![280547593_3b37823a01[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/MtdS2yy.jpg "280547593_3b37823a01[1].jpg")
Just got home from dinner, here is what happened
>be a Chinese 2nd generation immigrant in Melbourne
>I can understand a bit of Mandarin, enough to get by, but can't read it
>me and my Chinese friends at work see the new guy
>90% of the company is Chinese, and this guy is a tall, muscular white guy with beep blue eyes and dark blonde hair, and all the girls are going white monkey fever about him
>we concoct a plan to befriend him and take him to a Szechuan place as a joke and trick him into eating the spiciest shit
>the dish is a mixture of chicken and SUPER hot chilies, you don't actually eat the chillies, but we are going to trick him into eating them
>we plan this right in front of him in Mandarin, it's so funny he has no idea we are insulting him to his face
>we go to the place, and ask them to make the dish super fucking hot
>the waiter thinks it's a really hilarious idea to put the white monkey in his place
>the chicken and chilies come out, along with a fork for him
>"go on, dig in, the chilies are the best part!"
>he takes the fork and spears a few chillies
>puts them in his mouth
>chewing
>he sweats
>swallows
>"really tasty, why don't you guys have some?"
>"uhhhhh... you can deal with the heat?"
>"it's not that hot, dig in, this is half chilies so there is plenty to go around!"
>we can't back out now
>we eat the chilies
>he eats more than all of us combined
>oh my god, the pain, i'm trying not to cry and went from yellow to red skinwise
>"hey, waiter, can you get us another bowl of chilies? just chillies please!"
>a second bowl of death chillies
>he's still eating them, we are all basically crying and near death
>"[mandarin]My god, this white monkey, how can he eat like this?"
>"you see mate" he says "the thing is" he picks up a knife to go with his fork and uses them as chopsticks to pick up a chilli
>"[mandarin]I taught English in China for five years, and the last two years lived in Chongqing, in Szechuan province"
He shouted us Gelato afterwards.
>>7406587
Try Hunan food with fresh chilis, none of that weak dried Sichuan shit, senpai.
Holy fuck. That is a lot of text bro. I am going to have to prepare my body for this shit.
This would be a good story if it had happened
>>7406595
I wish i could prepare my body for the shit coming out of my arsehole sometime tonight, would it burn less if i threw it up?
>>7406598
Hey son, listen, I didn't even read your thread cuz it's way too much text
but listen you lil nigger
dairy items like milk will kill whatever spicy mistake you made.
Cool story OP
>>7406602
he can't have dairy, he's asian
>>7406598
Nope. Your body is too far into the process now. There's no going back. Prepare your asshole. Get a gallon of milk for you, and a gallon for your poor abused starfish, friend. Yer gonna need it.
>>7406604
white female aged 19-23 detected
>He shouted us Gelato afterwards.
You have me puzzled.
>OP is a cunt
>shoots himself in the foot
I'm ok with this.
ribs in pieces
>>7406587
haha you chinese and can't handle spicy food? are you bad at math too? Grats on breaking stereotypes.
I'm Chinese and growing some Trinidad scorpion. Spicy food is amazing. Helps me cut at the moment. What's your beef with white folks
>>7406587
where'd you go op
dainty?
>>7406587
>He shouted us Gelato afterwards
Wut?
So the person planning to do the fucking is the one who actually gets fucked? And this is alll because the dude was different?
Yeah, I hope you shit your brains out, OP. Literally shit enough vitamins and water until renal failure takes you from this plane of existence, you disgusting little yellow monkey.
Get fucked by the Devil's capasacin-slathered horse dick in the coldest vacuum of Hell.
>>7406652
He bought them Gelato afterwards.
t. Melbfag
>>7406655
seconded
>>7406587
You should have just flat out admitted you were fucking with him and use that as a oppurtunity to have a good time on your lunch.
This story seems fake as fuck too, but I know where I think I am: it's expected.
This story sounds fake as fuck and even if it's not, you deserve it. Being racist and bitter brings nothing but constant butthurt
TFW rare white monkey genes btfo of common dispersed yellow monkey genes
Why does your story read like one of Aesop's fables?
>>7406671
This
I am kaukasian male (25yo) spend 3 week in mexico. After the first days, we went to a taquera. Some mexican guys forced me to eat grilled jalapeños. Eat 3 with one taco or caramelo. Its not that hot anyway. I was the tough guy.
The moral is, we ware friends, but it was a ridiculous trick, and I was half hearted to the guys after that.
If you eat enough spicy food does it eventually make your poops less spicy?
>>7406705
It's Caucasian you idiot.
>>7406730
No one cares, go kill yourself idiot.
>go to indian market
>need some chilis for dish Im making
>all they have is some thin green chilis Id never seen
>ask the indian cashier if he knows what the name of them is and if they are actually spicy
>"we just call them chilis, and yes, too spicy probably"
mfw me and another white friend try a raw one later and they're just a tad bit spicier than serranos, lost a little respect for indian cuisine that day
>>7406788
two things wrong with your post
>have friend
>>7406792
im sorry this is r/cooking right?
>>7406731
>Doesn't know how to spell
>Calls others idiots
Idiot.
>>7406804
Continue with your post and this time admit being female.
>>7406807
if i were female Id be taking noods of myself and masterbaiting to them right now
>>7406845
you sexy motherfucker. well done.
>>7406705
Who the fuck taught you to spell? Floyd Mayweather?
>>7406705
>I am kaukasian male
It's like an alien trying to fit in.
>>7406587
>>7406598
This is fake or you're stupider than you think you are. Sichuan peppercorns numb the lips and tongue when you eat them, which is why they can add so much chili, and they also numb the bunghole producing the same effect.
Sichaun is great, but it's not that spicy overall and when it is, the peppercorns allow you to deal with it
>>7406723
no
i love spicy sphincter tho
What kind of person are you posting on /ck/ and not being able to handle some hot chilies ?
>>7407034
le cooking trolle
>>7407034
You may be confusing Sichuan peppercorns with sichuan chilies.
Pic related is sichuan chili. There's nothing numbing about these.
>>7407052
>those fingers
>>7406730
He's being a self loathing fag, spelling it with k's cause all whites are evil bigot shitlords except for him, he's one of the good ones
>>7407052
This kind of chili is not that hot. it's hotter than a jalapeno but nowhere near as hot as a thai bird chili.
Sichuan food is just not that spicy. It's very good, and it is definitely a spicy cuisine but it's not even on the scale for really hot dishes
