>There's a new recipe on Gwyneth Paltrow's website Goop called "GP's Morning 'Smoothie.'" The site describes it thusly: "Gwyneth drinks one of these every morning, whether or not she’s detoxing. Choose your Moon Juice moon dust depending on what the day ahead holds … brain before a long day at the office, sex dust before a date, etc."
>The Daily Mail was the first to tally up the total cost of all the ingredients, which comes in at over $220.
>The breakfast concoction is made with ingredients like almond milk, coconut oil and vanilla mushroom protein powder, plus one tablespoon of the moon dust of your choice. Options range from Spirit Dust to Sex Dust, with each jar costing $60.
Can't argue with results. I wonder if they make video game dust or masturbation dust. What kind of dust would you want?
>>7474231
>Gwyneth drinks one of these every morning
My cum?
>>7474231
What a fucking bitch. I swear if I ever get rich like this I will appreciate it and not ask others to spend 200+ on a shit smoothie recipe I created.
>tfw people will spend this because they like her
Sex dust I guess.
>video game dust
>>7474231
>whole jar costs $60
>recipe calls for one tbsp
>let's just add $60 to the tally to make her seem more outrageous
why is this acceptable?
>daily mail
oh, right
>coconut oil
You can disregard anything that follows.
>>7474231
i think angel dust would make for an interesting morning
>>7474231
>The Daily Mail
>>7474359
Because you have to buy the whole damn jar.
I don't know what sex dust is, but it doesn't sound like something I would like to try.
>>7474407
i'm assuming it's powdered cum
>>7474417
nigger you think i'm going to look that shit up? if i could afford sex dust i wouldn't be hanging out on a vietnamese basket weaving social forum with you faggots.
>>7474231
>here's a new recipe on Gwyneth Paltrow's website Goop called "GP's Morning 'Smoothie.'"
>1 cup almond milk
>1 tbs coconut oil
>1 tbs vanilla mushroom protein powder
>1 tbs of moon dust of your choice
>1 tbs of fresh urine
>1/2 tbs of fresh semen from a black man
>1/2 tbs of fresh semen from a dog
>1 eyelid of a dove
>1 spleen of a cocker spaniel puppy
>2 drops of tears from a starving Ethiopian infant (8-18 mos is acceptable)
>1/4 tsp cayenne
>1 cup of ice
>add all ingredients to blender with 1 cup of ice, minus the cocker spaniel puppy spleen, and mix thoroughly. Once thoroughly mixed, add cocker spaniel puppy spleen and mix until desired consistency is reached. Spleen is best when still kind of chunky, and not completely smooth. Serve in chilled glass.
>>7474427
I use more cayenne
>>7474231
I want to see her get BLACKED
>>7474424
I wasn't expecting you to look it up. I was expecting you to realize that "sex dust" was one of many "dust"-line products produced by the company Moon Juice. It's just basic reading comprehension, anon.
>not a single fruit or vegetable
That's not a smoothie.
>>7474417
>$60 per jar
>15 servings per jar
> $4 per serving
Jesus Christ I hate this lady
>>7474453
what makes you assume i didn't know that? or are you just trying to sound smarter than other people on the internet?
>>7474390
Do you usually throw away the rest of a jar of a drink mix after you make one glass? You calculate this shit PER SERVING.
>>7474380
whats wrong with coconut oil?
>>7474417
>delicious with nut milk
I'll bet it is.
>>7474507
are you really such an aspie that you honestly believed i assumed people were selling powdered cum to put in morning smoothies? i know sarcasm is generally lost on people with aspergers, but this is a whole new level of autism...
>>7474501
>>The Daily Mail was the first to tally up the total cost of all the ingredients, which comes in at over $220.
>total ingredient cost
Your more than welcome to figure out the cost per serving and enlighten us all
>>7474513
>7 limes
still baffling
>>7474515
It's oil. Isolated oils are universally detrimental if you're not starving. And the blogosphere has convinced itself coconut oil does anything positive despite all evidence to the contrary, so someone recommending it can be assumed to be an unthinking fad follower. You could put in coconut flakes and actually get some flavor in addition to a bit of nutrients and fiber.
>>7474513
I personally prefer when the ultra-rich act completely out of touch. It's better than trying to fake being "likable" or "relatable" to some poors. If I had $60M, I would do worse shit than this.
>>7474530
>The Daily Mail was the first to tally up the cost of all the ingredients in a way specifically designed to make this drink sound more expensive than it is
And that is why the Daily Mail is a dumb rag nobody should pay attention to.
>>7474537
agreed
>>7474547
Oh, ok.
According to many sites, not just the first one on Google, it costs $10.52 per serving to make this per day.
http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2016/03/gwyneth-paltrow-goop-200-dollar-smoothie
$ 10.52x 30 days is $315.60
Go figure. If people think it's worth the cost then more power to them.
>more power to them
I HATE THIS PHRASE REEEEEEEE
>detoxing
she's a drug addict?
>>7474590
Jewish semen is the most toxic substance known to man.
>>7474581
by my calculations, that's a 1982% difference. not portrayed misleadingly at all. I'm sure they just forgot a decimal
>>7474540
>coconut oil is bad
>>7474634
you're overweight.
>>7474634
How can I get coconut oil in my intake? What foods even contain it?
>>7474660
>What foods even contain it?
anything you make with it.
Gwyneth Paltrow is a daft cunt with no acting skills who seems dead and robotic in every role she plays. Spoiled rich bitch who somehow thinks she's qualified to give nutritional advice to strangers, the dumb cumdump.
>>7474634
http://nutritionfacts.org/?s=coconut+oil
But let's assume your right: Why have the isolated oil when the whole coconut has way more flavor and also some nutrients?
>>7474660
It's woowoo spamblog bullshit and coconut oil is a meme food. But you can eat whole coconuts, flakes, or coconut milk (just coconut flesh blended with water, good in curries and such). Coconut flakes are in my regular nut rotation.
>Isolated oils are universally detrimental if you're not starving.
Stopped reading there. You do not belong on a cooking board, scum.
>>7474231
I'd drink her milkshake.
Is Gwyneth the one who said water had feelings?
>>7474231
I'd love to hatefuck a wealthy broad like that. Hair and makeup all nice and done up for me to ruin and obnoxiously expensive jewelry jingling and rattling as I pound her. God I hate her so fucking much.
>>7474809
gross
>>7474809
>hatefuck
There already is a word for it, "rape"
>>7474820
In my mind she's wants me to fuck her but at the same time she's taunting me with her superior looks and lifestyle. Like I'm some kind of peasant she's using as a toy between her extravagant parties and events. God what a bitch.
>>7474513
why do people like Paltrow not understand that it is a subsidy. No one expects to live on $29 a week its there to help in addition to what you make.
>>7474820
That is NOT the same, dumbass.
Also, the right term is "grudgefuck".
>>7474513
no way Paltrow shops at Safeway
>>7474417
i wonder what happens if you consume a whole jar
>>7474513
Is that per person or per family? I could eat ok on that.
>>7474513
>>7474855
I'm not sure, but as a single college student working full time, I qualified for $110 per month by myself in SNAP benefits.
I ended the benefits as soon as I graduated and got a real job.
let's do this
http://www.elle.com/beauty/health-fitness/a28600/amanda-chantal-bacon-moon-juice-food-diary/
>"At 9:30am, I drink 16 ounces of unsweetened, strong green juice, which is my alkalizer, hydrator, energizer, source of protein and calcium, and overall mood balancer. It's also my easy, 'lazy,' and delicious skin regime. I also take three tablespoons of bee pollen. I love Moon Juice's soft and chewy bee pollen—it's a creamy, candy-like treat that gives me my daily B-vitamin blast, and also helps feed my skin and aids hormone production. I'll also grab a handful of activated cashews. I try to get these in every day for their brain chemistry magic. I chase this with a shot of pressed turmeric root in freshly squeezed grapefruit juice."
>>7474864
What's with people going out of their way to remove the fiber and attached nutrients from their food? Why not throw the whole greens and turmeric in a blender with that other shit?
Why would you use sex dust when brain dust is cheaper? One of its wild crafted ingredients is lion's mane. Sex dust doesn't have a single wild crafted ingredient as exciting as that. Brain dust is clearly the superior adaptogen.
>>7474864
Activating nuts is legit. It's like sprouting, just for a shorter duration. You can't do it at home with most nuts, even those labeled raw, because they've been pasteurized with steam or propylene oxide.
>>7474537
How are you supposed to make margaritas or gin & tonic without limes?
Might as well just hang yourself if you can't make good mixed drinks.
>>7474590
Yes. She snorts coke like a snowblower in Alaska.
>>7474634
>blood suggar
>>7474917
>activating nuts is legit
wew
>>7475044
You're just scared of anything that wasn't commonplace when you were five.
>>7475055
>making up more bullshit
lad
>>7474382
Ayyy
>>7474809
Grow up you fucking faggot. You only can't stand the fact that you're a complete broke failure.
>>7474231
>>7474427
>GP's Morning 'Smoothie.'
Oh for goodness sakes, post the actual thing, wtf is wrong with you. Here it is:
1 cup almond milk
1 tablespoon almond butter
1 teaspoon coconut oil
2 tablespoons vanilla mushroom protein powder
1 teaspoon maca (Root from peru, tastes of butterscotch, fertility treatment)
1 teaspoon ashwagandha (Indian Ginsing)
1 teaspoon ho shou wu (Chinese buckwheat)
1 teaspoon cordyceps (Caterpillar Fungus, not even joking, it's a parasitic variety of mushrooms)
1 teaspoon moon dust of choice: Action Dust to soothe overworked muscles, Beauty Dust for a glowy complexion and healthy hair, Brain Dust to combat mental fogginess, Goodnight Dust when sleep has been evasive, Sex Dust, for, you know, and Spirit Dust to get that extrasensory perception going.
pinch Himalayan sea salt
pinch vanilla powder (optional)
>>7474513
>Expensive leafy greens
>one tomato
>SEVEN LIMES
I cannot handle this bitch.
>>7474864
Shit like
>mood balancer
>aids hormone production
>brain chrmistry magic
all i read is
>placebo
>placebo
>placebo
fuck off with all this superfood shit already, autism is not ok, even if it is under the guise of "health"
>>7475204
I hope that a new breed of cordyceps emerges that turns retards like her into this
>>7475278
Why isn't it okay? How does it hurt them? How does it effect you?
>>7475291
If hurts me when faggots like you think its ok to talk to me about this shit like Im meant to give a fuck.
Also when I gotta pay more for foods Ive always bought because now they are 'super'.
>>7474587
Eh, whatever makes you feel better. More power to you
>>7475244
Romaine is like the cheapest green. Do you not eat greens daily? :-(
>>7475290
Gwyneth's new look for her next movie.
http://www.moonjuiceshop.com/collections/moon-milks/products/silver-strawberry
>colloidal silver
I really hope some fuckers start turning blue after drinking this.
YOU CAN'T CALL IT A SMOOTHIE IF THERE'S NO FRUIT IN IT AND I'VE ALWAYS DISLIKED THE WORD "smoothie" REEEEEEEEE
>moon juice
wow they are LITERALLY telling you with their troll as fuck name that their products are worthless overpriced shit lmao
>>7475907
>7475907
that's some /x/ tier alchemy shit
>blond hollywood woman with more dollars than sense says/does/spends money on something stupid, more at eleven
And in other news, water is wet.
>>7475907
>activated California almonds
i fucking hate that bitch and everything she's in, she's not even a good actor, she's just attractive
>>7476117
There is literally nothing wrong with germinating seeds before eating them, and you'd need to go out of your way to find almonds not grown in California. 80% of sweet almonds are grown there.
>>7475907
>pink salt
>>7474231
Whenever I hear about her GOOP bullshit it reminds me so much of Posh Nosh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzjR0yL4f0Y
>>7476001
When I was in primary school my sociology teacher SWORE by it. He'd make it himself through the same way you electroplate things. He could also very easily be persuaded to throw away lesson plans and talk about crop circles though. Tops weirdo.
>>7474864
Is this what triggering feels like?
>>7475204
>Spirit Dust to get that extrasensory perception going.
I would buy this, but judging by the description LSD would be cheaper and have comparable effects
>>7474385
is that a JC Denton pillow?
>>7474231
>i'm a moon goddess, buy my spirit dust or you won't be rich and beautiful like me :^)
commercialized spirituality is neato
>>7474417
>"ancient elixir"
>ingredients include stevia
lol
>>7474513
First week:
10lb bag of rice
2lb bag of beans
milk
flour
frozen veg
on sale or second choice meat
week 2:
yeast
frozen veg
discount meat
butter (in bulk)
week 3:
if you're out of beans get a 10lb bag this time
lentils
the usual
Eat boring the first week, better the second, and normal the third.
The important thing is to get your stash of bulk items up - although you can't get them all in the first week. Once you've got rice, beans, yeast, etc you can make burritos, chicken and rice, soups, etc
This is assuming you already have sugar, and salt, but you can add those too. Get spices from local foreign stores (indian, mexican, asian) for cheaper prices.
Once you've got the yeast you can make your own bread (infinitely cheaper than buying), tortillas with some flour salt water and butter...
There are plenty of things you can do after this, and stay within budget. It just takes some planning over a few week period to settle in. It's not instant gratification or kraft mac n cheese, and stouffers frozen dinners but you can easily have good quality food for a week on that amount of money.
I'm sure I'm forgetting some things, but that's the basic outline.
>>7476648
>common old tart
>non-virgin olive oil
KEK
>>7477826
I've got some sad news for you. Gwyneth Paltrow does not read this forum.
>>7474417
They really know how to market health hipster garbage
>>7474231
That's a delicious flat chest
>>7474453
>expecting basic reading comprehension on a Galápagos Islands hairdressing imageboard
Here's your mistake
I like her as an actress, but every time I hear about her IRL I'm amazed at how much of a nutcase she is.
>>7474513
>SEVEN
>FUCKING
>LIMES
>>7474334
