So what kind of mistakes have yall made in the kitchen?
>>7399600
Tried to replicate KFC.
Dropped the chicken into a vat of luke-warm oil.
It was a horror scene.
>>7399604
Wouldn't you just have undercooked chicken?
>>7399600
17 years old. First job. Dishwashing. I have no clue how food works. Chef asks me to strain the stock. So I dump the liquid and bring him buckets of bones and boiled vegetables.
>>7399607
Yeah, it was worse than Jacks.
I tried to bake it in the oven and microwave but it was just so saturated in oil.
>>7399610
Haha that's cool as fuck.
I did this exact thing when extracting dmt. Ended up using a turkey baster and sucking it off the top of the stove.
>>7399604
Same, only with fish and chips.
Tried making fish and chips at my girlfriend's house for her Russian family. They didn't have a deep fryer or even a thermometer, but we went for it anyway. At first we heated the oil way too much and it started smoking, then we turned the temperature down and started frying. By the time the batter was done, the fish was still completely raw in the middle. What's worse, we couldn't even eat the batter because it had a bitter taste from the rancid oil which had already hit its smoke point. Absolute disaster.
Never deep fry without a fryer/thermometer
>first time using a charcoal grill
>chintzed out on the charcoal and grill didn't get that hot
>cooked jack tier juicy raw burgers
>put them in the micro for 30 seconds to finish the job
>juices purged
>mfw
>>7399614
fucking degenerate
I literally cannot make anything that involves pastry. Just this morning I tried to make pancakes and ended up with crêpes. It's embarrassing because I'm always making this banger meals for my wife but I can't handle desert or pastry.
>>7399600
I just put some pasties in the oven but I forgot to set a timer or, like, look at the clock.
>>7399861
>desert
>pancakes are pastry
>Finish cooking some delicious chicken cordon bleu
>Immediately throw it out
>Stand over garbage can for about 10 seconds trying to understand what I just did
cooking with oil, shirtless and hungover
>done with crabcakes
>decide to let water soak in pan to make cleaning easier
>forget how hot oil works
like having my hand in a bucket of firecrackers
i didn't whip the egg whites enough when i made an angel food cake. i ended up with a gooey mess when i pulled it out of the oven.
My ex wife's son
>>7399600
Tried to put out a grease fire with water. Wasn't pretty. Lesson learned.
The first time i decided to try and fry some chicken
> heated oil until it started boiling.
> added frozen chicken tenders
> oil volcano
> run out of kitchen
> crawl on stomach across kitchen floor to turn off stove
> call mom in tears
>>7399696
idk what's so difficult, I do it all the time and it works perfectly
>first time using a gas stove
>didn't know how to get the light
>fucking filled the place up with gas
>parents tell me to turn it off
>I was a split second away from fucking killing everyone before I realized I was retarded and turned it off the other way
Nothing else shakes me up like that moment.
>>7400583
ha, had the same mishap after doing some french fries, just dropped the pan in the sink and cowered behind a wall until the popping stopped
>>7401181
9/10 Did laugh.
I roasted one whole prime of rib upside down at work once. Whoops.
>>7399600
put a tablespoon of baking soda instead of baking powder into biscuit dough. it was really bad and inedible.
when i first started getting interested in indian food, i had no idea how to portion the spices and ended up putting in a tablespoon of each spice. even with multiple spices it just tasted like concentrated bitter cumin.
>>7399960
I kek'd just imagining this.
>>7401255
should've taken the in off at the end of your post
>electric stove
>boil water
>dump potatoes
>water spills over
>cracks on the stove
>>7401309
what kind of garbage stove do you have
>>7401323
basically pic related
how do i fix familia?
>>7401335
Get the top replaced or just get a new stove.
>>7401349
just checked. they're expensive. i'll just blame it on a roomate
>>7399719
>microwaving anything
>expecting it to be juicy
>was carrying a rectangular tub of icewater for the salad
>thought it'd be a good idea to carry it from the 'thin' side
>30L of 2C water dumped on me
>mfw
>>7401392
what about microwaving juice?
>>7401392
could god create meat so juicy even he couldn't microwave it?
I think I might have added too much sour into my stew, because tasting the veggies, they are damn sour. Does butter help to counteract sour flavors?
I once forgot that toasters are electrical and put a fork in one to get my toast out, causing me to blast across the kitchen like a fucking cartoon character.
>>7401438
Fruit powder.
>>7401304
BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD SAY CUMHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>over cooked the large amount of pasta for catering event
i mean, i fucked up yeah but not everyone had to look at me with disgust about fucking up pasta
>be around 10
>want to make a frozen pizza
>first time using the oven
>have to light it each time you want to use it
>can't seem to get it to light
>oven is filling up with propane while I continue trying
>light match
>large fireball
>singed all of hair on my face and head
My dad just laughed at me and called me a fucking idiot
My ma once told me to put some mozzarella balls in the oven but she didn't tell me she put some toxic chemicals to clean the oven out so I went blind for a few hours and we had to discard the cheese balls.
>live in college dorm
>no accessory appliances
>broiling bread for 60 seconds to make delicious toast and jam!
>quick pee
> talk to friends for a few minutes while waiting
>toast us now volcano of black smoke
>>7401485
sugar would
>>7401356
Man up and take responsibility faggot.
This is the real world, where making mistakes has consequences.
watched my friend struggle making different types of stirfry - burt garlic, underseasoned, tried to flash fry porkbelly - and still tried it
everything he made was fucking shit
>>7401356
Say goodbye to your security deposit.
>>7401356
fuck it.. those stoves are garbage and literally always break
it still works right? just keep using it, pretend nothing happened..
>>7401771
They always concoct some bullshit reason to keep it all, anyway. Unless you're somewhere for less than a year, you can consider your security deposit gone.
You should make sugar cookies with bisquick instead of flour.
It happened once by accident in my house. I think they were using margarine too. The resulting product was more like rock candy than a cookie.
The first time I ever tried to make something on the stove as a kid, it was kraft mac&cheese. Boiled the noodles, added the powder and milk. Go for the butter.... and we are completely out.
I ended up using peach yogurt. The first few bites I convinced myself it was ok, but by the third chunk of peach I knew I had failed miserably.
>>7399696
Are you mentally retarded?
Dr Pepper Yorkshire pudding
>>7399600
>be 17 & high
>night munchies, decide to make fries
>no deep fryer just oil in a pot
>start heating, get bored after 8-10 mins
>"is it hot now?"
>stick finger in searing hot oil to check temp
>>7402558
You're the reason people don't want to legalize weed.
>>7401242
>I do it all the time and it works out perfectly
that is called experience mother fucker.
Thought if I cranked the fuck out the heat it would create more steam and steam my vegetables faster, just ended up with a gross black sludge in my pot and stinky smoke all through the kitchen.
>decide to clean glass basin from turbo oven right after cooking
>still hot
>put into sink and run the water over it
>instant crack in the side of it
I brewed some tea in a large pot and then, still hot, poured it into a glass jar with a spout so I could have it as iced tea later.
This worked without incident a couple times but the third time a crack ran along the bottom where it curved, so when I lifted it slightly the bottom fell off and hot tea gushed out all over the counter.
>>7399600
>Use waffle iron as a sandwich press.
>Place 25 pound weight on iron.
>Iron is from 1970's and can take abuse like that easy.
>Weight starts to slide off.
>Can decide to either let weight or iron fall off counter. (Iron slid behind iron and is pushing it off.)
I decided on grabbing the weight.
The iron crashed to the kitchen floor. However the iron wasn't damaged in the slightest. The sandwiches were wrapped in foil and were unsullied. I just picked everything up, plugged it back in and finished.
God I love durable products like that.
>>7401181
I love my covered fryer. I could see the oil volcano splashing harmlessly against the glass window when I made panko crusted pork.
I was like FUCK YOU, OIL. HAHA, YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE!
I was microwaving chocolate and a marshmallow to make a smore. When it was done there was a pool of molten chocolate and marshmallow that for some reason I dipped my finger into.
I don't think this even counts as a mistake, my brain just turned the fuck off for 2 seconds. I still cannot understand why I did it.
>>7402787
>letting steam from the frozen food build up
ENJOY YOUR EXPLOSION
>2am
>back from college, need to wake up at 7am because work
>hungry as fuck
>4 boiled eggs in fridge
>microwave
>pierce eggs with knife as they explode if you don't
>30 seconds, medium/low power
>stares intently
>all four niggerfaggot eggs explode at the same time
>microwave door opens with blast
>literally egg debris covering half of kitchen
>still hungry
>eat a tomato with salt
>proceed to sleep
was a sad day
>At the asian supermarket
>Sees korean sauce for chicken wings
>Fuckyeah.webm
>Marinate for 12 hours
>Somehow decide to add a bit of oil, salt and pepper to the korean marinade.
>Looks fucking awesome
>Bake the fuckers then quick fry
>Realize as i am bitting into one that the korean sauce was already salted.
>Oversalted mess
>I have 1kg of the stuff
>The rice and the chinese cabbage stir-fry were good tho
>Gf is mad for wasting money
>>7402848
it wont esplode at the steam always escaped you idiot did u even use a deep frier no i dont think so fucking noobe
>>7402902
Should have fucked your gf in the ass to shut her up
>>7402848
I want to touch asriels paws
>>7401497
Nice shitpost
I did this when I was 15 because that was my edgy phase and all that happens is the circuit is broken by the rccb
>>7399610
oh god I've seen this happen a few times, to someone who knows nothing of cooking they always use the same method of thinking as draining pasta.
>I don't want water
>I want the food!
>>7404551
Haha tell a story.
>frying bacon
>pull out lard I keep all the bacon fat in
>Hold strainer over sink in case there is any mess
>don't put lard container underneath strainer
>pour bacon fat straight into sink
>open garbage can and throw out bacon without thinking
>5 seconds later I realize what the hell i just did
>Decide to make breaded fried chicken from scratch
>Only have drumsticks
>No breading
>Make it from grounded cornflakes and spices
>Bread the chicken and pan fry it
The breading was too thick/big and it cooked immediately, leaving the chicken almost untouched inside. We had to nuke it in the microwave and it was still subcooked as fuck.
My mom is a fantastic cook now but when she was learning to bake she forgot to add baking soda to a cake she was making and she realized it just before putting it in the oven. So she decided to put the baking soda then and kind of mix it.
Chunks of baking soda everywhere on the cake. I took a slice and spat it out as my taste buds started working. My brother ate a whole slice of baking soda cake and didn't even notice, the madman. I don't know if his tongue is dead or he is too autistic to notice food or if he was just THAT hungry.
>>7404560
>Have girlfriend who is night owl
>she admits she does not know how to cook
>that's ok I can cook for us
>still gets the random envy/jealous moment when I can cook pretty good and she can't
>she tries to cook bacon for her and her friend at 3 am because that's their evening time
>whole house fills with smoke, alarms go off
>calls me crying, tell her to open windows and turn on all fans in house to vent
>head over despite having work in the morning because that's what a good boyfriend does.jpg
>bacon burned to a crisp in a stock pot on the stove
>no pan/skillet/griddle of any kind
>clean stock pot, restart with new bacon
>completely ignore it while clean up entire kitchen and entertain her and her friend because they are both still very upset
>honestly believe burnt bacon will just spontaneously combust into flames and burn the whole fucking house down
>come back to pot to flip bacon and pour out the fat that's building up
>bacon turns out pretty well
>making roast potatoes for first time
>calls for 3 garlic cloves
>think entire head = clove
>spend 20 minutes peeling them
>more garlic than potatoes
>it's what the recipe says so let's stick to it!
>follow rest of recipe (correctly) to the letter
>discover what roasted garlic is
>>7400052
>this frying without a shirt on meme
I do this all the time because I'd rather have hot oil burn me than my nice T-shirts, and I haven't bought a damn apron yet
Usually I just stand away from the stove and use a pot lid as a shield whenever I need to interact with the ingredient
>>7402854
srsly lauging here
new alt lyrics for ice cube
I think the only shit I have had trouble with was making a pineapple upside down cake. Cooked that shit for an hour and it was still undercooked in the middle.
Said fuck it, cut out all the good pieces and just had a smaller, but perfectly cooked, cake.
I'm thinking you fucks might all be mentally retarded.
>>7401848
Where do you live?
Where I live, the bond/deposit requires an actual agreement before they can spend it on anything, and if you threaten a lawsuit without having caused any real damage, they'll pretty much just give it back straight away.
>>7404695
If you keep moisture out of the pan it won't splatter.
>>7404665
You're not the same anon are you? Doesnt matter, you have a wacky imagination. And thise green texts had me laughing for about a minute straight.
Thank you, you made my night a bit better.
Egg in the microwave. I wanted hard boiled and ended up with soft boiled. I thought it wouldn't explode because half of the shell has already been removed.
>>7404683
I'd still eat it. Man, I eat garlic raw!
>>7401247
have a similar story:
>wake up one morning feeling a little woozy
>take shower
>open bedroom door an immediately notice gas smell
>go downstairs to kitchen and notice one burner knob is turned down to low but there is no flame
>shitmyhouseisfullofgas.jpg
>wake up wife and tell her to go stand outside
>open all windows and turn on fans
>have to turn the knob past the igniter stage to turn the burner off
>crouch down next to oven and whip the knob around as quick as i can
>hear one "click" but no fireball/explosion
>thank god it was summer time and we had the bedroom window open
it was my wife's friend who left the gas on. she was heating something up and didn't know how to turn the burner off properly. we might have died in our sleep if we didn't have the window open. bought two CO detectors the next day.
>>7404930
CO detectors are useless. All they do is beep and give me a headache.
>>7399740
fucking faggot
>>7399600
Last night, out of desperation, I tried to make potatoes au gratin with canned potatoes What a disaster. Yeah, they were edible, but the texture was terrible and there was way too much liquid (and yes, of course I drained them). If I had been thinking on my toes and not in such a hurry, I would have added some instant potato flakes to make sure the sauce stayed thick.
What I really wish is that I could have run to the store and bought some nice yukon golds to make it with, but ah well.......
>>7405098
Canned potatoes are absolutely terrible. They pick up so much moisture from the liquid in the can and they taste fucking metallic because of it.
>>7405113
Yep, they are terrible. I had a few cans because my mom gave them to me (she has a horrible habit of cleaning out her pantry and giving me whatever she doesn't want). Anyway, desperate times call for desperate measures, but I won't ever make that mistake again.
>>7401485
what
>>7405125
Pretty much the same thing happened to me once too. My grandma was cleaning out her pantry and gave me a big can of potatoes that she bought for some reason and never used.
I tried to cut them up and make potato salad with them but they ended up releasing a bunch of water and making the dressing all watery, plus they tasted like complete shit. I ate a spoonful of it after letting it sit in the fridge for a couple hours, spit it out and dumped it all down the disposal.
I haven't bought canned potatoes again, nor will I ever.
>Decide to make soup in a bread bowl
>Have some piping hot french onion soup all ready to go
>Hollow out bread bowl without regard for the structural integrity of the bowl
>Pour soup into bowl
>Soup immediately pours out of the sides and goes all over the plate and onto the counter
>Learned how to make soup and a fuckton of liquid on the counter
So if anyone wants a recipe for how to make a fucking mess in the kitchen let me know.
>Select all images with soup as captcha
Well fuck you too
Also got drunk one night and decided on frying spam. Was too drunk to notice the grease flying everywhere. Still have three penny sized scars on my forearms.
>boil water to make tea
>go fuck off
>water cold
>boil water to make tea
>>7402558
I did something like this with an induction stove when I was 5, my logic was it's not red, why won't it heat, better check it. My skin fucking melted to the stovetop. I was a stupid child sometimes
Recently, I was making lentils and rice and forgot to turn the heat down to simmer once it started to boil. It ended up super burned, and even after the smoke cleared out it stunk for the next day or so.
>making soup and pasta
>fill can of soup with milk to pour into soup
>pour it into boiling water
I fixed it but it kinda made me sad.
>>7405071
>wake up 4am for work
>turn burner on max to boil water for coffe
>go to front room to browse internet until kettle whistles
>no whistle just rank smoke and smoke detector
fuck.. just turned the dry cast iron on full blast, AGAIN
neighbors losing their mind due to smoke detector AGAIN
gotta season it AGAIN
... i do this several times a year :\
I tried cooking some steaks for the family, but they were all cooked different.
Some steaks were pretty much jerkies, while other were blue rare.
>>7405840
kill yourself
>>7402820
I did the same fucking thing...but with creme brulee, i saw a big ol bubble forming and was just fuckin tired or something. Popped it with my finger, and basically molten superglue fused to my finger, fucking sucked.
>>7401497
I tried running a toaster and kettle off the same circuit at the same time. I was really confused when they both popped at the same time but neither was done. I flipped a breaker and had to go plug the kettle into a different outlet
>>7405769
I did a similar thing a couple times when I was new to laksa. Once that coconut milk curdles you can never quite get it back no matter how much you stir or even whisk it afterwards.
>>7404683
...that doesn't sound bad...
>be 12
>have ADHD
>no, really
>parents are out doing shit
>have hella sweet tea
>life is good
>get it in my head that i want to make hushpuppies
>ohboyiknowwherethisisgoing.jpg
>mix up batter
>put a shit ton of canola oil in pan
>set burner on HIGH
>"This is taking forever ugh"
>go to the bathroom
>come back and it's still looking placid
>oil starts to smoke a little
>"Hmm I guess it's finally warming up"
>smokes some more but it's not boiling like i imagine oil would when it's 'ready'
>I turn around to drink some more tea
>flash of sudden heat at my back
>turn around again
>FIRE
>"OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK"
>grab some water and make like i'm about to throw it on the fire
>suddenly remember something about not throwing water on a grease fire so I stop
>frantically trying to figure out the right way to do this
>sand?
>fuck i don't have sand
>dish towel?
>shut up retard
>look at kitchen fire extinguisher in anguish
>fuck my life this is going to suck
>man up, grab it and spray the now huge fire
>fire is extinguished but now everything
>EVERYTHING
>is covered in shitty yellow dust
>tea has yellow dust in it
>no hushpuppies
>spend a week afterwards cleaning the yellow shit off everything
>negligent parents don't give a single shit because i didn't die and nothing got damaged
>>7399600
Used expired shortening (did not know until after the fact) in a batch of cookies. Fuckers were pools of no on the cookie sheet. Was the saddest, smelliest thing I have ever made in my life.
>>7399960
How tired were you? That just made my heart hurt.
>>7406093
Your parents are pretty cool for not being dicks about it.
You should probably give them a call and tell them you love them as they're going to die in a car accident tomorrow. (I'm a psychic)
>>7406183
Me too, I would have digested the shit out of that cordon bleu.
>>7402820
I never stuck my finger in it, but like the impatient child I was, went to eat it as quickly as possible. Well, it was still goopy inside and it gooped out molten hot chocolate onto my lap. Still got the scars today. Damn good s'more tho.
>be 12 year old me
>first time making pasta sauce from scratch
>goes off without hitch
>super proud
>ladel into glass jars while still piping hot
>then put directly into fridge for later
>open the door to get sauce out for dinner
>inside of fridge looks like a fuckin murder scene
>glass shards and delicious sauce everywhere
>I didn't fuckin know man
>I didn't know
>>7406193
Pourin one out for that cordon bleu
>>7402969
boop dem toe beans
>>7405071
>be making handmade burgers last week
>hands are cold and greasy from making them flat
>house has shit insulation and it's colder inside than outside
>this adds to my hands already being cold
>turn on gas stove to warm up the kitchen
>do this all the time, no explosions and gets warm quickly
>put my hands high up over fire
>oh god this is so much better
>hands are now beginning to burn like a motherfucker
>oh god what's happening
>run hands under water
>realize i had grease still on them
>i was literally cooking my hands
>mfw
>making shitty ramen
>put burner on 10
>wait patiently
>get distracted dicking off on some trivial task
>come back to black, smoking noodles
Rookie mistake
>>7401723
yeah, for other people you dweeb
>>7406371
ramen takes literally 3 minutes. the fuck is wrong with you?
one time i used margarine instead of butter
>>7399600
was at my moms friends house and she had home made cookies. Being a little shit I ate a whole plate of this ladies delicious cookies. Mom was mad and said to make it up to her I should make some cookies myself and give them to her.
I mixed up the measurements for salt and sugar. Mom had to do 80% of the work on the second try to make sure I didnt fuck it up again.
>>7405840
>Americans
I got an idea for something fun to make, and tried to make creme brulee in mini pineapple shells.
Didn't realize that the pineapple completely dissolves the egg protein and keeps it from setting, ended up with creme anglaise-y stuff in pineapples
>>7406443
Your fuckup is at least understandable. Lots of people wouldnt know that, and those that would, probably wouldnt be thinking of it.
>>7399862
>i read that as panties and went wat?
>opening a can of tuna to make a quick pasta
>hm, it wont budge. should I use the can opener?
>nah, keep pulling
>pull really fucking hard
>top comes off, slices into my finger to the bone
>spray of blood in the pan, the wall
>panic
>hold hand under faucet
>forgot to turn temp down, pour super hot water
>wimper
>run to first aid box spraying blood over the walls
>disinfect
>hurts so bad
>thankfully still had bandages
>cover wound properly, thank god for first aid training
>eventually end up making pasta sauce with my own blood in it at 2 AM
>feel light headed
>turn gas off, cant remember what happened next
>wake up next morning on the floor, my face in a half open pack of macaroni, a salt shaker in my hand
>didnt realize blood got on the ceiling somehow and has become impossible to clean off
>pasta sauce actually tasted good
>>7406511
You're probably a demigod.
>>7406514
My finger still fucking hurts. It happened two weeks ago. Had to get stitches. I probably had some nerves cut because the top of my finger still feels tingly.
I'm just glad I had the pressence of mind to turn the gas off when I felt light headed.
>>7406523
Sounds like you'd be good in a firefight, as long as your duties in said firefight pertained only to cooking, as that's clearly where your instincts are most honed.
>>7406532
So when a fire breaks out because someone left a caserolle in the oven, I'll be the guy getting the caserolle instead of the baby/lifesavings/dog
the classic where i used salt in a cake instead of sugar
>>7399600
one time in highschool while preparing white sauce i took the pot right off the stove and put it in the fridge without thinking
im lucky the glass didnt shatter
>>7406589
The glass in your fridge should be tempered
>>7399960
You serious?
>>7405262
You parents let you cook at that age? What did you want to cook?
>>7406781
Some kids just take it upon themselves to try cooking when they're unsupervised.
A kid down my street tried heating up a frozen burrito on the stove. It caught on fire. He panicked, threw it in the closet with the pan and went back to playing video games. The house burned. His sister was blamed for not watching him.
>>7402969
>paws
>goat
>Mix habanero sauce with cocoa powder
>put it on pizza
>cook in the oven
>3 or so years ago when still in school
>watch breaking bad
>friends watched it too
>want to make "blue meth" candy like pic related
>make 3 batches of blue vanilla taffy
>finally get it to proper hard crack temp
>pour over foil
>need way to break it
>fuck it, i'll just punch it
>throw away 2lb of bloody sugar glass
similar story
>get decent at making hard candy
>people at school start buying it from me
>love my hyper sour drops
>someone asks if i can make hot candy
>can take pretty much anything hot like a champ
>i already own dried scorpion peppers
>"sure. why not"
>make a good batch of cinnamon flavored molten sugar at hard crack temp
>time to add pepper flakes
>pour sugar lava directly onto crushed scorpion pepper flakes
>evacuate family from apartment
>tough through the pain and finish the candy
>hands are practically a bio-hazard for 3 days due to residual scorpion pepper
>complete sale
>mfw "i dont like cinnamon"
>mfw a friend of mine tried too deep fry an egg
Jesus lord.
Who are you all quoting?
>so much hunger
>find box of pierogies in back of freezer
>heat up pan of oil
>flick water to make sure it's hot enough
>yep it's ready
>toss in frozen pierogies
>WWIII of popping grease
>>7399696
Try putting a little bit of water into the oil to cool it down.
>>7404736
>Can't wait another 45 minutes for his cake to finish
>calls others retarded
>late night a little tipsy
>decide to make some hash browns
>use new pan my grandmother gave me
>it's not a non stick
>first time using one
>instead of seasoning it, I put a bunch of oil in and cranked up the heat
>pour in bag of frozen hash browns
>still a little icy so they cause an oil eruption
>grease everywhere
>turn down the heat because I'm persistent at making these browns
>pan still unseasoned
>half of the hash browns are glued to the bottom of the pan
>try to fry some eggs to go with the browns
>accidentally break yolk on both
>go to bed with a messy kitchen and empty stomach
>>7399600
burnt some garlic for my aglio olio
I was microwaving a bowl of noodles and I forgot to put water in it. Glad I stopped it before it caught on fire. My cousins had made the same mistake and almost burned their house down.
>>7402052
Why not just no butter..
>>7407083
i'd never admit i've made kraft dinner with only water
>make mac and cheese
>roommate used last of the black pepper
>use the white pepper instead
>tasted literally like barnyard horse shit
what is the point of white pepper
>Be around 10 years old
>Cooking bacon for the third time in my life
>Pretty confident with my skills
>Turn the burner to max and cover the pan with bacon
>Cook the entire package of bacon
>Grab another package of bacon from the freezer
>Lots of oil left over from the first batch
>Start cooking the second batch
>Oil spraying everywhere
>Continue cooking with tongs while staying as far away from the pan as possible
>Suddenly, bacon starts shooting out of the pan
>Dodge the first two pieces
>Third one hits me on my cheek and slides down my neck
>Fall backwards as if I was just knocked out by Tyson
>Turn off the heat and hide behind the stove until the bacon stops shooting out
>>7399600
Forgot to turn the heat down when boiling rice. For a family dinner.
Also, once when I was fairly young I tried to make muffins, but misread decilitres of milk as litres. Ended up making a huge batch of waffles instead.
>decide to make spaghetti aglio e olio
>first time
>literally tastes like I'm having a glass of lukewarm olive oil
>>7399740
fuck off back to r9k
I tried to make meatballs but didnt wet my breadcrumbs and they came out so dry they were inedible.
>>7399614
I also did this exact same thing. except it ended up with black goo covering all the surfaces of my kitchen
>>7407440
Then you probably didn't roast the garlic enough. Adding red pepper flakes helps add a bit of spice too.
>Come home drunk off my ass
>Start to cook pancakes
>Apply lots of oil on pan
>Flip the pancake so it slaps all that hot oil on my hand
>Making a stew
>More like a soup, needs some thickener
>No flour or the like
>Add psyllium powder to it
>Turns into horrible gloop and ends up inedible
>Making casserole
>Low on cream
>Try to substitute cream with eggs and skim milk
>End up with shitty, watery scrambled egg casserole
>tired and don't feel like making eggs with stove
>crack eggs, put on bowl, puncture yolks
>cover it with a plate in case of splatter
>eggs explode and shatter plate, egg all over the inside of the microwave
>end up cooking more eggs with stove anyways after wiping down the microwave
>>7407477
I actually overcooked the garlic, partly why it sucked so much among other reasons.
>put ramen noodles in with no water
>more smoke in house than a bob marley concert
>>7406795
Fuck. Got to watch them man.
>Making pudding as a beginner
>Misread the recipe as medium heat instead of low
>curdle the milk
fug
Blackout drunk
Hungry as fuck
Next thing, wake up with hangover
Something smells good
I somehow prepped and roasted a chicken whilst apparently unconscious
Fuck yeah
I didn't take off the plastic foam thing on bottom of chicken
Entire bird tastes like molten lego
Vomit all over hot oven door
Go back to bed
Cooked congealed throwup on oven
Fml
>>7406318
What is this? An ant for pictures?
>>7404930
How was the gas bill?
>be 11 year old me
>sick home with a fever, decide to have some ice cream to chill myself with
>put the ice cream in a bowl, realize it's frozen solid because our freezer is running way too high
>decide to put it into the microwave for a little while
>notice a nougat lollipop thing on the kitchen counter
>being the dumb fuck I am I somehow thought the lollipop would melt into a nice sauce on top of the ice cream if I put it into the microwave with it
>remove the stick from the lollipop, put it on top of the ice cream and pop that shit in the microwave
>go back into the living room, check out what's on TV
>completely forgot the ice cream
>realize it's been in the microwave for several minutes
>power was on high
>run into the now smoke smelling kitchen
>the bowl has fucking exploded and the ice cream has literally burnt black
>panic and dump the bowl in the trash and leave the house for some reason for a few hours (I went to my friend's place)
>come back home to an extremely pissed off mom and a busted microwave
I was a really dumb kid.
>>7406188
Yes, they are definitely cool. I tell them I love them every day, anon :)
>be cooking dilettante
>looking for something to make
>happen upon this thread
>people doing simple, menial tasks end up slicing their fingers and exploding kitchens
well i think im done cooking for a while
>>7408445
>dilettante
fuck you
>be me at about 13 years of age
>make funnel cake batter
>get large pot with oil to cook the funnel cakes in
>after done making funnel cakes take large pot of hot oil into kitchen
>proceed to add water to hot oil
>large fountain of hot oil erupts
>leaves oil stain on the ceiling
>>7399600
anally raped my ex wife while burning her face on the stove
everybody deserves a second chance, right?
>>7408582
it's not really rape if it's your wife though
or do you mean it happened after the divorce
>be me
>probably 10 years old
>want to make a boston creme pie for my mom because it's her favorite
>gather ingredients
>bake the cake
>have to cut the cake in half longways to put the cream filling in the middle
>not sure how to do it without fucking up
>end up breaking the top half of the cake in 2 pieces
>it's okay, it's fine, I can salvage it
>try to "glue" it back together with cream filling so I can still ice the cake
>one part breaks in 2
>okay, that's okay, it's just one more little piece
>struggle so hard trying to get the cake to stay together
>eventually it's just in pieces all over the place, cream filling oozing out of both sides
>cover in chocolate but it's already a lost cause
>mom comes home to me sobbing at the kitchen table over a plate of cake crumbs stuck together with pastry cream
she laughed at me. fuck that bitch.
>>7408636
The more pastry cream the better it is.
You guys at least ate it right?
>>7406420
underrated post
I fucking hate margarine.
>>7401957
>this box of bisquick is definitely flour
how do you even think that
>>7408636
adorable.
>>7406586
like.. whole cups of salt?
how do you make a mistake pouring out a full cup of salt or more?
>>7407153
thank you for sharing this one. I'm laughing out loud.
no seriously I am.
>>7406511
>my face in a half open pack of macaroni, a salt shaker in my hand
i pretty much lost my shit at this point
>making pancakes
>crack egg into the garbage
>throw shell into the mix
>>7408757
> D U D E
>first time making cannabutter
>have like an eighth of kief saved up
>cook it with a stick of butter
>looking pretty cooked, stinks to high heaven
>better take it off the heat so i don't ruin it
>couldn't find any fucking container to put it in other than plastic tupperware
>cannabutter melts right through the tupperware all over my granite countertop
>frantically wiping it up with paper towels and trying to clean the countertop so it doesn't stain and i don't get busted
>tried eating the paper towels but i couldn't
>all that kief wasted
>>7399600
>Not to long ago
>Mom buys pork ribs, says to grill them
>Only ever used the grill for hotdogs and burgers
>Can't be much different
>Put them straight on the grill, no foil
>Walk back inside to make other things
>Check back
>Smoke everywhere
>Grill is on fire
>Mother fucking grease fire.
>Turn off propane, dad comes in and helps get rid of the flames
>We watch the grease trap burn for awhile
>Ribs are burned entirely
>>7408786
>tried eating the paper towels
an 8th is like 45 bucks its not worth having to eat paper towels...
>>7402787
What model deep fryer do you have?
>>7408786
>busted
dude underage lmao
>>7408987
It was probably his entire allowance for two weeks.
>>7408987
Not him, but, kief is much more expensive by weight than buds. When I was still in college (graduated 5 years ago), a gram of any concentrate like kief or hash was $20 a gram (KY)
>in college
>me and my friends get one of those super shitty tabletop charcoal grills to make burgers
>we put it on the top of a wood table with a glass cover
>go get the buns and hear a loud bang followed by laughing
>the glass shatters and covers the whole food in glass shards
>had to throw the food to the garbage
Pretty funny looking back on it
I thought this said milkshakes and I was excited about a non shit thread for once but fuck me right
Making easy dulche de leche boiling cans of condensed milk let the water get lower than the cans they explode fucking Latin Carmel bomb shit fly's in the vents and all over my back side never was aloud to do it again
>>7406586
Oh man, you just reminded me of the one time I was like eight or something and made myself scrambled eggs. >Grab salt shaker because I always ate off my sister's plate and she put tons of salt on everything, so now I always had to add salt to tons as well.
>Mfw it was sugar.
I felt so bad for wasting eggs that I tried to convince myself it wasn't that bad. I definitely didn't finish it.
>>7399600
>long day
>very tired, forgot to restock
>find instant mashed potato powder packet
>settle with fish fingers, mashed potato and hollandaise sauce
>fuck it, i'll just use the hollandaise sauce packet
>warm the milk for hollandaise sauce
>mix up the instant mashed potato and hollandaise sauce
>instant mashed potato sauce
>a fucking instant mashed potato sauce
>>7402741
I do this but put the cold water in the pitcher first, then add the hot tea. I have never had a problem
>>7399600
misreading teaspoons as tablespoons in directions
>>7404930
>turning fans on with a house full of gas
nigga, electric motors are spark factories
you were lucky, but I'd rather just let the wind do its thing on its own
Burned rice in a weird metal ban using an electric stove. That shit wouldn't cook right, and before I knew it the rice burned. The pot was ruined.
>>7401247
>move into trailer after moving out of parents house
>remember from tv never to light a match in a trailer if you smell gas
>trailer smells like propane
>decide this might be my ticket to suicide
>turn on stove
>it ignites
>nothing happens
>>7399600
my son
>>7399719
>using charcoal
>>7402589
It's his own fault, why do people blame the drugs? I smoke weed and the worst I ever did was forget I was boiling water once for spaghetti and one time I left peanut butter toast in the toaster oven until it caught fire, but it was a small fire that we noticed real quick from the next room over. People do stupid shit like this even when they're not high, it's still the person's fault, not the drugs. Stop blaming the drugs and accept that people have problems...
>>7402902
THIS IS WHY YOURE SUPPOSED TO TASTE YOUR FOOD AS YOU COOK IT
>parents have always been busy as fuck
>one time I'm home and they call me
>ask me to make a tomato sauce for pasta for dinner
>can't recall how old I was but at that time I've never cooked before
>dump can of tomatoes straight into the pot
>add more or less chopped onions afterwards
>don't season it
>everyone wonders why it ends up tasting like shit
>>7407025
ayy lmao
>>7401485
salt does, to an extent
>>7402854
>tomato with salt
wat
>>7404930
>afraid of gas leaks
>buys monoxide detector
Nigga do you even LEL?
>>7405262
Induction cooktops don't get hot unless there's a conductive pan on them, so no, this didn't happen.
>>7404683
>spend 20 minutes peeling
just smash it with the side of a knife, peel comes off easily
>>7410913
He's probably confusing a flat-top electric stove for an induction stove. Do you think a 5 year old would know the difference?
Either that or it WAS an induction stove made hot because someone just took a pan off of it.
>>7410725
>I'm not dead yet so it's harmless.
You're not helping.
>>7410907
>carbon monoxide is not a gas
Interesting news.
And to stay relevant to the thread;
>be around 12-13
>be round my nans
>just got a new oven
>had never been used before
>making a Victoria sponge cake because they're fucking delicious
>nan preheats the oven, confirm its at the correct temperature
>just about to put the mixture into the oven when the glass exploded out into the kitchen and within the oven
>tried to grill the cake
The oven glass was replaced, then the glass exploded again in the exact same way. Turned out the thermometer thing in the oven was not working and the oven kept adding heat until the glass broke.
>>7410907
It still works dude, any increase of the density of the air around the detector can set it of
>>7399740
/pol/ pls go
>>7404568
If you do this, cover the sink hole, then add about a tsp of dish soap, fill the sink with hot water, then unplug
>>7404930
>have to turn the knob past the igniter stage to turn the burner off
why the fuck are they build that way? no sane person would do this
>try cooking sweet pork or something like that
>put in olive oil on medium high heat
>start prepping ingredients
>smell/see smoke
>the oil started to burn, no fire just burnt the pan
>fire alarm goes off and quickly open window and turn on fans
>come back and finish cooking with new pan
It turned out pretty well, was spicy and sweet and all that shit.
>>7413809
>we can't delete /pol/, its a containment board and they will infest every other board
>/pol/ isn't deleted
>/pol/tards infest every board anyways
hiromoot pls, cleanse these subhumans with fire. give them a holocaust they can't deny :^)
>10 years old, at friends place
>want to make something that requires liquid nutella
>recipe states that you should not heat it on the stove
>shove it into the microwave, set it to 20min
>go play video games
>his mother goes into the kitchen
>smoke everywhere
>>7413845
>>put in olive oil on medium high heat
That was your problem my frend
>>7404695
how is it a meme?
>>7413873
cool, apply it with your tongue, nu male beta faggot
>>7413893
Not that dude, but it seems like there is always a dude who fries bacon without a shirt (or even naked) in these threads. Its just ridiculously common.
>>7406995
With the shell, or essentially poached?
Just the other day I tried making my marinara recipe in a very large batch for the first time ever. I guess I just didn't realize how hot the bottom of my crummy giant sauce pot would get compared to the rest, and I didn't stir often or deep enough, and I ended up with a ring of thick scorched stuff stuck to the bottom of the pan. What's more, I was a little pressed for time, so I definitely didn't let it simmer long enough, and it was much too watery.
>>7399740
Straight edge fucking faggot
>>7399960
Goddamn I've done this like five times, one of which I was sober.
>>7408674
My adolescent older brother and father's mother were making the cookies.
She wasn't exactly known for cooking prowess.
>doing grocery shopping
>pick up a packet of ramen since I don't feel like doing cooking for dinner
>go pick up chicken-flavored noodles
>pick up tomato flavor by accident
>didn't notice because the packages were the same color
>I hate tomato
>still do ramen because hungry
>tasted like shit
>threw out all the sauce only ate shitty dry noodles
>>7406511
>eventually end up making pasta sauce with my own blood in it at 2 AM
>>7404930
>didn't go behind the stove and use the big red emergency shut off valve
>>7414317
...there's tomato flavored ramen?
>Be 8
>want warm left over pizza
>set microwave to 60 seconds
>actually set to 60 minutes
>watch cartoons
>fire alarm alerts house to disaster cooking in the microwave
>>7414266
Normally when I fry bacon I'll lift it from the pan let it drip for a few seconds then I put it on the plate. Then I'll whip the pan over the trash to avoid cooking my eggs in a puddle of bacon grease. Sometimes I forget to remove the bacon first.
>>7414466
Yes there is and it takes like absolute shit. I couldn't bring myself to ingest more than a sip of the broth without almost puking everything out
>>7401606
You're dad sounds like a total bro. I approve of him.
>>7401650
Your mom... Didn't warn you? I mean, what sort of time frame are we talking about that she put chemicals in and followed up with "please put food in there"? Did she expect you to KNOW she used chemicals and... Wipe them out beforehand?
What I'm saying is, does she have something against you...
>>7402902
I'm sorry, but I'm not sure how you wouldn't realize that Korean sauce would have already been salted. But, that said, makes me wonder how much salt you had added.
Taste your food.
>>7414466
Not sure about tomato instant ramen, but tomato broth noodles is a thing, and its not bad.
I think it was a hong Kong dish?
>>7413910
Go sniff your paint.
Poured hot fryer oil back into fryer with the valve still open didn't realize until halfway through almost fell on my ass with the remaining hot oil right afterwards.I have millions I've actually worked at-home pretty high end restaurants.
<MN fag
>>7408636
>tried to glue it together
But it was going to stick to the bottom half with the icing anyway. Damn you were a dumb 10 year old.
>>7405840
get an electric kettle they take like 2 minutes
>>7404930
I've never seen a stove which worked like this. All the ones I've used have an ignition button.
>>7404665
Called you crying because she burned bacon? Couldn't figure out she should open a window? Jesus Christ, people that stupid without the excuse of disabilities deserve to be single.
>>7415547
> unitasker
Microwaving water is faster.
This one happened to me this week, actually.
>making chicken parmesan
>breaded, seared, and ready to go in the oven
>also cooking garlic bread with it
>wait a few minutes for chicken to cook
>go to take garlic bread out and add parmesan to the chicken
>set lid of parmesan container on stove
>set tray of garlic bread on top of it without thinking
>suddenly stop and think for a sec right after doing it, remove lid from stovetop
>place it right on the fucking pan of bread
>put it back in the oven
>completely forget about it
>5 minutes later wonder what that awful smell is
>mfw plastic lid melted into bread and was smoking up the oven and whole house
In my defense, I was stoned.
>>7407085
Reverse happened to me,sort of. When I was younger my dad was making me mac and cheese and we were apparently out so he ended up mixing in a whole stick of butter instead. I appreciated his efforts but I knew better than to eat too much of it.
>>7408786
You must have some incredibly crappy Tupperware then... Melted butter should not be able to melt plastic.
