Culinary confessions thread
You fucking start the thread you fucking start the conversation retard
I use msg in most of my cooking. My family loves it and my mother still thinks she is allergic. They don't know I use it to marinade and cook with.
>>7643281
You okay there, m8?
>>7643290
can the fucking chat lad and fucking contribute to your own thread cunt
The secret ingredient in my family's broccoli cheese soup is a couple packets of store brand gravy mix
I use yogurt in place of mayo for most things.
I use any variation of canned tomato (diced, crushed, whole, sauce, sometimes even puree) interchangeably.
>>7643293
Please refrain from calling me names. It's really disrespectful, and I don't appreciate it.
>>7643280
>I use garlic, onions, and fat in pretty much every savory dish I make
It tastes good, but kind of a one trick pony. Also put some aspect of spicy into it, so that aspect isn't lacking.
>>7643304
That is not a culinary confession, you doorknob.
>>7643393
It's not wrong, as such. It's just narrow.
>>7643393
Wrong? No. But I feel like I am at a culinary plateau where they are limiting the extent of what can be accomplished.
I had no milk and instead of using water to thicken canned lobster bisque, so I used vanilla coffee creamer my girlfriend had.
I cried.
I could make homemade mornay sauce for mac and cheese, but I like a box of Kraft shit better
>>7643280
I once had sex with a slice of apple pie, came in it, then ate it.
I once cooked a beef roast in milk and served it with a side of jellybeans to my family, because I saw it on /ck/ and have never seen It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
>>7643400
that's bad.... really bad...
When I made tacos, I always just use the Old El Paso brand packets for the seasoning.
>>7643478
Literally sprinkle some chili powder, cumin, oregano, salt, pepper, cayenne, pinch of cornstarch and a few drops of water in
so easy and it does taste better
>>7643470
>things that didnt happen
would kek if that dumb tho
>>7643495
I could but I LITERALLY don't feel like it.
>>7643508
>>7643500
Sadly, I'm not just saying that to look cool on 4chan. Was still delicious tho, because roast beef is delicious.
>there is a certain meal I make with rice-a-roni that I really really enjoy
I've had cereal with milk for the first time this morning and it tasted fucking terrible. I've always had OJ in mine and I always thought the milk in the ads was bullshit like the healthy happy people "eating" mcdicks in the ads.
>>7643526
okay I'm officially fucking done with this thread
>>7643286
>poisoning your mother
I like you.
>>7643280
I once forgot a pot of boiling water (went to play video games and forgot to set a timer) for so long that I came back to no water. When I lifted the pot the bottom separated, and- after an unsuccessful attempt to grab it with my bare hand that left my thumb with a huge blister- it slammed down on my foot.
Thankfully it landed on the thinnest edge instead of the broad side or I would have had third-degree burns on the top of my foot instead of a smallish gash right at the base of my fourth toe. It took me a while and a trail of blood to even realize it had hit my foot.
>>7643526
My nose involuntarily twitched in disgust while reading this post.
>>7643520
>I also enjoy sriracha, better known around these parts as 'meme sauce'
>>7643280
i break up raw top ramen, sprinkle the powder over it and eat them like chips.
also, i use A-1 sauce regardless of how the steak came out. I'll try it first without sauce though.
speaking of which, i sometimes salt my food before tasting it. i'm a fucking mess, is what i'm saying.
My family always have a steak night on Thursday.
The steaks are cooked by me but they ALWAYS have it well done like fucking plebs and get disgusted at the 'blood' on my plate. So to punish them I have started gradually injecting my own blood into their fucking ketchup, which they serve over the steak.
If they hate blood they can choke on mine
I once forgot the water to steam my vegetables. I was wondering why my vegies took forever to steam and tasted smoky and metallic.
>>7643589
It's almost like you haven't read hundreds of OJ-in-cereal posts in the past.
Oh, and I taste everything while I'm cooking it and don't change to a clean spoon afterwards even when I am cooking for guests.
>>7643613
What happens in the kitchen stays in the kitchen.
>>7643526
How can you not know milk is the normal thing? It's so much a part of our culture, it's like not knowing that fire exists or something.
>>7643600
>I sometimes salt food before I taste it
Nothing wrong with that. So long as it isn't
>I always salt food before I taste it
>>7643617
no, i realize what a dick move it is, but i just really love salt.
one more
I was 23 before i found out how french toast was made. i always asked my mom to make an egg on the side for me, and she'd always say "that's a lot of eggs".
I just thought she was being a bitch.
i rare use garlic.
i know garlic is fucking amazing and i should be using it. but i always forget to buy it when i go shopping.
>>7643646
>being too stupid to write a proper sentence
I found the idiot, everyone
A friend of mine used to eat frozen pizza when we were kids and I visited his house often. I hated the taste of the frozen pizza so I'd cover it in peanut butter and chocolate syrup to cover up the bad taste.
>>7643651
You forgot the full stop.
I rarely make food at home. The effort of driving and paying for food is more appealing than the effort it takes to make my own food. I come to this board in hopes of being motivated to make food, but it seldom works. I don't know when or how I became so lazy.
>>7643280
LE look at me I'm LE thread maker LE answer my LE questions for LE chance to win a trip to LE guys restaurant hehe XD
you start the fucking thread otherwise what are you trying to achieve?
i love 'cha. sometimes i just spray it into my mouth from the bottle i love it so much.
can't think of anything horrible i've done in the kitchen but there have been a few occasions when i've put X tbsp of butter instead of X oz. the product turned out fine though
>>7643301
>I use any variation of canned tomato (diced, crushed, whole, sauce, sometimes even puree) interchangeably
I do this too honestly
>>7643582
what are you fucking retarded or something
>10 minutes ago
>1 year anniversary at work
>sweet coworkers bring me donuts
>have no idea im a crippling alky and trying to keep from trembling and keep my ice water down
>figure ill try one to be polite
>"oh but anon, we got the special guy a special donut!"
>they pooled their money to get me le xtreme reddit donut
>giant maple bacon lucky charms peanut butter abortion
>i thank them and they watch me with bated breath, forcing this thing down
>the second they leave my desk i start projectile vomiting
>i want off this ride
>>7644096
can you not carry around a pocket flask with vodka in it and casually mix tiny bits with everyday drinks?
or does that not suffice?
>>7644101
Sometimes you just have a really peaky day.
I think I accidentally a litre of gin the other night, and that left me orbiting the porcelain perimeter for most of the afternoon.
>making dinner
>put on some steamed veggies
>go do other shit while it cooks
>come back
>it's cooked perfectly but something smells
>lift steamer off of pot
>there's no fucking water
>the fucking ice from the veggies melted off and acted as the steam
Also
>be 7
>parents are out for a little bit
>want to make chocolate milk with ovaltine
>shit no milk
>oh well, guess i'll use water
>surely it won't be any different
>mfw
90% of what I cook is chopped in little pieces and mixed with rice
Caught the cat nawing on the Cristmas ham. Shoo'd it away and didn't say a word.
>>7643651
>shitting on someone elses grammar
>forgets the period
>>7644078
>twice as much butter as called for
>turned out fine though
no shit, I bet it was buttery heaven.
>work in vegetarian restaurant
>annoying vegan and "gluten free" customers every day
>I eat meat
>other employees eat meat
>we bbq and make roasts every weekend then laugh at the scrawny, balding hippies that pay 10$ for our food
I just made my girlfriend a fresh homemade pizza for when she finishes worm but instead of eating something like that myself, I ate a whole bag of double white oreos.
I'm a professional chef please send help
>>7644278
>worm
>>7644278
>forces girlfriend to eat worms before getting real food
Trust me, I'm sending help.
>>7643526
kek this is retarded and i hope youre memeing.
If not youre just lame kek "healthy happy people"
>>7644278
>za for when she finishes worm
hope it's 'go style 'za because that shit is the bomb!
>>7643280
I haven't been able to successfully make a italian buttercream, it always breaks
>>7644278
Same. The amount of times I've made a fancy ass dinner but opted to eat 2-3 packs of biscuits with a glass of milk is shameful really.
>>7643526
This is the worst thing I've ever seen on ck.
>whenever I drop some food, I pick it up and eat it right away. My floor is funky as fuck.
>I'm a meat eater but I love vegan food
>I buy and burn through a 2 lbs bucket of yoghurt at least once a week.
>Most foods I dislike happen to be phallic in shape.
>>7644362
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIDmuLqWqDY
>>7644381
Kek, now I know I'm not alone. The thing is, it's not the shape that is the problem. I just so happen to dislike cucumbers, asparagus, bananas and the like.
>I`ve been lurking here for weeks but I still have no idea how to cook.
>I buy lunch alot because I`m not sure what to pack.
I`m a failure.
>>7643280
I put espresso in my chili.
>>7643280
My dad loves to cook and I grew up eating all sorth of fancy food, he is really good at cooking too despite never having propper training, he made better curry than I ever had anywhere else and I had curry at a lot of places.
The confession is that even tho I grew up with this kind of food I hate it, I only like curry and paella but only when he makes it with just chicken because the broth he uses tastes like shit I don't care how expensive it is and how hard it is to find. The worst thing I ever had was osso buco with spatzle. Ever since I moved alone whenever he makes that shit I barely touch it and after I leave I go straight to McDonalds to have some cheesy greasy burguer with fries
>>7644202
true story this happened to me and the roast was by far the best ive ever had
>>7643280
Back when subway was really fucking cheap I used to buy a couple chicken subs to go and just took the chicken and stored it on the fridge to have an easy quick lunch and munched the cheese bread and the honey bread
>>7644312
Why is there a lasagne under the pizza?
>>7643280
I buy a big bottle of coke every morning and casually sip it through the day finishing it before going to bed
I stopped brushing my teeth because it means half an hour of no soda
I ready lost several tooth and it keeps happening
I cry like a bitch but then I do it all over again
>>7644839
A true patriot.
>>7644839
>drink 1.5 l bottle of pepsi every day for the last two years
>no health problems
superior genes coming through
>>7644576
That sounds not bad. I've had decent chili with cocoa in it.
I once tried to make a mornay sauce using the flour and oil I had left over from frying chicken
I never use a whole loaf of bread in time before it starts to go stale. So I buy sandwich stuff minus bread from the supermarket and if I want to make a sandwich I get a day-old from a JJ's thats a block away from home.
>>7645332
I wish I had that option for milk. I buy it once every now and then because a recipe I want to try requires it, and I never finish it before it goes bad.
>>7645332
That's...actually not a terrible idea...
>>7643616
I regularly start recipes without checking to see if I have all the ingredients, and just sort of substitute whatever in the hopes that it'll all work out. I feel like I've learned a lot this way, but I've also been forced to eat a lot of terrible meals.
>>7643400
This is an actual confession, bravo
I add avocados to everything I can feasibly get away with, when cooking for myself.
Sandwich? Layer of guac. Casserole? Avocado slices confirmed. Breakfast bowl? Pile in the green.
I just really enjoy the texture I think.
>>7645410
>>7645332
Why don't you just get a couple of fresh rolls?
i recently realized grating onions adds a lot of flavour when you marinade meat. i cannot recommend it enough.
>>7643280
I shit exclusively in the shower.
I smush it through the grate so I can inspect it for any undigested food and then I adjust my diet accordingly.
I was only caught once, about 12 years ago when the drain backed up with feces which resurfaced when my dad was having a shower.
>>7644576
That sounds pretty good. I normally use a shitty canned beer when I make my chili but I now wonder how a coffee stout would make it taste. Probably horrible.
>>7643604
Das it mane
>>7645338
That's odd, over here in Ireland you can easily get 250ml-500ml bottles of milk (that's 1/32 to 1/16 of a gallon for Muricans) from the local shops.
But then again, I've never seen a gallon bottle of milk like Americans always seem to have.
As for my culinary confession, I fucking love extremely pungent, strong-tasting stuff like garlic and I will not hesitate to put double the recommended amount of such foods in recipes. I also salt food before tasting it.
>>7645672
The smallest I see around is a half gallon, and I usually make it through about 2/3. I just really don't like milk on its own, and don't have enough things to use it in.
>>7643280
I add garlic to everything I eat.
Once a week I eat a velveeta box meal. Pretty decent honestly.
I hate onions, but I love onion powder on my sandwiches and especially hamburgers.
Meatloaf is my favorite food.
I only drink coffee black. But I like to eat funsize m&ms for breakfast.
When I'm too lazy to season my takeout I pour some from my universal bag. It's a bag with a little bit of literally every spice I have and I pray it works for that particular food
>>7644542
Hi there!
You seem to have made a bit of a mistake in your post. Luckily, the users of 4chan are always willing to help you clear this problem right up! You appear to have used a tripcode when posting, but your identity has nothing at all to do with the conversation! Whoops! You should always remember to stop using your tripcode when the thread it was used for is gone, unless another one is started! Posting with a tripcode when it isn't necessary is poor form. You should always try to post anonymously, unless your identity is absolutely vital to the post that you're making!
Now, there's no need to thank me - I'm just doing my bit to help you get used to the anonymous image-board culture!
>>7645823
what the fuck
>>7643710
i can't be bothered to cook something for an hour for 10 minutes of enjoyment i'd rather work an hour and spend half of that on something i couldn't cook and would taste better if i attempted. no patience for cooking or anything else in general.
I never threw anything out if it was spoiled, always forced myself to eat it. I figured the bacteria was good for me
>>7645823
How often does that work?
>>7645831
>>7645882
Classic allspice. Camp cooks have used it literally forever. Just grab some of whatever shit's around you like mix it up and put it on everything.
The culinary theme of our 3 month journey will be tough spicy meat gathered from the road side, if you don't like it fuck off and starve.
>>7644276
>Be vegetarian
>Avoid these faggy restaurants
>Basically eat side dishes for sustenance
Feels ok yo
>>7645544
That's both disgusting and not really relevant.
I eat a lot of mac and cheese, usually with obscene amounts of chili powder and sour cream in it, on top of various shredded cheeses added to it. Ideally it should be thick enough that I can grab a big fucking glob of it with the fork and it'll hold together.
>>7645352
I do this a lot too. Last time I wanted spaghetti and meatballs, I didn't have spaghetti, meatballs, or pasta sauce. So I had rigatoni covered in salsa with some lunchmeat shredded up in it.
>>7643280
I always put beans in my chili
I keep a vegan diet as much as possible but every few months I eat shitty microwave nuggets covered in mayonnaise because I get serious craves
I used to cook for my entire family. Portions for six, sometimes eight.
When I moved out to go to school and only had to cook for myself I found I was incapable of cooking single portions. I can't do it. I intend to do it, but somehow I just end up making way too much. I try to freeze what I can't eat, but it almost always gets freezer burned before I can eat it all.
I don't know why I do this.
>>7646303
I still cook big portions, but I force myself to eat as much of it as I can, even when I'm not all that hungry. I ate a whole homemade lasagna today. Not all in one sitting, mind you, but it's all gone. I ate it and gained its strength.
I like my hamburger medium rare
Something to do with my wife's son.
>>7646300
you know you can get vegan tendies and mayo
>>7645703
You clearly don't get out much.
>>7645672
Milk is readily available in 1 pint servings at grocery and convenience stores. But gallons of milk are excellent.
>>7645847
>not considering cooking to be the most relaxing part of your day.
I don't wash my hands while making salad or for any other occasion really. Mostly just squirt a bit of water and rub a few sec to pretend that i wash them
>>7646274
What is your diabeetus level, anon?
>>7646355
I tried both and they're disgusting. I keep away from fake meat as much as possible anyway
>>7646317
Like a Sir.
>>7646367
It's approximately fuck if I know.
>>7646367
Mine?
It broke the meter
>>7646387
God/10
I got most of my recipes from Ainsley Harriott.
>>7646496
>justa pinch of allspice
>rub it innnn
>just push that through, ever so gently
>just make a small incision, open it up with the knife
>just keep repeating it, all ooover
>just a little bit of sherry
>oh oh oh oh oh oh
>oh oh oh oh oh oh
>just gonna roll that over and repeat the process
>looking so good
>my friend always come around and ask...you're lovely special
>oh yes indeed, I am
>a touch more sherry, getting a bit extravagant
>rub that in there
>that's a bit special, oofh
>again, rubbing that in...ugh, so attractive
>let's wack it
Join the club. He's got a good general sense of solid cooking and he's a master of cocking.
>>7646387
I would be so disappointed if I came over to a party and the fridge contained diabetes in such a scale instead of beer or food.
>>7646387
damn look at mr. chi city over here
>>7643654
Why not just ask him to heat it up in the oven?
>>7646387
>lone jar of pasta sauce
what the fuck
one of the first times I made french toast, I was using one of those shitty aluminum frying pans that you get at shitmart because it was my first apartment etc. forgot it, went off and did something else, came back to a kitchen full of smoke. the pan was so far gone that I ended up using it to boil water in the winters when the humidifier wasn't enough. eventually just tossed it.
secondhand confession: once when I was little, my mom (who is a fantastic cook if she sticks to recipes and known rules of thumb for cooking but really terrible if she tries to experiment) made a casserole. it was so bad nobody in the family would eat it. she tried to feed it to the cat. the cat sniffed it, turned around, and started scratching the floor to try and cover it up.
I enjoy having my food overcooked.
>>7646562
HIT DA LIL NIGGA WIT A FREEZE POP
Im surprisingly good at making potato salad
>>7644065
>image.jpg
I once garnished food with sub-perceptible amounts of LSD and never did it again because guests liked it too much.
Ever since I was a kid I have only eaten white, starchy foods and I don't know why. What's more is that it has gotten worse as I have aged. I now basically get all my sustenance from this rice paste I make: mashed up rice with butter and mayo mixed in. I'll usually make huge batches of this paste, sometimes making a separate "dessert batch" with vanilla frosting added instead. Then from the huge batch I will just keep jars of it in my fridge, so I don't have to cook for like the whole month.
>>7645332
I do this as well anon
>>7645672
You can get small bottles of milk at convenience stores/bodegas/etc in the states. I buy them when I need to use it in a dish because it would take me months to finish a gallon of milk.
>>7643347
If this is a confession then I'm there with you. Pretty much every savory dish I make I start out with a sofrito of onions, green pepper, and garlic and I'll season that with oregano and cumin. Is that bad?
>>7643280
I really am raising a son my wife had with another man.
>>7646387
[muffled USA USA USA in the distance]
>>7643301
Shit, I thought I was the only one. Tomato is tomato, amirite?
>>7645913
That's not what allspice means, anon.
My secret ingredient is nothing more than ordinary water laced with lsd
>>7645332
Store your bread in the freezer, nigger.
>>7647440
I fantasise about being a successful youtube food reviewer but I am too scared to actually film myself eating. I do some things to make the fantasy more real however.
Here are some tips if you ever want to pretend to be a food reviewer
1. Speak to yourself in your car when you eat, describing the flavor profile of your fast food. I usually do bad descriptions on purpose like most famous reviewers
2. I often import boxes of candy and snacks from Europe and Japan and then write a note on them saying 'to anon2939, my fav reviewer on youtube'. I then eat the entire thing pretending it is a fan package from my youtube fans
3. I leave comments on other famous reviewers videos and then use fake accounts to upvote them so I can pretend I got the likes as a famous reviewer commenting on another
4. Sometimes I will sit behind people in fast food chains and then pretend I am looking at a camera, pretending we are doing a food collabaration as 2 famous reviewers
I want it so bad but not enough to humiliate myself.
>>7648129
As much as I don't give a shit about any food reviewer, why not just go for a written thing?
I drink my coffee will half milk, because I am terrified of my boneds disintegrating but hate the taste of milk alone.
>>7648150
That isn't the same
If I wanted to be a fucking director you wouldn't tell me to become an author
>>7648129
He did it, so can you senpai.
>>7646312
>I ate it and gained its strength.
>>7647440
>only
>>7646720
you missed the package of pepperoni in the drawer. pepperoni + pasta sauce = 'za, brah.
>>7643400
You didn't have any flour...
>>7643553
r u black? just curious
>>7647704
>merica fridge
>nicely organized and full
>small fridge
>only beverages
>no condiments or processed solids
That's a party fridge
>>7647440
imagine finding all of anon's cum jars in the fridge.
>what're those for?
>its what i eat
>>7646293
Ain't nothing wrong with that doofus. 5 bean chilli is fucking dank, man
I tried to make a pork stock and got pork jelly
Still used it tho
I keep fucking up instant ramen.
>>7643400
>milk to thicken
You we doing it wrong anyway, anon. It was just a matter of scale.
>>7646720
>medium on the lid
Salsa
>>7644839
I drink 2 litres of Coke Zero a day.
>>7646496
I met him and got him to sign a book for my mother. "Hope these delicious meals don't go straight to your delicious thighes"
>>7648129
Good God......
>>7643301
>I use yogurt in place of mayo for most things.
Is your name Jamie Oliver?
i don't tip, even when table-served
t. britfag
I make soggy salads.
Even after using the salad spinner the leaves remain wet. Also if I'm steaming greens I don't bother to ice shock or dry them. I eat my salads like this, possibly using my hand as a strainer if there's too much water pooling beneath.
>>7651905
Sometimes I like to cut the crusts off my sandwich, quarter it, then compress the four layers on top of each other to make a single super dense cubewich.
>>7651905
How are your salads so wet? Are you chopping tomatoes with a dull knife?
>>7643582
hank is that you
>>7646365
absolutely disgusting
>>7652009
I must try this
alright lads I got some shit for you
I have never ever liked steak.
Once when drunk I made scrambled eggs with chocolate milk.
I regularly mix up my sugars and salt and hope no one notices.
If a cafe is shit or gives me bad service, I'll nig all the sugars I can.
Despite the fact I have a good amount of knowledge of various recipes from both Western-ish food and Asian food, know how to make a lot of them cheaply and tasty, sometimes I end up going the groccery store and just pigging out on junk food like french fries and chicken tendies and down it with some soda.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I even love cooking too.
