/ck/ I really messed up, I've been lying about taking cooking classes so my parents don't think I'm doing nothing all day (I just sit in a car and browse 4chan when I'm "at class"). When they ask what stuff I'm learning to make I'm telling them I make exotic stuff like "Peking-style short sandwiches" or "Donatello Romano" and I just dump a bunch of spices I don't even know or random shit from the fridge onto a cheese sandwich or a ham sandwich or something simple like that and if they don't like it I just tell them it's an acquired taste.
But now some family are coming over and my mom told them about how I was learning to cook and they wanted to try it and next thing I know I'm expected to make dinner when they come, but they want more "traditional" food and most importantly they expect it to be GOOD. I don't know how to cook real food and if they find out I'm lying they'll probably take away my internet or worse so PLEASE help me figure out how to make this dinner work! I have two days left and right now I'm trying to figure out how I can disguise a ready-make meal or something and make it look like I did it, are there any suggestions?
>>7705532
my a lasagna and throw a few handfuls of basil on top
super easy and everyone thinks if you use fresh herbs you are a chef
>>7705532
lmao
Cook a pile of shit
"Its not shitty, its British."
>>7705532
>Donatello Romano
I'm crying.
>>7705532
Don't you think it's time to grow up and do something with your life?
Your parents are going to find out eventually and you can't keep living with them for the rest of their lives
>>7705548
Its an acquired taste
>>7705556
i know this girl who always vents about her sperg neckbeard brother that sounds almost exactly like this thread.
he is 27 and lives with his parents and told them he had a job but all he did was go to the public library all day. is that you OP?
On the (very) slim chance that this is real: make roast chicken. Easy as fuck, and always popular.
>>7705532
are you too stupid to find a recipe and follow it?
This must be a bait thread, if not, kill yourself
Don't be a dumbass! Get chicken, pineapple chunks, fresh garlic cloves, honey, ginger powder, and a little bit of cinnamon. Braise (brown) the meat on either side in a hot pan with a little bit oil(you're not fully cooking it, med/high heat). After that take out another pan and put the rest of the ingredients in it. You only need a little bit of honey. Maybe 3 tablespoons of it, three or four cloves garlic crushed up, a decent sized container of fresh pineapple chunks and ginger powder to taste, a little bit of cinnamon to taste. Simmer the fruit until it becomes slightly translucent. It just looks different, is really the only way that I can explain it. After that put that pineapple down in the crockpot with the chicken and go ahead and let it cook on high for 3-4 hours. Then just make a pot of rice. Add some fresh grated Parmesan and some garlic powder, or dice an onion and a couple of peeled potatoes into the water and cook it along with the rice. Either way in the end make a bed of rice through a spoonful the pineapple on it and top it off with the chicken. Fuck you can even take a little bit of green onion and chop it up as a garnish for parsley. Whatever you prefer, either way you should end up with a dish similar to this in the crockpot
Steamed hams.
and go fuck yourself.
>>7705532
make pasta it's easy af and roast some chicken, also extremely easy
>>7705532
Get a rotisserie chicken and reheat it in the oven.
>>7705532
http://www.veganpeace.com/recipe_pages/recipes/TomatoBasilAndRoastedPineNutPenne.htm
fucking easy and tasty literally all you do is cook the pasta and mix the sauce w/ the pasta 10/10 cheap easy and derishus
>>7705687
OP if your parents are as stupid and clueless as you make them sound do this
Hamburger Helper
>>7705637
> Traditional
> Good
Your blog post is neither.
>>7705532
You've dug your own grave. There was no need for a wolf to lure you to it, you dug and you dug and you dug and now, mid-leap into it, you only now begin to panic.
What were you thinking? It doesn't matter, I guess.
I hope OP loses everything and has to live on the street sucking dick for nourishment
>>7705544
Top kek
![Vladimir-Putin-laugh-gif[1].gif_gs=a.gif](https://i.imgur.com/4mRn7X3.gif "Vladimir-Putin-laugh-gif[1].gif_gs=a.gif")
>this thread
>>7705532
Buy a thing of chicken thighs, some potatoes and onions. Chop up onions and potatoes throw em in a brownie pan. Throw lemon juice, oil, butter, salt, pepper, garlic, rosemary and thyme on em on top. Bake in oven at 375 for like 2 hours.
https://youtu.be/F_dYsfrBKZo
>>7705532
lmao fucking retard
How did you not expect that a big lie like this would backfire? Even if you get past this lie, something else is sure to go wrong and they'll find out eventually
>>7705532
https://youtu.be/a7doG1oVyns
This shit seemed kinda up your alley, looks like these 2 lazy Jews got a bunch of food for lazy kids, stoners, etc
>>7705532
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0UIvs_i1kB4
This is very easy you just gotta find these curyy packets they are dank as fuck
>>7705896
OMG this guys voice.. i want to claw my ears and auditory canal straight out of my skull... i love how the end of every sentence goes up. the inflection is amazing.. it's so manly.
and then the wording.. "i like to warn everyone about chicken thighs and all their nooks and crannies"
>mixing salty spice blends in reactive metal bowls
"because of the aromatic spices in ketchup, as well as the salt and vinegar - its absolutely perfect for a peanut curry"
holy fucking shit balls.
"because of the sensation that is evaporation"
>ideal viscosity
fuck this guy is gold...
>>7705589
Just make a lasagna dude, it's not hard
>>7705896
"i didn't base this recipe on any specific recipe from any specific country or culture, so save your email about how i desicrated one of your national dishes, cause i didn't - at least not on purpose, i could have accidentally.. but that doesn't count."
this guy is operating on a fully different level.
>>7705938
Its called Canadian raising.... I hate my own accent. how do you think I feel?
>>7705532
Get frozen banquet chicken and uncle bens instant rice. Don't let anybody in the kitchen while you are cooking and tell em you made it from scratch. Also dump franks red hot into an unmarked bottle and tell them you made them from a pepper vinegarette reduction
>>7705532
Git some chicken breasts
Slap some mustard, salt and whtever spices you want on it
Bake
Get some buns and tomato slices
Chicken Sandwiches
Baked beans and macaroni for sides
Done in 40 min
Well time to make that Donatello Romano shit you've been boasting about. I'm sure it's delicious.
>>7705532
What's the plan? Op you gonna go with any of the ideas in here? It seems liked this sorta shit is the reason why this board exists
>>7705532
Back when I was learning how to cook... this was one of the first things that I tried.
It was very easy, and it impressed the shit out of everyone in a 10 mile radius. This is a culinary nuclear bomb.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ku5p1CcGn70
If you don't cook that.. just watch any other pepin video and do that. the man is a genius and just makes everything so easy to follow.
>>7706010
That video is beautiful.
>>7706043
The beauty of it is that he could do this while watching the video the day before and then pop that fucker in the oven the day of about an hour or two before hand...
For sides i would go with some fresh string beans (refer to them as haricot vert but pronounce it harry covair or aireeco vair) just fry those up in a pan with some olive oil and salt.
and dude.. don't over think it.. the stuffing that goes in that bird.... pic rel.
Bonus points for placing that gorgeously inch thick sliced chicken on a bed of sweet potato mash... also super easy - also can be done ahead and just warmed up day of.
literally your biggest head ache will be what to do when people want seconds...
and that brings us to dessert...
hmm.. what is an easy dessert that will impress folks after a nuclear bomb chicken...
dessert and pastry is generally tricky... the good news is you might be able to do this part 2 or 3 days ahead... my easy go to dessert is probably a strawberrry short cake... but i am guessing that cleaning and masserating strawberries.. making fresh whipped cream, and baking angels food cake is way the fuck over your head...
anyone have any ideas? this donatello romano is going to need a dessert if he is going to convince anyone...
>>7705570
Oh god, how old is this girl, that could be my sister.
I am 27 and used to do this - - although I've been employed for awhile now and moved out.
>>7706010
"You should be able to debone an entire chicken in under a minute."
Fuckin Peppin.. dude is the man.
I would love to see him fly through a chicken at full speed... he made it look quick and easy and he was obviously going at .1x instructional speed.
>>7706043
If you liked that.. you may enjoy this as well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu5zGHjRaMo
OP, if you want to stun your guests.. do nothing but cook eggs between now and then and whip this up.
a carton of eggs costs about a buck fitty.. so you can practice hundreds of times for 10 bucks.
>>7705637
>braise
That's not what braising is
>>7705532
just buy food from a really nice restaurant and present it as your own
>>7706002
it's an acquired taste
>there are people
>actual people
>who posted ITT
>who actually believe OP
>who actually want to help OP
>and they still figured out how to breathe
>>7706259
First off learn how to green text.
Secondly, OP is a true bro and is obviously very serious. He is in trouble, and when a bro is in trouble, /ck always comes to the rescue.
>>7706010
Is deboneing a bunny the same basic process?
>>7705637
Don't do this. It'll release mustard gas!
>>7705697
>vegan
>troll
choose both
>>7705637
>pineapple chunks
please go die in a fire.
Whatdya cook op?
