Food related things your parents said or told you as a kid
> mom, I'm hungry!
> hi, hungry, I'm mom!
My dad told me to chew up the lentils real good or else i would fart a lot
OP again
>for good steak you have to tenderize it
>pours tenderizer over steaks, no matter what kind
>stab stab stab with fork
>>7343223
So obviously you didn't chew them up a lot, right?
>>7343218
Everyday of my life
>I'm hungry but there's nothing good in the fridge
>you must not be hungry then
>>7343237
My oysters did that too, would pull something out like pic related and told to make a taco with it.
>>7343251
Shoulda just ate your oysters
>>7343257
I meant parents.
One time I bought bread and it was like this.
>>7343218
Ma' , what's for dinner?
>"Good stuff"
When's it gonna be ready?
>"Soon"
>>7343266
How the fuck do you confuse oysters and parents?
>>7343279
My mom does this if you ask her what she's making. Why won't they tell us what they are cooking?
>>7343291
Le mobile posting man
>>7343223
You had a good father. Be grateful.
>>7343293
This, don't have home internet so use my phone for everything.
>When cooking a burger, you really wanna press down on it with your spatula
>>7343218
>mom can you make me a sandwich?
>poof, you're a sandwich
>>7343218
>Are we going to eat dinner yet?
>Didn't you eat dinner yesterday?
>>7344891
Wish I could go back to when my parents said smart ass shit like this. Woulda said, "yeah, so did you, you gonna not eat dinner tonight?"
>>7344943
You've had around 20 years to work on a good comeback and you still haven't figured one out.
>noname crackers and cheese are the same as lunchables
well no they are fucking not.
>>7344954
Yeah it's better because it's actual cheese and not full of so much preservatives that it would practically embalm you. Meat shouldn't be fucking shelf stable for years on end unless it's in a can. Your mom was only right for not feeding you vile shit like that and you don't even realize despite being now an adult. Why are you even on a cooking board if you think garbage like that constitutes a meal? Unless you're one of those people here who can't cook worth a shit and just come by to talk about Pizza Hut and Doritos and shit.
>>7346530
Did your even read what he said? He says they're NOT the fucking same... You just proved him right, but you think you proved him wrong. Wow.
>>7343286
Clearly his parents are oysters
>>7343218
>Eat your dinner son, there's starving children in Africa
>Good, fuck the little wogs
True story.
>>7346540
He's bitching about it like Lunchables are different than actual cheese and crackers and that they are worse. I just pointed out how it's different in that it's actual food and not mainly chemicals.
neighbor kid over for dinner
Dad: so do you like chocolate cake?
Neighbor kid: sure do!
Dad: so do we
>>7343251
>My oysters did that too,
drink more of this
>>7343218
>>7343237
>>7343279
>>7343291
>>7343506
Obviously, none of you are parent yet (or ever). Children are annoying. After the 3000th time of hearing your kid say "I'm hungry" or "make me a sandwich", you get a little fucking annoyed and sick of it. So, because you love the smelly, soul-sucking little buggers, you say something like "Hi, hungry, I'm mom", instead of "Just shut the fuck up, will you?".
>>7346565
You're a whore
>>7346559
At least you had friends over :(
If any of my friends from school, which wasn't a lot just a few because of this, my parents wouldn't allow them over or me to go to their house. They'd give me old clothes from goodwill that were from like the 70s...
My sister's would be allowed to have friend over and nice clothing from grandparents who didn't care about me.
Plus, food related, I was the second oldest but I remember my lil brother and sister's getting as much food as I did. Why does a 7 year old need as much food as a 16 year old?
>>7346565
Don't have kids then. It's literally THAT simple.
>>7344950
underrated post.
Occasionally my mother and grandmother would do the following because they thought it was funny, but I cringed:
>ask me if I wanted/wanted more of XYZ
>reply with, "No thanks, I'm good"
>"lololololol no one asked you if you were good lololololol"
Yeah ladies, it got even funnier on the 143rd time.
>>7346786
Again, you clearly haven't had kids.
I haven't either, but what retard thinks every moment spent with their child must be the happiest moment in the world or they should be chemically castrated and forced to not have children. Fuck. Do you have a dog? Doesn't it ever get on your nerves barking or some shit? god damn.
>>7346849
You're taking what I said and making it extreme.
You don't want minor annoyances? Don't have kids. Don't let some dude cum in your vagina, be on the pill, get it aborted, smoke and drink while pregnant so it's stillborn. You have so many options to not have kids.
I wouldn't get something that purposefully annoyed me to the point that I have to think I'm cute and clever for being a sarcastic cunt who resents having the thing in the first place. I never said anything about castration OR the happiest moment of your life always. I said don't have kids.
>>7346849
>or they should be chemically castrated and forced to not have children.
Who here even came close to implying this?
>>7346860
Watch that edge there kiddo
>>7346860
>You don't want minor annoyances? Don't have kids.
My point is that logic is really stupid though. Every hobby, every fun thing you do, comes with minor annoyances. Everything comes with minor annoyances. You are on /ck/, you must cook, are you telling me it doesn't come with minor annoyances? That doesn't mean you shouldn't or don't WANT do it. The best and most loving parents get irritated with their children and they are going to bitch about it, especially if they can be anonymous while doing it. There's nothing wrong with making a sarcastic bitter sounding joke. How sensitive can you be?
You don't want minor annoyances? don't be on the computer, it might freeze.
You don't want minor annoyances? Don't have a dog even though you love animals dearly, it might get sick and you'll have to take it to a vet.
You don't want minor annoyances? Don't cook, you might realize you don't have any fuckin' flour half way through prep.
You don't want minor annoyances? Don't buy a car, it could break down, and then you'll be annoyed!! which is the worst thing in the world and you should feel bad about being annoyed by it!
what the fuck man
>>7346873
The annoyances children bring are far far far larger in magnitude than those associated with hobbies.
>>7346551
True edge
>>7346900
Yes I know. So is owning a dog, or a car. Why did you initially call them 'minor' problems then? Maybe you shouldn't even be alive dude, you might have to have heart surgery one day and then (oh heavens no!) you'll be annoyed! But don't you ever bitch about it, or you should feel terrible. There's a million things you could have done to keep from having heart problems. Or keep that car from breaking down. Or keep your dog from getting sick.
Everything comes with minor annoyances, a lot of them come with big ass problems. It doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, it doesn't mean you regret having done it, and it doesn't mean you don't want it. Having a sense of humor about your annoyances is one of the healthiest things in the world. Without the ability to joke about your shitty problems, you are bitter and angry and no one wants to be around you, we've all at least met these types of people. They suck, and you suck for trying to wring all the humor out of someone. Maybe you're overly sensitive, or just some dumby who saw an opportunity to be really subversive and cool, but either way your logic is stupid and makes no sense.
>>7343291
probably because they want you to go away
>>7346949
>Why did you initially call them 'minor' problems then?
I didn't. That was my first post in the thread; this is my second.
>>7346565
Why did you make this comment? What made you think that any of the people you quoted needed you to give them a (false) theory as to why somebody would say these things?
we pretty much lived on frozen food, fast food. every other day she made dinner.
Yes, mom was an alcohol
>>7343218
>> hi, hungry, I'm mom!
my sides
>eat your crust it will make your hair curly
bitch why the fuck would I want curly hair curly hair is shit
- Swallowing seeds will make a tree/plant/watermelon grow out of your stomach/ass
- Everything vaguely sciency (eg ascorbic acid, riboflavin in food ingredients is "toxic"
- Chewing gum/red meat stays in your gut for YEARS
- Chocolate gives you acne
- Meat that isn't well done is bad for you
- Fish that isn't well done is bad for you
- The numbers on the toaster dial indicate minutes
- Artificial flavorings make kids hyperactive and badly behaved
- Chinese food often contains catmeat
>>7347679
>The numbers on the toaster dial indicate minutes
It's not? My life is a lie
My dad has never been funny but for some reason he has about 100 jokes involving the day Friday. Not all food related. Here are some examples
>Dad, I'm thirsty
>Really? Well I'm friday!
>Walk downstairs on friday night to get some snacks
>Dad pulls a knife on me and holds his wallet open
>''give me you all your fridays... oh wait you spent them all on the internet''
>asks me to pronounce 'dad' 'dssshshshshshd' like a sizzling sound instead of the a because 'its fried A'
>holds fries under his nose and walks around pretending to be drunking whilst saying he loves 'fry daze'
He hates jokes normally, don't know what it is with the day friday
My dad forced me to eat up and simultaneously told me that i will never find a man if i keep eating like that. T-thanks dad?
>>7347693
Some models of toaster are like that but most are not. The only way to tell is to time it yourself.
>>7347718
Uuuha
>>7346565
>I'm hungry
>then why don't you go eat a dick then you little twat monger?
>>7347646
OP here, parents told me that eating spicy food would put hair on my chest
As a kid I was like why would I want that?!
As an adult I'm like why the FUCK would I want that?!
>>7347718
Pulled a knife on you?
Well I once pulled a knife on my dad and step mom, can't remember why now, but at the time I knew I was really scared.
>>7347731
Does this mean if I got a load of different toasters and set them all to the same number and timed them I could have a toaster race?
>>7343218
My dad told my sister that there was 'active cultures' in yogurt and she never ate it again.
>>7347679
...Chocolate doesn't give you acne?
>hand lil' brother a green peppercorn
>say "It's a pea"
>He eats it
>It's too hot
>He gets upset
>lulz
>repeat during dinner each and every day
>parents tell us to knock it off
;_;
>>7346530
i love lunchables go fuck yourself
>>7343218
I rep peeee on his stove if he not cook my bokchoyyyyy
>>7346873
>every hobby, every fun thing you do, comes with minor annoyances
Is having children a "hobby" or "fun thing to do"? It sounds like neither of those
>>7343218
Gave my sister a spoonful of crisco and told her it was ice cream. The horror on her face was priceless.
>ITT: MURKAN PARENTS
>mfw
>>7347646
>Never ate crust
>Still grew a jewfro
kill me
My grandma always told me that I had to always eat everything on my plate. Now I'm morbidly obese and struggle with portion control.
>>7346553
Do people like this not realize that everything is entirely chemicals?
Somewhat related, my uncle used to buy those dog treats that look just like oreos
Hed give them to me then laugh when I ate it and spit it out
I used to hate it, but now I thank him because I've made it my number one prank to fool people into eating dog treats or put animal food in their food
>>7347718
>"fry daze"
10/10, will use on kids growing up
>>7351685
How often did he fool you this way?
>>7351672
It's just that they're NT and so capable of understanding the colloquial use of language.
>>7343218
>That you have to cook steaks for at least 10 minutes on each side to cook the germs out
>Swallowing watermelon seeds would make one grow inside you
>Sugar/chocolate gives you zits
>Aspartame gives you cancer
>Tyson (the chicken company) owns chemical weapons plants
>Bacon is supposed to be burnt to a goddamn crisp
>MSG makes you retarded
>>7346565
Why not actually feed your kid then?
My mother would call my father a human-eating savage because he's Hawaiian. I'm not sure if she knows I'm also Hawaiian too.
>>7351785
But you've got a good half in you
>>7343218
>Mom I'm hungry
>Drink some water.
We were poor.
>>7346551
Used to get this all the time from my nanna, one time my brother told her 'pack it up and send it to them then.'
She never said it to us again
Are there people whose parents actually made these "dad" jokes?
My family just ignored me or told me to shut up whenever I said almost anything. I would have killed for a halfway witty response.
>>7351794
Can't tell you how many times I heard that growing up.
>>7351794
>>7351929
it's kind of good advice, as long as you're not clearly hungry because you haven't eaten for a long time. most people don't drink enough water and sometimes you can confuse feeling of hunger and thirst.
>>7343218
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njK_6VSBN0w
>say this
>dad responds similarly to this
>took me 10 years to "get it"
>>7351943
But no.
We all grew up with like crazy unhealthy eating habits because food was a commodity
>>7351657
You mean wife's son?
me : this is fucking bullshit there's nothing to fucking eat in this house what the fuck dad gets paid 60 thousand a year and you can't even afford food this is pathetic
mom : get a damn job. when we do have food you eat it all in two days. your sisters can't even have cereal for breakfast before school in the morning, and when I buy pop I come down and find five or six cans on your desk
>>7347718
is this the new copypasta?
Malaysian here. My mum used to say that uneaten grains of rice on our dinner plates will cry if we don't finish eating them. To this day, I will empty my plate of rice for each meal.
>>7352638
No, I birthed him.
>>7347718
>''give me you all your fridays... oh wait you spent them all on the internet''
never before have i seen a man so truly brutalised
