![20160330_120733[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/QNn4HEF.jpg "20160330_120733[1].jpg")
Alright you fucking shits. I got a bacon burger "recipe" that a monkey could fucking follow.
You're gonna need bacon, whatever seasonings you fucking want, I'm not telling you how to taste your shit, and 80/20 beef.
I said 80/20. You grab anything else and you might as well eat shit because that's gonna be all you get.
Get a burger press, and for fuck's sake, wrap that shit, unless you want to clean that afterwards. Put two bacon on the press like this.
![20160330_120754[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/peLKtPt.jpg "20160330_120754[1].jpg")
Put down roughly this size burger meat on the bacon. Don't make it any bigger, unless you want to fuck this up.
Now to press it, you need to show who's the boss. Become the Gordon and tell that piece of shit that it couldn't fucking press hard enough to squeeze the pimple out of its grandmother's asscheek.
Clearly it didn't do well enough. Obviously it's not motivated enough to spread out all the way.
DO IT AGAIN.
>>7521828
>bacon burger
I'm sure you'll be stunning us with your culinary wizardry, anon.
Post cats plz, /ck/.
Now that its hopes and dreams are shattered, you can put the bacon on top like this. Wrap it loose but enough to cover as much of the burger as you can.
>>7521848
If you don't FUCKING PRESS HARD ENOUGH YOU'RE GONNA LOSE THE FUCKING BACON.
FUCKING PRESS YOU PIECE OF SHIT OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY KITCHEN.
Epic, epic for the win
It should be adhering to the meat. I added a bit of the pieces that decided to rip themselves off to cover as much as possible.
If you don't have this then clearly you fucked up. Throw it all against the wall. Get out. You're a fucking failure.
>>7521848
I made two. You can make more or less. No one cares.
I used steak seasoning, lemon pepper, and Worcestershire sauce.
Don't be retarded and add it before, you're gonna make a fucking mess and ruin everything.
Electric or stove, no one gives a shit.
If you spray the fucking pan then you're a fucking waste of human resources.
If you got a stove, put that shit on medium high heat.
Otherwise, 350 degrees. That's Fahrenheit. This isn't Eurotrash, we're American here.
Both sides should be seasoned. This is the part where you add the sauce.
If you didn't add seasoning to both sides, and just one, just get out. Fuck off.
>>7521888
continue
Fucking add the sauce if you are using it.
The camera is shaking not because I was shaking the bottle, but I was shaking in rage as I screamed at the piece of shit to fucking pour like the Niagara Falls, not like the micropenis obese dick its father has.
Cover the fucking pan.
This is crucial so you can achieve a sort of "smoked" effect, and to also keep the fat from splattering everywhere.
While they're cooking, put away your shit.
Or, if you're still Gordon, tell that group of cock gobblers that if they don't wrap their shit and fuck off back into the fucking fridge, I'm going to send them to the fucking soup kitchens to be made into liquid shit for hobos.
There we go.
Flip the burgers. Not fucking hard.
This part isn't seared fully. FLIP THE FUCKING SHIT BACK OVER.
Now that they're flipped AT THE RIGHT FUCKING TIME, grab your buns. Not your ass you faggot.
If you want, put condiments on your buns. I used creamy siracha because that shit is made from the donated sperm from the Dalai Llama.
Don't fucking overdo it, unless you're some wizard who can turn meat into hockey pucks. Fucking wizards.
>>7521925
>wizards
Are you sure you're not a meat wizard?
Turn that shit on medium low, or 300.
Cover, and wait 2-5 minutes.
In the meantime, explain to your cat your opinion on waking up to see cat hair everywhere.
I got this off fucking google. I don't own a cat. I am allergic. It makes me angry because I like cats.
How fat is OP even?
Burgers are done.
If they don't look at least similar to this, you're wrong. Your parents are wrong for conceiving you. Your grandparents are wrong for even thinking starting a generation of retarded people who don't have a simple and necessary skill for human survival was a good fucking idea.
I fucking hate you bacon grease.
This is why I am fat.
OP is edgy as fuck
Put the burgers on the buns and rest.
I don't think I need to explain how much of a whore you will look if you don't let it rest. Holy fucking shit.
I'm now done, get the fuck out.
COME BACK WITH MEDIUM RARE OR DON'T FUCKING COME BACK AT ALL.
Has anyone noticed that almost every homemade recipe posted on this board always has the comedic usage of fucktons of swearing? Its getting really overused now
It appears as if everyone is copying off eachother, i dont want to follow a recipe where the cook is a fucking copycat who thinks swear words are hilarious top comedy
>>7521966
>medium rare
objectively the wrong way to eat a burger
>>7521959
Thats looks like some jack cooking right there son
>>7521968
this, it was still funny when fuckingrecipes was doing it, and it's still mildly amusing, but it's just not the same
>>7521828
This makes me think of those retarded comics of the stick figure doing a recipe and trying to be super edgy.
>>7521989
It wasn't that funny then and isn't even mildly funny now. It was probably pretty funny the first time it was done.
>used gross fatty bacon
>applied it to ground meat, thereby ensuring that either the bacon is going to be underdone or the hamburger is going to be overdone
>seasoned with store-bought steak sprinkles, lemon pepper, and fucking 'shire
>basically boiled the whole mess in bacon fat and blood in an electric skillet
>served on an untoasted bun with blood and grease literally pouring out
What terrible parents, letting their special needs child fuck around in the kitchen entirely unattended. Can we find out who these people are? I'd like to get child protective services involved, this is very clearly a terrible case of neglect.
