gallant parody with Deadpool and Captain America?
>>77964478
Squirrels are scared of everyone, and you definetly shouldn't feed them
>>77963908
>>77965721
look at those pictures, the problem is clear
goofus is raised by a single mother who's working three jobs to support his retarded ass
gallant clearly has both parents, and a grandmother who lives with them and helps raise their child
>>77973580
Here's a clue, her first name is Dank.
>>77963715
>>77973934
>>77963803
Who the heck gets annoyed at sneezing?
>>77966199
For some reason I read the upper left as "Goofus eats Ellen's markers without asking."
>>77974048
Deadpool did nothing wrong in this.
He can live his life how he wants to, and he's right.
Boy scouts are fucking nerds
>>77974048
Deadpool's only making fun of boyscouts because they hate fags.
>>77974202
he raped two woman
>>77974211
I think you mean because boyscouts are losers.
>>77974216
And?
>>77963715
Actually, Goofus and Gallant are dimensional analogues. Their full name is actually Goofus Gallant
Goofus lives in a morally inverted mirror universe. WHen they both grow up, Gallant is clean shaven while Goofus has a goatee
>>77964021
>raking the yard
>summer
Gallant is just better about getting out of work
>>77974302
Acorns.
>>77964173
I can bluntly state I'm Goofus. Most people are.
>>77964420
>not changing the game rules for the better
>>77974263
Nope Goofus is Gallants Tyler Durden. His rebellous side.
>>77966510
>Halfling
kekekekekeke
>>77963820
Goofus google: Chinese escalator accident. This will happen to you.
>>77964711
School elections are what tinfoil hats think about real elections. A farce with no puporse than distraction.
>>77966444
>>77966461
Fuck you
>>77966416
I think the italics are meant to imply an incredibly sarcastic "puh-leeeeze"
>>77963803
Bitch shouldn't have come to school sick.
I need more.
>>77966707
>Goofus the Green Lantern just made a sofa construct
>>77975330
>say guy I never asked. Is Guy your real name?
>.........yeah
>>77964711
> Not voting is worse then killing a dude
> Believing the illusion of choice
No wonder America is so fucked.
>>77964786
There are tons of invasive fish called gobies invading the great lakes that are actually illegal to return to the water once caught, or use as bait. The humane thing to do with them is just instakill them and throw them in bushes or nearby garbage. Gallant is fucking with the ecosystem.
>>77963767
Gallant is a pussy ass bitch who'll get walked over his entire life
>>77964420
>Not going by house rules
>>77964711
>School elections
>Ever meaning a goddamn thing
Student councils are literally meaningless. Honestly all they do is make kids act like assholes to get elected, then do nothing for an entire year.Kind of like real politics
>>77965523
Goofus is gonna get laid
>>77974211
They only hate fags because the Boy Scouts are incredibly homoerotic
>>77975647
Given the apparent age of these comics, matched against your own response, I've become genuinely curious. Has Western society always been so fucked up to the point that qualities such as "altruism" are perceived negatively?
>>77976061
No, just the guy you're responding to is like that.
>>77963787
I wouldn't say he's perfect. He's mostly just nice and neat.
>>77963743
That bottom left one should be a 4chan banner.
>>77975530
>Not voting is worse than killing a dude
Where is that implied?
>>77976061
Altruism is what greedy assholes invented to not pay their bills.
>>77974211
>Deadpool's only making fun of boyscouts because they hate fags.
They changed that rule.
