>Fill crock pot with meat and veggies before work to enjoy after a long day, turn on
>Come one home, looking so forward to dinner already being done
>Discover that I set it to "keep warm" instead of "low"
Fucking potatoes aren't even done
>Begrudgingly eat ramen and go to bed
>7 year old me
>help aunt in kitchen
>she's chopping up carrots
>she drops the knife
>it falls in a way that cuts off one of her toes
>it flies across the kitchen
>I have to go retrieve it
I tried making coq au vin for my mom for her birthday but she's a recovering alcoholic so I thought it would be ok to substitute unsweetened grape juice for the wine
to make matters worse, I had at that point no handle at all on searing and so the skin wasn't browned or adhered at all
needless to say, it ended up being a disgusting fruity mess and the chicken had turned purple and because of the bad skin-job, which had turned snot-like and slimy gray, every piece of chicken looked like a necrotic testicle
>be 12
>helping my mom make dinner
>I grab the sharpest knife in the drawer
>start chopping some meat into cubes
>i put the knife down
>it slid off the edge of the counter
>it starts to fall and I quickly grab it
>it goes right through my my hand slicing me
>huge cut from one side of palm to other
>start bawling like a little bitch
>go to hospital
>get stitches
It's healed by now but fuck that knife was so damn sharp I wish I still had it
Web enabled crock pot, no joke, stops this problem.
https://www.amazon.com/Crock-Pot-Wifi-Enabled-6-Quart-Cooker-SCCPWM600-V1/dp/B00IPEO02C
>prepping to boil rice
>add too little water and too much rice to pot
>go upstairs and come back
>water is all boiled out of pot
>have to let all that gummy, burned, overcooked rice go to waste and start over
>>7845439
dude what
>>7845430
not looking at which side i open the seasoning container with, end up dumping a whole bunch of shit in my food, this has happened 3 times :(
>learning how to cook
>first time working with peppers
>cousin chops them up
>decide to taste one
>turns out to be scotch bonnet
I probably had my mouth pressed to a pillow for a good 30 mins. Wish I knew about drinking milk to deal with it
>>7845687
>I probably had my mouth pressed to a pillow for a good 30 mins
were you biting the pillow?
>>7845687
>Wish I knew about drinking milk
/ck/, everyone!
>>7845439
The knife or the toe? What happened to the other object?
>>7845439
>I have to go retrieve it
The knife or the toe?
You sound like a working class chump. I bet you thought it would be a great "investment", how you would wake up to a warm, healthy breakfast to start off your long day. Maybe, you even had a couple thoughts about all the other nifty little uses you could find for the thing, how it would help you cook healthier meals in general, shed a couple pounds off the old gut, boost your confidence around work and with the ladies. Yeah, maybe that slow cooker would start your life cooking again, wouldn't it? I can see your strained hands holding the box and reading through it carefully at the store. A little bit pricey, but you're the type of guy who thinks everything is more than you can spend, aren't you. And look what happened to you. Look what the slow cooker did to you. Fucked you over, and made you clean it like a useless bitch. You don't even fucking like oatmeal. Piece of shit, you've been repeating those three words your whole life, haven't you. Yeah, how was work after that piece of shit fucked you over? I bet it was on your mind the whole day, you probably didn't say shit to nobody. Can't be telling people about your mistakes. How your little fix yourself plan, failed you. Don't want people to start thinking you're the failure. You're the piece of shit, all along. You don't want that do you? You don't want to be the piece of shit everybody secretly whispers about, do you? Was your father a piece of shit like you? I bet he never had a slow cooker. He had a woman, a house, a damn good job. I bet it's slow cooking you the fuck alive, isn't it. Comparing yourself to him. How one day when all the steam runs our of your life, you'll discover how you're nothing more than burnt shit to be scrapped off and thrown in the trash.
>>7845799
Some of us care about knives.
>>7845727
yeah, I dont get it
>>7845790
Toe.
>drink 20 beers
>get hungry
>start boiling pasta
>set stove to highest to get it up to boiling temperature
>???
>wake up
>red hot pasta in the pot
>>7845803
whoever wrote this has some problems
> Be me
> Work in kitchen
> Serve rotten lobster because head chef is a cunt
> Customer goes to hospital
>>7845803
Cool pasta, bro
>>7845822
This is why I have a slow cooker: when I wake up from my blackouts, I have delicious, non-burnt food
>>7845819
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KNIFE!?!
>>7845430
i drew on my slow cooker with a big sharpie which is which so i would stop doing exactly this.
>>7846218
I think I'm going to write "Not this one, you stupid cunt^" under the keep warm.
Hell, one time I completely forgot to set it to anything. I literally put a roast in the pot and walked away from it to take a nap.
>>7846179
The toe splattering blood on the kitchen floor was more important at the time. I'm 100% sure she still has the knife.
>>7845803
>I bet it's slow cooking you the fuck alive, isn't it
Fucking KEK
>Make a Lasagna for my father on fathers day
>He is a 9/11 conspiracy theorist
>Spents at least 2 hours a day talking about 9/11 being faked
>Decide it would be funny to place a lego man on the edge of one of the Lasagna layers so it looks like it is about to jump out of the Lasagna like a 9/11 jumper
>Put the legoman in before cooking
>Legoman melts during cooking
>half the lasagna is covered in melted plastic
>kitchen smells funny
>have to throw half the lasagna
>hungry so eat my half
>end up making dad eggs and ham when he gets back from work
>he is clearly angry as I promised him a special meal
>>7845826
I really fear having to face a situation like this, having to choose between my own well being (keeping my job, listening to the chef) and that of another. I would have chosen myself aswell bro, dont feel too bad.
>>7847013
did that once, a bowl of cold meat and potatoes sat around all day while my dumb ass was away thinking about how good dinner was going to be.
>>7847139
come on man, why would you eat "your half" and leave ya pops hanging? shits cold
>>7845430
>>7845826
>> Serve rotten lobster
kill your self...
your job is to provide good clean safe food, if the Restaurant where you work don't do it, leave and give a call to the local foid Controller
>>7845439
>It sails off in an arc!
>>7847359
Soft chuckle
>>7845530
>necrotic testicle
>just a dumbass 17 year old kid
>watching food network at night
>decide to make jalapeno poppers
>food network showed how to batter jalapenos
>says just cook them in hot oil
>well, that's easy!
>heat up OLIVE OIL
>unbeknownst to me, oil has a relatively low smoke point which means when it gets to hot it
>burst into flames
>I am now dealing with a pot full of flaming olive oil
>put the pot in the sink
>turn the water on
>flames shoot upward in all directions
>immediately turn off the water
>look under the sink for a fire extinguisher
>find it
>pull it out
>pull the safety pin
>aim it
>spray it
>cold icy stuff does not come out
>yellow smelly sawdust stuff sprays everywhere coating the post and extinguishing the fire
>my mom's apartment is now coated in this yellow shit
And that's when I learned that olive oil ain't fryin' oil
>>7848423
I was led to believe that olive oil has a pretty high smoke point.
I use coconut oil when I get though.
>>7848423
>stuffthatdidnthappen.jpg
Even a scoop of water on a grease fire produces a mushroom cloud style explosive fire that would have enveloped the whole room. You've never dealt with a grease fire. Or a powder extinguisher.
Pic related is a small cup of water into a pot with very, very little water on it. Made for a norwegian TV show. It was not supposed to go like this...
>>7845430
>Making a cake
>read instructions wrong and dump about two cups of baking powder in instead of two tablespoons
I realized my mistake instantaneously, but I still had to start over and throw all of the mix out. It was pretty fucking stupid. I got new glasses shortly afterwards.
>>7845430
>playing game while boiling potatoes
>forget about potatoes for like an hour
>check potatoes, and entire bottom of the pot is burnt black with potatoes.
>making oatmeal
>grab honey
>drop the glass jar on the kitchen floor
>it breaks
>honey allover
>even goes under the fridge
I tried to wake up, but I couldn't.
>>7845822
>>7849416
>2 cups baking powder.
how did you even have that much on hand?
>>7845803
>You don't even fucking like oatmeal
>>7849603
you buy baking powder in little 1-cup amounts? some people (like me) just buy like half a pound at once, shit doesn't go bad unless you will it
Isn't /ck/ supposed to be the normiesr board? Why are you ll so retarded?
>>7845803
This is hands down my favorite ck pasta
