This is you.
You are a pretty average person with no overwhelmingly notable attributes or anything that makes you exceedingly special.
That is about to change.
One day you were out on a jog, because that is a thing you do.
Then you fell into the city's local toxic waste dump, because those are things that absolutely exist, and you're also sort of an idiot.
You miraculously didn't die or even get injured from the 50 foot fall, and didn't end up with any immediately obvious deformities to your person!
Success!
Also you got super powers.
Post ending in 7 decides what powers.
Ability to communicate with midgets telepathically
I want the abilty to stop time atvwill. Think saved by tje bell but on a grander scale
The power to incredibly more average than anyone has ever been.
>>67804195
The ability to cure cancer
The ability to summon the EPA at will
>>67804247
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
The ability to control pastries
>>67804247
well fuck.
>>67804247
Holy shit look at you go.
You are being supernaturally average.
This is the most spectacular moment of your life.
Post ending in 7 decides what you do with your newfound incredible power.
>>67804247
>The power to incredibly more average than anyone has ever been
>>67804315
Enter a talent show
attempt to make a sidekick out of a feral opossum.
>>67804315
Get a modeling job
>>67804315
Get an average looking girlfriend.
Not ugly, but not too hot either.
You decide to go to the white house and demand that you become president
>>67804315
I go on /r9k/ and feel insecure about my height and dick size.
>>67804315
Get a job
>>67804315
Become person man, the most boring superhero in history
You fuck her right in the pussy
assault the mailman
>>67804364
Have you been paying attention? He has totally average height an dick. He's not proud per say but not enough to stress over either.
>>67804315
star comiting crimes, you are so average they are never going to found you
>>67804377
Heh.
>>67804377
i like where this is going.
>>67804377
Jesus christ this dude is boring
I love it
>>67804377
I think I see where this is going
>>67804377
I have a neutral feeling about this thread.
>>67804377
Golly-gee your life is going places, that's for damn sure.
You take up the mantle of Person Man.
Look at how happy you are about this. Man you are psyched.
Suddenly, you hear about a crime on a nearby radio with your completely average hearing.
Post ending in 7 decides the crime.
You ma,e sonic 06 look great
>>67804315
Get cancer.
>>67804494
Someone is hitting people on the head with a frying pan.
>>67804494
Jaywalking!
>>67804494
Women in a brothel are starving because no men have come in to pay them for sex so they can't buy bread.
Your penis is perfectly average and perfect for them.
>>67804494
Hit on the head with a frying pan
>>67804494
Tax evasion.
>>67804494
Rape
>>67804494
grab a gun like an average guy
>>67804494
Stepping on grass when the sign clearly says not to.
decide to get taco bell this is what the police are here for.
>>67804494
Jaywalking
>>67804394
that's the point, anon. /r9k/ hypes that shit so hard, even the average feel inadequate.
I'd include the screencap of a thread where a guy bought shoes with lifts even though he's 6 feet tall, but the archive is down.
>>67804494
Angry moderators on an image board asking you to stop even though this is /co/ related is somewhat illegal.
>>67804494
Illegally downloading music.
>>67804494
Call someone better qualified. Then lock your door and go spend the rest of the day on the internet.
>>67804494
Someone kidnapped Jontron
>>67804494
Clown rape
>>67804494
what are you waiting? go for itat average speed
>>67804494
Welfare fraud.
>>67804494
Public Intoxication
>>67804494
>>67804607
That's not a crime wtf
>>67804607
What's the crime??
>>67804494
What they call music nowadays, that's the crime!
>>67804494
Someone is shitposting on the internet
>>67804494
Tweet about the crime telling how someone should do something
Cyber bullying
>>67804607
>>67804617
Huehuehue
>>67804494
Not getting 7s
>>67804637
>>67804637
>>67804637
>>67804494
Illegal Parking.
>>67804637
THIS ISN'T ILLEGAL.
>>67804637
YES!
>>67804637
An average insignificant crime for an average insignificant hero...
God damn now I want a person man comic to be a thing.
>>67804664
It is in the UK
>>67804664
What are you talking about? Cyber bullying is literally rape.
>>67804494
Get barman
>>67804671
They Might Be Giants may sue.
May, depends on how average Person man is.
>>67804669
I was about to go to sleep, but now I will have to stay here until this ends. Fuck you OP
>>67804607
Well, looks like your completely average hearing kept you from completely hearing about the crime in progress.
But you heard the location! So you start to job there at a completely average pace.
You are quick as lightning. Average lightning. That's really slow. Whoosh.
I'm sure you'll figure out the crime when you get to the scene of it.
The crime scene is about a mile away. Post ending in 7 says what you find when you get there in roughly 8 minutes.
>>67804710
>>67804671
>the most average, mundane comic about the most average mundane person doing the most average mundane thingsso you can feel better at being a complete fuck up in life. At least, you'll think, that your life is better but in reality, he's doing more than you'd ever do in a lifetime.
>>67804494
inner city youth loitering about.
>>67804195
spawning clones
>>67804607
>>67804637
both these at the same time
>>67804732
Rolling again for welfare fraud.Being committed by bears.
>>67804732
theres no crime, they are gone
>>67804732
14 year old boy on 4chan.
IT WAS MEEEEEEE ALLL ALONG BARRYYYYYY!!!!!!!
REVERSE FLASH THREAD!
YOU CANT STOP THE HYPE
>>67804737
>I got the get but I didn't post the quote
well fuck.
This post doesn't count.
>>67804732
a dead body
>>67804747
ignore this, was responding to previous choice
>>67804778
It's your nemesis, ManPerson!
>>67804732
Angry neckbeard harassing SJWs on twitter
>>67804732
Some dude shitpostng on an imageboard.
>>67804737
This is what you find when you get to the crime.
brits having unlawful sex
>>67804732
I giant Man Sized Fedora.
>>67804757
That's too out there for this grounded story.
>>67804757
STFU randumb, the crime is cyberbullying
>>67804817
Damn, so close!
>>67804827
Fuck you and your boring ass meme.
>>67804847
That's why it's perfect.
So, is bizarro person man going to be the most interesting guy ever?
>>67804870
There's nothing opposite of something in the middle.
>>67804732
>>67804870
bizarro person man is a black, female reboot
>>67804915
So is bizarro interesting but also boring?
Like, he wears fur made out of dragons, but the dragons are grey and dull?
>>67804757
Wow got it in the first response.
Looks like you guys had to make up for taking so long last time.
You finally arrive and find a nondescript nightclub.
You'd never heard of this one before, but you're sure this is the place!
Post 7 decides how you enter to confront your new-found system cheating nemisiseseseseses.
>>67804997
Call the IRS.
>>67804997
You try to kick down the door but realize the door is actually pretty solid so you just open it and walk in.
>>67804997
Kindly tell them to stop
>>67805017
Oh dang, 2 in a row. I'll stop making suggestions now...
>>67805017
ding ding ding, we have a winner
>>67805017
You fucker
>>67805073
Yeah, get outta here.
>>67805017
And thus we discover one of person man's powers, the power to make phone calls!
>>67805017
God dammit
>>67805017
The god of numbers have a really good sense of humor
>>67805017
Ever the responsible citizen, you call into the IRS tip line on your reasonably prices and average smart phone with a completely acceptable data limit.
They inform you that they already know about the bears commiting fraud, and will take care of it.
You use your average detective skills to figure out that that makes sense since you heard about it on the radio.
Mission success! You sure pulled that off.
What do you do next? Post 7 decides.
>>67805210
Get a job.
>>67805210
Go to normal work.
>>67805210
Find bitches and whores
>>67805237
KILL YOURSELF OH MY FUCKING GODDD I AM SO ANGRYYYYYYY >::::::::::::(((((((((((((((
>>67805237
What the fuck is with the sevens now
>>67805210
You go get averagely drunk off of mouth wash which in turn gives you powers of being minty fresh
>>67805210
>Don't even get to see the bears
Wonderful.
>>67805210
The hero Gotham deserves
>>67805210
Post about it on your average social media site
>>67805237
Why is something about an average man living an average life with absolutely nothing interesting happening to him or around him so entertaining?
>>67805282
>>67805333Because it's more than you'd ever do in your life, Anon.
>>67805237
What kind of sorcery is this thread ?
>>67805237
Wow. You pick up a newspaper from the nearby newspaper stand disperser thing whatever those are called.
You flip through it to the classified sections. Lotts really EXCITING options!
Sure is good you keep your resume on you at all times.
Post ending in 7 decides what job you apply for first.
>>67805437
Brothel's Sex Tester.
>>67805437
Janitor
>>67805437
The box factory
>>67805437
fast food joint janitor
>>67805437
4chan Mod
>>67805437
Cashier.
>>67805437
Super powered crime fighter.
>>67805437
professional wrestler.
use tons of steroids to be qualified.
>>67805437
Conflict resolution specialist
Anal cow
>>67805437
Animator.
>>67805507
What in the flying fuck is an anal cow?
>>67805497
But anon,that's far too interesting and exciting for person man
>>67805437
Accountant for Dick Van Dyke's.
>>67805497
C-C-Combo breakerbut seriously, this is not fun, i want to see more boring shit
>>67805497
You Fool! No matter how many steroids he uses he will always seem average!
>>67805497
Hoooy
>>67805538
>google anal cow
>find this
Alright.
>>67805497
Come on anon, that ain't average!
And his Power is to be average for god sake, steroids don't do shit!
>>67805601
>uses steroids
>becomes averagely muscular
>loses in every fight
alright
>>67805622
>losing every fight
>not winning an average number of fights for a person with his measurements and past experience
This is fucking golden
>>67805622
That...could actually work. Hope OP is still here.
>>67805662
Clearly he would do as well as the average person not the average wrestler
>>67805662
God damn, what have we done.
His powers literally contradicts everything. Maybe he has an average lifespan of all animals on the planet. Average intellect of all the creatures in the universe. He is the average man of literally everything.
>>67805577
>>67805497
You respond to the classified in the normal way, and call them up.
You tell them about your actual real super powers, and how you would absolutely bring in some rock solid average ratings for their company.
They ask you to e-mail your resume, which you do.
Wow how exciting. Maybe you should bulk up with some steroids before they ask for an interview.
What's the best way to get steroids? Post ending in 7 decides.
>>67805737
Ask at a local pharmacy
>>67805497
>Nobody gets the reference
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsAiCs66l40
>>67805737
buy them off craigslist
>>67805737
Having sex with a hobo
>>67805737
Ask an average not suspicious looking drug dealer,
>>67805737
Selling your body on the blackmarket as a prostitute.
>>67805737
Find some girl scouts and tell them you want steroids with your cookies.
>>67805737
make them yourself
>>67805737
Ask your doctor if steroids is right for you
>>67805737
Drug Store.
>>67805737
Ask your mother
>>67805737
Before people were able to create HGH in labs they would steal bodies from graveyards to take it out of them with a syringe. Do this.
>>67805827
That's very average of you, anon. Thanks :3
>>67805737
Find the closest muscular person and ask where they got their steroids.
>>67805839
Fuck, this is creepy as fuck.
Can anyone confirm it?
>>67805827
This is...okay
>>67805827
That's boring and predictable
Good job anon
>>67805868
yes
>>67805827
Well the drug store sounds like the best place to get some steroids.
Luckily, it's still early enough in the evening, that the drug store should still be open, and it's not too far from here.
How do you go about getting there? Post ending in 7 decides.
>>67806055
Tell the cashier that you are a superhero and need the steroids for the greater good of humanity.
>>67806055
Walk.
>>67806055
Ask your neighbor if they could drive you there
>>67806055
Take your honda civic
>>67806077
How
>>67806055
Walk, and remember to invest in a bicycle later.
>>67806077
Oh wait GET their...I'm a retard.
>>67806055
Take a nice brisk hog
>>67806055
walk
>>67806077
HOW you get there, not what you do when you do.
Still, double 7.
>>67806055
Ford Pinto
>>67806055
Bicycle that's been decorated to fit your super persona.
>>67806055
Ask a friend for a lift. You'll pay for the gas.
>>67806055
Take the bus
>>67806055
walk
>>67806055
Car.
>>67806055
Run.
>>67806055
speed walk
>>67806055
With North Korean jaeger.
>>67806055
Bus it
>>67806055
Speed Walk. The most average speed.
>>67806055
In the Personmobile, your trusty Pontiac Aztek.
>>67806055
Get your parents to drive you
This story is gold
>>67806055
Carried there by a horde of rabid guinea pigs.
>>67806237
Like every normal person!
>>67806237
How... Abnormal
Violently throw yourself down a hill and trust that physics will take you to the correct destination.
>>67806077
Double 7 means we skip the last action, and jump RIGHT to the action.
You inform the cashier how real your super powers are, and that you need steroids to be a better super hero.
She tells you steroids are illegal and asks you to leave the store.
You insist that it's for the good of humanity! You're a real life super hero with real life super powers!
She again asks you to leave the store before she calls the cops.
What do you do? Post ending in 7 decides.
>>67806261
Demonstrate how incredibly average you are by whipping out your incredibly average penis
>>67806261
>Ask for performance enhancers
>>67806261
Throw her to the horde of rabid guinea pigs.
>>67806261
Act super (averagely) passive-aggressive and leave the store
>>67806261
Get naked, they can't arrest you if you are naked, that's the law
>>67806237
I fear that Person Man's powers may be fading... leaving behind a man who is anything but average.
>>67806261
Averagely take the steroids with or without her permission
>>67806261
rape
>>67806261
Pocket Sand, then steal they drugs.
>>67806317
SHIT'S GOING DOWN
>>67806261
Rape her.
Normally.
>>67806261
ALLAH AKBAR!
>>67806317
We'll need to reboot the thread now if you give us a game over.
>>67806317
Dear god...
>>67806317
going to dark places man dark places
>>67806317
This took a dark turn.
>>67806261
Demonstrate how average you are on the coin-operated weight machine.
>>67806317
Shit.
>>67806357
I honestly did not think I'd get this get.
>>67806317
>the average man is a rapist
thanks tumblr
>>67806317
i guess Person-man takes place in Australia..
>>67806317
Like an average person would
>>67806317
>Tries to rape the woman
>She screams for help
>gets arrested
>>67806413
Yes, this is good.
>>67806413
Of course they arrest the woman.
>>67806413
I look forward for the story development in prison.
>>67806379
>I honestly did not think I'd get this
Where do you think you are, anon?
>>67806379
Let this be a lesson about the consequences of you choices.
>>67806317
>mfw he fails
>mfw he goes to jail
>mfw rest of story will be about prison justice
>more rape
wait..if you are average at everything wouldn't that make you extraordinary thus negating your average powers?
>>67806317
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN RAPEMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU, SISTER?
>>67806317
Well this was inevitable.
Your first thought is to rape the cashier for being so unhelpful.
Then something buzzes in your brain. Is this an average response? Is the average man a rapist? Was tumblr right all along?
You start to rethink this whole raping deal. Maybe it'd lead to some dark places, and sex is really hard to draw.
Do you go through with it? Post ending in 7 decides.
>>67806524
NO.
>>67806524
No, apologize for wasting her time.
>>67806524
You decide to just buy some ice cream and head home to watch Netflix.
>>67806524
Pull a sick wrestling move and pin her down to the ground.
And yell this >>67806516
>>67806524
Who cares, just do it.
IF THERE'S A HOLE IT'S A MAN'S JOB TO THRUST INTO IT.
>>67806524
>Is the average man a rapist? Was tumblr right all along?
fucking lol
>>67806524
Spend the rest of the day have philosophical thoughts of the average nature on man.
>>67806524
Yes
Rape her
In the butt
>>67806524
you go home and play minecraft
>>67806524
NO. YOU ASK HER OUT ON A DATE WITH YOUR AVERAGE PERSUASION.
>>67806524
Do it anyway
>>67806524
No, and then force your brain to apologize for such an abnormal thought.
>>67806524
BUTTFUCK HER IN THE PUSSY
>>67806524
No, throw her to the rabid guinea pigs and let them do it.
My hands are clean!
>>67806524
Get naked and while your distracting her with your average body type, grab the steroids and run
>>67806524
Who cares what anyone else thinks.
This is your destiny, and yours alone. JUST GO FOR IT.
>>67806524
Do it fagget
>>67806524
No, throw Pocket Sand and bail.
>>67806524
ask her out
>>67806524
No, but ask her out on a date and sneak the steroids from behind her back
>>67806524
You rape her to death
>>67806524
Realize you can't rape a woman
Because you are gay
>>67806524
Masturbate instead.
>>67806524
Go home and get the filthy thoughts out of your head by fapping to extremely boring vanilla porn
